January 2014 - AA Thread

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

BG: Willing to go to any lengths to get well? Something like that. Also, the other requirement is that we have to get honest w/ourselves & others...rigorous honesty!

SP: The Sunday before Christmas I was asked to speak at a meeting I had never been to. I said "yes" because that's what I was told to do. It was a big room almost all the seats filled. It was intimidating until I remembered that speaking at the podium is not a performance. I just need to focus on reaching someone who might be struggling. I said a prayer to be as honest as I could be. It went well.

I'm not the kind of speaker who has a really colorful drunkalog. I was a hidden drinker & mostly functional. However, I was killing myself physically, spiritually, & emotionally. That has to come through when I share.

I'm going to a meeting tonight & meeting up w/one of my original AA friends. She had hooked up w/a man who led her into things she had no business doing. Thank God she realized it & broke it off this past weekend. She was on the marijuana maintenance program...not good sobriety...not sobriety at all. She's back now & we're all pretty relieved.

Mary

[MntGirl]

January 2014 - AA Thread

There is an AA group in my town...very small town & I do not feel ok with going. I am a scout leader, facilitate many educational and environmental programs for the community here and adjoining communities, lifeguard and teach lessons at the local rec center. I have a pretty good reputation that I do not want 'tarnished' Not the word I should use but in such a small town, I have seen how people turn on each other. I don't need my kids and work suffering. Nobody knows because I don't go to bars (at least anywhere near here), sure it took awhile to get folks to warm up to me since I am not originally from here, but when they see the programs I do & that I am all about nature and such...I am just that neat 'hippie' girl...hence MntGirl.
How do I get and find the support I need, is this going to be enough?
I joined over a year ago and well obviously I have not been successful
On 3 days now ....

[MntGirl]

January 2014 - AA Thread

way to go BettyGirl!

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Mntgirl:

I'm not sure what to say about your situation. I love MWO but couldn't get/stay sober w/just the support/communication here. I needed face-to-face meetings. I needed a fellowship of people who had the same goal as myself: sobriety, complete sobriety.

I hit bottom in 2009 after a disgusting & humiliating experience. I drank at home & hid it well. Even my husband of 42 years didn't know the extent of my drinking. I was desperate to stop, so I went to AA. I was terrified of seeing people I knew from the community I live in. I'm a retired high school teacher & have lived here for almost 30 years. Well, it turned out that I did, in fact, see plenty of people I knew...even former students of mine. This was disconcerting at first, but I've gotten used to it. I'm trying to improve my life, & AA is the only way I can do that. I haven't committed a crime...I'm simply a recovering alcoholic. I still feel a little weird when I see someone I know from the "outside", but I view this as a learning experience. I have only this life & AA makes it better. I cannot let what people think/say jeopardize my sobriety.

After a short (a few weeks) relapse, I've been sober for over a year. My sobriety means everything to me. I cannot enjoy/appreciate life wo/it. I can only share my experience w/you. You have to decide for yourself what you need to do.

Good luck. Mary

[bettygirl]

January 2014 - AA Thread

mtn girl, can you go to a near by town? (r.c) once a week or so? there are online meetings, but I know from experience that in person meetings work so much better. there are online womens only groups as well...soberistas is one that I can think of. I know that small town thing too well, and now that I am in a bigger town where no one knows me, it was easier to go to my first meetings. your situation is tough. hang out here if you can, there is quite a bit of wisdom to be gleaned. xo

[Darkest Diamond]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Greetings

HI reteacher, bettygirl, Solitaire,Mnt Girl,Slippery Pete, Sunshine-gg,

Welcome Slippery Pete and Mnt Girl, Mnt Girl I would not worry about seeing people you know at a meeting as it is anonymous in London at the end of each meeting the secretary says "Remember the yellow card, who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here".

Slippery Pete in the past I was sober for 3 years and 3 months with AA. I had a wonderful sponsor, doing my step 5 did not really have a big effect on me but it did bring me closer to my sponsor, made me feel I could trust her completely. She was a wonderful woman, very much like a spiritual aunty to me!

Bettygirl what exactly is this trail running that you do?

Sunshine-gg how often do you ride your horse, did you manage to ride when you were under the influence of alcohol?

Solitaire, how is your 17 year old now? Has he mellowed a bit?

Reteacher in one of your posts you mention your "rock bottom" that was interesting for me as for me I had a year of rock bottoms. You also spoke about drunalogues, some of mine is very "colourful" (although still pathetic and desperately sad) but in latter years it was just all grey, lonely drinking!

Interesting to hear others feelings about meetings, I do like big meetings, not sure why.

Lots of love to all, I am now starting day 8
DD x

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

DD: Hitting bottom is referred to as the point at which we feel we MUST stop...or else! Some people have real low bottoms (death) & some higher. Mine was a really awful experience in front of friends & family in which I had to be taken to the hospital as a result of my alcohol consumption. Some people have to hit bottom more than once before they stop. I try to keep my experience in my mind when I start to think that maybe I can drink safely. I really cannot & that experience proves it.

A drunkalog is the adventures of a active drinker. They are usually brought out in colorful detail at speaker meetings. It's a way that we drinkers identify w/one another. As I said my drunkalog wasn't very colorful, as most of my drinking was done at home & in secret. However, some people really did some incredible stuff while under the influence or in a black-out.

I go to speaker meetings to be inspired. When I hear a really advanced alcoholic speak about his/her recovery, I know I can continue this path.

Mary

[SlipperyPete]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Afternoon, everyone

Retteacher, I'm a lot like you, pretty much all of my drinking was done alone at my house. It can be embarrassing when I tell people that I'm an alcoholic, and then they figure I have some hilarious, entertaining stories. Yeah, not so much... :blush:

DD, good luck on day 8.

I'm eager to get started on steps 8 and 9. I want every bit of guilt and shame to leave me. It's frustrating living like that. I'm very grateful for how far I've come, but there's always more. It's a journey, and it's a marathon not a race.

[sunshine_gg]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Wow, it's great to see this thread come to life more!

:hallo: Mtn Girl
I can very much relate to your thoughts and fears about anonymity in a small community. I live on an island with a total population of under 13,000. Individual townships have about 400 residents on average. So, yes... there are a number of familiar faces at meetings. Reactions of those I know 'outside' of AA have ranged from a simple nod and smile to a warm welcome and 'So good to see you here'.

Mary and Pete... I'm afraid my drunkalogue would put anyone to sleep. Mostly drank at home alone... I usually managed to keep it somewhat together when out in public. Usually.

DD... I definitely hit my rock bottom. That is, as far down the rabbit hole as I'm willing to go. And, it prompted me to finally pick up the phone and inquire about AA meetings. I am utterly grateful now and I, too, don't ever want to forget that day. Oh.. yes, I do ride my horses. Sadly, I have done so when under the influence as well (courage 'n all).

Hello to BettyGirl and anyone else I may have forgot.. have a great day!

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

SPete: Yes, guilt & shame are pretty awful. I found relief from the in Step 5, but I definitely expunged much of it through the amends process.

Mtngirl: I just met a person I knew from "outside" at a meeting tonight. She had a relapse after 15 years of sobriety & just came out of rehab. She seemed pretty shaky, but we agreed to meet tomorrow night at a BB meeting. It continues to amaze me whom I will see what through the doors of AA. I'm sure they feel the same about me.

Mary

This thread is looking good & pretty inspiring as well!

[bettygirl]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Funny (not) I was an isolated lonely at home alone drinker too. I could go to a party and be the designated driver, but very night at home, I was drinking til I passed out. The shame of it nearly killed me.

Glad there is a way to stop that madness!

Peace to all!

[SlipperyPete]

January 2014 - AA Thread

Well I suppose it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise that isolated drinkers would join together on an online forum :H

Ret, I'm glad to hear you mention that steps 8 and 9 really helped with guilt and shame. I'm looking forward to those steps simply for that reason. I almost jumped the gun yesterday. I called a friend to apologize for stealing pills from him, but realized I didn't really know what to say so decided to wait until I go over the step with my sponsor. Anyone else have experience with step 9, guilt, and shame?

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

My sponsor really coached me as to what to say during the amends process. Yes, the inclination is to get it done "right now." Also, some of the reactions to the amends were not what I would have imagined. Sometimes people are completely flummoxed by them. Good luck. M

[bettygirl]

January 2014 - AA Thread

the amends are for the other person as much as they are for you, so you are doing the right thing by waiting until you have some council to prepare for the act. :goodjob:


i'm off to chair the 90 minute meeting that I signed up for weeks ago...its a good meeting, so it should be interesting.

take care all!

[retteacher]

January 2014 - AA Thread

It's very good to sign up for service to our groups. We had a business meeting last night, & some new folks signed on for service. It was really great to see it...people who haven't been in the program for very long. I really think that service strengthens our program. M