Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[Pavati]

Hi, Gloamers:

Choices, maybe it seems a bit harder this time because you know it is for real? You've accepted the fact that you'll not drink again so you're having a bit more rebellion? Someone else wrote about that once here. Anyway - glad you had a good day, and are having a good vacation.

J-Vo - It's not really LYING, more like omitting the truth. It is ok - whatever you need to do to get by. Glad you had fun.

Someone once complimented my work in such a way that I KNEW she understood my leadership style - more under the radar than in your face. It made me feel good, because generally I'm the type of leader who gives the credit to others. It feels good to be noticed for skills that I have worked hard to develop. Thanks for asking, Jane. Good to think about that.

Hi, El. Glad you stopped in. You, too, LB. Hope all is well.

Night, Gloamers.

xo
Pav

[Choices]

No, when I quit for four years I really thought I'd never drink again and had no desire or need to. When I quit this time, two months ago, I thought it was forever in the same way. When I finally quit two weeks ago, it wasn't a rebellion. I was in pretty bad emotional pain and was hurting myself.. What's harder this time is the physical and mental addiction. I was diognosed with post natal depression when I had my girl, and when I feel edgy... It feels very similar to the PND coming back. Sleep deprivation, headache, loud noises... A feeling of rage. I decided to talk to my GP and have gone back on the meds for PND. I know not to let that go... Or I'm in trouble. I find it harder overall with a small child during a time I'd crave... Because I feel angry... And harder to cope. Because I can't be alone. Now that I'm back on the medication for PND.. (3 weeks...I should have done it sooner I may not have derailed two weeks ago) who knows though! But definitely not a rebellion. I think I would have hopefully at least maybe enjoyed that more. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I just remember hating myself, as I took the first sip, but it made me feel instantly better and I could cope with the night. But everyone knows that fix does not go unpaid for.

[Choices]

I enjoyed going back and re-reading your complement post Jane. That is so wonderful to have your father truly 'see' you. And I like that you recognise what you've accomplished and who you are too. I just had to dart out to buy milk.. And was thinking of the best compliments or complement .. There was an amazing feeling I had during a lacrosse game when everything was in sync. My amazing coach drove us pretty hard and I respected her. During this game I scored 3 goals. One being the winning goal against our main rival. It kept our team undefeated and my coach said that watching me play that game was pure magic. I felt like myself and victorious. Another time it was at university during my final critique and it was a similar kind of respect I had for someone teaching me. I was not his favourite pupil by a long shot! I was very shy and skipped a ton of classes because I preferred to paint at home. But when I installed my final show, he looked at each piece for a long time looked at me dead on in the eye in an intimidating way and just said 'strong work, very strong. Always trust your process. This is your strongest work yet and I didn't see you or talk to you for most of the semester. You know more then you let on'. My fellow students of course verbally tore my work to shreds, but that is art school. I didn't care by then about peers as much as I did about what a professor who's work I found amazing thought. I was truly complicated and graduated with confidence. And a year ago at my last show an artist colleague whom I've known for over a decade.. Who has never given me a compliment while I've kind of thought he was a genius. Said that I and my work had moxie and he was glad to know me.

[j-vo]

I had a bit of a pity party last night. I thought about how I can't be like everyone else. I was not myself, grateful that I don't have to deal with this toxic thing anymore. Even though I know all the torture and bad consequences, it just got me. So it happened, and I was angry. That's the nature of this addiction. There's nothing good about it, but then we want to be able to use it like everyone else. I've always wanted to be different. So here's my chance. Then I thought about what other people may struggle with. It may be this, it may be something else. It is something else. Everyone has something. So this is my thing, and I'm grateful that I know what it is and how to resolve my thing. I know what I have to do in my life, to have a good life. Let it go and be free of it.

[treetops]

J-Vo, I think many of us have private little pity parties now and again. The good thing, I think, is that you recognize this and how you feel. Often in the past when I have felt sorry for myself in social situations because others are quaffing wine (seemingly normal) and I am not, i think about what else is going on. Could be that I am bored, likely to be that I am hungry (esp as I am a vegetarian and I am a bit neurotic about eating food that has been sitting around for all and sundry to breathe on). Sometimes its because I have moved on and I dont want to talk about the past or same old, same old. Fortunately there are times when I can happily be with friends and not care if they are drinking. I think since I quit (but it could be because we are older) I gravitate towards those who dont drink a lot. And true, we all have our problems and issues.
Stepping outside our addiction and looking at others' problems or looking in at ourselves helps me a lot.

[jane27]

Hi Gloamers,
I enjoyed hearing your compliment stories, especially yours Pav. People pay compliments all the time- to make conversation, to divert attention, to get attention, for the sake of talking...(I don't mean to say that most of time, people are being un-genuine) but, as our own biggest critics of our selves (zeroing in, measuring, magnifying), when a compliment makes it through all those screens- its something special.

JVO, Good job stepping up and challenging the mood you were in.To be willing to say "looka here!"* and take action to break free from a negative state of mind - THAT'S a person not to be messed with when it comes to reaching their goal.

Wishing everyone a bewdie

edit to add: In other news, yesterday I remembered (which the BIG important of, is that I had forgotten) that drinking & getting blasted used to be my knee jerk reaction for EVERYTHING, including escaping negative feelings. The fact that I had forgotten (!), was sooooooooooooo cool. For the first time in ? long, getting drunk didn't seem like my 2nd arm. And that made me think how we can't miss things that we have never known. I never would have imagined Id forget drinking as a way of life, even for a short time. If more of that feeling is on the menu in the future, then I can see why 5 years of abstinence offers the most promising sober future (15% relapse rate).

*(courtesy of Byrdie)

[Choices]

Jvo, it will get easier not to have that feeling after all these gatherings during the holidays. I think being around people drinking even just casually is fine. But we should go easy on ourselves and honour how strong we are to abstain from an addiction when we are exposed to it. It is in society and social so, it's unavoidable sometimes. But try not to underestimate your gift exchange and the anniversary of your fall. Some pity parties are fine to have. But like any party.. Know when to leave, and don't be the last one if that makes since? Your not like that anyway. And your right, it is a perfect time to blossom into your unique different self. I do like that the majority of my friends nowadays are non drinkers because I don't have to see just wine glasses or sipping. TT, boredom hits me quite a bit in social situations, for a long time I didn't know what that feeling was, after years of drinking through boredom. And find I become a fixture at the food table. On my diet I can't do that of course so hungry and bored can be two guests to my pity party immediately. Also, there is this societal pressure always to be like everyone else.., no one is though. It's a facade.

[j-vo]

So many good points all. This really helps me so much. As I said in the nest, one of the women I was with has lupus, and TT, like you said, sometimes it helps to step out of our addiction and be compassionate to others because they all have 'something.' I know she struggles from time to time with flare ups and has to take meds, so that's not an easy thing. I guess our thing is more 'social.' Well, it seems like it's all social, until it's NOT. We were reminiscing get about times we got drunk, and a few women were recalling drunken episodes, so I guess maybe I was a bit uncomfortable talking about it, because I wasn't adding anything. Nothing I did was funny or anywhere close to their once in a while. Maybe I did get bored after awhile. Whatever it was, I loved seeing them, it was a good lunch, and I'm grateful to have friends from high school...so long ago.

[treetops]

I think for the most part my alcohol abuse was the opposite of social -it became a private anti-social means of coping -my own private heaven and hell

[jane27]

Sitting here crunching numbers to try and determine debt strategy. Received a credit card offer to pay off 12k of debt (no interest for 19 months), so was getting ready to make that call To transfer the debt, when I received a fraud alert call verifying several large purchases on Amazon yesterday at the same time that a new Amazon credit card account was opened. We don't have an Amazon credit card. Earlier in the week we had a similar fraud alert call on one of our credit cards for nearly 1000.00 worth of liquor broken up into 5/6 charges- that was totally fraud, so this 2nd call, didn't surprise me. So many people shopping for the holidays, its not surprising that fraudulent activity would increase as well. So I'm on the phone trying to navigate the phone call while not giving up personal information (what if its a crook?)- long story short turns out hubs opened up another no interest credit card last night to buy a gaming laptop for A2. The first purchase he made he learned would not be here by Christmas, so he purchased another of the same laptop from an alternate seller. When he tried to cancel the 1st order, it indicated already shipped, so he figured we'd just ship it back- and that makes logical sense, but can I just say, O U C H. I feel upset and numb. He's so enamored with no interest credit cards. The biggest part of our debt problem currently is that lots of our monthly purchases get made with a credit card so that we can get miles for them. As the result, its hard to get a real time feel for what we owe. The credit card bill gets higher and higher, and we don't have enough coming in monthly to cover our costs. I'm determined to get a handle on it, and I will. Thankfully I took over bill paying last January and have everything tied to Quicken- so I have the data. Now I just have to pull it apart, AND we need to make cuts.

I received an out of the blue check for 13k this week from a real estate transaction dating back to 2000. I think this, plus the fact that we hopefully have a renter in place for February and March, and the fact that he brings home bacon and I don't, made him feel comfortable making these laptop purchases, but it really felt like a kick in the gut. Sorry for blabbing and thank you for listening.

When I called hubs on my cell phone (with fraud alert on the landline phone in the other hand), I think I sensed that he could hear my disappointment/ had his tail between his legs. On the one hand, I am not bringing home a regular paycheck, and it is Christmas, but gosh I feel sort of like the lone grown up here. Love to all

[Guitarista]

I've always wanted to be different. So here's my chance. Then I thought about what other people may struggle with. It may be this, it may be something else. It is something else. Everyone has something. So this is my thing, and I'm grateful that I know what it is and how to resolve my thing. I know what I have to do in my life, to have a good life. Let it go and be free of it.

Yo Ho's W'dup? Lots of little gems round these parts and another in your post above Jvo. I've always preferred not to be a follower, and living sober is unique, seriously stylin, and seriously BADASS. Big waves to all.

[j-vo]

I'm not trying to be flirty here, G, but jeez, you're so dang cute and I don't even know what you look like!

[treetops]

Just be wary of Aussie men, thats all I say!

[little beagle]

J- of I have been different my whole life. Drinking use to be my way of being part of the crowd. But now I don't drink, I've learned to be joy my individuality. So what? I March to the beat of a different drum.Jane I got a compliment today that made me feel good. I made a napkin set for one of my clients for Christmas. She was genuinely surprised and happy with them. Knowing I chose the right present made me feel good. Plus I put extra effort into them so they looked really well made. They were really well made.
I'm just so glad I'm not drinking. Wow. I never would have made it through this busy time and gotten so much done. Today was up early, work, bank, shop, cook dinner, sew a doggie jacket for a present, eat dinner, make chocolate nut clusters, start a batch of Christmas cookies for another clients Christmas Eve party, and now bed. Tomorrow is rinse and repeat!

[Choices]

Hi everyone, pav's question about rebellion was on my mind again today... And I was thinking.. That maybe this time I also thought that I could just skip a lot of the 'work' and just fold myself back into the sober lifestyle as if my relapse just never happened. I didn't really want to tell anyone, or talk about it outside of here.. And I thought I could just sneak back into the whole social scene how I'd managed before with long term sobriety. I took for granted the triggers in the early days and pushed myself too hard. I think I set up a perfect storm for myself.. Maybe that was the rebellion? But I wasn't conscious of it.. At least I don't think I was. I think I thought I've done this once, I can do it again when ever I want.. Maybe in a bit of denial about thinking it would be easy. Anyway! All good today... I haven't felt edgy.. Craved, or wished anything. Got through a trip to the mall, a tantrum or two in public places.. And not that I. loved every moment of my day, I felt calm and thankful to ladies on a mission and MWO. Little B I love it when I'm able to give a present that I've made to someone. And I'm sure your client loved the napkins. I know I would have.