Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

lB, glad you're doing your homework! Sometimes we don't realize the things we are doing until we see it in action. There's a lot to learn from those shows.

[NoSugar]

This has been on my mind since I read it, J:

I trust that sobriety is a part of my journey here on earth. This path was meant for me all along, but I fought it. Because I fought, i struggled through so much unnecessary pain.

Surely none of us were "meant" to be addicted - all babies are born innocent and thankfully, most are born healthy. It's been interesting to simply watch my 2 grandsons (so much easier to do now than it was when I was so busy with my own kids) and see their inherent physical and mental health. They're not old enough yet to pick up external judgments or expectations and they just seem to live moment to moment, doing whatever is interesting or feels good at the time. They don't stay extremely mad or extremely happy for long -- there's so much innate contentment and balance. They don't need anything outside of themselves to feel right in their worlds. And the thing is, we don't either!! We only thought we did.

[NoSugar]

Congratulations, Choices! Please keep doing what you've been doing - it's working!

LB, I'm so sorry you've found more troubles. I'm reluctant to say much about it because I don't know what your plans are in terms of the future of your relationship with him. Please just know I'm thinking of you and hope you can see the best way forward. Take good care of yourself. xx

[narilly]

Choices Congratulations! Way to go Girl!

Hey Lil B, I am so sorry. What an a hole. One day at a time, you can do it!

J-Vo, that was a nice post. So nice you have such a great son who knows he is loved.

Anyway, I just stopped in for a sec before this meeting.

Grateful to be sober.

[j-vo]

So, NS, we have it right when we are babies. Then life interferes!!
We learn behaviors based on our social system's expectations or peer pressure, some that aren't good for us, some to protect ourselves, and some for growth. It's hard to unlearn behaviors and things we've been doing for so long, but recognizing and getting on the path to change is a step in the right direction. Big life changes are hard and take so much work. Just like eating right and exercising consistently are a way life and not meant to be quick fixes, neither is sobriety. It takes a lot of time for us to feel comfortable in this new role, to learn it and practice it. Patience is a virtue!

[Pavati]

Hi, Gloamers:

LB - Sorry, and I, too, hope you find your path out of the pain.

J-Vo - Being alone was drinking time for me, too. NOW think what you can accomplish...

Way to go, Choices! 90 days is a great milestone - onward and upward.

I was on a weekend with old friends. Lots of laughs, eating, dancing, etc., but they are my old drinking buddies and I actually had a drinking dream one of the nights. Blech, and what a relief to wake up and find it was just a dream. It was really no big deal to be with them at all, and in fact was probably better.

Hope all is well with the Gloamers. My work life is exciting and completely time consuming right now which is why I have been MIA.

xo
Pav

[j-vo]

You sound great Pav. And it's good to see that over time, these situations have become easier for you such as being with your drinking buddies but still able to have a great time. I think as long as the focus isn't alcohol and other fun stuff like eating and dancing and of course laughing, it's all good. I've been itching for some good music and dance.

[NoSugar]

I enjoyed some "home alone" time (prepare to enjoy it, J-vo! :smile listening to a couple podcasts by the Hip Sobriety blogger and her friend: https://soundcloud.com/thisishomepod.
I really enjoyed them - they'd be especially great for younger women. They make it feel very cool to be sober.

[little beagle]

I'm checking in. Lots of things to be processed lately.

[NoSugar]

I hope you've found some calm moments, LB. I'm thinking of you. xx

[little beagle]

I am a casualty of the war he is having with himself and his addiction. He can no longer stand me because I remind him of all the truly terrible things he has done. He is trying to run from that. This is so not fair to ME!

[NoSugar]

It isn't fair, LB. Please remember there is nothing wrong or lacking in you. If he can get his life straightened out and think clearly, he'll be able to see that. To me, the important thing is what's best for you. Don't settle for less than you deserve :hug:.

[little beagle]

I'm not. It just hurts so bad right now. I'm so tired of hurting. Of feeling alone.

[NoSugar]

It doesn't fix it LB but you know you have friends who care. Can you be with your daughter this weekend?

[treetops]

LB - yes what he is doing is from the addiction and one day hopefully he will realize that losing you was one of the very worst things that came from his addiction. Maybe he won't loose you forever and there is always the very strong chance that he will be able to quit.
But now you must look after yourself and as NS says, it sounds like you need to be in a supportive environment or at least be able to talk to a supportive person. The weekends are so very hard. Your strength is amazing but we can also sense the pain in your words. Please post here too as well to talk about your feelings but also maybe to distract yourself. Can you do something this weekend that will absorb your attention - maybe your sewing - or get out of the house (I dont mean work either).

Yes it is hard being alone J-Vo when we are newly sober but you have so much AF time that its a different zone for you. Dont think of what it was like being alone in the house when you were drinking and sneaking around. Thats the past. Look I lived alone for quite a substantial time of my life and this really enabled me to develop some extremely unhealthy drinking and eating patterns and my addiction. But I also lived with others and guess what - this enabled me to develop and continue with the same problems. Both situations gave me a suitcase full of excuses to drink (I'm so lonely, I'm so bored; its not fair; my partner ignores/hurts me - or I just was having fun with said partner). What I am getting at is that ultimately the way we relate to AL has to come from within us and the support structures we put up around us to stop drinking.
I have another work filled weekend - again my choice but also because of non-adjustable deadlines in my profession. I will get some time to blob as well and I have to crack the whip around the house as its a pigsty.
Hope everyone is doing as well as they can be.