Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

Either way, i wish you all the best TMH, and safe travels.(for pete's sake G man. Just let the TMH do what he/she wants to do! bloody meddling busybody do-gooders ...]..)

I share your concerns. I've found such freedom in AF living, it's hard not to want it for everyone. And to see someone like TMH get the hardest part done and yet not choose to keep going actually brings up weird emotions in me including a fear that she will "fail" (due to the established and perhaps permanent neural pathways) and that we have failed her by not convincing her not to do it. The evidence on this site and in programs like AA suggest that a person who goes back to the occasional drink will indeed return to uncontrolled drinking. BUT --- this is a very select sample and the fact is, some people can do it. Perhaps the neural circuitry of their brains are a bit different to those of people who must be abstinent. Frances (who I bet many people are a little jealous of) is managing it. Maybe TMH can, too, and obviously it is her choice to try. (Sorry to be talking "about" you, TMH and Frances, but at least it is not "behind your backs" :smile. If it is what she or anyone else wants, I hope it works for her. But if it doesn't, I hope they know they are welcome back here and don't need to feel guilty or ashamed for trying what most of us did or wanted to try at some point.

[frances]

You guys are awesome and I think anyone with a reasonable view (which I know TMH has!) will understand that you just want what's best and in fact, that is not drinking. Because chances are very good that someone with a drinking problem will go right back to that problem drinking. And because even if you don't go back to the problem drinking, drinking just isn't good for you anyway! TMH even if you do decide to drink again I hope you stick around here. And not just here but read other threads too, as a reminder of where you were and don't want to be again! I see people's descriptions and I always see some part of myself in them.

Anyway if I could post here on LOAMers I'd really like that because if you think it's lonely here you should try hanging out at the moderators thread!!

[NoSugar]

You'd be welcome here, Frances :hug:.

[Siren53]

I'm happy to join the LOAMers group, if you'll have me.

I've been thinking about the topic of "If I hate it so bad why do I miss it" phenomenon for a little while now. When I'm AF, I feel better, I sleep better, I'm a better friend, girlfriend, employee, doggy mama, etc. When I'm drinking, I really don't want to be doing it - I hate it, but I keep doing it. So why do I miss it so badly? Part of it for me is the habit of it - the habit of having that drink in my hand. That part goes away fairly quickly when I get busy doing other things. Another part is psychological. Someone in this or another thread mentioned that they fantasize about the perfect meal with friends with that perfect cold glass of white wine or the perfect summer evening sitting with the DH having that perfect glass of cold white wine. There is a romanticism about alcohol - that it makes things everything better. And I think for most drinkers it's exactly that. They are having a wonderful time and the drink enhances it. And for me the first drink does that too, though I do not consume slowly. After that I'm sort of chasing that romanticism and I can never catch it. It's never about getting drunk for me and I rarely if ever would get drunk.

Plus I love the taste of red wine. If they would make something AF that tasted like a good red and had that good mouth feel I'd be in heaven.

[NoSugar]

Hi, Siren. It's great to see you again. Still cooking all those awesome dishes? That recipe thread was fun -- I've made several of yours.

I wish there were an easy way to get past the euphoric recall. The only things that worked for me were to force myself to play out in my mind what would really happen after I had that romantic first glass (which in truth, I usually gulped alone before pouring the "first" glass at dinner so that I could manage to drink that one "normally"). I did this each time I had one of those romantic thoughts - and in gruesome detail, including the fear, shame, and self-hatred that always followed. The other technique was to have a running commentary going on in the back of my head all day about how even the most trivial things were better, and many things were great, because I'd not had alcohol the night before. After awhile, the wistful thoughts become really rare and now they just seem ridiculous.

I'm so glad you're back :hug:.

[ToMyHealth]

Wow! A lot to digest. Plan to read back. Thanks for wanting me to stay.

I played golf today with a woman who quit drinking 4 yrs ago. I've looked forward to seeing her and telling her about my AF time. But I did not. She is interesting in that she recently dropped weight really pretty fast. Today she said 49 lbs., and I never even considered her overweight. How? She used nicotine. Not as in smoking. I think a pill. It depressed her appetite. After losing the weight she is not happy with her boobs and now wants surgery. In order to have such she has to be off the nicotine for 2 months. My point is there seems to be, I don't know, cross addiction? My understanding is she has had 2 facelifts also.
Not to take anything away from her, give her a lot of credit. And you know maybe I could have a facelift with the money saved from drinking :happy2:

[ToMyHealth]

Keep forgetting to,say on Labor Day doorbell rang. It was next door neighbor, she has been up north, was just down for a little while, and she introduced herself and her welcome gift?A bottle,of wine. We have not opened. She said they would be back down in Nov for the season. Dh said ok, let's save it and have them over and share it.

Am tired and pretty sure won't need sleep aid. Look forward to an early morning run!

[Pavati]

Hi, all:

Interesting discussion! Hi, Siren, Frances and G. Glad you stopped by.

I find that now the only time I really look at booze with a thought that I'd like some is if I am REALLY stressed and wound up and I know that one glass would bring me down quickly. I can easily play that out, however, so I don't think about it too long. Oh, and I guess I sometimes want a cold beer on a hot day, but water seems to do the trick. I found that even if I was in a "controlled" phase, I was ALWAYS thinking about alcohol. How much? When? How much have I had? Etc. It is SO MUCH EASIER for me to just say no thanks. I realized I'm an all or nothing person - much easier for me to just not have bread and pasta than to think about portion control, etc. That's how it works for me.

TMH - good luck.

I'm glad you're in touch with Narilly. Send her my love up north and best wishes for clean sheets and a big bowl of ice cream.

xo
Pav

[NoSugar]

It sounds like it wasn't even too tough not to open the bottle of wine, TMH. It's great when the whole thing doesn't feel like such a big deal.

I'm with you, Pav. Alcohol sounds good when I'm super-stressed b/c I know how dang quick and effective it is. BUT - I don't know this:

I know that one glass would bring me down quickly

I'm afraid it would take much, much more and I'm just not going there again.

I've got a stressful 36 hours ahead because of some tough family interactions but it's great to know I won't drink but will be using what I've learned since I quit drinking to handle all of it as calmly and quietly as possible. I'm so glad not to be hiding little bottles of wine around the house right now to ensure my access to it when things are tough.

Have a great AF weekend, all. xx

[frances]

Hi everyone -

I agree with NS - it's awesome, TMH, that leaving that wine alone was such an easy thing!!

Regarding thinking about drinking...I was just thinking today how I sometimes have a fleeting thought - thankfully it's just fleeting. But like you Pav, it's almost always after a stressful day - if I have a seltzer or a tea, the thought goes right away.

I've been very occupied with the kids over the last few weeks. I have one out of the house now in college - we sure miss him around the house! But I do like not having to do his laundry :-) And he's only about 40 minutes away, so that is nice. He seems to have settled in nicely which is a relief. He will be playing baseball and so has connected with a lot of the other incoming freshman ball players. They have their first practice this weekend. And my daughter is actively playing 2 sports right now so we are always off to games somewhere - - I know I will miss it when it's all over, which unbelievably is right around the corner! I'm off to a field hockey game this evening, and a softball tournament tomorrow and Sunday!

Hope everyone is gearing up for a great weekend! Stay strong!!

Nar is happily living her AF-HFLC life, I'm glad to say!

I've been meaning to ask...what is HFLC?

[NoSugar]

I've been meaning to ask...what is HFLC?

High-fat, low-carb diet. I've eaten that way for years (other than the wine, which for some odd reason was the last to go...:rolleyes-new. It's made a big difference for many people including Nar and Kuya (and me).

It sounds like your son is just the right distance from home! Our son went to school in the town we live in and although he was on campus, it wasn't long before he started coming home to do his laundry. But, at least he's the one who did it. Enjoy all the sports - my sister did that with her boys and had a blast. My drinking escalated about the time my kids left home - I guess I wasn't a very good empty-nester. I still had a lot of interests and activities (initially) but apparently something was missing and over time, I gave up those interests and activities, also. Addiction is such a thief!!

[frances]

Addiction is such a thief!!

True!!

I don't do anything right now for diet or exercise and I feel badly about it. It's something I've procrastinated about for ages. It's so hard to just start!

[paulywogg]

NS,do you eat carbs at all? I'm trying to slowly switch over to low carb but if I have eggs and bacon for breakfast I'll have 1 piece of toast, is that bad?

[NoSugar]

Hi, Paulie

I get 95% of my carbs from vegetables - and even eat vegetables at breakfast sometimes! I haven't eaten breads for years. The gluten free stuff in the 90s was gross so I got used to not eating bread, muffins, crackers, cookies, cakes, etc. I know they're tasty, but we don't need them and in fact, once adapted, we don't require carbs. Our bodies can make the minimal glucose required by the brain and red blood cells.

Also, we don't need to be locked into traditional breakfast foods or times. There are advantages to going longer without eating sometimes and once you remove the blood sugar swings by reducing carbs, that happens pretty naturally.

I lived with with reactive hypoglycemia like you've got for years. It is really nice not to deal with it anymore and hope you can get there, too.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

There was a good article in the NYTimes today about low carb. I am not as good about it as Nar and NS, but I try to keep my carbs at a minimum. I was distressed to find some quite tasty gluten free pasta and bread this summer, but gluten really isn't my problem - it is carbs. As I said, I am an all or nothing type of person. Pauly, for eggs and bacon I just serve them on tomatoes or lettuce and you don't need toast. I lost a lot of weight by limiting my carbs and changing nothing else (not even drinking as this was several years ago).

I had a drinking dream last night - trying to get some alcohol to ease a hangover. BLECH. So glad that wasn't true.

Off to sleep.

xo
Pav