Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Ha ha! Ava, look up above, that WAS my speech! I will try and be more 'wordy' on my 60 day speech

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks DTD!! Cross Post. Great Minds think alike.

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I just read Lavs note about sharing in another thread ? and wrote a note to myself that I want to share.
I am sorry I am a downer ? I am not great at sharing and don?t want to share this with anyone else ? the anonymity of this thread is going to help me to really get a grip and move forward
January is not doing as well as I had planned and I need to work out why. It started in December ? I have looked forward to Dec 2013 for a while, it was when my divorce would become final and I thought that would be the last point in my ?old? life and I would be back on my feet.
I have been married 18 years ? I married a young man who stayed a young man and did not grow up. His lack of follow thru and commitment lost us our house and his business ? we were close to being homeless when I left the marriage.
I have worked since then (2010) to get financially stable, provide a home for my girls and get a divorce.
I was not aware but he did not submit any of the paperwork needed for the divorce this was the third time that he had not done it, and I had got a new lawyer that I thought was on top of it all.
I have been paying for everything and have the girl?s full time, so I am very short on money. We had a college girl that was helping with getting girls from school and ensuring they were doing homework. I had to let her go last year as I could no longer afford it. He had used her a couple of times when he was still having the girls over ? and I found out that he had not paid her, I could not tolerate that as she was putting herself thru school ? so I gave her the money he owed her. I just found out he has been dating her ? he is 50, she is 25 ? and he has told the girls who are disgusted.
So I am not divorced, am struggling to afford things and have two girls who don?t know which side is up.
I have chosen to work from home today as I can?t stop crying.
It is my youngest birthday ? and I think that has brought it all to a head. This is not the life I thought I was embarking on, and I worry so much as to the effect that it is having on two wonderful young women.
I hope and pray I will be divorced by the end of this year, I hope I can afford to get divorced and I hope I can be strong enough to give the girls what they need.
I have 24 AF days this month, not the 30 that I went into January hoping for. I drank last night and I know that is why I am sadder today than need to be, alcohol is not my friend and it does not help ? I have no idea why I have to keep proving this point.
Thank you for listening?.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh, SL :l

Thank you for trusting us enough to share your story. That must be so hard - especially when you are living so far from the "built-in" support your family could provide.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can in the situation you are in right now. I hope you can avoid drinking because as you said, it doesn't really help the situation and makes you feel defeated. Taking a warm bath or a walk after a long work day may not sound sufficient to relieve the stress you're under but maybe there is something like that that could help. I hope so.

Please don't apologize for feeling down. We need to be real here or this isn't going to get us where we're trying to go and stay - free of an awful addiction. Pretending that I was fine when I really wasn't was part of my problem. None of us are perfect (obviously) with perfect lives and we shouldn't pretend to be. If some of your posts are short because you just don't feel like posting, that is fine, but if it would help you to get it out, please type away. Maybe someone will have a response that is just what you need to hear.

I hope you can somehow be able to enjoy your daughter's birthday with her. You clearly are an incredible mom and woman.

I'm glad you're here. :h NS

[acadiaofmaine]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL,

My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it was for you to share that, and I hope you feel some relief. Lots of people here really care about you. You know I do.

You are doing an amazing job with your girls and your job, in the face of great obstacles. If you can focus on how strong you and your girls are and on the little things that make you happy, the rest will get sorted out in some way. Please let us know how we can help, and take care of yourself so you can be healthy and be there for them and for yourself!

Telling us your story is a gift to us. Truly.

Ann

[Roller Girl]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL I'm sorry I don't have anything more constructive or helpful to say other than I'm so sorry for how you're feeling now, and how frustrating it must be when all these external circumstances that seem so out of your control have such an effect on you. It sounds like you have worked amazingly hard for your daughters and I am sure they appreciate what you do for them.

Your sadness will pass in time, and if you need a little assistance during this particular low point in the form of counseling or antidepressants well so be it, you can't always struggle through these things alone.

BTW 24 days AF is a great achievement, I wish I could say the same. It means you CAN manage without drinking, and you will.

We're all thinking of you xxx

[Starfish1]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Oh, S.L. :soothe:

I am so glad you decided to share your story here and I really hope it helps just to journal your thoughts and know that you are able to trust your friends here to understand and to help in any way we can.

I can't add to the sentiments that NS and Ann have already posted. We all love you and admire you and wish the best for you. You are doing a wonderful job with your daughters and your job, and doing it all without support from any other family members. That is so difficult! I am so grateful to you, S.L. for being such a role model for me and I am sure for others here. Just keep taking it one day at a time, sweetie. You are doing a great job. Just look at how far you have come under difficult circumstances. I think 2014 will be a great year for you! Just keep up the great work and lean on us as much as you'd like.

:h Star

[paulywogg]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I will hang with you guys more,after all i am a lady,and i have a mission,lets do it

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL,
Holy smokes! What you have been through and are going through is so difficult. I am grateful that you shared your story with us. I think the anonymity of this thread is helpful to us all. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Please feel free to talk to us anytime and don't worry about posting short comments. I do that all the time.

I went through a terrible time with my husband about 4 years ago. He had a mid life crisis and had an online affair with someone he worked with in a U.S. office. He flew down to see her and just left us. My kids were 14 and 15. I was heartbroken, I thought he was the love of my life. It was like being punched in the stomach. He told me he did not love me anymore and he did not want to be married. He was such a DICK. A total change in personality.

Anyway, I can sort of relate to what you are going through- not even close to being as difficult as your situation though.
I know one thing, alcohol always made me feel worse during that time. Believe me, I tied a few on for sure but I really tried to be there for my kids too and so I tried to keep my alcohol problem at bay. It didn't always work but, like I said, when I drank the day after totally sucked. I would be SO depressed.
Counselling really helped me. I could go somewhere and just spill my guts and get some really good advice and tools on how to deal with all the feelings of anger and sadness that were killing me.

My husband finally figured his crap out and we have worked things out. It always a work in progress of course.

Please feel free to lean on us as much as you would like. I agree with the ladies above. You are a strong woman and so good to everyone in your life. I mean paying off the college student and then finding out what you did....I would like to kick his and her ass...
We need to come up with a name for old guys who date young girls like that. Maybe FWad would be good.

Don't drink honey. Have a cuppa tea, a bath and maybe a good night sleep.
Much love,

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

:lSL, I'm so sorry to hear all of this. This is really crap and no one should have to go through what you are now. I'm glad you were able to let us know where you are so that we can support you and give you the extra hugs you deserve. This situation is awful and on top of feeling the rejection from your husband and so-called slut, your girls are on your mind to ensure they get the love and needs met. Well, they don't have to worry about either, as you are there for them and will provide everything they need. I know religion isn't a thing around here, but I'm gonna say lots of prayers for you tonight anyhow. Don't ever apologize for anything. You're so strong and doing what you can at the moment. Take it one day at a time. WE love you SL.:l

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

:l:yougo::dancin::armsaround:Nar, didn't mean to diss you this morning! I typed Ava's name instead of yours for 30th! Please forgive me as it was very early in the morning! NS, yep! I shouldn't be posting that early! My brain is not awake. This is me: :nutso: in the morning!
So happy 30th Nar! You are doing so well, and are such a lovely Loamer. I love being on this journey with you!

[paulywogg]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL,cry,cry,cry it out,you need to,no more drinking be stronger than him,hugs to you

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pav, thanks for sharing your experience from being in the hospital with your son and your anxiety about work. This really helps me to know that I need to do things like this, and that small things like breathing are easy and quick ways to calm ourselves down. So, this is an app called "Calm?" I need to download. I'm one that could really benefit from this, although I may need to run to the bathroom to do this in between classes! Whatever it takes. I have a fettish for bathroom stalls...NS!

Ava, Ian Thorpe. How about that. Gonna look that story up. Feel better friend!

Daily, Little Beagle, NS, Patrice (glad you're here!), Acadia, Pauly, DTD, Humble, Star, Ava, Roller Girl, RiverGal, have a great night. On my way to a basketball meeting. Love to you all.

[available]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

SL, i thought you were typing about me. Of course i always have a story to help you along. You are a brave, lovely soul who doesnt deserve the shit thrown at you but for some reason i think you have a tattoo on your forehead that says "hurt me, i am the one". I have one also. My ex never grew up either and we were married for 17 years, useless twat of a man really but i loved him. He did not ever get up to feed the children, never cooked, cleaned etc etc and told me i nagged. WTF, i could not understand why i would do such a thing to his lovely life. He is now with my best friend, a person i have known since 11, we are still best friends but it took a year or so to get my head around it and the children were just shattered, this was their aunty gayle who they had known since babies. He is still the same, she works, he doesnt, she does everything and looks after him, he is happy. is she, not really but she loves him. We are not divorced yet, if he wants one he can pay for it as it does not worry me. If you feel anything like me you feel betrayed and you feel for the girls. One thing i do know SL is those girls obviously love you and can rely on you, you are a constant in their life and always have been and they will be okay. Mine are okay now, they love their father but they know what he is like. I do not put him down, well maybe just a bit, but they have figured him out all on their own and have learnt to accept him for what he is, their father. You will be strong SL, you already are strong. I dont know how old your girls are but ultimately it is up to them to see their father and stay in contact, you can only be supportive like you are already. You, my friend, will get on top of things after the realisation of what a "dick" your ex is and as you said he has never grown up. You are better off without him. God i would love to have some money also but we trudge by, we may miss out on some things but we are a lot happier than some people. Think of the positives SL and in time you will be okay. Good children = good mum = good life. Ive been single for 5 years now and its basically me and the children and they have turned out just fine, communication is the key with my lot and as you can tell i am not backward in coming forward if the need arises.

I cant really check what i have typed as my a*hole boss is around but i want you to know i am thinking of you SL and as the girls said we are always here.

PAT WTF did you do? Gees girl, i am going to have to keep a closer eye on you! Love you though xx

[scottish lass]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you so much to my friends - it is interesting how good it was to put it in writing, amde it a reality to be faced, ratehr than dirt to be swept under the mat...I will heal.
Thanks Nar, j-vo, Star, RG, Ann, NS and Pauly - good to see you here Pauly....and Nar - wow, you are amazing!
Onward and upward - I have put green dots on my calendar for today and tomorrow, and they are in ink, so I can't go back.
I need to get us all counselling and have thought about it many times - just don't manage to make the time - has to be done
Patrice - so its my day one - are we on same day - lets race to 30 togther, or are you ahead of me?
Once again, thank you so much for the support - this site is a lifeline.....I will try to keep leaning, I am used to being the leanee, need to be the leaner a bit and glad to have you to do it with....:l