Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Choices]

Hi all, good to see you Nar, I kinda stopped checking in and never answered you that yes Vikings is on netflex. It's pretty violent but I still really get hooked. Now we have light box as well and can see the next episode tonight. Whoohoo! My course was just what the doctor ordered. I thought I would have a hard time paying attention.. But quite the opposite. It completely took my mind off all of my problems. I feel so grateful for this. I'm resting because it just ended but then will strap my paddle board on so my early morning start can go down without a hitch. I feel so happy that I've somehow managed to get on my emotional feet. The bbq is still on. And right now I feel strong and have decided to pretty much talk to some of the people I really like and not worry about the rest. What I like about not drinking is how much easier it is to blend into the furniture if I want. My stepmothers sister is the host. She is lovely. And shy. I'm always bummed out if we leave before I get a chance to chat with her. She is really passionate about sewing and has been in NZ wearable arts which is a big deal here several times. I love talking to her about her projects. I guess I've always been distracted socially by the people who bother me, upset me etc.. And talk to the loudest ones. Some of the real gems don't do a lot of talking in social situations. And are more of observers. I'm so glad I don't drink.. I hate how it numbs everything good. Even if I'm wanting the edge off the bad.., it's not worth wrecking the good. Peace to everyone. And thank you for your support the past two days. I'm feeling great.. But very aware of ODAT especially for this week...

[treetops]

You sound good Choices and enjoy the BBQ. The Wearable art thing is totally cool. My daughter and I did a bit of vintage clothes shopping today - I even scored what she calls my Old Lady Goth Dress (I was never a Goth and its not Goth but it is black - quite sophisticated and something I can wear in winter as its a wool mix) and an OTT dress for wearing in tropical climes. She fell for what I regard as a 1970s Little House on the Prairie dress - nerd meets folk singer meets Christian revival camp. She called it Southern Goth but I don't think so!
We had a great time as you can tell.

Sometimes I think its important to post something light and cheerful - we have certainly had some serious matters on this thread during the past few weeks and if we can support one another, thats a really good outcome - and a plus for being able to do so because we are sober. We never ever know when circumstances and emotions can hit us like a cyclone and while that is not a rationale to drink or to catastrophise - we cant predict how we will deal with these crises - short term or long term.

[NoSugar]

Morning, All! I'm home alone for a few days and so happy to know I won't be wasting more than half my time in a haze! This morning I'm going to help my daughter clean a condo her family is moving to. Last evening she and her son were hanging around here. It struck me how grateful I was that they wanted to be with me and that I wanted them there - they weren't interrupting my drinking and I wasn't constantly making up an excuse to go to the kitchen so I could sneak a drink. Then, when it turned out they needed a ride home, I was doubly grateful!! I used to tie myself up in knots trying to manipulate the world to avoid driving at night. Not drinking might sometimes seem hard but it's a whole lot easier than continuing to drink! Have a great weekend - NS

[j-vo]

Good morning and thanks to all you Gloamers for your support. I'm back in the saddle and not going anywhere. This week was a complete nightmare for me, and I know what living sober feels like and I'd much rather live my life with a clear head, improved confidence and all the rest of the good stuff that sobriety inevitably gives us.

[Choices]

Hi Jvo glad your back. Your thrifting TT sounds so fun! I go to Op shops with my daughter and we find 'treasure' and 'China' she always picks out somethin small and cherishes it. My paddle board date was rained out.. But the sky cleared up and I went by myself... A little later.. I mean it was already strapped to my car so I thought what the hell. It was too choppy to stand so I just sat but I'm so glad I got out and was force fed fresh air. Ok.. Off to get hubby a coffee. Hope everyone is hanging in there and doing well.

[Choices]

Back from Bbq. It was easy to say no to alcohol. I'm glad I got through it. I'm thinking about alcohol. But pretty sure this will pass by tomorrow morning. My yoga class after the bbq helped relax me. It was a yin class.. Restorative. Normally I have no trouble staying in positions and love the relaxing aspect. I've heard this class is one of the harder classes for some.. Which I've never understood. (I think the faster flow classes are harder because of the plank push up stuff.). But today I understood why yin is challenging. It's very emotional.. And I found it harder to breath then normal. I felt fear for some of it. All very interesting.. But a really safe place to work some of that out.. With the sent of lavender in the air. I kept thinking of drinking... And had that odd just one bs thought. Then I remembered ODAT until next Thursday. Not saying I'm out of the woods by then, but it's my goal. Darn... Just realized it's Easter! And we are going to stay with the in laws. Now I just need to kind of chuckle.. It's always something!

[narilly]

ODAT Choices, such good advice for all of us.

Glad to see yoU back JVo. .being sober is the best, I am sure your gonna beat this thing.

Off to cook supper.

Hi SL! I was super happy to read your post. Glad to hear your voice.

See ya!

[Choices]

Quick check in. Just waiting for everyone to get here for dinner. Prep done, house sorta clean- was pretty happy this morning.. Hubby was putting wine in the fridge and a red one in the pantry... I asked what he was doing? He told me he had hidden the two bottles when our company left and was putting them back for our dinner tonight. I had thought of asking him to do this after NS suggested it but forgot. So he had done it, and I didn't notice it gone or back. Progress! I hope the dinner goes well. I worked on it long enough! My feet are killing me. I bought a bunch of specialty sodas all different types, one is even cucumber... just to have on hand for myself.Hubby will probably have some. They weren't cheap but I thought it was a good idea.

[treetops]

Late quick check in. The sodas sound delicious Choices and I bet the dinner is too.
Tough day at work - one of our colleagues died - he had recently retired and had a terminal illness, so very sad. I was not very close in a personal way but he was a colleague. So it looks like there will be a funeral this week.
My daughter is slogging away tonight to face her very first university test - its on sonnets! Not easy at all.

Great to see you SL and lets hope we see your chirpy self again soon.
Big hello to everyone else and thinking of you esp J-Vo and LB.
Jane - you OK?

[j-vo]

Good luck with your dinner choices. Sounds as though you've got everything under control.

TT, sorry about your coworker. I came into work to learn that a student of mine had been beaten up by a 45 year old man with brass knuckles. He's in critical condition at our children's hospital. Very sad. Good luck to your daughter!

We just signed son up for his housing and meal plans for next year. Weird how it's all happening so fast.

Sounding good Nar.

How's it going lb?

Will be flying down south to see folks tomorrow morning but will check in of course.

Good to hear from you Scottish lass.

Have a good day.

[narilly]

That is nice that you are going to see your folks JVo. Hope it goes well. Yes, Uni is coming up fast. It is a strange time when the kids grow up and move out.
It will be ok though.

Choices, the cucumber soda does sound good.

TT, that is really sad about your co worker. We had a co worker die here too last week. He was on a job on site and had a heart attack. Sad.

I am having a good day though. Not going to die as far as I know and I feel pretty good.

Un Hung Mondays are so much better than Hung Over Mondays- I had way too many of those so I am grateful to feel good.

Talk soon.

[Choices]

Hi everyone,

Well this really sucks. I got scared and wasn't able to say no. My stepmother brought a bottle of champane to the dinner I gave to celebrate our anniversary which was in February. She popped it and all the glasses were being poured. My husband poured them. I was so nervous for them to come over and happy I'd pulled everything off.. able to even manage a clean house with a 3 year old.. I was nervous because my daughter doesn't like my dad so paying attention to her trying to smooth it all out... Excuses and excuses I know!! Anyway glass was put in my hand and she did this big raise the glass thing. And the glass was up to our mouths literally less then 5 min on their arrival. I put my tongue out so didn't sip but was kinda side swiped by the whole thing.

I'd pre-cooked everything for the bbq.. so I could relax but everything seamed so rushed! My husband was about to start everything.. But I had this plan that I hadn't wanted to start within 10 min.. but it was like no one wanted to be there and wanted this all to be over with as soon as possible. So I leaped outside and started cooking. While they sat in the kitchen. The kitchen is about ten feet from the front door. And they never came in any further.

I don't think they intended on really getting very comfortable. Ug.. so I finished up cooking.. put everyting out.. and we started to eat.. then we did another big silly toast.. So weird.. this time I did sip because my step mother was watching my glass... and saw it was still full while most everyone was almost done... more was poured.. I of course had a full glass minus a sip.. and long story short.. I had half a flute over the course if the dinner.

I offered the red I had and everyone else had some except me.. I was just sorta fake drinking the first glass?!? Only I was drinking. I'm not fooled this doesn't count. I brought out dessert.. Which I'd taken the time to prepare and both her and my dad.. even my husband said no thanks.. so my daughter.. who was filled with sugar at this point by all the lollies they brought her and I ate it.

They announced they want to pay for us all to go to Hawaii with them.. their treat.. and get my sister's family to come too.. so this big generous amazing vacation sometime within the next year or two. Which who in their right mind wouldn't just be so happy about. But I kept thinking.. why did I drink this stupid drink to be polite when know one is even trying this dessert I made?

At some point my dad gave his wife a look and then texted for a taxi. Not even using the bathroom or anything. They said they would see us in Hawaii and I reminded them of our trip out in July.. which they gave each other another look. All I can say is WTF? It's the only letters that make since in this weird night.

After they basically ran down our drive to catch a cab I came inside and said to my husband... I can't believe I drank that. He just said not to take it to heart.. and poured the rest of the bottle down the sink and the rest of the red. And then took the bottle of white and hid it in the garage. Said something like.. we have really been socializing a lot lately.. and wanted to watch this movie we'd rented the night before. No talking nothing. While he was in the garage.. I did have a moment where I wanted to just pour the rest in my glass down my neck.. but I didn't I just threw it down the sink.

He said he thought the night went well and that it would be really cool to go to Hawaii. I feel weird. Very weird. I feel like a spoilt brat because I should be happy about Hawaii.. and don't. I feel like they were really rude. I'm not mad at my husband. But I felt really lost after they left. I didn't want to post that I had half a glass. I don't see it as an overly huge deal.. but it is something.. it's the door you don't open.

My husband reminded me of the really bad drinking night where I was abusive to him when we were cleaning up.. I guess to remind me I can't drink. I don't know the whole thing was hard. When they were gone he noticed all the cool sodas I bought in the fridge and was excited and had one. Honestly.. I don't know.. but I think the whole thing kinda was F'd up from start to finish. I'm not quite sure how I went wrong on the not saying no part. i don't feel derailed, or mad at myself.. I feel like I just ate something I didn't like to be nice. But I hope I can count this as a one off.

My friend who I paddle board with asked if I'd like to go for a walk tonight, and I said yes. I don't really feel like hanging out with my husband. I kinda want someone to talk with about how weird the whole thing was. She is good like that. And she makes me laugh. So hopefully this will make me feel somewhat more normal. I decided to lay in bed today until pick up. I'm not depressed but I just need everything to slow down.

[treetops]

Honestly Choices I wouldn't worry about that half glass and good on you for not drinking more and also it sounds like your hubby is getting it. He sounds like he was very supportive to you. Thats what counts.
The less you go over this event the better - just put it in the crappy families box and please move on.
As for the trip to Hawaii - you can always say no. I went to Hawaii on a holiday/work thing in 2014 with my family and half of it was OK and half was truly miserable. Its a ghastly place to feel uneasy in because there is the assumption that its a vacation dream - well its not always. There are also the long flights to consider with a small child. If you do go - why not make a list of your rules and discuss these with your hubby. It can be possible to have a holiday and stay sober. My advice - and you may not like this - is to be really open with your family and your step-mother about not drinking. You have to say that you dont drink AL anymore and you will not be drinking AL in any toasts. You also need to make it 100% clear that you are not to be offered AL even if it is the most expensive champagne in the world. In the end AL can just be expensive liquid that as your husband revealed, can be poured down the drain (one way or another!).
Sorry to be blunt but you need to try to call the shots here with your father and the step-Mum (or at least from how I read it).

[Choices]

Thanks TT. I'm going to take your advice on crappy family box and move on. I won't hear from them for probably a year now anyway. I might get a call on my B-day. I'll call my dad on his and on US fathers day. We've already had the discussion on me not drinking and at the time my husband didn't drink either. When we didn't drink for our wedding. At the time of the discussion my father was also dry. He did a 25 year stint when I was a child. It was my stepmother who got him to drink champane for the first time in 25 years when they got engaged. He struggles off and on. and quits for 1 year.. 6 months.. does benders.. tried to moderate. etc. My stepmother was really pissed off when we my husband and I didn't drink.

At a party a long time ago she got my husband to drink red wine. He hadn't in 6 months even with his father calling him a wimp, and his friends giving him tons of crap. No one could get him to have anything. I don't know.. she is pretty good at getting people to drink. I don't know how she does it or why. I know both of them well enough to know that conversation would turn on me. And at the end of the day... I could have just did what they did with the dessert. No thanks, may not have gone over well with her, but it didn't with me either when she didn't try the dessert. I think this is more of a lesson for me to not people please.. even in my own family. I think Hawaii will be fine. It maybe the last time we are all together as a family, because we all live so far away... I expect it will be probably similar to your trip... some good and some horrible. As that seams to be how other trips, holidays go. I've got time. I'm glad you said hubby was supportive.. I couldn't make heads or tails out of it.

[treetops]

Well if you do go to Hawaii and are in Honolulu you must do a trip to the Doris Duke museum/house

http://shangrilahawaii.org

and check out the major public art galleries in Honolulu - there is more to the place than beaches and sun!
Anyway its a long way off.
Sounds like there are some major issues with your step-Mum regarding AL. I wouldn't volunteer to be the therapist!
Enjoy the rest of the day