Ladies on a Mission: The Official Site

[j-vo]

Thinking of you lb. ring me this weekend if u need to chat.

Here's my post from the nest:

Good morning,
So last night I had a really bad hour or so that I struggled with the thought of wanting to get trashed. Having that kind of thought just reinforces the truth: we are not normal drinkers. For whatever reason, my mood, that time of month, what I ate, the day's events, it came hard. I texted a few people to tell them, needed the support. and butt dialed someone and glad that accident happened because I got to talk about my frustration . I was also glad that I had to be somewhere, although back in the day, I would have not gone and done my parent duty. It was a good distraction. Afterwards, a bunch of parents went to a restaurant to hang out and do the eating and having a few drinks. I opted out, came home and watched a few taped programs. I had gone other times, but last night just wasn't feeling like it was a good idea. Today, i am still a bit moody, but not hungover, not feeling any regrets, guilt, or remorse. I'm grateful for drinking my coffee, talking with husband about grocery store items and just glad I got thru a crappy feeling last night . Taking that drink is not worth the stuff that comes with it. We know one drink will be a thousand, and that means anxiety, depression, and everything looking ugly.

[treetops]

J-Vo, you have done some important things here to protect your quit. Self awareness of the 'triggers', distraction and talking this out and getting support. I put triggers in quote marks because as you say sometimes there is nothing quite specific and why we suddenly want to get trashed does not always fit into a neat check-list of acronyms or slogans. I see these calls to drink (whether a niggle or a full blown urge) as developing from all kinds of things that can slowly slowly build up. Hellz, we are juggling so much with work, families, our health, our menstrual and hormonal issues - and you have your Mum's illness as well. You might not feel so wonderful for the next few days -give yourself a pat on the back, try to reduce some of the calls on your time if you can and if you can, do whatever - like watching the tapes, or smelling the roses - etc.
I have to deal with a pile of work this weekend but I am going to make sure I get outside and try to get some exercise in. Yesterday I made some spiced zucchini muffins - some people kindly gave us some of their zucch/marrow glut. I sent a PM to Choices to see how she is.
Take care folks.
Thinking of you LB.

[j-vo]

That's exactly it, TT. I couldn't exactly pinpoint where this strong urge came from, but it came in like a tornado. I'm glad this doesn't happen all the time because life would be very difficult. Don't know if I could withstand it happening daily. But if I stop and think about what I said, it did happen daily or almost. And I drank when it happened. And all the crap followed. So, if it happens again, I'll not be so surprised and just follow my plan.

[j-vo]

Hi lb, thinking of you.��

In a few weeks, I'll be heading back to the sunshine state to see mom. I'll be there until Easter Sunday. The following day after returning, mr, jvo will be leaving for Florida to first visit my folks, then onto the last and final baseball tournament in braydenton. Son jvo will be leaving a few days after mr jvo and will meet him there. I'm sure I confused all who just read this. Bottom line...

The last few weeks of this month will be a bit stressful. The week that son and husband are not here will be the first time I've been alone and I want to say it's never happened but I truely can't remember if it has. I will be here by myself and it'll be the first time that I can be a real responsible adult. I know mr, jvo isn't worried, but had it been while I was drinking, he would have been calling every hour. This actually is not making me nervous, but I almost feel good that I'm being trusted to be by myself. That really sounds pathetic now that I just said that. Alcohol can do that to us. Make us be irresponsible and pathetic. I'm glad I'm not that way anymore.

[Choices]

Hi there, not sure what is up with the site.. I posted yesterday and sent a pm nothing is showing up? Hmm.. Just checking in, and to see if my posts are posted. Hope all are well.

[treetops]

Choices I got your PM but haven't responded yet. Good to see you

[little beagle]

Glad to see you Choices.
J-vo that struggle just made you stronger. Going through a time like that builds your strength. You remember. Oh yeah. I've done this before. Glad you made it. And you can text or call me. I'd definitely be grateful for the diversion.
This weekend was easier the I thought it was going to be. No call or text from hubby. This is SO not about his quitting. Just feeding his addiction. If it was he would have " taken" me with him. Not left me behind emotionally. Well. Fu÷× him! I mean it. Last and final straw. I was looking for info on an insurance policy that he hasn't paid. Went into his e-mail. Tons of "dating" sites he's been on. Trying to hookup with very young women. 18
, 20.... My hubby has become a gigantic pervert. Gross.

[j-vo]

Sorry you had to experience that with him lb, but you're so strong. Even so, cry and get out what you have to. Be good to yourself.

[Choices]

Yuck LB. That had to be disturbing. Oh the Internet! It can be so haunting sometimes. It's so easy to find anything on there. Looks like all the flags are just not letting up. In my post that I guess got lost.. Which is a real shame.. As it was a heart felt one I'd mentioned how your in my thoughts.. Everyone is. I've just gotten busy.. A good busy where the days seam to be full and short. I'm enjoying my course and not to sound corny.. But feel like I may have found a calling. Which feels really good. Drinking would just ruin everything. What a waste of time. I am so grateful to be out of that holding pattern. Getting no where in my mind on anything just hurting my brain and body. It's also helped that we have stopped fertility treatment. That drove me mental, and my drinking cycle followed my other cycle every time I found out I wasn't pregnant for the good part of 2 years. It feels freeing to just move on. Just unsure of what to get rid of as far as baby stuff in case a miracle happens.., but.. Oddly it feels similar to getting rid of a boyfriends things after a breakup... Will I regret this.. Heart heavy feeling.. Just rambling now... I don't think about drinking at all really.. An odd ping now and again but easy enough to manage. Just my mind on lots of other things. It's good to be checking in though. I hope everyone is enjoying the sober side of their lives still. Just can't beat it .

[Choices]

Oh wow just did my date calculation I'm 90 days. Yay

[little beagle]

Congratulations on the 90 days Choices.

[j-vo]

Congrats on 90 days choices. As far a getting rid of stuff, if you feel that will help, then do it. I don't know if I told you, but I had a miscarriage prior to son and two after his birth. I spent a lot of time in mourning, reading book after book on "only children" and just going through stuff like I'm not good enough for having another baby. Yeah, more reason and excuse to drink. Fueled the fire. But 18 years later, it turns out that this was suppose to be my life. I shouldn't have blamed myself, fought it, believed what wasn't true. My son is beautiful, hardworking, and an overall great kid. He's been loved and will continue to be. All the worry we put into stuff is not worth it. We have to trust, and I do have a higher power, and putting my trust in Him makes life a whole lot easier. I trust that sobriety is a part of my journey here on earth. This path was meant for me all along, but I fought it. Because I fought, i struggled through so much unnecessary pain. So I accept where I am now, who is in my life, and that sobriety is meant for me.

[Choices]

I do remember you telling me that J-vo. I'm so sorry that happened to you. That hasn't happened to me as of yet. But it scares me for sure, as I've watched a few close friends go through it. Not an easy time to say the least. We just have secondary infertility. Oh well,

I've been boxing some things up today... And I realize I am really disorganized! I've given all my old stationary to my daughter who is enjoy "writing" tons of letters, mostly to me. Not much else going on.. trying to learn some computer stuff for my course and feeling kinda thick.

[treetops]

Congrats Choices - I have started a thread for you.

LB - what horrible things to come across.

[little beagle]

J-vo I am sitting here doing my homework. LOL. Watching intervention. I have an unexpected day off. No something I really want right now. But there us an episode with an enabling addict. Wow. I think this kind of what Jane has been talking to me about. Is that ME? Something to think about today.