af Thur 20 Feb

[TheSunFlower]

af Thur 20 Feb

SL-key for me was wanting more than what a life with booze was bringing me. Considering I had been drinking for 20 years and the fact that I was on this site as a result....is a fairly big blinking light that booze was not bringing me the things I wanted in life. Quite frankly it was bringing me just the opposite. So if booze was bringing me the opposite, the logical thinking is that life without booze would bring me more of what I wanted. Coming to that conclusion is logical, but when I was wrapped with addiction it certainly did not seem to be the logical ideal.

Being sober isn't the answer to everything. But, by being sober I have the abilty to bring those things closer to me.

Mick...it truly has taken me a long time to wrap my head around the whole first drink thing. Of course if I did not have one, I couldn't drink ten "you dumbasses". But, it truly is that first drink that sets in motion a chemical reaction that is hard to stop once it is force. I am also aware that relapse truly happens prior to that first drink. So doing the things every damn day to keep from the "prior" relapse thinking....is key to catch quickly and dealt with swiftly.

[Samstone]

af Thur 20 Feb

afternoon everyone
cloudy and supposed to rain tomorrow, glad to have gotten work done today. I'm getting a 40 acre tract of mountain land behind my house, went and sited a drainfield today with the soils guy. Found a suitable site, so now it is on to the next phase. I'll never build there but wanted it as it is right behind my house.

Mick, great pic of your rabbit. As always, thanks for the humors!

Kuya, hope you get some kind of resolution. I would hate to see you not here again.

TT, YahYah, SL, SF, Lav,Det (hope you're feeling better-more garlic!), et als, Hope you've had a good un.

Off to get eggs before dark.

[treetops]

af Thur 20 Feb

Hi there Lav
RJs message is a sticky under general discussion

[Lavande]

af Thur 20 Feb

Wow Sam, you could raise a million chickens on 40 acres :H
Think of the possibilities

Thanks TT, I'll go look now.

[scottish lass]

af Thur 20 Feb

Hi all - back again - what a long day today is - been well over 24 hrs and it is still evening!
Thanks for the lesson Mick - my Mum delighted in that her initals are AMO, so she thought she meant love - ummm, well......not quite!
Sam - hope you got some good eggs, I hard boiled a few and think I over boiled them? Making HB eggs is not the easiest
Mick - get that bunny away from my biccies - esp the ones with butter!!!
TT - she is happy...now, we have been thru the self destruct (Mick helped me with that) and she seems so much more balanced, so I have no idea what this is about.
Sadly her counselor got back to me, sadly as she did not have a frigging clue - she told me what courses my daughter needs to take to get into a 4 yr college, when I so worried that she is failing freshman - seriously lets face the now and deal with the future later!
SF - you called it - you say that relapse happens before the first drink, and I am so aware that I have been heading down that road, my relapse started a coupe days ago, it was not until I read what you wrote that I got that idea - and I did get a bottle of wine tonight - I have had some of it and signed on after that - I have poured the rest out and wish to goodness that I had read first...
I am angry that school will not help me to help my daughter succeed
I am tired of trying to fight alone
I am not hungry, but might of been when I shopped
I am lonely as I realise that I am raising two teenagers alone and I am alone.....
Gosh dang it.....sorry!

[porqoui]

af Thur 20 Feb

WOW SL....move over I'm right beside you...

Hope you're still on line, lets chat.

[porqoui]

af Thur 20 Feb

Isn't it funny that.........I'm going to have a drink and then log onto MWO.......been there, done that, got the T-shirt. :H

[porqoui]

af Thur 20 Feb

Since you poured the rest out I figure it's just a hiccup.....been there, done that, got the T-shirt. :H

[porqoui]

af Thur 20 Feb

Got the answer SL....

[treetops]

af Thur 20 Feb

How many Tee-shirts have you got PPQP?:H
sorry SL I can't help with the American system for schooling.Does your girl have a burning desire to follow anything? Or do you get the shrug - I dunno - from her? The latter seems normal in my experience. SOme kids don't like pressure about careers, school subjects etc. Is there a Dean (or whatever) you can talk to? If its a big school there must be various routes you can try for advice.
Good on you for chucking the rest of the wine away. Back in my evil days I wouldn't have done that and there would have been emergency rations somewhere. Thats not advice!!
You are doing a wonderful job and you area great Mum and worker and human being even if you eat some dodgy Scottish food sometimes!
:h:h:h

[TheSunFlower]

af Thur 20 Feb

PPQP....I think you and I have the exact same T-Shirt collection

SL-Be proud of yourself for throwing the wine out. I have that T-Shirt too. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing a great job.

Looking back I see the clear signs I was headed towards some sort of relapse. Pressure seems to be high in every area of my life, I was becoming very uncommital to anything and I actually thought seriously about giving up yoga. I was a relapse waiting to happen.

The thing with "prior" relapse is that you don't recognize it when it is happening. It is all going on around you with flashing lights....yet you don't really see it. Last night they described relapse as it happens in this order....emotion to thought to action. Addiction refuses to be ignored or forgotten about. Every damn day I have to do the things that keep me sober. With distance actually consuming AL most days are easy.....then sometimes you get the ones that knock you to your knees. Every damn day....trying to seal that one in my head. Every damn day I have to remember that I am vunerable to being sucked back in. From what I have seen of this thing....it really doesn't matter how long you have or how strong you are feeling....it can come swinging.

Actually the worst relapses I have seen are from people who you thought for sure would never, ever drink again. People who have a ton of time, always seem to be on their game...and boom it gets them in the stranglehold and literally chokes the life out of them. And every damn day I need to remember that.

[scottish lass]

af Thur 20 Feb

Thanks PPQ and TT - I went and took my stupid self to bed so sorry I did not reply PPQ.
She does actually have a plan - she wants to work with children and is considering social work - going to keep on trying, just felt defeated yesterday - have to rally back up....