Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

Well, I'm glad, Nora. The whole thing has been good for me, too, in a way. I hope you keep talking -- the good stuff and the bad. As someone who is usually so upbeat and cheerful, it probably is hard for you to reveal the other side sometimes. But -- allowing us the chance to be our real selves is the whole point of an anonymous forum! If we check our egos at the door when we come here, we can get the help we need. If we start playing our real life roles here, our real life issues will follow, like I wrote above about not really wanting to share what felt like an embarrassing (almost) failure.

[stirly-girly]

Hiya Sugarbabe and Lady Loamers. I have never before posted on this thread but Sugar, your post above caught my eye and I went back to read what it was all about. First of all, good for you on not following through and drinking the wine. I'm very curious to know if you have gone back to analyze your thoughts and movements and know what made you go through the steps that would normally lead to a relapse. There have been a couple of posts recently (I think ABCowboy was one of the posters, but I could be wrong) about the steps leading up to a relapse - from the thinking about drinking to buying the AL and the following steps that lead up to you actually taking that first drink after being AF for so long. Like Nora, I reacted too, to your words. More of a cringe, than freezing and then I read swiftly through your post to see what happened. Thank you for posting, for not keeping it to yourself. I think that is, as Nora said, a problem a lot of people have - not expressing themselves and sharing with others here. I also believe that we need discussions on topics like this to help new members, older members, AF members and those struggling to stay sober. We all need to remember and remind ourselves and others that even after an extended AF time, we still need to be vigilant about our sobriety. Your post proves tho', that even when the temptation is there, we don't have to follow through to actually take that first drink. We CAN stop ourselves AT ANY POINT before we once again allow ourselves to drink. Thank you again for having the courage to share with us and not keep it to yourself. Not everyone would have been that brave.

[NoSugar]

Hi, Stirly

Good to see you.

I know that the common wisdom is that there are steps to a relapse but other than my frustration with MWO as outlined above, there was nothing that I know of that led to my tossing that stupid bottle of wine on the checkout belt. It was just sitting there, I reached in, and bought it. I had no desire to drink it then so I guess buying it was my first step towards a relapse. Or at least towards taking a drink. I'm really grateful that MWO has given me the tools not to take the next step in that direction but instead, in the direction I want to go.

[satz123]

Hi, Stirly

Good to see you.

I know that the common wisdom is that there are steps to a relapse but other than my frustration with MWO as outlined above, there was nothing that I know of that led to my tossing that stupid bottle of wine on the checkout belt. It was just sitting there, I reached in, and bought it. I had no desire to drink it then so I guess buying it was my first step towards a relapse. Or at least towards taking a drink. I'm really grateful that MWO has given me the tools not to take the next step in that direction but instead, in the direction I want to go.

Jesus NS that's frightened the life out of me. :egad:
I wonder what was the reason for it. I would say it was possibly a sort of "everyone else can do it - why can't I " ?
Why do I have to be different? "

You have too much class NS to go down that road again - especially with a gammy cheap bottle of wine :haha:
Seriously though I think it was just a mini-rebellion of sorts and you came to your senses.

This talk of 1 drink and taking 'a drink' - you & I know that is not going to happen for us. Maybe the first time - yes - but it will lead to more sooner or later.
Thank you for posting.

[NoSugar]

It's hard to say what happened, Satz, but I think it relates to my thinking that if I don't have a problem, I don't need this site or anything like it and could just go back to normal life (as in before about 2000 when I rarely drank anything). Maybe drinking it and being fine would mean I could walk away and not worry about this anymore. Or even have it on my radar. I don't know - that's the only explanation that even starts to make sense to me.

[Guitarista]

Maybe drinking it and being fine would mean I could walk away and not worry about this anymore. Or even have it on my radar. I don't know - that's the only explanation that even starts to make sense to me.

Hey Sugarbabe. What are you worried about? Drinking? Just wondering by your words if you are living in a too worried state of mind?

Hope you're having a fab week my friend.

[SKendall]

NS, I am grateful that you posted this. As most of us know alcohol doesn't discriminate. Royal, titans of industry down to the homeless incur this terrible disease. A similar thing happened the other week when I was shopping. I saw Mike's hard lemonade and I told myself I've never seen that flavor before, and then it hit me. What was I thinking?

It was a very honest post and a good reminder for all of us. Thank you.

[NoSugar]

Hey Sugarbabe. What are you worried about? Drinking? Just wondering by your words if you are living in a too worried state of mind?

I'd say the worry I have is about "needing" a site that is no longer actually meeting my perceived needs and that may not improve. I just wanted to be DONE with addiction, MWO -- all of it and just have a normal life where the subject doesn't even come up. It's not that I want to drink. I want it to be a non-issue like it was before. I'm really not worried about drinking per se and in fact, my relief and gratitude that I didn't drink 2 days ago has been very reinforcing about what is right for me.

A similar thing happened the other week when I was shopping. I saw Mike's hard lemonade and I told myself I've never seen that flavor before, and then it hit me. What was I thinking?

Weird thoughts do pop into our minds, don't they? I think we all have ones like those and fortunately usually just let them go. I'm not sure why I followed the one I had to the point of buying the bottle but am so glad I didn't follow it further. We can't control our thoughts (at least I can't) but I can decide which ones to pay attention to. The thought to drink 5 oz of cheap wine in a little plastic bottle is clearly not a good one!

[NoSugar]

If you want to remember how ugly addiction can be, watch season 2 of Bloodline (Netflix). Someone who knows what really goes on must have been involved in writing some of the episodes. Seeing Kevin sneak slugs of tequila from hidden stashes around his house and office is painful and so real. I was there and never want to risk being there again.

[Guitarista]

I'd say the worry I have is about "needing" a site that is no longer actually meeting my perceived needs and that may not improve. I just wanted to be DONE with addiction, MWO -- all of it and just have a normal life where the subject doesn't even come up. It's not that I want to drink. I want it to be a non-issue like it was before. I'm really not worried about drinking per se and in fact, my relief and gratitude that I didn't drink 2 days ago has been very reinforcing about what is right for me.

Ah ok. Gotcha

[jane27]

NS, Thank you so much for sharing your experience from the other morning with us. If it happened to you, it happened to me and putting it on the page right here in the open takes the air out of the balloon swiftly. It's a good reminder that one simple summary of the deal is that alcohol is one helluvan addictive substance for us folks. Fuckin a. I'm so glad and grateful for the way you handled it. Love to you and all my Gloamers too. Still hanging in there sober with the help of a new med of 2 months which has been working for my depression better than anything else lately. Haven't been spending much time on the Internet at all which is why I have not posted. Still have the feast or famine tendency over here lol. Wishing everyone a great day!

[treetops]

Great to see you Jane and I am really glad that you ahem found some relief with the new medication. Dont be a stranger as we value your input.
NS - I really get what you mean. I also worry about how I will be if MWO does not continue. However I think I came to the conclusion that I can never really have a life where AL is not something i will think about. What I mean is that I used to want that - i.e., not have to worry or think about AL (either drinking or not-drinking) and be a normal person (whoever that fictitious gal is) but I think I have accepted that I do have to keep vigilant about AL and I do have to check-in (either to myself or to a site like MWO or both). I have a very long history of excessive drinking and problematic drinking and it never was 'normal'. There was no dream time for me although I had some great (as well as horrible) times when drinking. I coped back in that time by also being a workaholic and taking on a lot of personal responsibility but there is no way that I want to go back to being a functioning abusive drinker. Besides as I have posted before, within the last ten years, it became clear that my physical health was being very badly effected and I just am one of those people who can not drink, if I want to live. So for me, I accept that AL is a problem for me, and that I need to be very very aware of this. Like you NS (and many others), I wouldn't just turn to custard if I had one drink. I dont see it as slippery slope and I wouldn't even call that a relapse. Its just a drink and it does not have magical powers. I am not denying my addiction here - but I refuse to associate it with hell and damnation qualities - or something that is inevitable. I have worked very hard to be sober and I like this way of life and thats my plan for the rest of my days.
I have also just finished Season 2 of Bloodline - yes so much drinking, and so much denial. Really spot on. Does anyone not drink and hide things in that series? And such great acting.
Watching The Returned (Les Revanants) - the French version now. About loss and the past.

Big hello to all Gloamers!

[NoSugar]

I think we're definitely on the same page, TT. And most of the time it doesn't bother me that I can't just forget about the fact that I can't drink. In fact, as I've said before, I really enjoy many of my interactions here (and those exchanges keep the truth of the matter in mind). This is a great lesson in allowing the stormy moods to pass, which they eventually do. I feel fine today and grateful that I didn't make a bad choice when I clearly wasn't in a good mental state. Big decisions need to be made by a clear head!

I'm glad you like Bloodline, too. I think the guy who plays Kevin is fabulous - I forget that he's an actor. To me he is just KEVIN. Sorry to say I only have 4 more episodes to watch. Is The Returned a tv show or a movie?

EDIT: GREAT TO SEE YOU, JANE! I MISS YOU. XX

[jane27]

TT and NS, so nice to hear you guys- such poignant and well written posts. I feel like I got the very highest quality, sobriety nutritional boost from them. I'm wondering if I missed something that went down in recent months with regard to the future of the site. Is there new stuff contributing to the possibility of a site shutdown? That would be a frightening bummer. I haven't come across anything even close to it in my searches and even though I haven't been active much this year I'd be broken hearted if I lost the connection we have here. I guess I'll have a look around and see if I can spot anything on the subject. Re shows, I've been watching Shameless and Girls. Love them both. May have to give Bloodline another try. Xoxo

Ps NS, did the Mexican Sunflowers ever pan out? I planted some new pink day lilies and they are kick ass. In other news, Red punched a hole through a window (protesting presence of rabbits on our front lawn). He's ok thank God, but tempered glass windows, here we come (cuh ching cuh ching $$)

[treetops]

Jane - many who post in the Meds section have moved to a new site End of My Addiction (for reasons that I really do not want to rehash here). There do not seem too many newcomers these days and some old-timers post far less often or not at all. The site is hardly moderated but there have been some good interventions from the site's admin person. But It can be frustrating to post and not get a reply.

As for Bloodline - its an acquired taste I guess. The drinking isn't just Kevin and his in your face addiction - its the other characters who openly drink - a lot - like Sally (the Mum played by Sissy Spacek) who seems to often nurse a whisky when she is troubled. John the cop, binge drinks when he is under stress - the sister Meg regularly gets stupidly drunk and is not averse to swigging a beer (like a baby bottle) before lunch. The central character Danny was into drink and drugs but thats OK because he is the 'bad sheep' - so its the way AL is so central to the respectable characters that intrigues me. Plus the sweeping aerial scenes of the Florida keys are amazing - and the scenery.

The Returned is a mini-series
Les Revenants (TV Series 212– ) - IMDb
Dont watch the American Netflix version (it has really bad reviews) - you must watch the French one. I thought it was a zombie series but its not about that.