Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[NoSugar]

That sounds like a reasonable original source :smile:.

[little beagle]

Expectations. I use to get so wrapped up in what I thought would happen in a certain circumstance. Play out the whole scene in my head. Hold imaginary conversations with the people involved. But nothing ever happened the way I pictured it. So I've learned more of a wait and see approach. But I do plan for contingencies. What I will do if certain events occur. Example. What I will say if offered a drink at the party we are attending. Maybe more of a middle ground? But it's taken some of the stress off me. Relinquishing control of the situation. I never had the control anyway. Just Thought I did.

[Choices]

I've kinda got more wait and see the older I got just because who knows what's going to happen. I do think, I am better off if I prepare. Especially for goals or events. A plan is good for sure. I think that is where I'm getting tripped up a bit in my life, because as a solo person it felt like I had more 'control' (I didn't) but I didn't have so many variables or others needs to consider. I'm mostly meaning taking care of a baby or child. It seams the more prepared I am the less likely the success of a given task as simple as going to the supermarket, outing... Etc. goes, because I'm disappointed I didn't anticipate something. And if I had.. The event would have been easier, or more fun. I started reading this book Buddhism and motherhood..When my daughter was about 4months old. And it helped me deal with a lot of the incompetence I felt and anger at not being able to prepare successfully. I'm not sure what all the preparing was for. I still inevitably would forget something critical every time even if I brought a suitcase full of supplies to cover every base. I was just scared and not able to find my feet. Lowering my expectations helped. .., when I remember! Just realized something about my stressing out around Christmas time.. I just had that same not being prepared enough feeling again and panicked. What I had learned about coping sober I had forgotten. And, when I drank, I just didn't really deal with much. If there was an upset during a normal day... I'd just hang on until I could get plowed.

[treetops]

Sometimes our expectations just have to fly with the wind. Here are my wee examples and they are not very philosophical. Just had to deal with the practical issues.

I thought yesterday would be an easy day at home and then what happens - I go into my daughter's room to open the window (she is away) and as I fight through the mess on her floor I dont realize that I stood on a pastel face-paint stick and this red goo gets all over the carpet on our stairs and in two rooms. So Mr GB and spent yesterday cleaning this and ended up carpet cleaning much of the house. Bit of a mark still there on the carpet (that was not pristine anyway) but there goes my aspirations to be Martha Stewart!

Today. Feel the call of the Domestic Goddess and I cooked a new recipe. Mr GB and I can try out meals our daughter wouldn't eat. Looked good on paper butI had my suspicions and it tasted really truly awful.
But I am still smiling….
:happy2:

[Choices]

TT your example is great. Just going with what life dishes out.. but ending with a smile, even though.. it didn't go how you expected. I actually got in an accident this afternoon. I was dropping my husband and his friend off at the train station and I backed into another car... I did some major damage to it.. This was actually my first accident in my life.. No one hurt.. except the car I hit. And our insurance premium.. I will admit.. rolling with that wasn't that easy. But I can be grateful.. that my first accident was at a low speed and no one was hurt.

[j-vo]

My expectations have always been high for myself and for others, my students, and just circumstances. That can explain why I've been disappointed, as some things will go the way you expected them to go, and some won't. As a teacher, I've always had too high of expectations for myself, and that would stress me out, create anxiety, and I talk of it as in the past, but I still do it. And I have high expectations that my students will "get it" and when they don't, yeah, I think I failed that one. That's not true, it's just the way I conditioned myself. Unconditioning, and being aware of these thoughts, that are NOT TRUE is something I plan on understanding. I don't want to 'expect' something all the time. It's tiring. I expect my husband not to annoy me, and that always fails! Totally unrealistic that he wouldn't annoy me. I annoy the crap out of him, too.

[treetops]

Sorry about your accident Choices but at least it wasn't too serious. Still even a prang can be unsettling. Done that - in fact only last year. Mr GB is always having scrapes which is why we dont have a fancy car (also couldnt afford it!).

I am with you J-Vo in that there are many areas where high expectations (or standards - but I dont mean stupid tests) are needed - and I would certainly expect this in education. But it should be tailored to the situation and the student and the resources available. Above all, I think, students who do not meet high expectations shouldn't be considered a failure. I can see that this is not your style of teaching and that you would recognize individual strengths. You sound like you are a great and caring teacher. Playing to different levels and strengths is very strong in NZ education - although sometimes it gets a bit daft - when everyone gets a prize for breathing! My daughter (sorry to mention her again as I know its boring!) sets high standards for herself in some areas but she never seems to get too bothered if she doesn't come out on top - or if stuff doesn't work out. She says to me - well Mum what can I do now about it? Its done. Its probably a good survival attitude to have and it seems to have saved her from too much mental stress so far. I am a salvager -even if something doesn't work out, I try to find ways to salvage something or work at it - that is, I dont give up easily. This can be infuriating for some but its also a survival tactic. Its also how we learn, isn't it J-Vo?

Crappy weather here today - so indoors it will be.

Hope you are all looking forward to the rest of your weekend and the week that will be! Are you getting a break from work Nar?

[j-vo]

TT, good for your daughter. Everyone should shoot for the best, and if it doesn't work out, then that's the attitude to have. Impressive! Because, really, we don't need perfection, we need to see growth. That's what's important. And yes, not giving up easily is a great personal strength. But trying to get to perfection definitely causes frustration and anxiety. We all have those strengths and weaknesses, if we can recognize these, make accommodations and do our best, that's all we do. Our education system is much the same with what we call 'differentiation." We identify the levels and skills of each student through testing, and are able to group them accordingly, and provide proper levels of text for that particular group. It gets hard, as a lot of time is spent searching for these appropriated levels, and making sure everything actually 'looks' the same. Oh, a little tricky. And yes, lollipops for all!!!!! My bribe of choice...jolly ranchers.

Feeling a bit sad today. Been thinking of mom, and when I called tonight, I got frustrated when I could not understand some of what she was saying. I hate to have her repeat herself. Fucking disease.

[Choices]

Jolly ranchers! You just made me so homesick Jvo. I miss those. I am so sorry about your mom. I'm not sure what to say to try and help, all I know is it must be sad for sure. I'm close with my mom, and I miss her a lot. I worry about her, and she is not sick..

It is hot and humid here.. Two rainy days have turned into a muggy one. I've been cooking whatever I want the past few days and eating a lot. Splurged at the organic store, so at least that part is good. Hubs is hungover today. He went out with his oldest friends to play poker. It was nice to have the house to myself and I made a small fest for my daughter and I, did a facial mask.. Which I haven't done in probably a decade. My skin looks SO much better since I quit drinking. It is night and day. Hubs friend stayed with us too. I was worried they would bring home beer for some reason, and had a plan on what I would do., but they actually came home a lot earlier then I thought and watched a movie. I'm glad hubs can go out with his friends and enjoy himself. I thought of how in the past I would have polished off a bottle or more enjoying my time alone, I missed the taste or the initial feeling.. But I just know I have absolutely no control and that is just fine to know, so I don't have to feel like I'm failing every time I drank. That was the worst parts.. Letting myself down.

[j-vo]

Yea, Choices, the initial feeling is just that. Too brief, which leads to stupid, embarrassing, physically and mentally sick, then real dangers. That initials doesn't lead to anything good for us, and I'll say almost everyone.

[narilly]

Hi everyone, I did a long post yesterday ants then lost it so it took me awhile to post again.

G, the diet I follow is lchf and it has really helped my friends and family with depression, diabetes, weight loss, inflammation. My mom's leg swelling has decreased substantially and I have lost 15 lbs along its my hubby. My aunts diabetes is definitely being reversed. Google diet doctor.com and there is all the information there. Dr Jason Fung, a Canadian nephrologist has lots of blogs which I highly recommend. He is my hero.

JVo, it sucks about your mom. I wish you didn't have to go through that. I gu as it's just dealing with it day by day. not understanding her is frustrating for both of you I'm sure.

TT, good for your daughter, she sounds like a good kid.

Choices, aren't you glad it's your husband who has a hangover and not you? I always feel grateful not to be drinking when I see someone with a hangover.

UnHung Sun here today. It is -12c today and going below -22c this week. No wonder my dog is having trouble going to the bathroom outside! Daschunds are hard to train at the best of times never mind when it's -25C outside. I have to put a little coat on him when we go out. It's hilarious because we have this big tug of war with the coat and it takes me a while to get it on him. Goofy dog!
You know, one of the reasons I got this puppy was to give me something else to do. I have to have other hobbies because drinking used to be my main one. I find I have a lot more time to do other things since I have quit drinking which is awesome

[j-vo]

Haha Nar. You just described my Ramsay! When he pees (inside or out) he lifts his leg (Leo never did as he's so close to the ground anyhow) and squirts just a little, then runs and squirts a little more and then again! If he wasn't so dang cute...

Pepper had a really good post in NN.

Back to work tomorrow. This girl needs to get her ass in gear. Going to clean a bit upstairs and pack up for tomorrow. Two full weeks, then back to visit Mom with my final personal days.

Although I've been having ups and downs, I'm grateful to be sober and clear headed. Unhung as we say. I got a Xmas present in the mail...from me! It's called "Clarity" by Jamie Smart. I watched a video of him last week, and I really thought his ideas were great, but I need to be holding the ideas in my hands so I can read and reread, think, then reread again. On the back:

When your mind is clear you can focus, solve problems and succeed. True clarity of thought leads to:

Better decision making
Innovative thinking
More time to focus on your priorities
Better performance
More of the results that matter to you

Here's to a Clarity in 2016!

[Choices]

Yes Nar! I did not envy him at all! It just makes it clear that it really is poison. I'm really glad that this quit I don't feel co-dependent well (as co- dependent). With hubs . In the past I would have been angry at him or thought he should quit too. That I maybe needed to convince him to seeing things my way. I absolutely love not feeling this way. I'm really feeling independent with this quit, which I think will keep me stronger in the long run. Or I hope so. Dogs are the best! There is a new chocolate lab puppy at our neighbours house. It got into our garden and was a menus! So floppy! Took out my strawberry plant, pooped then knocked over my daughter. Ran into our house, grabbed my slipper ( that was almost his size). And ran around like a goof. My daughter kept yelling 'that's mommy's!' I could not stop laughing. So cute. But we had to secure our fence.. Can't have him knocking over my girl and making more work for me re poop. It sure makes me consider moving out of the city where we could get a big yard and have a dog.

I'm not quite sure what our neighbours will do as he gets bigger. They have a pool instead of a yard. I can see why they got him. Ug so adorable.

[NoSugar]

I thought of how in the past I would have polished off a bottle or more enjoying my time alone, I missed the taste or the initial feeling.. But I just know I have absolutely no control and that is just fine to know, so I don't have to feel like I'm failing every time I drank. That was the worst parts.. Letting myself down.

Yea, Choices, the initial feeling is just that. Too brief, which leads to stupid, embarrassing, physically and mentally sick, then real dangers. That initials doesn't lead to anything good for us, and I'll say almost everyone.

Even that initial "good" feeling faded for me, Choices and J-vo. By the end, I was avoiding eating for several hours before that first glass so that the combination of getting some fuel to my starving brain and the quick action of alcohol on an empty stomach gave me a glimmer of the buzz I was looking for. I think about that each morning when I totally LOVE my first cup of coffee - I look forward to it, it tastes great, feels great. I'm always sorry when it's done. I usually drink a couple more, mostly for warmth and out of habit. But unlike wine, I don't drink it and drink it until I'm a mess. My love (need?) for the first cup makes me think it's an addiction but if so, it's on a totally different order of magnitude than wine. I don't think I'll give it up unless I see a problem.

G, the diet I follow is lchf and it has really helped my friends and family with depression, diabetes, weight loss, inflammation. My mom's leg swelling has decreased substantially and I have lost 15 lbs along its my hubby. My aunts diabetes is definitely being reversed. Google diet doctor.com and there is all the information there. Dr Jason Fung, a Canadian nephrologist has lots of blogs which I highly recommend. He is my hero.

Sounds like you got the whole family on board with you, Nar. It's great that you're all experiencing some positive effects. Whenever I stray, I get a reminder from some arthritic joints that don't hurt when I eat LCHF. Since I can't feel my blood sugar go up, I appreciate my joints telling me to get back on track!

Back to real life tomorrow - it's great that we all seem to have made it through the holidays in good shape. I'm psyching up not to freak out when I see the pile of work that will undoubtedly be waiting for me in the morning and trying to remember it's only more than a pile if I think it is.

[little beagle]

Back to work for me tomorrow too. I had a great 3 days off. Rested, sewed, cleaned my house, used odor ban on the floors, organized some cupboards, got rid of some stuff, watched some movies with hubby(Fury), brought the rest of the plants inside out of the cold. But most of this would never have happened if I was drinking.
I'm learning how to accept my imperfections. Especially in sewing. I'll never be perfect, but I still enjoy sewing.