Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks for your support, girls. I slept two hours after work! Exhausted. Probably selling all of those hot dogs last night did me in!

Love the Hole in my Sidewalk, SL! Great. Let's all walk down a new street, hand-in-hand called "Loamers Avenue."

Kaily, hope the rest of your day went well. Don't forget to keep chiming in here.

Daisy, happy Day 10!!! Gym, painting! Hope everything goes well for this weekend!

Pat, how are you today?

Acadia, what happening lady loamer?

Gonna watch my show, "Modern Family." It's the conclusion of the boys' wedding! Then "Black Box." So I didn't get on the treadmill liked I had planned, and right now, I don't care. This is enough!!

Night Ladies.

[daisy45]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thanks J-vo; glad you are in a better place today.......silence is golden.....let others trip themselves up....
Got a text tonight inviting me to a friends house for wine and nibbles - it's her daughters 18th.
I am going - told her I would pop in but no drink as I am climbing a mountain next day.....which, luckily, is true. I just don't feel like explaining that I am sober and intend to stay that way. Want more time under my belt before I say anything; not because I don't trust myself but just don't want to leave room for doubters - drinking partners don't like it when you go to the sober side, so I want proof when I say it to them....does that make sense?

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Daisy, Good thing you have a plan tonight. It is hard to hang out with old friends that we drank with before especially when we are just into it a few days. I totally get that!
Hang in there.

My son's graduation ceremony is tomorrow. Grade 12! Big day. It will be nice to see him get his diploma. He is going to get his dread locks fixed up tonight so he looks good tomorrow. It is so funny that my son has dreads. My mom can't get over it. "When are you going to get that taken off?" She always asks him. No one has ever had them in our family. I mean, my brother and father were both bald! Oh well, he is a good kid and actually looks good in his dread locks.

I am going to bed soon. I will talk to you ladies tomorrow.

Have a Great Sober night!

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Just lost a long post. Bleh.
SL I love that poem. I used a very similar metaphor with my hubby and addiction.
J-vo my reaction to anger is extreme fatigue, but as I stay sober longer, I have noticed that I am less prone to all out anger tantrums that last all day.
Kailey thinking about not drinking a lot when we first start out is good. I think. As it becomes a way of life, we think about it less. I still think set myself up for the day by reading and posting first thing in the morning, and I close out mt day by doing the same. If I have difficulties and feel stressed, this is one of my first resouces I utilize. This has really gotten me through some difficult situations.
Narilly enjoy that graduation.
Daisy have fun tonight. I take my own drink with me to occasions like these. And your reason for not drinking is solid. Planning to succeed is so important to me.
Jane my friend have a good night.
And the rest of the Lady Loamers. Ava, Roxy, Ann, Pav, Pat, NS, Giraffe, did I miss anyone?

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

I'm in bed now and thought I would post. My hubs had a mid life crisis 4 years ago. I've mentioned this before. He told me he didn't love me anymore and he wanted out of our marriage. I was devastated. About a month later I was checking my Visa online and I saw an airplane ticket booked to a US city. I called him and said I thought there was a mistake on our visa. He said it's for work, and then he said, "actually, I am going to meet someone" of course he was going to meet a girl he had been talking to online. They worked at the same company. He was going to tell me a couple of days before he left! (Farquad!)

When I think of all this it still makes me angry. He is so cranky now and frickin hard to deal with. I get worried about him being unhappy and leaving again. You know, really, all I can do is try my best. If he becomes unhappy again, well he is going to have to figure it out. I am not his babysitter.
I used to drink so I didn't have to deal with him or at least make more bearable to be around him. Tonight I will just deal with my feelings of frustration by posting. He is so hard to communicate with.

Aaaaagh!!! Well, I won't drink.
Anyway, time to sleep.
Goodnight xo

Hi Pav and Ava

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Ladies:

Nar - I see that green light! Maybe we're cross posting??

SL - Awesome poem. Love that idea of learning through "failure" in a way. Accepting the journey of it all.

J-Vo - I get what you're saying about prayer. I read this from David Whyte about forgiveness recently and it really struck me:

Forgiveness

is a heartache and difficult to achieve because strangely, the act of forgiveness not only refuses to eliminate the original wound, but actually draws us closer to its source. To approach forgiveness is to close in on the nature of the hurt itself, the only remedy being, as we approach its raw center, to reimagine our relation to it.

It may be that the part of us that was struck and hurt can never forgive, and that forgiveness itself never arises from the part of us that was actually wounded. The wounded self may be the part of us incapable of forgetting, and perhaps, not meant to forget…

Stranger still, it is that wounded, branded, un-forgetting part of us that eventually makes forgiveness an act of compassion rather than one of simple forgetting…

…at the end of life, the wish to be forgiven is ultimately the chief desire of almost every human being. In refusing to wait; in extending forgiveness to others now, we begin the long journey of becoming the person who will be large enough, able enough and generous enough to receive, at our very end, that necessary absolution ourselves.

- David Whyte
from Readers' Circle Essay, "Forgiveness"
?2011 David Whyte

Of course, if that doesn't work, just call her an FC and move on...

Jane - I think I have two points, but I haven't looked. I think traffic school is the way to go... Hope all is well with the family.

Kailey! Great on you for throwing it away. I also just presented at a conference and got a bottle of wine as a thank you - I gave it to my friend at the conference who didn't present, and who I know isn't one of us...

LB - Logging in here is serenity for me, too.

I have been anxious and riled up this week - a ton going on at work and my son is struggling mightily at school. It is hard for me - I work very hard but I love my job and know that I wouldn't be content being a stay at home mom (no judgement at all, I just know it wouldn't work for me) - and on the other hand, I feel like my son wouldn't be struggling as much if I were home more... (or if the schools were more accommodating of square pegs, but that's another story). Also, I have only been exercising on the weekends - not enough for me.

I am missing some responses - Ava, NS, Patrice, Daisy, Acadia, Giraffe, (LifeChange!) Love you ladies, but I am out of posting energy. Off for a quick check in in the Nest and then to bed.

xo
Pav

[Pavati]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

x post, Nar.

Sorry about your husband. We can only control our own actions. My counselor suggested more open ended questions like "What is it like for you that I'm not drinking" rather than, "It must be really hard for you when I'm not drinking." The latter would force him to say, "No, I'm happy for you..." Those questions are necessary for my DH who is not in touch with his own feelings very much at all - not sure what your DH deal is.

Anyway - love and strength to you!

xo

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi guys!!
Xx

[patrice]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi guys!!
Xx

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Hi, Patrice . How are these early days going for you?

[little beagle]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Narilly I love the Farquad reference. I know how frustrating that can be. That's why I use so many metaphors when talking to him. He has problems understanding what I am daying unless I paint a picture. And sometimes I can be funny and get him to laugh. No he is a happy guy most of the time, just oblivious to the world around him.
Luckily I have you ladies.
Jane I wish my eyesight WOULD get better. Lucky you.
Hi Pat.

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Pavati;1663838 wrote: J-Vo - I get what you're saying about prayer. I read this from David Whyte about forgiveness recently and it really struck me: I love that essay, Pav. This is the part I still am (and probably always will be) working on:

Forgiveness is a skill, a way of preserving clarity, sanity and generosity in an individual life, a beautiful way of shaping the mind to a future we want for ourselves; an admittance that if forgiveness comes through understanding, and if understanding is just a matter of time and application then we might as well begin forgiving right at the beginning of any drama rather than put ourselves through the full cycle of festering, incapacitation, reluctant healing and eventual blessing.

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Aaaah, yes, Forgiveness.
I have to forgive my husband. I don't think I really have. This is where these feelings of frustration and hurt come up.
Last night I was upset and this morning I was thinking, he hates his job and is unhappy. It is him, he is unhappy with his situation- It is NOT about ME! Why do I make it about me? Poor guy, I think I do that (act upset and ask him if he is upset with me) to try and make him 'pay' for what he did, because I haven't really Forgiven him.
Wow, look how this all comes together!
It is an ongoing process and I think this discussion has helped me to see things more clearly.

Anyway, 40days today! Yippee!

Pav, funny how we cross post everynight

xo

[NoSugar]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Here is the full essay, Narilly: http://www.davidwhyte.com/pdf%20file...orgiveness.pdf.

I admire you for being able to forgive your husband as much as you have. I hope I would have as much strength and commitment as you if I were in a similar situation.

Your saying that you worry that he might get unhappy and leave again suggests that you're not sure that he truly meant that he was sorry (meaning that it would not happen again). Maybe that is why it still is about you - you're not sure it won't happen to you again. It would be hard not to try to "fix things" and prevent that.

I might be really off base here so please just ignore my ideas if I'm reading it wrong.

xx, NS

[narilly]

Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

Thank you NS, love you very much!

Off to my son's grad so I will talk to you beauties later!