Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Dottie, I woke up this morning thinking of you. This is going to be a long road for you and we are here for the long term. If you need to talk, Ever, we are here. I can imagine all the emotions you are going through. It is SO hard, but you are one tough cookie and eventually life will be better even though it really sucks right now.

Like Roxane said, it you want to sort through his things, do. And if you don't then Don't. Whatever works for you.
SO glad you are not drinking.

Sending you lots of Love from Canada.
Mariane

[Dottie Belle]

I want his kids to see if there is any of his things they want. He has a ring that was his dads which his son might want. Also told his son that if he wants any of his tools to set something up to ship them otherwise I will have a garage sale in the spring.
I dont want to get rid of everything. I have a fellow from our train club who will help me sell those things. I also have our RV to sell so I have many things on my list and the only immediate items are for his kids while they are here.
Did I mention that I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[treetops]

Dottie - good advice from Roxanne. Shock and grief hits everyone differently and at different times. Try to do what comes to you (except drink!). With the funeral your feelings will take another turn but go with it - and don't feel guilty or abnormal or strange.

I have a wee confession here - my AL drinking really became much worse after my Mum suddenly died. That was c 19 years ago. I already was abusing AL but I sure turned to AL to not only get me through the immediate grief but the months and years afterwards. I found out very sad things about Mum's life, as I went through her things - and so I had another drink. Now I can see how harmful that was to me and how much Mum would never never have wanted that. I drunk-called relatives and demanded answers. My partner listened to hours of pain while I was opening yet another bottle of wine. Mum was a sensitive but strong and loving woman. I took some of that, and I hope she would be proud of my changes and my efforts to quite drinking. But you know, she always showed unconditional love - and would never have given up on me - or those who are struggling.
Sorry to go on, but the thoughts came to me.

Much peace, Dottie.

[Dottie Belle]

Tree I did the same thing when my mother died 6 years ago..
I have not gone down that road this time. Not that it has not occurred to me but I can not be present for any of this with a hangover...my husband deserves more that that.

[available]

Good to hear Dot that you wont drink, he would be so proud of you, remember that and how proud he was when you stopped drinking and both your lives changed for the better. Dont overwhelm yourself, stay safe and take all the help that is offered at this time. I think the whole nest is in shock Dot's with your loss. Sending hugs from Aus.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Dottie - you were in my thoughts all day, too. So happy that you will honor him and take care of yourself by being present through all of this. There are so many things, for sure, but like not drinking you can take them one little bit at a time. You ARE acting as a role model for all of this in how you handle it.

Pav

[Dottie Belle]

Pav I would never have considered myself a role model...what I dont get is all the years he put up with my drinking and not I have quit he is gone and cant enjoy all the great years to come.....:sad:

[Lizann]

Dottie, have read back over the posts from this thread and several others. It seems this whole site is in shock about your beloved husband. You certainly have a lot of friends. I am so sorry you have to go thru this but I know DH would be so proud of you going through this sober, you are honoring him. Hang in honey, just one foot in front of the other. You say you can't do this, truth is you are.

[little beagle]

Yes Dottie we are all in shock. I have thought of you all day. I am proud of you for being present for him. Big hugs sweet Dottie. Hug those fur babies.

[jane27]

Hi Dottie, thinking of you. Maybe he had an intuition that drove him to push you and guide you around the corner before his time came to leave this world. Maybe he wanted to see you, seeing how good life could be away from the clutches of AL. Maybe he was focused on helping you get your sober legs because he knew that you'd need them to survive the pain of his passing, and to be able to take care of yourself. I know he's with you, proud of you, and holding you close. He will get you through this. Your love will get you through it. That hasn't changed.

[scottish lass]

Dottie - thinking of you still, and amazed at your presence of mind to be here and posting - well done dear lady, you are doing your hubbie porud.
Please know that your anger and sadness, and moving between the two are very normal, and continue to let it happen. You have a lot to be angry and sad about.
Well done for being able to express how you feel, and what is going on.

Had a busy day today, can't quite believe it is Wednesday already - the days seem long, but the week is passing quickly. Hope everyone is taking care of themselves...

[peppersnow]

Dottie...I don't have anything else to add that others haven't already said, including those who said they woke up thinking of you -- I woke up thinking of you, as well. We will all be thinking of you as you go through these difficult days. I think the phrases we see around here so frequently -- "one day at a time" and "the only way to move forward is to go through" -- apply to tragedy and loss as well. Am glad you have friends with you and you always have tons of support here. Hugs!

[patrice]

Hi all,

Dottie, I tried to send you a Pm but for some reason I can no longer send them ?? I just wanted to say strength,, thoughts and love were sent from Malaysia, I hope you got themXxx
Pat

[Dottie Belle]

Thanks so much everyone.
I didn't sleep well. He is supposed to be laying next to me snoring..not at a funeral home. I just cant understand how this happened and why it happened..I know he was much older but this wasnt supposed to happen for at least another 20 years...damn it anyway....
His sister, daughter and son arrive sometime today so if I am more off line that is why...

[Lavande]

Dottie,
I just want to say that I am very sorry for your loss :hug:
We just don't know why these things happen but we have to accept them anyway.
I hope you are comforted by your friends & family. Please know that we all care very much about you & send you our collective strength at this difficult time.

Lav