Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

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LB its the drugs talking, my brother walked away from his family when he drank as all we wanted to do was help and he walked away. He made the choice and sadly he never came back. The sad thing is we all know what addiction does to our thinking. You are in my thoughts today xx

[narilly]

Lil, my husband told me the same thing 5 years ago. He said he did not love me anymore and was Done with our life. That if he stayed with me he would kill himself.
My heart was broken. I could hardly go on and I am sure I had a nervous breakdown. I went to counselling and slowly I started to come out of it. It took about 3 months before I felt better. It was the worst time of my life. He eventually came back and we reconciled. I think he basically had a mid life crisis/ breakdown whatever you want to call it. It was horrible. He had an affair at this time which made it even worse.

All you can do is take care of yourself Lil B. Day by day, just get through it. It totally sucks. Eventually you start feeling better. Just know that you are Ok without him. You are happy with your own self and are a strong woman. I was drinking back then and it made it worse. When I drank I would get SO depressed. I am so glad you are not drinking. Just one day at a time Lil B, I am so sorry you have to go through this. What an ass. I wish I could give Mr. B a big kick. He has no idea how lucky he is.
Maybe this is your chance to get rid of him...

Love you very much,
Nar.

[j-vo]

Jane, I'm glad you're feeling better, up and out. Sometimes it's such a struggle to get myself physically moving, but once I do it, I don't regret it. Quite the opposite with drinking alcohol! I always regret it.

I've seen people at the point of no return, too, Ava. And it's sad, but we can't allow ourselves to be taken the same way, even though our love for them is so strong. We have to let go, the same as if we'd slipped so far away because of alcohol, no one could do anything for us. We have to do the work.

TT, how lovely to have the view that you have. Lucky!!!

Away game tonight. Peace out All.

[little beagle]

Jane my daughter has said basically the same thing. Only please believe me, not that kindly. And she has known him for 17 years.
Narilly I believe it's a stupid mid-life crisis. And there is another woman involved. I know. What an ass. Wish I didn't feel so used right now. But I WILL get past this.
Another group win Jane.
TT that sounds so lovely. Wish I could see pictures.
Love you all.
couldn't do this without you.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

LB - I am so very sorry. The FIRST thing I thought when I read your post was - that's the addiction talking. I see my other friends here have come to the same conclusion. You are so wonderful and strong, and you have a great network of support. Yes, the only way out is through, and you will make it through. Hugs to you, dear friend.

I actually got teary reading all of your responses to LB's crisis. I am SO grateful to be a part of this group - and love that Jane is a good cataloger of it all. That's the best part of recovery - the "me, too" from people I admire and respect - even if I only know them through silly online names.

Cyber hugs to all of my Gloamers tonight. THANKS for being here.

xo
Pav

[Choices]

Hi there,

So sorry little B about what's happening. It can cut like a knife to hear those words. Life can be so hard. Hang in there.

Things are good here AF.

Pav.... I started thinking I could cook with wine. Marsala.. And white. I didn't drink it and just cooked with it for maybe 6 months. All I can say is be careful. I don't mean to be uptight but that tasting better cooking with wine did open up a crack in the door I didn't need. And then once I started again.. I kept thinking I needed to stop again.. But would just need to cook with it to make my receipt taste how I wanted.. It does taste better... But yeah, be careful. And maybe think of trying new recipes that don't call for that 1/3 glass of wine.

[Choices]

Sorry had to check on my little one, she is covered in mosquito bites. And woke up crying.

Some alternatives I find that are deepening flavour in place of wine are, aged balsamic, fish sauce, lemon, tamari, soy sauce, there are so many types of really interesting vinegars, truffle oil... Different sugars... I've been flavouring with different types of tea..

I'm glad your feeling better Jane. Relief isn't it? ...to come up with a solution that feels right! I love it.

So my swimming in the sea is getting much better. I actually did front crawl, breast and back stroke today and felt pretty brave. Before that I paddle boarded and stood up this time. Major wobbles... So just sat on the board for a while. I'm not sure what I'm doing out there... But I think I should keep challenging myself at something so I don't get complacent.

[j-vo]

Choices, don't challenge yourself with too much, dear. You don't want it backfiring. I'm saying that as a serial quitter. When I put too much on myself, too many demands, I fall apart.

LB, I'm thinking of you this early Tuesday a.m. :hug:

Pav, I'm so grateful for this group as well. We've been through some tough situations and the support is comforting.

Have a good day Gloamers.

[little beagle]

I like using tea to cook with.

[narilly]

You know, I have never cooked with tea. Maybe I should try that this weekend. I use wine in recipes once in awhile but it is cooking wine. I don't have any issues with it. I don't use much anyway.

Pav, I second that, I am grateful for this group.

Have a great Un Hung Tuesday. (and I don't mean it in the literal sense TT! lol)

[treetops]

Thanks Nar - no hanging in this neck of the woods!
Choices - it sounds great where you are. I haven't tried paddle-boarding. I have no sense of balance and its really embarrassing. Obviously I can stand vertical and I used to go mountain climbing but I cant balance on 'things'.
Which leads me to a big confession. I can't ride a bicycle. Did you know that this is one of the last taboos? And people laugh when you tell them. They are really cruel. There are no classes, one can't go anywhere to learn. People sometimes say they will teach me - but its never worked out. No no no - it's not as simple as simply getting on a bike and riding it! I would love to be able to ride a bike as there are great trails here.
Its not the end of the world but its one of those things. 60 years old and cant ride a bike. I never learned as a kid. We lived on a very steep hill and many kids just didn't have bikes back then because they were not mountain bikes.

I might try wine in some cooking again - I have experimented with other flavors and its not quite the same. Its not a problem for me as Mr GB can drink any left overs and we sometimes have wine in the house. Maybe next time I do a French Onion soup. Since I dont use meat stock - I need something strong in it. However my daughter doesn't like the taste of AL in anything (except tiramisu) so thats also a consideration for us.
By the way she got another small scholarship award yesterday - this time from her English exams last year. Thats not easy so I am very pleased. Poor thing is sick this week.

LB - I am also really sad/angry about what you are dealing with and the latest information you shared.

Another day here ladies - and life calls. Just had a cup of tea and now onto the hard stuff - coffee! Mind you,I miss the tropical fruit breakfasts we had last week - the papaya was so delicious!

[Choices]

Just waking up. My husband left super early for a business trip. Our anniversary was yesterday. Year 4. And my MIL is coming up this weekend to stay and so we can actually go to a dinner one of the nights child free. I've got my course starting this Saturday in permaculture. It's a year long one Saturday a month. I'm excited for that.

Thanks for the heads up jvo, I know what you mean about too many challenges. I think because I don't work (paid work) I need to challenge myself so I don't get bored and have something to put my mind on. I'm more vulnerable if I don't do anything... Or if I over do and have pressure. Balance I guess. Ah- maybe that's what I'm trying to do on that board physically and metaphorically. Hmm. Something to think about while I'm out there anyway... As that activity is challenging and also boring because I don't exactly know where to go.

TT my husband is the same. He doesn't want anything under him moving. I took him skiing and he hated it. He does know how to ride a bike.. But that is because he learned as a child otherwise I know he wouldn't do it now. I remember learning at 7. I was SO frustrated and upset. It's hard. I can't roller blade to save my life. Way too scary. And I hate jet skis they freak me out.

[treetops]

Choices - Happy Anniversary and enjoy your dinner. The course sounds great.
You do work - housework, childcare, husband care, cooking, shopping, etc etc.
When I tried skiing - I got concussion - first time. Tried skiing a few times after that and not for me.
When I tried ice skating - I fell through the ice.
Winter sports are not for me!

[Choices]

Thanks TT. I'm excited to have alone time. We've been working on us for a few weeks. Not easy, but not as hard as I've experienced before. Everything is very mellow at the moment with pretty much everything. I'm feeling lucky at the moment. And strong. Just tired a lot because of the humidity. I just finished yoga and it felt really good to stretch instead of lift weights today ( which is what I normally do on Wednesday.). I think I'm getting less aggressive about my routine and just going easy on myself about not doing every single exercise in classes but still liking the guidance and love not feeling isolated.

What kind of tea do you cook with Little B? I've used green and earl grey.

Well I'm avoiding my homework already.., better get to it!

[little beagle]

Choices I use black tea for roasts. Lemon Zinger for chicken. Sometimes just what I've been drinking, usually herbal for sauces.
TT I remember learning to ride a bike, it was hard. But my foster parents MADE me learn. About 6 bad scrapes and i mastered it. Thank you.
I'm so angry, but trying to be nice as we have to live together for now. Not sure for how long. We are in the process of trying to get a house. He promised before he leaves, he's going to complete this process. We'll see.
Lifechange how do you deal with an ex living with you without killing him? So sick of that smugness. I just don't love you anymore. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
F