Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, I loved your story. Such a great feeling. It's sure nice to be present. I am going to my daughter's soccer game at 5 tomorrow. Before, I would have avoided a 5:00 game because that's when I would have wine and start making supper.
My daughter will remember me coming to her games sober.

So good to be there for our kids.

I am tired so I will talk to you all later.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Well hello Loamers, feel great Linda here, well after the one and a half hour nap which helped recharge the batteries.

Star life throws shit as doesnt it and the memories from childhood stay with us for life and i suppose mould us in a way and really only we can change that. Al helped me keep those thoughts at bay for so many years and now i only think that thank god my children grew up happy and reasonably safe. You are sounding so positive and i love your thoughts.

Jvo i am starting to enjoy shopping again, it was such a challenge before when i was as hungover as crap and shaking with anxiety, so much easier to buy wine and start again. Oh dont worry about the man thing, my focus is my sobriety and my children and it would take a very special man to be allowed into my life, in the past 50 days it has been the happiest i have been in such a long time unless he is a millionaire then i may be enticed so i can travel the world to meet you all or fly u all to one place.

Pay my last drinking dream was the 2 foot bottle of champers my SIL bought. The dreams have abated thank god but feel so real at the time. I hated waking up thinking "what have i done the night before" and then realising i didnt have a hangover and that bought a smile to my face. Maybe its our subconscious making us realise that that was what it used to be like drinking and reminding us that we so dont want to go there again.

ACA your self esteem will improve, mine went up immensely last night being there for my daughter, before i thought well i've stopped drinking but its the little things that boost me up now and if i had a drink i would hate to think how low i would feel and worthless let alone the looks of disappointment on my childrens faces. Melbourne has cooled down now which is great and i hope it stays.

Humble how did you day go with your friend thank you for your congrats on my 50 days, it means so much from you lovelies and keeps me going on this journey with you all. I would not want to be anywhere else.

Pav my dear thanks so much, it definitely confirmed my choice of no al, even as sick as she was i told her that tomorrow was 50 days and she replied with "mum it is today now and i am so proud of you". we have a few bridges to build in our relationship and this is a major start in that.

Tree thank you so much for your well wishes, i follow your posts and you are a very wise woman who has gotten to where you are with great determination.

NS thank you for you help that has given me strength to get to here, always a kind word and who would have thought lunatic linda would have accomplished 50 days and still be posting like a lunatic but making more sense i think.

My beautiful Byrd i am glad i bought a tear to your eye, you have given me plenty since being here. Your support in me and never giving up as a nest mother has given me the strength to keep going. To see in me what i never seen and to believe in me when i never did has been the greatest gift and these 50 days are for you especially.

Pat keep walking that path you will never regret it for yourself or your son. Now ants on the roof wtf, mind you the other day in the heat the flies were on the floor it was even too hot for them. My daughter thanked me by text today for being there and i said to her "i was glad i could be".

Dream now did you put my 50 days up in big bold print on NN? I think you did and a big thank you to you. Its been a joyous ride with you along and i will be right behind you and one day i will learn to post pics, one day sigh. i do so love your coffees everyday the put a smile on my face.

Nar, last but not least thank you. You are so right being present is what its all about which i am afraid a lot of us here were not and i suppose it is the little direct posts that move our hearts and keep us determined as we know that we all want to achieve sobriety and happiness and to be in the present every single fucking day. And if one posts makes us more stronger and determined then it has been a great day. My day has been great.

Now i dont know if i filled a whole page lol but god i gave it a great try. What can i say about 50 days, well i feel calm, i feel happy, i feel needed, i feel wanted, i feel content with my life right now. It may never be like this forever but celebrating my 50 days has been wonderful and i cant wait for my 100 though i do hope that that its not due to sick children.

As i keep saying if it was not for my Loamers help and support this journey for me would not have been achievable, i know that. You guys are my AA and my sponsors and my life jackets. You all know how much i love you and appreciate you listening to my wafflings. Gees you guys would be bored shitless without me ha ha!.

Thanks you, thank you thank you. Your turn next Pav!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Good morning, All.

Wonderful post, Ava! Thanks for being so inspiring.

I'm going to bust up the party because I am struggling a bit right now. We went out last night to have dinner with friends. We stopped by some other friends' house on the way to say hi, and they were outside (on a lovely evening) having martinis and listening to music. It was the first time on this journey that I have felt deprived, and unable to fully turn my thinking around. I REALLY wanted a drink - that warm feeling of the first drink of the night. I went through a LONG conversation with myself when we left - how my drinking wasn't that bad, if I could just refrain from bringing spirits to my house, blah blah blah. I forced myself to play the scenario out - one leads to more, hangovers, etc., but it didn't work as well as it has.

Then we got to the dinner and it was delicious. They had a nice bottle of red wine, and again I felt deprived. The dinner was delicious and it was fun to see old friends. I didn't feel any pressure (in fact people kept commenting about how good I looked). I wasn't obsessed and I didn't think about it all night, but I think I was a little sad and angry again. I got to be DD on the way home and we passed all sorts of police (there must have been an incident) - because I was completely sober I felt like I wanted them to stop me!

Then I had another drinking dream last night. I took several sips of vodka straight from a bottle in secret and then opened a mini-bar sized tequila. I had a couple of sips and then felt such regret - mostly that I would have to come here and tell you all.

All of it adds up to BLAH. I am trying to figure out what happened to make me feel this way. One, and I think some of you have mentioned this, too, it is a certain time of month. I hate to blame anything on that, but I tend to get angrier and more depressed about once a month. Two, I went to that first house hungry. Three, I have been having a bad week with DH - not exactly fighting but not really in sync. This throws me off, too. And finally, for some reason my brain has decided that this is my drinking dream week. My dreams are extremely realistic and can really throw me for a loop.

I have read the pink cloud post enough to know that I have to force myself to remember the BAD times with alcohol. The so-called "good"ones only led to future bad times, and the overall effect was not good for my life. I am relieved to be not hungover right now, and I am happy that I don't have to report Day 1 (I was so disappointed in my dream). I have almost 50 days sober in a row - by far the longest since I was pregnant 12 years ago. I know that moderation is a myth, and objectively I don't even want to do that - I am happy and content (and healthier!) sober. I know I will get through this, but right now I kind of feel like sh*t!

We are going to hang out with friends for the football game. I am not tempted to drink and will bring some EANABs to the party (equally attractive non-alcoholic beverages), and I think I will eat my way through the day. Sounds a lot better than drinking my way through the day and dealing with the fallout tonight and tomorrow.

OK - thanks for listening. Sorry to dampen your party, Ava. I will check in later when I am sure to be in a better mood. xo

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, you are such an inspiration to all of us. I feel so blessed to be on this journey with you. What you're experiencing is such a wonderful blessing, and now we can appreciate these experiences. You make me laugh and cry at the same time. You give me things to reflect on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ava, you are such an inspiration to all of us. I feel so blessed to be on this journey with you. What you're experiencing is such a wonderful blessing, and now we can appreciate these experiences. You make me laugh and cry at the same time. You give me things to reflect on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!:h

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav,

I would have felt deprived in that exact situation. Absolutely. It does seem that "tools" work in a lot of situations, but sometimes it may not be the tools we need, but "time." I think old-timers would agree, and maybe this is a good question for them, but the longer we distance ourselves from AL, the easier these situations may become for us. Having martinis on a warm night with music is certainly something I long for now. But to break this "life habit" we need to push through these things. I don't think it's realistic to believe that anyone in our same circumstance would feel grateful they were not partaking in that. But like a loved one who passed, the pain is there for a long time. We've loved that person our whole lives, and the pain doesn't go away in 50 days. I don't know if we can equate that with AL, but the time distance may be the key to this deprivation feeling, in certain situations.

[acadiaofmaine]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav,

First of all, you did a GREAT job last night, your feelings notwithstanding. You should pat yourself on the back! So much temptation, I don't know how you did it and I am worried about similar situations in my future.

I think once you get to a certain point, you don't think about not drinking as much (long-termers chime in!) and the deprivation mode kind of dissipates. I can't say from personal experience, though! But you handled it better than many would, and thank god you aren't feeling wretched today.

I don't know about these feelings being linked to PMS. I am many years past that, and I still feel all those feelings of wanting my "old" life back, as I imagine it without all the horrible negatives and consequences. Maybe it's just a question of remembering the negatives and trying to hammer into our heads that we can't drink like normal people!

Anyway, I turn this over to others. I just wanted to say, I hear you, sistah. I really do.

Ann

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi everyone,

Just have time for a quick check in, but will post more properly later. Pav, you were brilliant the way you handled your temptations last night. Way to go! And I agree with your analysis of the situation and your plan for today. Keep up the great work!

DRINKING DREAMS!!!! What's up with that FFS!! I had one myself, and I don't usually have them. I guess it was all the posting about margaritas and drinking dreams over the past couple days, but I dreamt I was spiking my Crystal Light lemonade with vodka. Not unheard of in my past life, but definitely a big no no these days. I was so sick about having to post here and let you all down and so relieved that is was just a dream when I woke up. Hey, if Kuya pops back in, maybe she will interpret for us. She has a gift (or the wisdom) to interpret dreams. Pretty cool!

Well Today is day 4 for me. And I am feeling great! Went to mass this morning, grocery shopping afterwards, had a nice salmon/avocado salad for lunch and plan to squeeze some exercise in later today. Off to run an errand for one of my dtrs now.

later, gals!

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav dont worry about me lovely, today for you is 50 days is it not? So Proud of you on your 50 days. God i wish it was so easy everyday and its not. as Jvo said i relate al to the loss of my best friend, certain situations make you miss that friend immensely. We mourn what we had and know we cant get back anymore. Al to us has to be dead, we think about him with good and bad memories but for us alcoholics we have to keep al as a memory or else we are doomed.

PMS for me is a shocker, look at me and i want to kill, say hello in the wrong way and ffs what are you saying its not "hello" its something mean and horrible. Pauly said to me when i was having a rough trot that i was going through PAWS (post al withdrawal symptoms) and i am pretty sure that was true, the beast wants to take over our lives we have to get through it. We are like toddlers who can see that lollipop and cant have it, the only thing is we cant have a tantrum to get over the situation.

I hope you are ok Pav, sending you a big hug and love. You wont let us down but you will let yourself down and do you honestly want that drink to feel how you know you will feel. God i would love a drink, just the one to be honest but i cant, i want to be normal but i cant.

Keep strong ladies, i feel like a worn out dishrag this morning and have to drag my sorry arse into the shower but i am sober and grateful. Will check in during the day.

Be proud of your achievements Pav, no one can take those away except for yourself. Go with the dreams, drink, get drunk, its only a dream, see how you feel or relaxation cds perhaps!

Good on you Star for 4 days, they will be 44 soon and Aca hello. Running late as per usual!

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks for the LOVE, everyone. It feels great.

I was lurking about the 100 day thread as I do sometimes to get some good advice from the successful people, and lo and behold it is as if Pinecone posted this just for me:

LC, just before my two year anniversary, I started to have an irrational fear that I was going to drink. I posted about it in the "Well that didn't take long..." thread. I truly didn't want to drink but it bothered me to have those thoughts. I began to try to figure out what was going on which made me think about it even more. In the end all that thinking about thinking about drinking was really counter productive. I should have just taken the sage advice to just push the thoughts out of my head! Let's not reinvent the wheel here! We don't need to know what's going on it's simple: we are alcoholics and it's a sneaky ba$tard! All that wasted thinking, I could have learned a new recipe or something instead!

I'm going to quit obsessing about last night and the dreams this week, go for a quick walk, take a shower and go hang out with my friends. Sounds kind of like surrendering (in the good way).

OK - I'm going to close my computer now and get on with the day...

xo

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Star, so glad you're doing fine :l. Drinking nightmares are alarming but no more likely to come true than others such as my personal fave of being in public somewhere with my bottom half obscured but knowing I will need to get up and walk and of course, I have nothing on. I'm sure an interpreter will have a field day with that recurring dream :H!

Pav, it sounds like you've got your head screwed back on just right . One trick I use is to detach emotionally and look at the situation more clinically. I've had to give up other things that I enjoyed and that were more than just food - like alcohol, sweet treats and breads offer a feeling of comfort and love. So when I'm faced with those, I think that they look tasty, that others are going to enjoy them and that I probably would have liked them but I don't want to have X, Y, and Z happen if I eat them (I'll spare you the digestive system TMI :H). It sounds weird but things like the smell of bread baking don't elicit desire or hunger in me anymore. It took awhile but now that is how I react to wine: I think in a sort of dispassionate way that it looks good, that others are going to enjoy it, and that I probably would have liked it (too much!) but I don't want to have X, Y, and Z to happen and they will (you already KNOW the details there!). I'm so glad you will be reaching day 50 tomorrow!

Ann, I can't remember the last time I thought about drinking with longing - I think about the fact that I no longer need to drink each and every day with gratitude and relief. Don't worry if you don't feel that way yet - it is a feeling that evolves with time AF, with focussing on the positive changes in your life, and with helping others. I don't think it can be forced and it probably would just be frustrating to try.

Hi, Ava! You're half way to being able to liven up that 100-day thread! Can't wait to see what you'll have to say there :H.

Hey, J-vo, Narilly, Dreamy, HR , Pat - I love seeing posts from all you Loamers! :h NS

[Dottie Belle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all,
I think I am finally to the point that I am not obsessing about drinking. We went to dinner tonight and I didnt even think about ordering wine...asked for water with lemon and it came out of my mouth easily, without thought...that is a MAJOR accomplishment for me. I have been avoiding most tempting situation but I can not hide forever..so out to dinner we went and I am glad we did. Not sure where my turning point was but here I am....

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

That's great DB! Maybe the involvement here and focus on the positives rewires our brains or maybe it is a miracle but whatever the cause, it seems to happen when people have a plan, use it, and don't either drift away because they're struggling or because they think they can do it on their own.

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi all,

Chugging along here.. first day of the week done!
Nothing much to report except I have been taking Vit B 12 lozenges the last few days and have way more energy..I think they are making a difference..

Will check in later
x
Pat

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hey Pat, never seen Vit B lozenges. I have just started taking Vit D as i am lacking in it, have to take heaps as i am pretty low and i hate the sun as i get burnt in oh 3.5 seconds.

Not literally chugging I hope ha ha. Good on you keep the momentum up you wont regret it.

I had a busy day at work, told a work colleague to stop talking to me the way he does, be damned if i am going to let people walk over me anymore.

How is your son now?