January 2014 - AA Thread

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Pete: Yes, the 10th step is a big preventative of bad behaviors & speech. However, when I do have to make a 10th, I'm then clear & not walking around w/baggage. It was that baggage that kept me drinking. That's why cleaning house is so important. As far as the 9th is concerned, do not be too hard on yourself. Keep it simple. When you apologize, move on afterwards.

Of course our thinking changes when we stop drinking. It takes a while for our minds to clear up. 60 days is a wonderful accomplishment. Don't underestimate the change you're going through. Good luck. When your thoughts turn negative, do something for someone or yourself. Keep going. You're doing fine.

Mary

[acadiaofmaine]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Hi All,

Just wanted to check in. I am 20 days AF today and loving it! And loving AA. The group support and group consciousness is really what I need, I am finding. I really didn't know what to make of the program when I went to my first meeting, and was prepared to hate it. I went because I had no other plan, I had pretty much done what I could do using my own will power, and it did not work, at all!!

Anyway, after years of isolating myself as much as a mother of two can, this feels amazing. So tomorrow I am meeting with my sponsor to read the BB together, in particular the first step which I am going to start writing out. Any thoughts? How was this for you? I am actually looking forward to doing the fourth step, which people seem to hate/fear, but I think it's looooong overdue. Although I am ashamed of some of the things I have done over the years, I look forward to getting them out of me.

Would love to hear anyone's thoughts about step one. Or any of the early steps!

00xx

Ann

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Ann: I'm so happy for you. Before I joined AA, if you had asked me if I'd ever be a member, I'd have said "No! Never!" I too need the fellowship of the program to stay sober.

I try take step 1 every single day. If I don't, I fall into denial & thus will drink. I MUST see just how destructive drinking was for me & that I'll never be able to drink safely. So, yes in a formal way, write it out, discuss it w/your sponsor, & then take it (over & over if you have to). Mary

[Hopeful2014]

January 2014 - AA Thread

OK - I have been to a meeting for 5 days in a row!! Everybody there has been so dang nice to me - they made me cry in my first meeting, LOL. It was a women's meeting. No sign of a 13th stepper yet....

I need to pick a sponsor, I know!

[acadiaofmaine]

January 2014 - AA Thread

HiYa Hopeful,

I will defer to the longer term AA'ers on this thread-I've only been going for a few weeks with a brief hiatus over the holidays-but I don't think you have to rush to pick a sponsor. At the meeting I go to, you can also go with an interim sponsor and then either switch or stay with that person. It's funny, because at every meeting, the question is asked, "is there anyone here with at least a year's sobriety who would like to be an interim sponsor?" More than half the room raises their hand! Is it the same wherever you are?

Anyway, I do have a sponsor, but only because I stumbled across an old friend at my first meeting, someone I really liked a lot, worked with for years, etc. I was shocked to see her in AA, and she was shocked to see me! By the second meeting she had offered to be my interim. Worked out so well for me! She has more than 22 years sober.

Anyway, people are insanely nice and kind. I am really kind of ashamed that my attitude was so negative about joining. Something for me to think about!

Hope you stay with this thread, we need it to grow!

Ann

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

If we AAers are not nice, welcoming, helpful etc., there is no AA. We need to do that kind of service in order to keep the fellowship going. So, it's in our own best interest to be that way. I'm so glad you've found such a great attitude in the groups you go to.

We call them temporary sponsors here. They can turn into regular sponsors when you're ready to work the steps. Working the steps doesn't have to be a huge deal. You do the best you can under the direction of your sponsor.

I've had plenty of shocks since my arriving at AA in 2009. People whom I never suspected were alcoholic were sitting there. I know they felt the same about me.

[SlipperyPete]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Ann, you kind of had the same attitude as me when I started, back in the end of November 2013. I knew there was no other option and that AA would help me a lot, so I was pretty eager to jump into the steps. I was also looking forward to steps 4,5 and 8-9 to help me heal my past and sense of self-worth. It's paid off so far!

As far as step one, in the Daily Reflections book, there's a page that says that Step One is the only step that you can take 100%. You're basically just agreeing that you can't drink like other people and that your life became unmanageable. Steps 2 and 3 can be tricky if you don't believe in a Higher Power, but it can be done. Bettygirl is an atheist, so maybe she could help you out with that part if you need.

Welcome to the thread, Hopeful!

I just went by myself to join in on a pick-up soccer game at a local park. In the past, I would have had way too much anxiety to ask strangers if I could join something, even if that's what everyone else was doing. Granted, there was no one there tonight so I wasn't able to play, but the willingness is increasing!

[SlipperyPete]

January 2014 - AA Thread

I am freaking out right now. I just sent a text to an old friend making an amends for not paying him $10. I didn't want to call him because I really hate him and didn't want to talk to him. He'd been on my mind for a couple weeks now, for this amends, and I didn't call my sponsor or anything cuz I just wanted to get it over with. Now I'm reading AA forums about whether that's ok or whatever, and I'm going in circles between thinking I'm paranoid about having to do every amends "perfectly" (or however my sponsor wants me to do it), and checking my motives. Did I send him that text because I have a fear of confrontation? If it was God's will for me to do that, is He telling me I'm paranoid, or that I'm afraid? I'm losing my mind here! :hitme::hitme::hitme: :H

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Pete: Easy Does It! It's best to check w/your sponsor about making an amends, but you did it & that's that. Try to let it go. I think you're going to be surprised at how much less complicated step 9 is than you imagine. Don't overthink. When the time is right, the opportunity will present itself. I didn't have a huge amount of amends, as I drank alone & carefully. The ones I did make, I did w/as little fanfare & self-recrimination as possible. The most emotional one for me was to my husband whom I emotionally abandoned while I was drinking. I also teared up when I made an amends to my daughter. She, on the other hand, thinks I'm making too much of my drinking & can't understand why I'm in AA (which she thinks in filled w/ex-cons & criminals). I've tried to explain that she didn't know the extent of my drinking because I hid it so well. Now, I've put it all behind. She accepts the fact that her mother is an alcoholic. Hope I'm helpful. Mary

[bettygirl]

January 2014 - AA Thread

jeeze mary, we might be the same (drinking) person!

yes pete, relax, you made the amend and whatever your old friend decides to do with it, is up to him. accept the things you cannot change, my friend

thanks for the concern, I am doing better. am going to have coffee with my sponsor to talk.
I really think my diet is messing with me. I have been eating wayyy too many sweets and I think it throws me off. I really need to work on it. luckily my sponsor is going through a diet overhaul and just weaned herself off sugar, so she'll have insights for me. it seems like when I was drinking, I always felt so shitty that what I ate didn't seem to affect me as much (although I have always been a healthful eater). now I am so much more aware of how I am feeling and how stress or food or people's energy affects me.

welcome to the new folks! I liked doing the steps too. it is a load off, but then again I was like mary and really hurt the people closest to me, even if they weren't aware of it at the time. my amends had to be careful because I didn't want to overstate my drinking to my then 14 year old, but I also wanted to be as honest as one can be with a young person about such things. my husband is the most loving supportive man I have ever known, so he just said I didn't have to apologize to him, just work on sobriety as hard as I worked at hiding drinking and drinking.


peace!

[acadiaofmaine]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Betty,

Would you mind terribly sharing how you handled talking to your 14 year old? I have a 19 and 17 year old. At some point, I will need to say something to mine. I don't have a clue what I would say! Or to my husband, who is unaware that I have a problem, so good am I at hiding things! He doesn't think anything if I drink or don't drink...he doesn't even know I'm in AA. Sigh.

Ann

[Solitaire]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Hello friends,
My biggest resentment was against my husband of many years... It was also the most difficult amend! I have to remember that in the end, it is NOT about them and I...

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

xxx

[bettygirl]

January 2014 - AA Thread

wow ann...ummm, the thing is, I ended up in the ER in withdrawals with my kid, so I had no choice but to tell the dr in front of her that I was a heavy drinker and thought I was having withdrawals...all I know is that the secret of me drinking was KILLING me. my husband and kid didn't know either, and that made it worse. as far as how I explained to my kid, I was honest and told her that I drank a lot more than she thought I did and that when I tried to stop on my own, I couldn't, so I got help. i also said i felt ashamed, embarrassed and helpless about my alcoholic behavior, but i was not ashamed to get help for it so i could be an all around better person. i have to say, she likes the real me a whole lot better than the always sick in bed old me. i think kids can handle a lot more than we think they can, and, in the end, they will admire your willingness to change and grow. it's a good model for them, don't you think?

i hope that helps...if not, ask me anything specifically and i will share my experience gladly.

[bettygirl]

January 2014 - AA Thread

on another note...my sponsor hasn't gotten back to me about meeting for coffee...im not too upset, but it is weird. maybe she just didn't get the text or something. i won't jump to conclusions! i feel better anyway and will go to more meetings in the meantime...coming here definitely helps too.

thanks guys

peace

[acadiaofmaine]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Betty,

Thank you for sharing that, I really didn't mean to pry. But I'm worried about my kids-they have only seen me in bad shape a couple of times, but have known for years that I had wine in the refrigerator at all times. They never knew I also had it under my bed! Or that I would sip all day long.

Now they see me being totally present, no wine in sight, no wine when we go out. So I don't know what they think, I wonder if any of this registers. My husband has no clue about my drinking or not drinking, as I've said. To some extent, I don't think they notice.

I also had terrible withdrawals, about 18 months ago. Not from AL, though. I was given some Ativan by a friend, and took that as a way to get off AL. I got off AL, took the remaining Ativan over a period of 10 days. I guess I took a fair amount, because when I ran out, I had the worst, most horrible withdrawal, for days and days. Benzodiazapines are insanely addictive, I learned. I thought every morning that I was going to have to check into the hospital, but then I thought about my kids in school, how would I handle them, what would I say? So I toughed it out, til I couldn't stand it. I finally called a psychiatrist who saw me immediately, and got a small script for another benzo, but a long acting one, that effectively got me off everything. That was hideous, that experience.

Sadly, I went back to wine. Until I got fed up with myself in a big way.

Anyway, that all probably does not make sense; I am just trying to say, Betty, that I understand what you went through.

Ann