Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Looking back, Choices, yes, everyone has their ideas of what how we should parent our children. None of their freaking business in my opinion. When my son was little, he didn't handle being in restaurants very well. It's the age, and small ones aren't meant to sit quietly, ever. I remember removing my son from a situation at a restaurant, and MIL getting mad at me saying, "leave him alone! Why do you always have to do that to him?" OMG. I'll never forget it. Fortunately, I got through that one and more like it. Funny, now he's a mature, respectful 18 year old. Musta done something right! Take it easy, my girl.

[peppersnow]

Good Morning - thanks for the welcome back! I was at a meeting last night and the topic was about how in life-after-alcohol, rather than dealing with physical hang-overs, the challenge is managing the emotional hang-overs. The theory is that all the crap that we used to numb ourselves to with alcohol feels more intense without alcohol, and so it's easier to get more angry, more sad, more everything...because it all feels so intense. And if we don't learn to manage that through self-care, we will find ourselves popping. Think about a can of soda that's slowly shaken up a few times every few hours until the unknowing person walks past it and decides to open it up, completely shocked by the explosion. After that explosion of ours, there's the Emotional Hangover to deal with. Mending the hurt feelings, repairing the relationships, trying to make it right. Anyway, that's absolutely happened to me.

Choices, it sounds like you're going through a bit of that, but you also sound like you're doing what you need to in order to manage your emotions --- even though it might not seem like it right now -- but if secluding yourself with your little one and indulging in just giving yourself a break from publicly performing the role as mom is what you need, you're doing the right thing!

Anyway, just wanted to share that. Take care all, and have a great day!

[Choices]

Thanks Jvo, so people imposing their own parenting style onto your child isn't a new thing? It's really annoying! Hi Peppersnow wow, your post explains exactly what I think my challenge is, and has been when I pop, snap... etc. Very interesting. I'd even mentioned last night that if I'd asked my parenting forum they would suggest a glass of wine and feet up... I was so bothered by my mood and my problem that I decided to ask them anyway their thoughts on my problem... No one suggested wine.. and I got a lot of support.. and a few articles that can help. I think I really, really, wanted a break with a drink from my intense emotions.. It felt hormonal.. but it wasn't. I feel better today after sleep, and knowing I have nothing going on for a few days. Thank you everyone so much. If I wasn't posting last night I would have caved for sure.

Oh.. and a heck of a lot better then If I had caved! And had a hangover.. back at square one.. and hating myself! So happy to be sober and clear.

[treetops]

Great that you got through that unease Choices.
Also good feedback and advice here.
I was thinking also that it's good that you can also let it out to your own Mum. Sometimes that might feel like moaning but as a daughter and as a Mum I know that it's important to be able to let it it to a parent or a close family or friend member. Not everyone has that though. Parents don't always understand what's going on in their children's lives but it's be in there and being able to listen that's so important. You do this for your wee sweetie and always will. one day she will also listen to your story.
A day of chores for me. Hope everyone is behaving or if not - having fun!

[j-vo]

Yes, TT, I always was able to talk to my mom. And it was comforting.

I've been a bit tense for a few days. Seeing Mom going through this makes me want to cry at times, makes me angry other times. Dad snap at times, but he's on an emotional roller coaster at this point in time. So it is a part of life. We have these intense, emotional moments, but they eventually settle down, even here. Today, I did think of alcohol, that one would relieve this tension within myself, but then I came to my senses and realized that it will provide me NO COMFORT at all. It will not solve any emotional crap I'm feeling right this minute, and it would be worse later. No, it does nothing to help the problem, ever. After Dad's little snap today, I went into the bedroom and laid on the bed for a bit. We can challenge those thoughts of alcohol providing us any comfort, but the evidence is already there. It never provided us anything but hell. As Pav's avatar says, "You had the power all along." We do.

[treetops]

I will let you in on a little secret J-Vo. I was close to my Mum but never spent enough time with her because I lived elsewhere - and it could be so emotional and also because she had a physical illness for many many years. I used AL to numb much of this and looking back, I lost out because of that. We still had very close moments and talked lot but my AL problem definitely didn't help with this. So being sober is definitely best for you as you get to be with your Mum.

[Choices]

I really feel for you Pav, and your being so strong. Last night my husband asked why I was distant. I just told him it was because I wanted wine. To chill out and forget some stupid stuff that people did. (He's better with simple direct answers from me.. So I try not to say too much or he dismisses me)... Only because he is tired too and has his own junk to deal with... Anyway.... I said if I knew I could have one to relax it would be one thing.. But I knew I wanted a bottle in one go. I didn't want the edge just off but more of a blow the top off kind of thing... I think it is wonderful your sober through all this really hard time Jvo. If you can stay AF through Christmas and this difficult family time.. You can probably be sober through anything.

[j-vo]

TT, just because you weren't with her physically, you were able to talk with her and have that connections that mom's and daughters have. Actually, my parents are snowbirds. They live in Florida during the winter, and in the summer, still live five hours away from where I live. So when I do see her, it's for short periods of time. But that's ok. We're here for her, and she knows it. I'm coming back in January for about 5 days, then after that, won't see her for a few months. I'm already afraid of not seeing her for those two months as this condition seems to be progressing quickly. But we've lived apart since 1985, and through those years, we've always been close. So I know that you were close to your mom, too, even though you didn't live close.

[little beagle]

My daughter called me today, just to talk for a few minutes. Which hasn't been happening much lately. So a good day for me.

[narilly]

Just a quick check in. I will talk more tomorrow.

Goodnight xo.

[Choices]

Evening here. Much better then last night. A few cravings but much more easy to deal with. The thread I started in my mum group is getting bigger and bigger with lots of stories of the same thing I'm going through.. so I'm not feeling as alone in my annoyance. I've backed away from this group because even though.. most of our contact is online many of us get together if we live in the same part of the country.. And I don't know, I just feel so exposed sober.. Even though non of these women have even scene me drink or know I have a problem.. The group can get gossipy as well.. so I'm always careful what I post. I think it's so strange that I thought they would say have wine. That is not a very common response on there. I think I've hit a bit of a bump in the road that isn't easy, because I have to decide if I can start working out again... etc... get back to my routine.. Is it too soon,,, or will it help. My girl goes back to pre-school on the 5th.. so I can't really do anything until then anyway. But really wanting to loose some weight.. I'm almost 200 pounds and just not comfortable physically. Eating my way through cravings is helping but .. I don't want to end up with too much weight to loose. Just babbling but need to post. Hope everyone is doing good. x

[j-vo]

LB, so glad you got to talk to you daughter.:love:

Choices, glad you're not rushing things and thinking them through. I'm very overweight for my height at this point in time and would like to lose several lbs. My way before was to rush through it, trying to do everything so that I was successful. Well, that made me fail. So once back home, it's a little of this and a little of that. Slow progress, just like sobriety is a slow process. We can only do it one day at a time.

[narilly]

Hey Choices, thinking it through is good but like JVo says, just don't rush. Take your time.

Lil B, so glad you talked to your daughter. Nothing like a little chat to make you feel much better.

I am at work right now and usually don't post from here but most people are not in today so I have a bit of privacy. Does anyone have plans for New Year's Eve? I think I will be staying at home with Elvis and watching TV. This might sound boring but I am really looking forward to it!

I better go... talk to you later.

[treetops]

Hi there Nar. I am planning to do absolutely nothing social for New Year's Eve - which is tonight. I will probably watch a little bit of a DVD but will be asleep before midnight. I have never made a big thing of New Year in recent years. When I was much younger I tried to and inevitably felt disappointed or got drunk. And suffered the next day.
But my daughter is away on holiday and I hope she has fun with friends. She certainly doesn't need to be around an old fogey like me!
Great that the bridges are slowing re-opening between you and your daughter LB. Choices - deal with the weight issue once you feel more confident in your sobriety. I try to always avoid extreme diets and I never use supplements unless they are medically prescribed and essential. I eat carbs and a little bit of sugar but no meat except fish sometimes. But we are all different and our bodies process food differently at different ages. The fattest I ever was - was when I was drinking. But the thinnest I was, was also when I was drinking.
Hi there t everyone else.

[peppersnow]

Hey there, all! Am busy working today, although not getting enough done. I did manage to get some exercise in and it's amazing how much better my moods are and how well I feel compared to when I'm just sitting at a desk all day. I've also become a big fan of essential oils, and as a last minute gift made a bunch of little gifts for my mom, nieces and sister-in-law - so am dipping into my "focus" recipe I think shortly.

We have no plans for NY Eve. My husband falls asleep around 8:30 every night, and NYE is no different. But one very cool tradition my Mother-in-law taught me, iwhich I want to share -- is to have a very special, kind of fancy New Years DAY dinner at some point in the early afternoon on January 1. Complete with turkey (or roast or whatever) the trimmings, pies, etc. She said it was important to start your new year off right, and what better way than with a special dinner? I've always loved that idea and have been doing it for many years, but I love it even more now that I'm sober on New Years Eve. I think she did that because they weren't into going out on NYE and always went to bed early, too. It's kind of a sober person's way to rebel against the drunkfest the night before!

I'm very sorry about your mom, J-vo... that's tough stuff. As the mom of two daughters, I think about mom/daughter dynamics a lot, but in that space I sometimes forget about my own mom. They live in Florida and made the trip to spend the holidays with us, but we only talk about once a month. I want to change that, and checking in here has been a reminder to me of how precious time is. My thoughts are with you.