Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[narilly]

Pav, my hubby had Colon cancer, it was a big tumor. They removed it 4 years ago and thought it had metastasized to his liver. It did not and he has been clear since. It really sucks right now I know but the treatments for cancer are amazing right now. I will send healing positive thoughts your way.

Hi Ava! Looks like you and your man are enjoying each other. Lucky girl.

Pepper, sounds like you had a 'positive' experience even though your MIL passed away. I am sure she would have been happy. I hope what I just said makes sense, I am super tired.


Goodnight

[Pavati]

Hi, Gloamers:

Thanks for the support. We haven't told our families yet because we want more information before we do, so it feels good to talk here. I appreciate your stories of recovery and your good thoughts. We are going for a lot more tests tomorrow and they said we'd get results in 5 or so days. The meeting with the surgeon is in two weeks, but she needs the tests to make decisions.

Pepper - Never said I'm sorry about your MiL. That jewelry sounds lovely - I'm glad you'll have that memory.

I'm off to sleep. Hope all is well.

xo
Pav

[treetops]

well as I write this it looks like most of the Gloamers except Ava are in the land of nod (but:exclaim who knows what that woman is up to these days?) Sweet dreams.
The waiting part for tests and results can be so draining and you are doing well Pav- sounds like you are not panicking.
I too love turquoise and silver jewelry. That was a lovely response Pepper.
And a great outcome for you and your hubby Nar - although it would have been so so hard.
Not much to report here - I had some nastiness at work and have to deal with it tomorrow. Tonight I am the family chauffeur - we only have one car and I will have to drive all over the city to collect daughter and partner from different places - as well as daughter's friends. All something I would have tried to get out of - back in the drinking days. That would have required elaborate and somewhat deceptive plans to ensure that no-one knew the real reason why I did not want to leave the house.
Not saying I enjoy playing taxi-driver either but at least I can!
Hi there to everyone else - Jane, Dots, SL, LB and all the others who pop in here!

[available]

Hi Loamers

I am awake TT, got home from work and my daughter and her boyfriend came for a visit which was nice. I hate driving but i do remember the excuses i used for not driving when i was in my drinking career. I used to become so resentful if anyone cut into my drinking time.

It is freezing cold and raining here so i am going to feed the dogs and jump into bed. Having a busy week at work with so many people appreciating that i am back at work, the woman who did my job said to another co-worker after 3 days of being there that she felt sorry for the shite i had to deal with daily. Yep i get that bit but i do love my job and suprisingly enough my village idiot boss missed me also. Now thats a first after being there over 7 years.

Pav, try and stay positive and no google. Tye has ovarian cancer atm, he googled his symptoms! I am sending you cyber hugs.

Oh Nar its good to just have one man and keep both arms when i wake up in the morning intact. Life is much better sober i must say.

I hope everyone is well, quick post for me.

[jane27]

Morning Loamers,

Ava, Love seeing your posts appear when I log on :heart:

Its so helpful when people that have been through a rough time share about it. Whether its cancer, an illness, or any other out of the ordinary problem the internet can be such a great resource in being your own best advocate and reaching out to meet other folks who have faced or are facing a similar problem. Networking is such a healthy and positive thing to do. I have to believe that cancer stats are improving as the medical community learns more, treatment options develop & increase, and patients are becoming more proactive about getting regular check ups. Pav, it must all feel surreal. Im glad you can share about it here with us. It would be a lot to carry around bottled up inside.

A small piece of me feels a little mad & bitter over the fact of cancer touching the lives of some of my mwo comrades . I know that's being a brat about it- but I wanted to get it out on the page. Its not just cancer. Its deaths of loved ones. The concept of this being part of life is still new to me as I'm getting more stable in my sober shoes. I am still early in the learning curve regarding being aware & emotionally present on a full time basis. I would like to make a goal of learning to hone and polish my ability to register and collect positive experiences with the same importance and precision that I automatically register negative ones, because I don't want to dwell in the negative so as to give it more weight. I KNOW very well how to launch into feeling scared, worried, upset, panicked, desperate, anxious & depressed. All of that together, in some cases has worked like unbridled passion with regard to problem solving & yielded good results. I want to learn more about the flip side of that coin; reveling in the moments that are sweet, and not wasting so much time worrying about things that could happen. I need to loosen up the knot on the connection between if I worry enough, it wont happen. I think I consume a lot of energy on that.

I didn't intend for this post to be all about me. I'm feeling emotional this morning. You guys have touched my lives and have really become somewhat of a surrogate family to me. I just want everyone to be ok. I wish I could be a comfort or helpful. I worry a lot about my husbands health. He just got rejected for a long term care insurance policy. Reason cited were neuropathy relating to diabetes, and the results of his cardiac ct scan. We weren't aware that he had neuropathy, and were told that that CT scan showed a little plaque, but nothing to worry about. Need to speak with our doc about this and understand the data that points to conclusions that indicate health risks.
Wishing everyone a beautiful day, and that everyone can find the time to take a moment or two to feel joy for some good things going on that may not be getting acknowledgment because life is so busy. I plan to meditate and do that shortly.

Love to all

[Dottie Belle]

Gym later then my class tonight. I am tired today. Weird dreams again. I can tell that when I eat differently it affects my sleep.
Cool and beautiful today.
Still learning my way and navigating this life. I haven't lived alone in over 20 years and this is strange. No one to discuss things with or just be with but I am trying to adjust. Not easy but no choice. Dogs are good but not so much on conversation....but cute and cuddly..
My husband survived bladder and prostate cancer only to die during what was supposed to be a simple surgery. No figuring any of this out.

[narilly]

Geez Dottie, that is crazy. You think its clear sailing and then they die from something so mundane. You are sounding better, I am glad you have your dogs. Dogs help so much.

Ava, you make me laugh.
TT, that is great that you are able to drive your daughter around. Being Taxi mom is better than being drunk mom for sure.

Pav, you are sounding good. I know how hard it is. I Googled cancer for months during the whole thing, it was really hard. I remember that. Talk to us whenever you need to. We are here for you.

Pepper, I was wearing Turquoise earrings yesterday, how cool is that?

Talk later.

[NoSugar]

I was inspired by Pepper to put on a turquoise and sterling cuff today :smile:. Let's hope my husband forgets that it was a gift from my high school boyfriend...

Pepper, I was wearing Turquoise earrings yesterday, how cool is that?

[jane27]

I was inspired by Pepper to put on a turquoise and sterling cuff today :smile:. Let's hope my husband forgets that it was a gift from my high school boyfriend...

NS, That sounds exciting!

[scottish lass]

I love silver and turquoise too! My favorite - there was a lovely Indian store fairly close by, and once I saved enough I wanted to buy myself something special - then it went and closed down!
TT - I love driving in the evening running my teens around, thinking that in my previous life there is no way I could have - so freeing!
Pav - thinking of you - my dad is a cancer survivor too....lots of them around....MyHappyPlace is a strong survivor who posted here and had a great thread on the holistic site here where there was a lot of discussion about diet etc for healing (you can guess the NS was a big contributor!)
Silly busy - so a flyby stop in.....

[Pavati]

Hi, Folks:

Ava, you crack me up. Googling symptoms was one of my favorite things to do when I was buzzed and/or drunk. I was sure I had a million rare diseases - really just needed to get over myself...

Jane - I am pissed, too. We got not bad news today, which I am interpreting as good. Fairly small size tumor (less than 3 CM), no obvious movement to lymph nodes, etc. We will know more when we get the results of all of the tests he took today. You may recall that a while back we shared our concerns over our husbands' health? I was way more concerned about heart due to weight than I was about cancer. Go figure.

It still is all still a shock to me. We decided to tell our kids what we know tonight. I am worried about how they will handle it, especially the younger one who is very sensitive and still very attached to us. The older one is supposed to be away for a long time this summer - I hope he'll still want to go.

Dottie - what kind of surgery was your husband having? I know you mentioned it, but I forgot. That was quite shocking and unexpected.

I asked my MiL when she ways dying if she would rather have died suddenly or slowly (so she could say goodbye), as she did. She said unequivocally that she would have rather gone suddenly, but she was glad for us that we had time to say goodbye.

Sorry if I am a downer. Actually, my MiL's death made me less afraid in a weird way.

Anyway - hug a loved one today!

xo
Pav

[peppersnow]

HUGE triggers today but I got through. Saved by sin, once again in the form of potato chips and french onion dip. I'm still very upset and am going to rant a bit, so that is a warning. My MIL was catholic - her parents met in an Indian Boarding school so that's how the Church got her originally. She was a member of a parish in town for 60 years. A new priest just joined her parish who was recently fired from a local catholic college, where I recently worked and we butted heads a few times. None of the nuns could stand him because he's such a pompous asshole, and the Sisters (who are amazing wonderful women) wouldn't even allow him to say the Mass there (a few of them I got to know well called him Voldemort). My MIL didn't care for him, so when she was preparing her funeral she requested another priest whom she was fond of, who is driving from 100 miles away and agreed to do the funeral. But we received an email yesterday from the Music Director, who works for the asshole priest (AHP), saying that there were problems with the music selections and we needed to meet. My DH and I met with him today, and were told that AHP vetoed our music as well as our choice of musicians, which apparently he has the right to do because its his parish and also will not allow my DH to do the eulogy for his own mother. We were very upset, so he went to get AHP. AHP was an arrogant asshole. He said that he just decided today that he doesn't allow eulogies any more. Then when we pressed about what was going on, he said that he offered several times to come over and hear my MIL's confession and serve her communion when she was dying, but unfortunately she wouldn't meet with him. He stresssed that he offered several times. I said, "so it's her fault - you're punishing her?" He got all huffy and denied that he was blaming anyone, but that it was just very, very unfortunate that she wouldn't allow him to come meet with her. (One of the last things my MIL said to me and my daughter was, "What would I confess to him? I haven't done anything wrong!") My DH was upset and told him that he gave the euology for his father in this same church in 1996 - why suddenly aren't we allowed to do a eulogy for his mom? AHP said, "Unfortunately, the two of you are Unknown to me. I know nothing about you."

We argued with him but just went back and forth. My DH then said, "Okay, I'm done. Obviously you're going to do whatever you want, ignoring the wishes of a 91 year old woman, just because you can." Then we stood up and left, me without saying anything because I was going to blow, although as we opened the door I said, "What an asshole" deliberately loud enough for him to hear me. I held in my rage tears until after we left so he wouldn't have that satisfaction.

Then we got home to find our water has been shut off because I forgot to pay the bill! It's our only paper bill - the rest are auto-paid on-line - so I always forget it. I immediately drove downtown to pay it in full, and I asked if they could expedite turning it back on if I paid a double-fee. And there, from out of nowhere, IS WHERE I BURST INTO TEARS. Yep. Right in front of a bunch of bewildered city water people. I was SO embarrassed!! I didn't want them to think I was crying over water, so felt obligated to explain that the water wasn't a big deal, but my MIL just died and I'd just come from a meeting with an AHP and ended up telling these complete strangers this whole story and that the priest wouldn't even allow my DH to do a eulogy for his own mother. I couldn't stop crying and by the end, I had the cashier and the clerk crying sympathy tears. The guy who schedules the trucks to turn the water back was totally awkward and trying not to look at me and did offer to send someone out right away, though, rather than waiting 24 hours that is usually the timeframe, so that was nice of them. But OMG as I drove home from there all I wanted was a big giant gin and tonic, with tons of gin and very little tonic. But I know that would solve nothing and kept telling myself that if I drink, HE wins. So I grabbed the rest of my potato chips and french onion dip and cleaned that up. And now I'm writing here.

My DH is on the phone right now with a close friend who is a former priest who went to seminary with AHP, and I just heard this friend say "That guys is a F**cking Asshole". As soon as he gets off the phone we're going for a walk and maybe find dinner. There will be no alcohol, though. I already told DH that I have a huge craving and I can't drink anything, so he knows. But actually it's passed now and I just need to get outside.

I know this is a me-me-me post but it helps me to write out what I'm feeling and why - don't worry about responses (if you are still reading this far!) but just telling you all this helps. I'm very glad to have you all.

[NoSugar]

Oh my gosh, Pepper, you sure can tell a story! I feel like I was there! And, man, that P is a total AH - very unChristian, to say the least. I hope some of that gets resolved before the service so you can have good memories. Someday this story will be a family treasure.

I'm so happy for you coming out of that unscathed. I hope you're proud of yourself for how you handled it. I bet most of us would have been triggered in that situation. Enjoy your walk and dinner. xx NS

[NoSugar]

Pav, I hope your kids handle the news ok. My kids were older when our family had a similar experience but even then, if their lives didn't change too much, things were generally ok. Like you, I worried about many things that never happened and hadn't given a thought to the one that did. We just never know, do we? Just do the best we can and tell those we love that we do. xx

[Ginger999]

Pepper, that is terrible! How does a guy like that call himself a man of God? I'm fuming! Can't even imagine what it must have felt like for the two of you. You stayed strong though! What a testament to your commitment to your quit.