Memorable March ~ week 2

[dill]

Old age has deformities enough of its own. It should never add to them the deformity of vice.

Eleanor Roosevelt

On to week 2 already! I thought I'd start with E.R.'s sage advice. Drinking to excess is an unattractive vice at any age but definietly a vice that is much less attractive in older folks who should know better! It's good that we are kicking it! As to your question about aging Star, I absolutely avoid the mirror! It's a shock to see the face looking back at me. I have been watching it change over the years. First it looked like an older version of me. Then it started looking like my Mother was looking back at me. That was bad enough. But later it started to look like my Grandmother was looking back at me! OMG! :H Oh well. We must accept aging with as much grace as possible. It is, of course, better than the alternative.
Star, through the distance of time I am now able to see the selfish nature of my drinking. I surely didn't see it at the time. You are spot on with what you said about selfishness and addiction. Addiction is total selfishness and destructive to the self and loved ones.

Lav, we are all healed here now, thank you! Your history of pursuing Mr. L's dreams to fulfill his happiness is a common one, unfortunately. Now that you are there in the country, you seem to be making the most of your circumstances which is really good. But, do you think you truly would rather live somewhere else? If so, what is holding you back?

Papmom, not only do we have woods, but there are two creeks, springs and a mini water fall! The deer are plentiful because we don't allow hunting and they must know it because there are a whole lot of them living in our safe haven!:H

Cyn, thinking of you.

D.G., Rusty, everyone, have a peaceful and happy AF Sunday.

[Lavande]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Dill, you should sell tickets for nature walks thru your beautiful property
Glad you are all feeling better now!

Though I am not terribly happy about being dumped here I really don't know where else I would want to go
You see, we both lived the first 50 years of our lives in 1 town & I definitely do not want to go back there & have to spend the rest of my life answering all the inevitable 'whys'.
I have fairly easy access to my kids & grandkids so I need to stay put, I suppose. Sometimes I just can't deal with the knowledge that I allowed myself to be duped for so long. I lived on pure hope for too many years. Sorry, sometimes this stuff just bubbles up to the surface & I just need to let it out!

Have a great night all!

[Stargazerlily]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Good morning to all...

Dill, thanks for starting the week 2 thread. Yes, I see my ancestors in my face too!! And in my body. Aging with grace is the best way to go. Keeping active and positive helps.

Lav, I know what you mean about moving. Where would I go? I am lucky to have a close friend live nearby, who I see at least once a week. It means a lot. Why would I want to move where I know no one? I wouldn't. Sometimes I think we have to focus on just being OK with where we are at. I know you want to travel, is there anything else you would want? I think if we could chose who to marry, it would be different at an older age than when younger. We really don't have that choice. When we were young we chose who we chose for different reasons. Plus, their is no way to see how things will work out. I know people who chose for the right reasons with not so great results. Life is a gamble in many ways. I think that making the best of things is the way to go, and you are certainly doing that.

Work today, it is Monday and hard to get started. Warmth and sunshine though. Yay.

[dill]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Hello AF Friends,

Star, I just put in a request at the library for the Maeve Binchy book. I haven't read any of hers in a while and you are right, she is a wonderful writer.

Lav, I understand your reason for not wanting to return to that town, I wouldn't either if I were in your shoes. But you really have a wonderful place right now. I think it's perfect for you and especially for your grandkids. They get to experience country life and learn about nature from their ever so smart, special (and sober) grandmother! So even tho you feel betrayed, at least you ended up with a pretty darn nice set up! Do you agree? Thinking about your circumstance this morning brought back this James Taylor song to mind. Altho melancholy, it ends on a very positive note.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I9zEHFynDsE

We are supposed to have a really mild day today. It is so nice to see the winter gradually fading away. Even if we have more snow, it will be 'spring time snow'.

Today I am just so grateful to be waking clear-headed and unhung-over. Such a gift!

[cyntree]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Good Morning all -

thank you for your kind words, everyone. I know that you have all been through it, and that knowlege helps. Yes Lav, thank goodness Mom is at peace. The final hour she had 4 of us there with her, and the very end was peaceful, but the hours before that were not, so I worry that I should have known ahead of time, or done something. But somewhere deep inside of me I know that it all has happened just the way it should; she died 10 years to the day that my father died, and was buried 10 years to the day that he was buried. And she did not have a long debilitating illness, a thing to be very grateful for.

Star and all - such wonderful discussions about looking back at how AL affected everything. Very thought provoking. And about aging. I have a few things to talk about in that department! More soon.

Lav - I hear the sadness and regret in your writing. I'm sorry that there does not seem to be a perfect answer for you right now - but there is a great quote (I will find the real one) that basically says that we will find answers if we live our way into them. Are there small changes that you can make now that will give you a sense of 'ownership' in your life? Maybe changing the dynamic of Lav's ever-open soup kitchen? Just a thought. Small changes can be powerful...

Dill and Pap - it's great to hear your news, and how all is going for you...

I have missed everyone so much - yes, Star this thread is very important to me as well. And eventually I hope to connect via FB with our other wandering souls. But thank you all for being here, it is a deep comfort.

Wishing all a self-realized, contented in some small way, AF day.

[Lavande]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Good morning all,

My dogs let me sleep in a little this morning, go figure!

Sorry my mood has been in the basement lately, it tends to happen when we change seasons & especially after this seriously too long winter
I know I am a survivor & the mood will pass!

Star, it's ironic but the very things that attracted me to my spouse in the beginning are the things that ended up driving me nuts decades later. How does this happen?
Maybe we should all be gifted with a crystal ball on our wedding day. I may have made some different choices but you know what they say about hindsight :H

Dill, you are absolutely right about being able to provide some 'country life' experience for the kids. That is exactly the first thing that came to mind when YB blew out of here! I'm not going to spend the rest of my life living in some stupid one bedroom apartment & expect the kids to visit me there - no way!
James Taylor was thinking about me when wrote that song, thanks

cyn, looking for ownership of my life is exactly what I've been doing!
I get a little impatient at times & that's when the blues seep in like they have lately. Breaking out of this crazy dynamic after 4 decades is hard & confusing but I'll get there
I agree that we are all experiencing exactly what we came here for & that everything happens for a reason.
The lessons we learn from our parents are big :l

OK, I need to get the last of my tax work together, it goes to the accountant tomorrow.
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Monday.

Lav

[Lavande]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Well ~ I wasn't looking for anything but, this was on my Facebook today.
I think I know what my next book purchase is going to be

How To Honor Your Soul's True Calling In Life

[dill]

Memorable March ~ week 2

That seems more than a little coincidental!

[Stargazerlily]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Good morning,

Cyn, so happy to see you on the thread. It is so difficult when a parent dies, I know you did everything you could with what you knew. How beautiful that you and your four siblings where there at the end. The fact that it was 10 years to the day is very meaningful. Now, the period of mourning, which, no matter how it happens, has to take place. A different part of your life, without your Mom. I know that I still miss mine and Lav talked about missing her older female relatives, too. It hurts. Sending you comfort and strength. Take care of yourself, do something especially nice if you can.

Lav, life seldom works out the way we planned. Thinking back, I can't remember what I planned for this age. I don't think I did. I was never a planner, till I got older. In the end, relationships are what matter. YB has not loved you like you deserved and he should have done. That is on him. But you have to deal with the fallout and it is not fair. I think Dill is right, you do have a nice set up. Beautiful house, grounds, fun farm animals, great dog. Kids and grandkids loving to come to your home to eat, hang out, share their lives with you. The question for me is: What do I do with the time I have left?

Dill, I really enjoyed the Week in Winter, by Binchy. She is just a writer I really could relate to and her final book was good. I know you will like it. We had a beautiful day with sunshine and in the high forties, so took a short walk and it felt good. Spring, you are invited right now.

Have a great day.

[cyntree]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Thanks everyone for the great conversation. I am trying to finish up a lot of things on so many fronts - always feeling behind (my karmic issues). I'm leaving tomorrow to go to NE to empty Mom's apartment. I have to fly out of LaGuardia, leaving early in the morning, potentially in the middle of a storm, so I'm searching hotels now to see if I can find one close to the airport, and I'll stay there tonight. It's so hard to leave my house and the dogs again! They sure are being understanding about all this coming and going.

So, off to do corp taxes (due Mar 15), try to figure out my health care (due Mar 15), get more materials off to my writing jobs, cook ahead for the dogs, etc. etc.

Lav that book sounds great, please make a book report. Star, I'll try Binchy, I've never read her. BTW at our local library, I found a book on Tapping - were you the one that mentioned that technique?

Thanks all for your guidance at this stage of life. I wrote a story about a kind gesture that helped me a lot on my flight home from NE (a week ago yesterday!), and the words came to me: this is an unfamiliar landscape now. Everything looks the same, but the underlying emotions make it all feel different. If I were a painter, maybe I could paint it. What is it that Buddhism says about attachment creating suffering? hmmmmm......

Will try to keep in touch as I move through this week - internet is unfortunately an issue, but will do my best.

Wishing all good days --

[Lavande]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Good morning friends,

All clouds, no sun but it is 45 degrees outside!

Cyn, I woke up thinking about the Wildmind Buddhist website this morning. Time to revisit I think
Wishing you a safe & smooth trip tomorrow. I hope someone will be available to help you with that job.

Star, I think the hardest day in my life was the day we dropped our daughter off at college clear across the state. I knew at that point I was going to be 'alone' in a house full of menfolk. My husband, son, even my dog were all doing their own thing. To make matters worse my Dad was living with us at the time too & he was horrendous
Women just need to be around other women for support & understanding!
I am living with no plan now, just living day to day. This is foreign for me & tends to cause me some anxiety from time to time. I am trusting that everything will be OK

Greetings to Dill, Papmom & anyone else dropping by today.
I need to get myself to Curves
Wishing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday!

Lav

[dill]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Late check in again! This time change has really messed me up. I have a hard time getting out of bed and I am moving so slow in the morning! I like to write early before I get started on my day, but I haven't ben able to get up early enough. I'm sure I'll make the adjustment soon.

Lav, dropping my daughter off at college was one of the hardest days of my life too, but not because of being alone with the menfolk. I have no problem with that. It was just the letting go. I cried off and on for days. The worst part was that during the months leading up to her going, she had been an absolute rebellius nightmare! I spent most of that summer inches away from killing her and simultaneously dreading the day she would leave the nest. I tear up just thinking about that separation, even today.

Star, I picked up the Maeve Binchy book this afternoon. I'm looking forward to reading it. Speaking of reading, I was looking at other threads today. Did you know that there is a thread in the Long Term Abstainers called the 100 day club, or something like that. Lav posts their and so does DTD. It's quite an active thread which is really refreshing. I also looked at Mario's 'What was your bottom" thread and saw your post from 2010. I read that and could so relate to it. You and I are extremely similar in our drinking. I could have written it myself. Aren't you happy that we have moved beyond all that? Reading your old post brought me back to those early years of trying to quit and all day long today I had on my mind those thoughts and feelings and memories. I am so sad that so much of my time has been spent focusing on this aspect of my life. Each minute spent on it is a minute wasted and taken away from something more positive and productive. Yet it is what it is. I've only myself to blame. I'm so happy I'm where I am today. AF is so much the better way to live.

Cyn, attachment creates suffering, but what choice to we have? We are born to love our mothers and fathers, brothers sisters, family and friends. Life would not be worth living without love. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you close up your mother's apartment. I remember when my brother and I had that responsibility. It is in some ways an eerie feeling and it is definitely sad. I hope you will not be doing it alone. I'll be sending strength to you.:l

Off to watch "Catching Fire" on DVD. It's the second in the Hunger Games grilogy. I loved those books!

[Lavande]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Wow, what an action filled day I ended up having :H
After Curves I picked up my DIL & youngest grandson. We had lunch out & went through a second hand shop where my DIL found a piece of furniture for her living room. When I got back home I found my daughter & granddaughter sitting here waiting for me. We had a nice visit, dinner & they finally got on their way after 9pm. The universe provided me with the warm & friendly company I needed

Dill, I'm sorry if I forgot to mention the 100 day maintenance thread to you!
A while back Byrdie & I got to discussing how tiring it can be constantly repeating the same message over & over in the newbies nest. Byrdie came up with the idea for the thread, a place where we can discuss anything not dealing with the struggles to get string together a few AF days
Please, everyone feel free to jump in & join us!!!

[Stargazerlily]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Blizzard here, what a pain in the neck!!!! I want spring.

Lav, how fun to know you kids and grandkids enjoy spending time with you. My grandmothers were the best cooks, I loved their food. I make some of their recipes and so does my daughter, it was lovely to pass it on. Thanks for the heads up about the 100 day thread, I looked it up and it was great.

Dill, know you will like the book, all of her books feel good. She has such likeable characters. Thank you for the heads up about the 100 day thread. I feel so much better AF, there is no comparison. I actually like myself. The self-loathing was once of the worst parts of drinking, don't you think? Putting if off the table just makes it easier. For St. Pat's day I will make a nice Irish Dinner, no beer of course. And guess what, it will be even better.

Cyn, how hard to clean out your mother's things. My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself and keep in touch.

Not sure what to do today as it is bad out. We'll have to see what the day brings.

[Lavande]

Memorable March ~ week 2

Good morning friends,

A blizzard Star? UGH!
Currently it's 45 degrees, cloudy with rain on the way tonight. The temp is supposed to drop drastically tonight & we are to wake up to below zero wind chills tomorrow - really
Stay safe if you actually have to venture out Star

I have gotten absolutely nothing done so far today so I'd better get going :H
Greetings to Dill, Papmom, cyn & everyone! Wishing everyone a great AF Wednesday!

Lav