Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[little beagle]

Great to see you Jane.
I have been around people drinking quite a bit lately. It's thinking about MWO and everything I have learned that has kept me from being tempted. Which I am so grateful for.

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...I was reading the recent posts and grateful for everyone's input. I think if we want this site to keep on going, we all have to make more effort. I am trying to post more, not just read. I need to read these posts, get the support, and have self awareness that I don't want to drink, and if I do I will be in hell within a short time.

Like you TT, physically my body will deteriorate quickly with alcohol consumption, I have no more easy quits in me, after many years of heavy drinking. So, posting daily, or almost, and touching base with all of you is vital for my path.

No sugar, you are always an inspiration, and thinking that I can have just one is not a good idea. When did you or I every want, "just one." What would be the point? Oh yes, sometimes out in public I would have just one, but that would not last. So, better to not start at all. My Dad, a self-admitted alcoholic, told me it is an allergy, plain and simple. So, like with nuts, I just can't have alcohol. If I do I will have a negative reaction. Hope this was not TMI.

Have a good one.

[NoSugar]

Hi, SnoopyC

I didn't realize you read posts on MWO other than the thread you are actively on. I suppose many of us do that. Sometimes I hesitate to post in threads that I don't normally post in because it feels like an intrusion. That is kind of silly on an internet forum but it really can feel like butting in. At the same time, I'm thrilled to see new people posting on various threads and I know everyone is very welcoming. I guess we really do bring our real-life personalities and insecurities online with us!

Your idea to respond and not just read is a good one if we want MWO to be a vibrant, life-saving community. There used to be statistics that said how many posts per day a person had. Mine used to be really high, like 7 per day. Being actively involved here was the key for me. It is probably normal for that number to go down as a person becomes more firmly AF but I know my involvement had diminished to a level that might have contributed to the dumb incident of buying a bottle of wine last week. Awareness of the importance of my continuing not to drink and my gratitude for the life I live now had diminished along with my involvement. I think we really do need to remind ourselves, one way or the other, why being AF is so critical. Brain re-wiring works but it needs maintenance - at least in my case.

That is not to say that everyone who stops posting on MWO goes back to drinking because I know that isn't the case. I chatted with Narilly the other day and while she's no longer posting, she isn't drinking, either! She must have found another way to keep her eye on the prize.

You're certainly right that there is no point in thinking about "one". Even as I bought it, I knew that little bottle wasn't going to be "enough". When one was enough, I didn't even like wine very much - I was drinking it for health (what a crock!) and to fit in with social peer groups. I'm not sure if I ever just liked wine. I didn't even think about that much until I realized that I needed it - and that is when things got scary.

I'm glad to hear you're having fun, LB, but sorry you have to be surrounded by drinkers. It's not that you'll drink but it sure can become boring!!!

[paulywogg]

I read almost all the threads NS,like you I hesitate to"butt in"I'msort of resentful of people who used MWO to get sober and basically took the money and ran,imagine if Lav and Byrdie had done that after a couple years sober? To me its taking and not giving back,kinda irks me

[NoSugar]

It might now work for everyone, Pauly, but for me, the surest way to help myself is to help others. When we encourage others, we are encouraging ourselves. When we point out the downsides of drinking, we're reminding ourselves why we don't do it. I don't try to help others only to help myself - I want this freedom for EVERYONE who ever has been addicted- but am very aware that I benefit, too.

[treetops]

Good to see you Snoopy and Pauly also. Dont be a stranger! I sometimes have posted on other threads too but its not always easy because you dont know the backstories. Also at times, I was cautious about posting because comments could be taken out of context or misinterpreted.
I dont think we can make assumptions about people who stop posting - its an internet group after all. Some people (myself included) have given support through PMs and we dont advertise this on the public thread. So just because someone doesnt post every day or be seen to be helping others, it doesn't mean that they are not supporting others. Also I know at times I have been quiet because I am too busy or I am travelling (and I go to places where internet is not always available at an affordable rate) or because I just dont have anything to say. People also decide to take breaks from social media and the internet - and MWO might be part of that. Again, if the flow of conversation and posting gets disrupted for whatever reason, then its hard to catch up.
I do wonder about people who posted before and who I personally tried to support and then they have dropped off the radar - but thats how it goes. I am really glad that Narilly is in a good space.
LB - great that you are having a social life. I guess you are being cautious about entering into new personal relationships with someone who likes their booze - I know I would be. Fortunately there are lots of good people who don't need to drink a lot. As long as they dont pressure you - otherwise I will come and kick them up the ….
Unlike you NS - I did really like the taste of the AL beverages I consumed (except when they were the really crap stuff and I also never liked beer) and I also liked the effect AL had on me (to a point) - it was my drug of choice. But I never thought it was for health reasons!
OK busy day here so I better go and wish you all the best for the day or night-wherever you are.

[SnoopyC]

NS, I guess I am one of the people who has read lots of threads and not taken the time to give my two cents. Well, I want to change that and hope to post a bit more. I agree that not reading or posting on MWO can be a trigger, a lack in self-awareness, that can grow and lead to relapse, which is what I never want. Even though life is hard, period, life is horrible for me if I drink. I was used to being so sick all the time, and now feel so good so much more often. I want you to know that I always appreciate your posts and look for them. Your information on diet and its impact on sobriety is very true for me.

TT, just wanted to note that I was sometimes afraid to post as comments/posts can be misinterpreted by some and I do not want to fight or be talked down to. I have seen some people attack and I want to avoid that. I look at MWO as a place of support and information. You have been wonderful in your support and I have received alot from your journey, thanks.

Hope this thread continues to have more posts, have a good one.

[NoSugar]

It is pretty great not to feel like I constantly have a low-grade flu or something! I really only felt "fine" for a very short time after a first drink each day. Then the horrible cycle began again. You're right, Snoopy, there's no sense making life harder than it needs to be.

I'm glad you found a way of eating that supports sobriety for you. I'd pretty much given up talking about that subject due to an apparent lack of others' interest and outright hostility from a few. But your comment and one MossRose made this morning on another thread about how cutting sugar was one of the tools that helped her remind me that for some people, getting over an alcohol addiction is so much easier with the addition of some dietary changes. The need to reduce sugar and crappy carbs to reduce chronic Western diseases such as obesity, diabetes, heart disease etc. finally is going mainstream and is all over the popular press but alcohol rarely is mentioned. I think some of the physicians and others who are encouraging their patients to give up sugar and too many carbs are reluctant to restrict alcohol, knowing that that may turn so many people away given how they cannot imagine giving up their booze. I suspect several of the practitioners also are reluctant to take that step themselves!

[treetops]

Quick check in here. I agree that healthy eating is really important - for everybody - and for us in recovery too. I had a fairly healthy diet even when drinking except I didn't always eat properly and I certainly ate far less fruit and veges (although I ama vegetarian!) As I said before, my gut was in such a bad state that I found it hard to digest certain foods. Thats much better now but I am one of those people who will never eat capsicums!
Yesterday I was sorting out some stuff and I found a part of a journal that a very sad woman wrote in 2012 when she was trying to quit but hadn't quite managed. Its a really sad read and I cried as I read about her anguish, guilt, cravings and self-hatred. She wrote a lot about work-stress but also her love for her daughter. That woman was worried that her addiction would pass on to her young teenage daughter. Well that woman was me. I don't want to ever be that person again - or go through that hell of 2012. The hell had started years before but that year was my crunch time.
One of the interesting things is that I documented the various support I tried such as AA. I walked away from that and you can see from my notes that my experiences with AA actually worsened my drinking. I did have another support group of sorts but it was geared more for people who had no self awareness and it didn't work for me either. But I found one on one support from an expert really useful - she was very frank and practical, as well as the family doctor (who might as well be a family 'priest' except neither of us is that way inclined). Then I start to mention MWO and all my comments are very positive. At some stage that year I was part of the Daily Abs thread. By October I had had my last drink. I had some medication support and I think that was essential for me too.
So just thought I wold remind us and myself of the 'journey' Snoopy referred to. The other crucial thing for me was my daughter and partner's support - although as my notes show, he was a grumpy difficult person then - as he still is.
Sunny day here and a mountain of things to do.
You all be good!

[SnoopyC]

TT, thank so much for reviewing your path to sobriety...very useful and it shows that we all do this our own way in our own time. It is so sad to think of what we did to ourselves with heavy drinking, how it affected our bodies, relationships, mood, finances. It is so wonderful and positive to see that with AFness all that changes and for the better. I remember having horrible down moods, and not understanding that the booze depressed me severely, and I needed days of sobriety to get into a more stable place. Now, I wake up and feel OK, positive, looking forward to a good cup of coffee, no low grade flu symptoms. It is truly a miracle. So great to be there for your daughter too, that is a most special relationship for me, the one with my kids, and to have the respect, love, sharing, it makes all the difference to be sober.

NS, the way I eat affects me so much, and when I drank I would eat alot of crap to try and feel better, hold off the hangover, etc. Now, after my ten day green smoothie cleanse, which felt great, I have one for breakfast, a lite lunch,and a small dinner and never feel really hungry, just satisfied. Also, no horrible mood swings. I see some at work eating junk food and it is not a good think for them. Having said that, a little junk food once in a while can be a treat for me. I think the reason people get offended is because we want to believe that food does not affect us rather than we are what we eat. I think that some of the AA tradition of cigarettes, lots of coffee and sweets let to relapse, I mean, how could you feel good with that kind of diet. But, now with what we know, we can do better. Also, it takes time, weeks and months of healing.

Have a great Friday.

[NoSugar]

It is hard to recognize the woman you write about as being you, TT. I wish I had documented what was happening to me - so much so that I often encourage others to write exactly what they are going through so they can always look back and remember if they need to. My experience now seems like it happened to someone else. I have to work hard to remember what my day-to-day life had become and even then, I can't really "feel" it.

I also have the occasional treat, Snoopy, but it is always something FABULOUS, not a box of Nilla wafers or Lorna Doones, like in my teenage years !

Hope everyone reading has a great weekend, NS

[treetops]

Nilla wafers or Lorna Doones? I will have to Google as this is a mystery to me.
Its probably good that you dont recall the details NS - no pint in dwelling in the abyss!
My therapist suggested I write stuff down and I said yuk at the time but now am glad I did and kept the writing. I enjoy writing and its something I do for part of my job - but I hate writing about moi.
I have also kept the liver specialist's report - thats far more scary.

[SnoopyC]

TT, I think it is a good idea to keep the memories of how low our drinking had taken us, fresh. "He who does not remember the past is doomed to repeat it." I think that is true for me. I have to remember how horrible I felt, the pain in the right side (probably liver damage, I never went to the doctor, I knew), sweating, headache, nausea, etc., every day that I drank. I know some people with long term sobriety, and I respect them so much. They are like different people, filled with respect for themselves, still dealing with life challenges, but sober and clear headed. I wanted to ask you this, have you noticed, most people don't drink alot, maybe a drink or two or none, but not till smashed, or daily, or excessively. At least not in my experience. It is illuminating to notice this and realize that to not drink is fine,OK, normal, no one's business.

NS, just finished a visit with a little junk food, could barely wait to get home and have some fresh fruit and yogurt for a treat, feel so much better today. I have been journaling recently and find it a release, almost a spiritual practice.

[paulywogg]

Anyone interested in starting a nutrition thread? Not necessarily a "my way or the highway" just maybe something to help peeps see what works for you and everyone can add their own tips too?

[treetops]

Hi there Pauly - I will leave it to others to start a nutrition thread - I thought there was one. Its more than enough for me to work out what to cook tonight! I like your expression 'my way or the highway'! As you know I follow the middle path with food - nothing too extreme. I have had enough eyebrows raised over the years for being a vegetarian.

Well folks, major anxiety going in my life at the moment - its to do with work and its an economic/structural thing I can do nothing about at the moment - but it is keeping me awake. .

I am still going to the UK this week with my daughter for a short work/holiday - so thats great-a different kind of anxiety and wonderful to be with my daughter.
Hope you are all well.