Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Morning Gloamers,

Choices, you sound great. It's great being able to reconnect with friends like that.

LB, you sound great also. I started reading about the 3P's but got side-tracked. Something I will put time into learning and becoming aware of because I hear nothing but positive things about it.

Nar, thinking of you.

G, where are you? Check in musical man.

Super Bowl Sunday here in the States. I never really watch, but will watch the commercials. Have a good day.

[Pavati]

Hi, Gloamers:

Choices, I LOVE long talks with good friends. Glad you're feeling great.

TT - I would love a beach holiday about now. I hear you about the drinkies at sunset - that's a winter, summer, spring or fall thing for me. I'm mostly over it now, but yep.

I am cooking today - for the first time I am going to put the wine in that the recipe calls for. I know the alcohol cooks off, and I have made this without wine before and it is so much better WITH. I am not worried that I'll drink the rest of the bottle (as I USUALLY did), as I will pour it down the drain. I just thought I'd put that out there in case anyone has a comment. I'll let you know how it goes.

Happy SOBER Sunday, everyone.

Pav

[j-vo]

What are you cooking, Pav? My husband cooks with wine, usually Marsala, but sometimes white wine. In that case, he hides it so I don't have any thoughts.

Super Bowl time. Not interested, so just relaxing and getting ready for the workweek. Have a good night all.

[little beagle]

My heart is broken. My husband told me today he no longer loves me. He wants to leave me. I hurt SO BAD. He said I told him to leave too many times. I never said that. I said I couldn't live with the crack.

[available]

LB, i am so sorry for you lovely. Be strong for yourself. You have had a difficult time with him at present and maybe him finding his way will lead him back to you. I feel your pain, been through it myself but there is nothing i can say except i am thinking of you and giving you huge hugs.

[little beagle]

Thank you Ava. I hurt so bad today. He suddenly hates me overnight. I'm overwhelmed right now.

[little beagle]

Can this just be his addiction talking? He's so close to quitting. I feel it.

[NoSugar]

LB, I am so sorry. You are lovable and deep down, I'm sure he loves and appreciates you, too, but maybe he is realizing that he can't have both you and the drugs in his life. Right now because his addiction is so strong and overwhelming, he feels like he needs the drug more. In some ways that sounds crazy but we all know how addiction can drive us to hurt others and ourselves. Drugs can seem like the only thing we actually do love. This isn't about you or his love for you.

We we love you, LB.

[NoSugar]

X-post, LB. I think this is entirely his desperate AV trying to stay alive. And that part of him knows you are the threat. You've been there all this time doing everything you can to help him quit. xx

[paulywogg]

:hug:Little Beagle:hug:

[little beagle]

I really believe that too NS. I HATE addiction.

[j-vo]

LB, first of all, hugs to you my dear friend. I'm so sorry to hear this, but I agree with NS, that it's his AV talking. He is struggling and you won't get on board with him, so he proabably feels so alone in his addiction right now. Please stay strong, and call if you need to talk. You have found your way out of alcohol's control, don't let this very difficult time bring you down. It's normal to cry, be sad, feel the loss, but let yourself feel those things as it's the only way through this hard time. Hugs dear friend.:hug:

[little beagle]

I know. The only way out is through.

[jane27]

Hi Gang,

I'm feeling much better depression wise. In desperation I spent some time on the internet researching ruts and lack of motivation- I also went back through my journal and looked for the last time I sounded content and upbeat (2 days May 2014- I tend not to write when I'm feeling well). Common denominator on both those days was exercise....so I forced myself out into a heavy rain for a 10 minute jog and listened to the pod cast Serial. I got my fastest time since June of 2014 (note: lower the bar a lot here), I enjoyed Serial a lot, and I've followed up with the same routine every day since then. I cant say enough good things about the website Mood Tracker (*it is not an app). Its a tool for logging mood, anxiety & irritability in a quick and simple fashion- and it creates a graph to show trend over time.
I'm proud that I've been trying to help myself up and out of the rut, and happy that its been working.



Jvo, Been thinking of you. Read your post re your parents visit to Philly and your Mom's plan to get the feeding tube. I'm shocked by the quick onset of ALS and how debilitating it is. I had no idea. I feel so badly for you and your family. From the sidelines it looks like a terrible assault on everything you thought you could trust in (basic knowns you have come to count on b/c of their repeat ability over decades) and now this. I imagine you must float in and out of focus- it would be too much to process all at once, all the time.Thank you for trying, for posting, and for letting us be here for you. Every time one of us muscles through a difficult time sober, its another team win and it goes up on the board for permanent reference.

Things we proved we could live through sober

Ava was present for her dear friend as he lost his battle to cancer
Nar coped with losing her job (at the same time that he husband was also out of work)
TT was faced with alcohol related health issues and has turned it around
Pav was alert & present for her husbands cancer scare
Lil has been strong in her sobriety despite having to live with addiction at large right under her own roof
Eloise got her thumb bit (off?) by a strangers horse while trying to help them
NS has stayed sober through multiple trips and family get togethers where stress was high and wine plentiful
Me, Nar, Pav all lived through saying goodbye to beloved pets
Me stayed sober through frustrating bouts of mystery illness & depression

I hope no one feels exposed, slighted or left out here. My memory has holes in it, and I only mean to say that every time one of us gets through a challenging time, it sets a common law precedent: that (whatever that is) can be gotten through sober, and for me, it leaves a deeply in ground impression that gives me confidence, oils my sobriety wheels & makes my resolve stronger.

Lil, I wish I knew what to say that didn't sound blunt or harsh. You know how I feel about the whole thing. I pray you can 3P your way the feck out of this thing and not lose a second of all the hard work you have put in to being sober, aware and emotionally present for nearly 3 years now. I recommend the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie . It helped give me perspective on a 7 year relationship that I needed to end. I thought I'd die without him- that it was all that I had, all I'd ever have- that no one would love me like that again. Ofcourse I was wrong about that. The problem was that I was addicted to the kind of love I was getting and the type of relationship it was. He was emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive exactly like the relationship I knew best- the one with my Mom. Figuring out that was a game changer. Here for you if you need me.

Nar, I hope you are coping OK. You sound strong but I know it must be hard to see your FIL so ill and with bad prognosis.

Love to all

[treetops]

Thanks for the great post Jane.
LB - I can't imagine what you are going through with your husband's addiction but I can feel what its like to be told that your long time partner, the man you love and the father of your children says he no longer loves you. As others here have said, this will be the addict speaking and not the man you love. You have to, as you say, work through this, and preserve your sanity and sobriety. Sending you lots of hugs.

I probably have said this many times but I am fortunate to live with a lovely view of the sea on one side and dense bush (what you guys called forest) on the other. And a view of a very overgrown garden with lots of trees in it. One of the positive things with this 'jungle' is that we have some bird life. It was a joy last night to watch some of the bigger ones swooping at dusk. Today is sunny and I an see some of the birds perching in the trees. Not many birds - only a few.
OK - off soon to work and one of those joyless meetings that go on forever. heaps to do and daughter starts uni in a few weeks too.
Take care everyone and especially you, LB.