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**Mick** · December 19, 2013, 04:44 AM

af Thursday 19 December

Morning all .right here we go this is thread number2 ...spent ages on the last one but went to download some pics on it ,and imageshack decided that it was going to delete my post completely ..grr..oh well ...

Firstly ..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LAV...have a big coffee..and also hope that you have a great day well done on fifty ten..may there be many more x

Hiya tt ..off on your cat safari? dont know what that is but hope you enjoy it anyway .As you are out of touch for a while hope you have a great Chrimbo..and Santa brings you what you want

PPQP ...well done you ...I aint moving over to the $$%^^^ thread ..so here you go ..well chuffed for you and glad that you took that line of thinking ....as for the building supervisor ...jobsworth ...bollox to him its really gratifying that you took the time to do a what if before you hammered the bottle...cuppa tea is much better so its a pat on the back for you :wd:

Hiya Narilly ...snap!!I love Crunchies too!!as for the swimming ..yes went again yesterday ,but only did 50 lengths, there was quite a lot of chlorine in the water..so need to get some goggles but I cant wear those wee eyepiece type..I have a friend who lives in Calgary ..he is a truck drive and he says the weather is terrible ..specially as he does a lot of logging and heavy work.

Good morning to you Kradle ..long time ...how are things with you..all ok hopefully .glad the posts aka cozy book cheer you up ..for me that what its all about.

Hiya Pauly how are you/ Maltesers? yep they are Julies favourite ..she buys a large bag of the fun size small bags ...says there is less calories in a bag ..crap ..she eats twice as many.As for cleaning your act up ...the whos and whys you are doing it dont really figure ..its the fact that you are doing it.I would suggest the fact that you are ..well you enjoy it and others will feel the benefit.

Hiya Giraffe how are you? just popping in as a guest or are you staying? whatever you are welcome to the madhoose.

Ouch Det the dentist ...probably very nice people ..but through their work for me ...arrrgh devils incarnate!! hoe you are feeling better today.How was the pureed chilli ?it sounds good to me.

Hiya SF..how are you? holiday season ...are you going anywhere?

right peeps time to go ...again ..nae pics till I sort this lot out but once again Lav have a wonderful day

There is a nudist convention on in town next week.
I might go if I have nothing on.

The Bank of England is to introduce plastic banknotes that can survive a spin in a washing machine by 2016.

Surely that will just encourage money laundering ?

I went for a job at the Royal Mail sorting office yesterday. After the interview I was given a tour of the depot.

I asked the guy taking the tour "What's that machine?"

"That's the Acme 3000 Auto Sorter System. It can sort 150,000 letters an hour and it's 99.5% accurate. It's controlled by 12 supercomputers, each of which is 5000 times more powerful than an average desktop PC. It has over 15,000 state-of-the-art optical location identification sensors, contains enough circuit boards to entirely cover the pitch at the new Wembley stadium and it has 200 miles of fibre-optic cable. It cost over ?100 million to develop," he boasted proudly.

"What happens to the letters after it's finished sorting them?" I asked.

"We give them to a bloke on a push bike."

Settled down to watch Obama at the Mandela gig with my deaf wife the other day.

Apparently, Space Shuttle Atlantis is due to have a baby next buffalo.

My dad found out I had an imaginary girlfriend.*

He said, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks dad, that means a lot," I replied.

"I was talking to your girlfriend."

I pulled a right minger at the office Christmas party this year.

I work from home.

I couldn't believe it when I was a minute late arriving at a premature ejaculation conference today.

It was all over by the time I got there.

So far I've received 17 Christmas cards. If I get one this year that will make 18.

Psychologists say the left half of the brain is responsible for both kleptomania and numeracy. So, it's the taking part that counts.

Ronnie Biggs has died, aged 84.

This leaves National Rail as the last remaining Great Train Robber, with cheese sandwiches for ?4.50

My wife said, "Do you love anyone enough to give them your last Rolo?"

I winked and said, "Of course I do, sweetheart." As I threw it to the dog.

I went into my local library and asked, "Have you got a book called 'How to win your divorce case' please?"

"Yes, sir," the librarian replied, "the woman's version is under Non-Fiction, and the men's is under Fiction, Humour."

Royal Mail have said today is the last day to get your letters sent to guarantee delivery by Christmas.

2015.

I rushed my one year old son to hospital after he accidentally swallowed two tiles from my Scrabble set.*

As I anxiously waited a doctor emerged and said, "There is no need for alarm, sir. Before we take a course of action we're going to have to do a CT scan."

"Let me save you the trouble, doctor." I replied, "I can assure you, Nothing will show up on a CT scan."

"How can you be so sure?" He asked.

"Because, It was an F and a G that he swallowed." I replied.

Tonight I was watching the waxing of the moon.

I'm glad my wife's decided to do something about her hairy butt

How come the Starship Enterprise can travel to far off distant galaxies and everyone they meet has a good command of the English language.

And I can't even go down the end of my road..
.

The Foreign Office are treating the death of a British doctor in Syria as suspicious.

He had signed his own death certificate.

Im not saying that I am unfit or anything.

But even shivering makes me sweat!

**Lavande** · December 19, 2013, 08:13 AM

af Thursday 19 December

Good morning Abbers!

Yep Mick, I am fifty ten today :H
That is a rather unique way of putting it by the way!
Thanks for the coffee, much appreciated

TT, I hope you were able to get the cat transferred peacefully! I don't think I could handle a cat, dogs are easier. I just snap a leash on them & say 'let's go for a ride' & they hop right in the car, no sweat :H Wishing you wonderful week, be safe

My grown up kids are taking me to lunch today!
I plan to order the most expensive item on the menu because they really owe me :H :H
Eating out in public with the little ones is always an event - should be fun.

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF feast day of Lav!!!!

Lav

**paulywogg** · December 19, 2013, 08:53 AM

af Thursday 19 December

Mae everybody,TT ive never heard of any of those treats,send some my way haha,you have fun on your getaway well miss you,again Happy Birthday Lav yes eating out with little ones is an adventure for sure mine always made a mess on the floor with crumbs,always felt bad for the waitress,Mick i hate swimming when theres too much chlorine makes my eyes burn and my skin itchy(love the smell though)cripes i fell asleep last nite at 7:30! was watching "restaurant impossible"went to "rest my eyes"next thing i know its time to put the coffee on,ugh hope im not getting sick i usually need some sort of sleep aid weird,well hope everyone has a good thursday

**treetops** · December 19, 2013, 12:17 PM

af Thursday 19 December

Here's a Christmas pressie Pauly!

Pineapple Lumps - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

**narilly** · December 19, 2013, 03:00 PM

af Thursday 19 December

Hi guys!
Yup, weather SUCKS today. -32 or something nuts when I went to work this am. Now it is warmer -15 C, yahoo!
Mick, 50 lengths, wow! that is awesome. I do around 30 and that is good for me.
Pauly, looks like you have to go on a treat hunt if you ever come to Canada or Australia. It is always neat to see the different treats countries have.
TT-hope your cat is ok.
Talk soon,
enjoying my Sober Thursday.

**YoungAtHeart** · December 19, 2013, 03:36 PM

af Thursday 19 December

Hello Fabbers,

I just wanted to pop in and take the plunge to GET MY BUTT BACK HERE! LOL Fortunately, I'm just embarrassed for my absence, but I haven't fallen off the wagon. I'm still sober and happy to be so. Thanksgiving provided lots of temptations, however, and I had a number of vivid drinking dreams after the fact. Yuck! I knew that I'd better get myself back on here before I got myself in serious trouble.

The next few days are going to be busy for me finishing up work and getting off for Christmas visiting, but I want to catch up on some reading here and posting.

Forgive me for not writing more now, but I figured it was better for me to write something, anything, than to put off posting for any longer than I already have!

I see we have a few new posters here on daily Abs. Welcome.

Hugs to all,
:l
YahYah

**paulywogg** · December 19, 2013, 04:18 PM

af Thursday 19 December

Hi YAH good to hear from you

looks yummy TT i bet i can find them somewhere in vegas,we have so many transplants from all over the world im sure in a specialty shop theyd have them

**Mick** · December 19, 2013, 05:23 PM

af Thursday 19 December

yah....forgiven glad to see yah (pardon the pun) Falling off the wagon ..here you go amaze your friends with this useless sh.te!!!:H:H

American and it is associated with wagons, of a sort. The original form, which dates from the early years of the twentieth century, was to be on the water-wagon, implying that the speaker was drinking water rather than alcohol and so was an abstainer, at least for the time being. The image of the horse-drawn water-wagon would have been an obvious one at the time — it was used to spray unpaved American streets in the dry summer months to dampen down dust thrown up by the traffic. A direct link with the temperance movement — very active at the time — would seem probable.

**YoungAtHeart** · December 19, 2013, 08:26 PM

af Thursday 19 December

Thanks Mick! I'm sure that everyone will be fascinated with my knowledge! Just in case, I'll print out a page or two of your jokes to keep folks entertained. :H Actually, I don't give a crap if anyone is entertained. I will be just as happy reading a book.

:l

**TheSunFlower** · December 19, 2013, 08:53 PM

af Thursday 19 December

LAV....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I hope you enjoyed your expensive meal

TT-glad you enjoyed your party. Parties are not the big blowouts they used to be. I am glad for it. People these days are so much more PC. Have a great trip.

Mick-Honestly the guy who came up with the small fun size bags of candy was rather genius. How can we get people to eat more? Make them smaller

YAH, Paully, Narilly....glad to see you. Sure Det will be poking in soon.

Well I got to go to one of those "Dirty Santa" parties today. For lack of coming up with anything creative....I took a bottle of wine. It was the dirtiest thing I could think of to take

Of course I get paid back by ending up with the Peppermint Snapps Bottle. Here is the thought that ran through my mind...."hmmm as I recall this will make my breathe super minty, so nobody would really KNOW I was drinking.....they might notice something was up when I fall on my ass though"

I gave it away before I left the party.

Here is something I never noticed before. While buying the wine I was informed that wine shops cannot sell glasses, cups, ice or corkscrews

So I can buy the wine here, but if I want to drink it.....I have to go to another store to be able to open it and pour it?

I honestly bought it being lazy and lack of being creative. Even though it traveled in the trunk....I just did not feel right having it or much less giving it as a gift. I kinda envisioned a wicked genie corked in the bottle. Talk about a change in how I view al.

Hope everyone is surviving the holidays. I am so looking forward to it. A nice quiet one for us.

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