Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

Hi, all:

I used to get mad that I was an alcoholic and thought it wasn't fair. Not sure if that is resentment or not. I spent a good deal of my marriage trying to shape my husband into being what I wanted him to be, not who he was. Through counseling I learned that I have to accept who he is because I am powerless to change it anyway - and I was able to apply that to many other areas of my life once drinking was out of the way. That is the beauty of the serenity prayer for me - accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference. That is how I found acceptance. I actually KNOW I can't change the fact that I can't drink any more, so the only logical choice is acceptance. That ship has sailed. No amount of anger, fret or worry is going to change that. I sometimes have what I might describe as a sort of out of body experience (in a small way) where I look down at my life and can't believe what I see - can't believe that I, ME, PAVATI, queen of control and perfection, am an alcoholic. How did this happen to me? But then I collect myself and I am back. No use spending a lot of time there.

I am falling behind on exercise as work becomes VERY stressful due to a lot of political and philosophical problems that are, you guessed it, beyond my control! I NEED to exercise to keep myself taken care of but am having trouble finding time during the week. I am typing this here, so maybe I can get some motivation from you all. I know exercise is what keeps me sane, so there is no choice... But I have 1,000 excuses...

Off to bed - good night and thanks for listening.

Pav

[narilly]

Thanks Pav, that was a good post. Cowboy you too, glad you posted. Good you only had to work outside for 2hours it was +6 when I got off work, a 27 degree Chang in the day. Crazy!

Hey Lil B, the Mardi Gras sounds like so much fun.

Dottie, a perm? Wow, I havent had one of those for over 30 years but it would be fun to get one I think.

J-Vo, glad you are seeing a therapist and glad you are here.

Goodnight everyone. Looking forward to a sober Thursday. A little worried about my job but no use worrying about it, if I am going to get let go worrying won't change the outcome.
Xo

[NoSugar]

Quick post because I need to get to bed.

Pav, when I feel the need to exercise but have no time, I do 1or 2 rounds of the 7-minute exercise app. If you do it as intensely as you can, even 1 round will get your heart rate up and make you sweat. And, you have the psychological reward of having done something.

[scottish lass]

Very long day today - so quick check in to just say hello!
I have decided to embrace my curly side - I do not have a perm, but curly hair that I straightened - have lived almost 2 months with curly hair - having to learn how to deal with it!!
Pav - I am so far behind on exercise - this work stuff really gets in the way doesn't it? I was doing so well until just before Christmas, and now with NY we are so busy, I can't fit it in - maybe in spring. We are changing our name at work, and moving in June - so it has been decided that is not enough so changing our culture too - and at the same time doing our actual work! I am beat!!
Hopefully to bed soon, had to get up and into traffic way too early today....

[patrice]

Hi all,
I'm super busy too right now and pretty drained of energy by 9pm or earlier. It's the super hot season here which is just hideously hot. Seems to have come around very fast and the rainy season was short but very torrential ..
I'm enjoying getting up at 5.30 am, it's dark and cool and very quiet. Can appreciate it so much more now that I'm unhung!
I've got lots of things to do but I'm going to do only what I have to tonight.. No more!
Have a great MAE
Xx
Pat

[j-vo]

Hi Gloamers,
Cowboy, I'm sure resentments will come out. That's what I like about this counselor. She's easy to talk to, and it seems natural the way we hit different topics.

Hi Dot, hope your DH starts to feel more himself. Good for you for hitting the gym!

LB, sounds like you're enjoying the Mardi Gras season. It's good to kn ow that with time, our resentments may just take care of themselves and dissipate, and some we'll have to face.

Pav, we talked about the serenity prayer, and that's such a powerful one. Letting go and knowing when to let go are huge to obtaining peace of mind.

My day is going well. Nothing big going on, just another day, which is a good thing.
Hi NS, Patrice, LC, Ava, and all Gloamers. Have a great day.

[Dottie Belle]

Hello all,
Narilly I havent had one in ages either and it is soft not fuzzy like in old days. I just needed a little lift so we shall see when I wash it and try to style it myself.
Snow didnt amount to much so that is good. I have a meeting at church later and we have a group thingy tonight so glad the roads will be clear.
The gym is helping me sleep and to deal with stress. I went from stress drinking to stress eating...so now I must work on that. I hate diets and counting calories etc so not sure what to do except to not have any junk food around and to cook more...and I am not a great cook by any means. May actually need to open the many cook books I own and learn a few things.
Off to pay bills and do a few chores....

[j-vo]

It's evening and I'm not getting off the couch. Well, only to iron something for tomorrow and brush my teeth. But there's absolutely no reason to get up and I'm so happy about that. I mean I could. I could exercise, but I really don't have the energy and I'm not going to make myself feel guilty for that, or the fact that I haven't exercised in a few months. Oh, I hope I get the motivation for that back. I slept a whole hour after work today. It was a struggle to get up and onto the couch to be a slug. BUT...I got up at 5:15 and worked all day, running around and working with kids, so I shouldn't feel so bad about doing this.

Sorry for the boring and all about me post! Have a good night.

[little beagle]

J-vo you should not feel bad. That's very early. I'm having a hard time getting up at 6:30.
Pat I feel for you. I can almost feel that heat you are talking about.
Narilly I heard on the news that the price of gas is going to be going up. I'm not excited by that, but I thought of you.
Not much excitement here.

[NoSugar]

I do have resentments about that. I think I always struggled with that, and that has held me back from being able to accept who and what I am. I resented any way I perceived myself as being 'different' from the norm. I hated being the different one. Maybe it's time to recognize those differences and celebrate them and all the good they can bring. I don't know. Any ideas on acceptance?

I've been thinking about this since I read it j-vo. There are several levels of acceptance involved in getting past an addiction and we have to accept them or we get stuck.

First you have to accept that you gave a problem and either fix it youself or ask for help. All of us who are here have done that so we're all on our way.

At some point, and the sooner it is the easier this becomes, you have to accept that you're not going to be drinking again. This is admittedly a hurdle, but it is great to be on the other side and worth whatever it takes to get there. To realize you never have to drink again is such freedom!

Finally, you have to accept the negative consequences of your past behavior, including missed opportunities, and forgive yourself. For me, this is the toughest part to accept. Self-forgiveness is hard, even though I believe that I did not deliberately "do" this or fail to control it. It's hard to shake off what we've been taught about addiction and society's condemnation of addicts.

It all happened. We can't go back and change the past and we can't change ourselves into people who can moderately drink in the future. To keep beating ourselves up for past mistakes or hopelessly wishing for a different future is so futile and counter-productive. I don't want to let this one of my many characteristics dominate my life anymore. So, I'll keep working on that third level of acceptance.

The longer the time away from alcohol and the clearer the thinking, the easier it is to look at these facts and just accept them without being overwhelmed by judgment or regret. It is also easier to make rational decisions about alcohol use and what is best for you. That is one of the great things - the longer you are AF, the easier it is to choose to be AF until at some point, you simply are AF.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

I sense a business theme here lately... We must remember that self care is a cornerstone of sobriety. I had too much on my plate and taking care of my son and his needs fell off. I recently picked him back up and put him on the plate, but my exercise fell off. I KNOW this is not sustainable, so I have to find something else to take off, STAT. Self care, self care, self care... I have to do things like you said, J-Vo, and back out of things that I don't literally HAVE to do. Even if they are "fun." Way over booked January and I feel like I am still recovering.

NoSugar - Great post. That third type of acceptance is certainly difficult. Someone posted a link to a Dr. Phil show with an interview with an alcoholic who had lost her job as a reporter, as well as her relationships with her kids due to alcohol. Yes, it was Dr. Phil, but I was a little annoyed at how judgmental he was of her behavior - it fell into that shaming the alcoholic category to me. He was trying to get her to quit denying how bad she had been, not how much alcohol had taken over her life. That is the way society thinks. We all laugh at "tipsy" driving, or talking to the babysitter with a buzz, but god forbid that line is crossed and all of a sudden we're evil and amoral. With society being so judgmental, it can be hard to forgive ourselves.

But that's why we all hang out here - we KNOW the real crap behind addiction, and we know about science and brain chemistry. We know we are good people who were not acting of our own volition all of the time. We can help each other forgive ourselves.

Haven't seen Ava around in a while. Hope you're in for a good waffle.

J-Vo - it is early yet, but if you can get yourself on the treadmill just for a 5 minute walk it will be the beginning of something, and I'll bet it will make you feel better. My friend only watches her favorite show if she is on her treadmill - motivation for herself. Take care of yourself, and do whatever you need to do.

Ok. Another crazy day at work. Forecast, gloomy. At least the real forecast says we'll get some much needed rain up here.

Good night,
Pav

Edit to add: I mean a "Busy-ness" theme, not a business theme. Hah.

[narilly]

Lol, I read business and was wondering what you meant Pav.

Great post NS.
Lil B, I still have my job and thanks for thinking of me.

J-Vo, your energy will pick up. I agree with Pav,just 5 mins on the treadmill will make you feel better.

Pat, have a great Un Hung morning tomorrow.
I am beat so will post tomorrow. My Friday off, yay!

[j-vo]

I Think over the past several years, I've been working towards this step two in acceptance. And I think each time I've made progress towards this acceptance. I agree also with the time away from alcohol and the clear-minded thinking that inevitably and welcomely comes with the AF time is the biggest defense against drinking, or should i say this is where the strength comes from and being able to resist it. I need to start making positive daily affirmations that I'm not a drinker anymore, and really visualize myself as that person, a confident and happy, peaceful person that doesn't drink. I'm ready to let go of my past crap and move onto a good part of my life. So I'm on this step two, and I'm ready to be here. I think therapy will help me with the third step of acceptance. And I know it'll take patience and what's the rush anyhow.

Pav, I was thinking that maybe each day, week, month, we won't be able to keep up with the perfect life, or what we consider to be the perfect balance. Sometimes we can exercise and get into a good routine, and sometimes we'll be off because of other responsibilities. I'm glad your son's back on your plate! And Dr. Phil disappoints me with his attitude. But I also think he's saying what others are thinking, and leading the condemnation, which get the ratings up. So what he's doing is selfish and wrong.

Thanks for your thoughtful posts. They really make me think and that's why they say recovery is work.

[NoSugar]

I'm repeating myself, I realize, J-vo, but I firmly believe that the key to step 2 is to constantly note how your life is better not drinking - down to the littlest, tiniest thing. Notice and be grateful.

I had one last night and this was not a huge deal but when one of my kids called after I'd been in bed for awhile and wanted to have an important conversation, it was fine. The conversation was meaningful and it was critical that my responses were appropriate. It's also very important that I remember everything about that conversation today. I do and I am so thankful for that.

[narilly]

Way to go NS, I bet your kiddo is grateful. I totally understand that situation and being thankful that you were sober to deal with it and remember it.

J-Vo, exactly, what is the rush. One day at a time right? Dr. Phil, what a dork. He has no idea and I agree, it's all about ratings. That poor lady should have known what she was getting in to. I mean why put yourself through that? J-Vo, I am glad you are taking it slow this time and really working it through. You have wisdom gained from your previous quits and know your triggers and know the struggle. It took me a zillion quits before I figured out how to do it. I am very focused on making this one last.

Pav, I hope you really do take it easy in February. Just chillax tonight, it is Friday!

It is -16C and snowing here. Colder than hell really but I am still going to the market. I am buying cheese, bacon and sausage. Yes, I am embracing the new research that says we do not have to eat all veggies and fruits to stay healthy. This morning I had an egg, small piece of steak, piece of avocado, tea with whole milk, toast with a bit of peanut butter and jam. Wow, now that I wrote that down, that's a lot of food! Maybe I will eat a small lunch.
I am getting together with some friends tonight, ladies night and they always drink a bunch of wine. I have no drinking thoughts what so ever so no problemo. I think this IS getting easier because "I don't drink"!

Howdy Cowboy!
Ava, Ava where art thou?

Talk soon,