Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[treetops]

Gosh there is so much anxiety and depression on the MWO boards but Jane you sound pretty desperate. I have been there in the past. Just be careful if you are considering ECT (I haven't had this but I know quite a bit about it). It is used differently today than in the past but don't rush into it. I suggest you get some different expert opinions if you can.
Choices. - do check the Spark website. Yes Lightbox is free for Spark customers - or it used to be. Also you can purchase cheaper movie tickets through Spark. If you do sign up to Lightbox. Try watching Wolf Hall - it's not light but it's fascinating and very well made.
Always like it when I can give some practical advice!
OK didn't get my walk yesterday as work had to be done. Jane - The Thing has no end in sight and that is what is the killer. I am having to wait to see what another person does and there is nothing I can do except a few magic incantations, dancing at moonlight and so on (just joking).
Plan today is some time with my daughter as we have some shopping to do and maybe a walk together.
Hugs to everyone

[jane27]

Choices, Citalopram is the only med option I have identified as a possibility. Little stressed at the thought of coming off 80 mgs of Prozac and switching to a new pill, but the Prozac isn't helping me so I don't see how to get around it. A month ago I was trying Rexulti (basically same as low dose Abilify) but I'm at the heavy end of my weight comfort zone and I felt like it resulted in weight gain so I stopped it. Did you gain weight on it? Have you had any side effects with the Citalopram?
TT, I guess desperate is a fair assessment. If there are any links you could forward me that correlate your knowledge of ECT I would appreciate it so much. People magazine had an article a month or so back about Rosemary Kennedy's labotomy procedure and I found it very upsetting. To think that it was an acceptable procedure at the time. So I'm not jumping into it for sure. I wish there was a less desperate word for desperate. Lol But it's just a word after all. Have to remind myself of that. Thanks so much for your replies. Xxx

[j-vo]

Jane, I'm on Citalopram. I've been on it for years, but I remember the improvement in my anxiety and depression when I did go on it. I'm on 20 mg, was on10 but was not effective enough. I think my restless leg syndrome is a direct result of it, therefore I'm on a pill for that at night. The thing is, I couldn't be without both pills right now, as it's not a choice. True clinical depression without a med is not anything to dismiss. There is the right medication for you. At one point, I was on, then off, then on something else. It's trial and error until you find what's right for you.

[ssd858]

Do you mean nurse jackie?

[ssd858]

Woohooo on your 2 YEARS Sober!!!
This is something you should be so proud of!
I do hope you get your meds figured out. Have you thought of trying to go med-free-I only say this because I felt that when I was al-free for several weeks my depression was lifted significantly. I do not want to minimize your feelings.

Hugs and congrats to you! Do try to give yourself huge kudos for this! I hope to achieve this.

[treetops]

Jane - I cant think of a good link at the moment but will PM you if I come across some. As I am sure you know very well, its important to never just suddenly come off a med for depression or another psychiatric condition - this should always be supervised by a doctor. Which you are doing - thats a lot of Prozac you were on. I hope you get this sorted as best you can. I cant recall if you are having any talking or behavioral therapy along with the meds - as that can make a difference.
Going meds-free is different to going Al-free. Not the same thing. We must be very careful in any advice we offer regarding another person's medication on this forum.

[little beagle]

Congratulations on 2 years Jane. That depression is rough. I'm sorry you have such a hard time with it.
J-vo (hugs).
I'm sorry. I'm just not real chatty tonight. But I dif have a great day. A friend took me to lunch for my birthday. Late present. We went to a Jamaican restaurant. She really enjoyed it. Her first visit.
Un-hung Sunday ahead. It's such a wonderful feeling waking up in the morning un-hung on Sunday. I will never get tired of it.

[jane27]

Thanks TT. It is indeed a lot...the maximum recommended dose. I started at 10mgs back in 1996 and for the majority of the time was at 40 mgs. Its only the last handful of years that my prescription was increased twice- first to 60 mg which worked for a year, then to 80mgs which also has lasted about a year. I do have 25 years of talk therapy under my belt & if it weren't so darn expensive I'd consider going back- but at a rate of $300 for a 45 minute session, its not going to happen.

Thank you for making the point about not making abrupt changes to medications. I see people make this mistake all the time- my MIL just spent 4 days in the isolation unit of the hospy. She came down with double pneumonia and strep throat because she went to stay with my brother in law for a week, and forgot to pack her prednisone, so opted to say nothing and go without. They live 1 hour and 15 minutes apart. All she had to do was say something and the whole mess could have been avoided (a whole nuther can o worms). I'm very sensitive to medications and on the occasions when I have to try something new, I err on the side of caution by taking 1/2 the regular dose and gradually building up.

I read some articles today on 'prozac poop out' (formally called tachyphylaxis). Its pretty common in people that suffer from chronic/persistent depression. Many folks relapse after having a successful run on a med because they become tolerant like I have with the Prozac. An encouraging factoid I read from one study is that when patients experience relief from antidepressant medication, only 25% of the improvement in mood is attributed directly to the medication. That makes good sense to me. A 25% increase is a big improvement when you are feeling lousy; good enough to get the wheels turning in the right direction- maybe that results in healthier eating, exercising more, putting some oooomph into efforts to pull out of the mood.

Jvo (& Choices) I appreciate your feedback re Citalopram. It sounds like it has promise. Vitamin B & D supplements may also be simple/manageable options. One article I read talked about light therapy. So there are some less drastic alternatives to ECT. I started Lamictal last week as an add on. Its worked for me before, so I thought it seemed worth trying. All of this under the guidance of my psychiatrist of course.

I hope that my sharing the meds dose doesn't make you all see me any differently. Alcohol is a perfect analogy. In the beginning, 1/2 glass of wine would get me buzzed. 20 years later it was rare that I came across a person that could drink even close to the amount that I could; and thanks to my naturally zany personality (har dee har), with equally rare exception, no one suspected a thing.

Took Red for a nearly 3 mile long walk today. He enjoyed it and was very agreeable about cuddling when we got home (he was exhausted!). Wishing everyone a peaceful MAE. xo

[Choices]

Hi Jane,

I'm glad your sharing your experience with medication. And, it sounds like your very safe with your decisions with it. Honestly, finding the right medication was a nightmare years ago. I feel your pain. Building up a tolerance to prozac makes perfect since. My GP had mentioned that was why they don't tend to perscribe it as much. It was the 90's drug for AD's. I don't have any side effects from Citalopram. The only tough part is the first two weeks... very, very tired.. but for me the depression had gotten so bad that being tired wasn't anything new, and I didn't feel depressed quite quickly. It is good to talk about not stopping and starting without a Dr. I have on occasion just stopped taking this drug.. and the depression comes back in about a week or two. And to start again caused the tired heavy feeling. Also, my GP sternly warned me when I did this that it can effect your heart. When I first started citalopram,,, I did think.. here we go again... this won't work... but be patient it does. And it's important to take it the same time everyday... if I am an hour or two off.. I can totally tell.. Something also to note... when I had my "slip" (I'm only using that word for lack of a better one) I had trouble getting my script re-filled for about 6 days.. (the weekend was in the middle.. ) And there had been a new thing GP's need to do with patients regarding AD's in New Zealand where the patient must actually see them every 3 month.. I had a really nasty nurse to deal with.. etc.. It sucked! I was in the middle of my first 30 days stint on this quit.. and just struggling big time! My GP didn't bad mouth the nurse, but I could tell she was not happy. At all. I was about a week into the medication when I felt that rage feeling come back... and slipped... I'm okay now and back on track with the AF program. So yeah, just an experience that I learned from and won't let myself run out again. I also noticed when I was out PMS was really unbearable, more then normal.. My GP said all of this was a normal reaction to not taking it consistantly and at the same time.

[Choices]

Just wanted to add... that even now.. when I feel down (and only a little down) if I go to the tanning bed.. I always feel better. Always.

But tanning wouldn't be enough for me.. I'm pretty sure I need medication.. at least for now. If I were to get depressed now I would get too tired to go tanning even if I knew it would help.. etc.

[treetops]

I think its good to discuss this Jane and Choices (and others) because its very relevant to your mental health and that obviously relates to your past (I say past!) problems with AL.
Choices I think we have some good GPs here in NZ - but damn this new 3 month rule (my health centre has a 6 month rule??) - I have to go in because of the statins I take. I am only on a very very low dose. But my GP likes to touch base and she knows about my AL probs and past liver/bloods issues and other things. She will check on general family or work issues as well - so its very well rounded. She has put me on Vit D once a month.
Anyway up early here on a Monday morning - birds chirping away and lots to be done. The shopping yesterday was a bit tedious as daughter was buying lingerie but it had to be done and she needed to be driven to the outlets. We got on really well and had a lovely lunch as well. But not as good as your Jamaican lunch LB - that is one cuisine you won't find easily over here.

So tallyho with our mission - onwards and upwards!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Jane, sorry for what you're going through. I have no advice, just support. I'm glad you and Red got to have a good walk - that's good for you no matter what. I posted on Byrdie's thread, but I'll say it again here - CONGRATULATIONS! on your two years. Spectacular achievement. I hope you celebrate it for yourself. Thanks for being here with us.

Here's what I wrote in the nest:
_________________________________

As I was driving around yesterday I heard a snippet of a radio show that was a history of AA. Pretty interesting. The revolutionary part of AA was dealing with a health issue through a community. Rather than the teacher and the learner, all AA members are both teachers and learners. Every time we post here, we are helping someone and also getting help ourselves. Humbling. Thanks for being here with me, nesters. There was another story of a guy who quit who spent the first two months being ok and then spent a couple of months sort or an emotional wreck, crying every night, etc. His take on it was that he had been able to block his emotions for so long that once they started coming out he couldn't stop them. I didn't have quite that experience, but it reminded me what DID happen - I felt WORSE after a couple of months and for a while. That was hard to take. What helped me through it was knowing others who were able to say "me, too" and to have the examples of the successful sober people here to lead me through.

________________________________

Stayed out late with my husband for his birthday last night - with good friends. I am so grateful to be un hung this morning. We got to bed late, but I slept well. He'll be feeling a bit of pain this morning, I reckon. So very grateful that I will not (other than the usual!)

Happy Sober Sunday,

Pav

[Choices]

TT, it is 6 months... I got confused! I need to refill it every 3 months. So have to deal with this nurse.., who is very anti anti depressants and I always feel like a junky.. My GP is not that way and wonderful. Best doctor I've had my entire life. If it weren't for her.. I'd switch centers. Last time I saw where I can renew online... I'm happy about that! When you say you get vitamin D once a month.. Is it in a shot? I'll need to ask my GP about this. I'm getting closer to telling her about my alcohol problem. I just like her so much.., and feel bad telling her. I know that may sound silly, as she IS my doctor and not friend. Pav I really like your post. Hello to everyone! Monday morning here, unhung and SO glad.

[lifechange]

Hi Gloamers,

just winding down my Sunday after a taxing day of hanging around, watching you tube videos, talking on the phone, doing a bit of yoga!!! Perfect Sunday for me.. Now I've got a fat cat purring and snuggling into the back of my neck. very cute.

Choices, I understand about the situation with your GP.. (my Gynecologist is a woman I would LOVE to be friends with).. but I think it's important to open up to her and tell her the truth.. I think you'll feel relieved and possibly even stronger in your resolve. And you have nothing to feel bad about.. first of all, you can't in any way help how your brain is wired.. second, you're sober, girl!!! You're beating this thing, doing what you need to do to change the direction of your life, and you should be PROUD of yourself! We all know how much strength and guts it takes to make the decision to swim against the "norm" current, as far as alcohol is concerned.. and she will certainly know that as well.. (i know you know all of this!:love

LB, I'm so jealous of that dinner! I worked in a really yummy cajun restaurant years and years ago and I still miss the food..
edit: now i see you said Jamaican!! every time i think of you and food, though, i think cajun!!

Big hugs to you all!

[treetops]

Choices -the vit D is just a tablet. It's very common and many people in NZ take this esp in winter. Probably in summer it's not necessary.