Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Choices]

Oh wow! I just checked that link.. thanks for that. I would love to see that. And thanks for the distraction!

I'm not qualified either, but.. my poor stepmother could probably benefit from re-hab. Only, she doesn't know she has a problem and my dad doesn't know she has a problem. She doesn't get drunk and act badly. She barely eats. I think most of her calories come from wine.

My dad adores her and gets really mad if she is upset about anything. The last time he was here he told me how upset and disappointed he was with me because of my wedding. I'd stood up to her for the first time ever on the number of guests.. she was being an opportunist on my Dads side of the family finally coming to NZ... and kinda well, pretty much obviously hijacking the guest list with all of her friends. At the end of the day she won. But I had upset her. And my father was so upset he didn't talk to me for two years because I didn't have him "give" me away.

I was 39 years old. We have had an astranged relationship at times in my 20's and 39's... I also didn't want him to say her name as part of the giving away.. And I was a women's studies minor and just always knew when it came to my wedding I wasn't property to be given away. So it was more just even a personal preference. He did walk me down the isle.

Honestly, my father just has anger issues and goes to anger management classes sometimes to cope. So really, it could have been anything to get mad at me for. At least that's what I think. Two years ago on the beach.. he said it would take time for both of them to forgive me. I asked how long, and if there was anything I could say or do to clear up the confusion with her. He said whats done is done and maybe in two years... time would heal. So here we are. And as I type that I realize that is when I started drinking again pretty heavy. Just all stuff I need to probably get some help with sooner or later.

[little beagle]

Choices it really sounds like your step mum just wants to justify her own drinking. Sorry it's so stressful. Sodas is fancy glasses are fun. Next time just have a soda handy and toast with that. Pour your own. Say you just like it better. But don't stress. It's good that the rest was poured down the drain.
I'm good J-vo. On a Rollercoaster ride.

[Choices]

Hi LB, thank you for that. I think your right about my stepmother. She's not a 'wicked' woman. Just insecure I think and a touch manipulative. But I don't really think she is aware of that she is. She's a person who is always right. No room for discussion. Ah well! I think my dad and her are co-dependent as drinking buds. But on the flip side I am happy for my dad he has a companion and they travel a lot and have a nice life together. The kid in me misses a relationship with my dad. She's in way but, not too much.. My dad and I started butting heads when I was a teen and he was with my mom. He's controlling and angry. But I love him and he has a good side too of course.

Thanks for your advice on the tricky drinks poured situation. If I'd had a soda in a wine glass when they arrived that would have been perfect, I could have excused myself even to the bathroom... Checked the stove etc... Done a quick cheers with the soda... Left it. Said I was on medication... Said none for me... Whole number of things... I am super thankful that I didn't see it as a reason to just get drunk.. And I feel like it's progress. I didn't actually 'want' it.. When I did have the sips it didn't taste like forbidden fruit.. It kinda just tasted like nice sparkling water with a lot more bubbles. And I've been thinking about her and my dad a bit more. I just can't please them, so no need to fall apart in my real life over it. Sorry your on a roller coaster.. I hope the end of the ride is soon. It can be exhausting.

[little beagle]

Yes. This is exhausting. Not being able to please someone. Hey I'm definitely an expert in that area. Do what makes YOU feel good Choices. ESPECIALLY when it comes to drinking. Don't do something you'll regret.

[Choices]

Thanks LB. After such a weird week I don't even know what I want. To feel normal I guess. It's subjective there is no normal. I'm so sick of struggling with AL. I wish it could be different. I remember going to a church for Christmas eve. I am not religious at all but I love how beautiful a church looks with all the candles. This church is in the city and quite progressive... I guess.. not sure as I don't ever go. But one of the things the guy talking said, I can only guess he was a preacher, or pasture.. like I said I don't know was.. bless and pray for the addicted. Bless and pray for the lonely. Oh man, this sent tears down my cheeks.

[narilly]

Sorry Choices, your MIL sounds kind of manipulative. I can't imagine how hard it is to deal with her and that situation. Hang in there and move forward, we are here for you.

Hey TT, that was really interesting. I am going to check that place out if I ever go to Hawaii.

I talked to Jane and she is not drinking but is pre occupied with other stuff. I am sure she will check in soon.

Have a great day.

[NoSugar]

Hi, Choices. I hope you're back on track. Your situation sounds very complicated and difficult - I hope you're no longer feeling hurt. It seems crazy that just a small drink can open Pandora's Box like it does but we've heard that same story from so many people. I read in your thread how while you were drinking, it really did make you feel better - such immediate gratification. I wish I could say I can't imagine that - but I can. I think the worry and guilt would overall ruin it in the end but I did understand what you were saying.
To to stay quit, we've got to consistently take the long view - no more instant rewards. It was so weird when I was actively drinking to know full well how much better off I'd be if I quit but then to be unable to resist the immediate gratification each and every day. I guess part of what we're protecting is the ability to make clear, logical choices.

Thanks for the update on Jane, Nar. I'm glad (but not surprised) that she's not drinking.

[little beagle]

Thanks NS. The immediate gratification vs. The long run goal. I'm going to think about that.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

FFS, Choices. That sounds like a manipulative b$#CH. Pardon my French. It really DOES sound like she's the one with the problem, too. I have never had such a pusher in my life. I am glad you stopped at half a glass. I have a healthy fear that if I had a half a glass, or even a sip, I would say screw it and just keep going. Definitely set some boundaries BEFORE you get together with them again.

Thanks for the report on Jane, Nar. Glad she's ok.

Keep on keeping on, LB. Keep punching that bag...

I'm off to dinner with the family. Happily working my butt off, but keeping a good balance.

Pav

[treetops]

Great to know that Jane is OK.
Yes indeed we need to think past the immediate gratifications and thats why I think e.g. if you do plan a holiday that you can look outside the square and make it as appealing as possible for a sober person (like can you imagine doing an art gallery tour in a tropical country with a raging hang-over?). Set the rules Choices - its your life and dont let the step Mum (or your Dad) bully you - cos that is what it sounds like. Dont agonize over why she is the way she is, thats her problem.

Its just awful what has happened in Brussels - I was there last June, meeting my best friend in the same airport, we went to that tube station as well. So many innocent people.

Tonight I have been decadent and there is a cheese soufflé baking in the oven (with baked potatoes, fresh coleslaw with herbs from the garden and tomatoes). Of course Mr GB just rang to say he missed his bus and will be late - well, too bad the soufflé will be pretty flat by then! My daughter and I will enjoy it though.

Be well everyone!

[Choices]

Just checking in. I'm back on track. Thanks for all the support and advice. I'm finally not thinking about it as much, or as emotional about it. I do agree with the thoughts of thoughts re my dad and his wife. I have a long time to prepare before that trip. So going to put it on the back burner and get back to life... I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

Your dinner sounds amazing TT.
I'm glad to hear Jane is good.

[STEADFAST]

Hi, just a very quick check in. I hope everyone's well. In the middle of selling my folks' house and the practicalities & emotions are difficult (Dad died last April; Mum's in nursing home with dementia.) The house has very little of their stuff in it now, and it feels like the soul of the place is gone. Sorry, feeling a bit sooky. But will not given in to drinking thoughts.

Take care everyone; will check back in and read back when i can,
regards,
Steady

[Guitarista]

Hi y'all.

All the best with it Steady. Sounds a little bit tough to be sure. Take care of yourself.

Glad Ms Jane is ok. Big waves to everyone!

[jane27]

Hi Folks,
Thanks to everyone for asking about me. I have been sober (and with no temptation) but going through a (horrendously) ocd/addictive stage of staying up until 5:30 am and sleeping until 2pm. UGH I've been spending the time on ancestry.com- collecting data on family and building a family tree. Along with that I have been picking at my skin terribly. It seems to have started in conjunction with my starting new depression meds a few months back. While its great not to be so depressed, this shit is freaking me out.The pull to engage in these behaviours feels beyond my control & I feel similarly ashamed as to when I was drinking.

Its embarrassing having raw flesh wounds all over my face (not to mention painful) . Ive been meaning to post on MWO but every time I set out to, I go right to the darn ancestry.com site. I'm posting this with trepidation as I know how easily it will come across as fluffy, spoiled, ridiculous. I haven't really opened up much about it, though my hubs must have a good idea. Beyond the shadow of a doubt its the frickin meds (Vibryd). Fuck a duck! Please excuse this being all about me. Nar, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I feel like I'm on a raft in the middle of the ocean and I don't know how to get back to land. If you guys saw my face, you'd be shocked and grossed out.

Three cheers for sobriety but OY VEY what-do-I-do about this?

G, glad to see you back. Lil, have to read back and see how you are doing- that applies to everyone actually.

Tearing up with gratitude that you guys care. xoxo

[Choices]

Hi Jane, really good to hear from you. I've gone through bouts of staying up until 5 am and sleeping until 2 or 3. It happened to me for months my sophomore year in Collage. I called myself a vampire. I wasn't drinking but I was researching. I understand the compulsion and cycle very well. Sleep cycles are hard to change once they have started. I'm so sorry about the picking. I don't have experience with that but it sounds painful all around. One thing for sure is your post in no way sounds fluffy, and you don't sound spoiled. I know where that feeling comes from too! Meds are so tough. Shame the doctor can't help more with this! Since your doing this anyway... Maybe embrace this time to be discovering your family ancestry. It must be so interesting and hard to pull away from. At least it sounds like a very productive activity to me.