Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

So do I :hug:.

[treetops]

We had a public holiday today - believe it or not its for the Queen's (of England) birthday. No celebrations thanks goodness but at least its a day off work for many. I took my daughter for a driving lesson - she is doing well, touch wood. Its her father's driving that I worry about:exclaim:
Still quiet on here - I can understand that but its a pity that so few post.
Good to see that you are being sociable LB.
Hi there to everyone else

[Guitarista]

Hello TT and y'all! All very good here. Glad you made it home safely TT. LB raawkin it with the dating! This site remains important to me. Am excited to have travel plans for next year. 71 days but i've never been one for counting.

Big waves to everyone. Narilly where are you?

[treetops]

71 days is splendid Mr G. Are you trying out the counseling? Hope its going well or at least is useful. Counselling usually is unsettling- not a picnic. Where do you plan to travel? I am heading off in 2 weeks time to the UK - this time with the daughter in tow. Just a short trip.
Not sure where Narilly is - must be back from her cruise.
Have a beaut day!

[Guitarista]

71 days is splendid Mr G. Are you trying out the counseling? Hope its going well or at least is useful. Counselling usually is unsettling- not a picnic. Where do you plan to travel? I am heading off in 2 weeks time to the UK - this time with the daughter in tow. Just a short trip.
Not sure where Narilly is - must be back from her cruise.
Have a beaut day!

Yo TT. Yes, i've had 2 sessions with a psychologist with an addictions focus. 3 weeks apart, so 3rd session in 2.5 weeks. It's not difficult at all so far. In fact, i am bouyant, lifted i tells yiz when i leave. Our rappore is good and she is sharp and well trained, so i think useful. I am basically there for a mental tune up/life performance can do focus rather than anything too probing or heavy. Although i've opened the door for us to do a little digging next session. We'll see how it goes. Overall, it feels good.

Travelling on a one way ticket next year at this stage to Europe first, then all over. No strict plan other than take off with me guitar and a certificate to teach english to folk in non english speaking countries like europe, sth america, asia. Just want to shake it up internally a bit.

Safe travels to UK!

Have a gr8 week everyone. Narilly?

[NoSugar]

I did something today that mystifies me. It was mid-morning and I had to run to the grocery store for a few things. In the checkout aisle was a huge bin of those little (nasty tasting) single-serving bottles of wine. I reached in and tossed a red one on the belt with my other stuff. And bought it. And brought it home and put it in a deep corner of the cupboard. I then worked, took a water aerobics class, etc. and forgot about it until I got home and was taking a hot bath to get over the cold pool. It is down there.

So now I'm posting here. I considered not doing that and either 1) quietly getting rid of it or 2) drinking it to prove to myself I don't need all this BS in my life anymore and can drink a glass of wine if I want to. The truth is, I do believe I could drink 1 (despite all of the contrary evidence) but for over 3 years, I haven't wanted to. I don't even feel like I want to today but there's no denying what I did this morning. And this is at a time that my personal and professional lives are great and fine, respectively. I have no unusual stress and I love this time of year (and do not associate it with drinking).

Maybe my diminished involvement here has allowed some of my brain changes to revert in ways I don't recognize or understand. I used to post a lot about why abstinence is the best/easiest choice for most people who make it here. With so few members struggling (which is great news!) and no new people to encourage, I think I've stopped doing for myself what has been working for a long time.

It was sad but I wasn't even sure where on MWO I could post this. My Ego wanted to use that as an excuse to just handle it on my own or with a couple AF friends I talk to every day. They would have helped me, I know. But there is something about a "public" proclamation that matters to me. It helps me to know that it might help, or at least caution, someone else.

So, I came back to what was my home thread until all the kids grew up and it became an empty nest. I didn't do too well with that in my real life and apparently not here, either. The possibility of MWO folding may also have played a role. When something unpleasant looms, I always just want to get it over with. Drinking that bottle likely would have done the trick - I might have left MWO before it leaves me.

So now I'm going to do what I've suggested countless times to others on this site - just dump it out. That $1.00 bottle of cheap wine taught me a priceless lesson.

xx, NS

[NoraC]

NS - I froze when I read your post. I am so glad that you posted. These are exactly the types of posts that help.

[treetops]

Good on you for posting NS. Without putting it into words I so get what you did. And I also get the fear about MWO folding and the lack of support for many of us who have been here for so long. That one little act of buying that silly bottle of wine is exactly the kind of thing that we all can do and I could almost have written your confessional rationalisations myself. It's unlikely that you would have been doomed to eternal damnation through consuming that bottle but why on earth bother to even go there? What you did seems irrational to your logical self but we do these kinds of non-rational actions in our lives and not just with AL. it's over with now and I would suggest you don't over analyse it. But you need support even if you are long-time sober and that's why we bother to come here. It's the problems we have with AL that forms our bond and maybe we digress with the other chatter (which is important too) but we need to stand supportive of one another and we need this as a collective group. Take care.

[little beagle]

NS i'm glad you posted that. And that you got rid of it. A thing is neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so. I take this to mean we can rationalize anything. I think we really need a back up plan. That way none of us will ever feel we are without support.
G-man that trip sounds like a lot of fun and challenge.
TT hope this is a great bonding experience for you and your daughter.

[Guitarista]

Thanks for sharing that experience NS. How are you doing now?

Having been a frequent flyer back to day 1 up until 73 days ago, i remember the difficulty and weakening of my resolve once i'd drank, to stop and get sober again. For me it felt like the odds were and are, less than 50/50 for me getting sober again anytime soon. Many forces are unleashed again to stack up against us. Psychological (guilt, shame, remorse), brain pleasure centre/chemicals, emotional, physical. Self image, self worth, self confidence and identity take a battering. Not in all cases, but we see it here often and often the case for me.

Take care my friend.

Big waves to all.

[available]

Great of you to post ns. It saddens me to see mwo being so slow and i always found reading here daily helped with my resolve and reinforced the need to not drink. When you posted i thought to myself that one bottle would not be enough but a bargain for $1. Gees wish that was around in my drinking days!

I avoid going into bottle shops like the plague as my anxiety levels rise higher than Mt Everest. I dont know why but its a good feeling to have for an alky. My main shop has a bottleshop right as you walk in and i remember basically running past it in the beginning and now i hardly give it a second glance but occasionally i get that pang of missing something when i know i am not missing a damn thing. I have the choice of drinking and ending up like my brother which is dead or i have the choice to live as i am now without al in my life.

We have made it this far, there cant be any going back for us. Its our way of life now and its a much better life than what we had before. For me keeping and holding onto my sobriety is a daily task i incorporate into my life. I was so not good left to my own devices, i ended up in a deep hole and due to the help from mwo here I climbed my way out slowly.

I cannot envisage you ever saying you drank, you my friend took me under your wing and i would hate to throw bricks at you from afar.

xx

[SnoopyC]

NS, thanks so much for posting this incident/episode. It helps me to think about how precious my AFness is and how quickly I can relapse and have to start over, if I even have another start over in me. Glad you posted and shared what probably happens to many of us.

[Pie]

Thank you, NS. Once again, you've illustrated the power of addiction, along with your thinking and actions that kept you on the sane side. Stories like this one stay with me, and help me step back from the brink when I find myself there. I am so grateful for your sharing. :hug:

[NoSugar]

Thanks for reading and responding, guys. I appreciate it.

I feel "normal" today and am glad not to be dealing with the fall out from drinking. Even if I'd had just the one, it would have really shaken my confidence and self-image as a non-drinker. Even realizing that I so carelessly and almost without thought bought that bottle concerns me enough. What bothers me most, though, is that I considered keeping the whole incident to myself. That is exactly the kind of thinking (and subsequent behavior) that got me in trouble in the first place -- acting like everything is fine when it's not and being the one who never struggles or breaks a sweat.

I'm not sure what the answer for me is. It's not my style to start a thread for sharing my thoughts on this topic and I'm not very good at the casual conversation approach to sobriety. I don't want to dwell on the perils of addiction and how bad things were but I do want to continually remind myself why I've made this choice and all the benefits of that decision. Supporting others gives some meaning to what was an awful experience but it's become hard to do that around here - most regular posters are doing just fine. I'm glad, though, that sharing my experience yesterday was helpful to some of you.

Thanks again, NS

[NoraC]

It was helpful. Because that is what I'm scared of. And that is my problem - keeping it in, not talking. Just so you know. You helped me. :hug: