Memorable March - Week 3

[Stargazerlily]

Good morning to all...

Lav, what no Irish blood? Potato and Leek soup sounds good to me. My grandmother, from Ireland, used to make potato pancakes around this time too. Vegan, and delicious. I made corn beef and cabbage, potatoes and soda bread. It was a nice dinner. My son came over and he loved it. It was pretty nice out yesterday, but today high only 26 and low 6. What????? I thought spring was coming our way. It is going to be slow progress towards better weather unless this pattern changes. More painting done on the basement, expecting continued work today. I wish it was over and done. It is messy.

Dill, I looked at the number of people who read this thread and was very surprised. So, I guess if that is the case, we need to continue not just for ourselves but for others. I suppose we never know what will help someone who lurks, and that is what this site is all about, find your own way to freedom. When we were drinking we were slaves to the pattern and I for one do not want to go back to the humiliation, misery, physical hell and lifestyle of drinking. Now I am working on food and health. Are you making something good for St. Pat's Day? I was listening to some Irish music on Pandora yesterday and it was wonderful.

Hope everyone has a great AF Sunday. :h :l

[Lavande]

Memorable March - Week 3

Good morning all from your absolutely 100% non-Irish friend :H

Seriously, when I was a kid I was so upset when I found out that none of my ancestors were Irish. Just didn't seem quite fair, it seemed that everyone else I knew was somewhat Irish. Oh well!

Just heard the snow arrives this evening but the snowfall totals have been reduced to just a few inches, thank goodness
I spent yesterday outside raking up sticks & stuff, it was 60 degrees & very nice out.

I really need to do some painting around here Star, just can't get myself motivated. I hope your job is finished up soon!

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Sunday!

Lav

[dill]

Memorable March - Week 3

Thanks for the kick off to week 3, Star! Your dinner yesterday sounds fantastic. I look forward to the day when my son is out on his own and just comes over for visits on weekends. That's how it's supposed to be. I must say, your dinner inspired me. I've never made corned beef before but after reading your post I thought: Hey! Why not?! So, in answer to your question 'am I making something good for St. Patrick's Day', yes! Did you make your corned beef in the oven, boiled on the stovetop, or in the crockpot? I'm leaning toward crockpot at the moment, but not sure. I may dig out my Aunt Marian's cast iron dutch oven and do it in the oven. I'll let you know...

Lav, Just wear green tomorrow and you'll be fine!

Have a great AF Sunday everyone.

[Stargazerlily]

Memorable March - Week 3

Good morning....

Lav, so lucky to have had weather in the 60s. No daffodils here either, still snow to be melted, looks like it may happen this week. I hope so. It is hard to live with someone moody, it doesn't matter what you do, because it is not about you. I am referring to something you said on another thread to TT. My son is like that, OK and then out of the blue, mood change. It is tiring and I do not feel like putting up with it. Glad you don't have to anymore.

Dill, here is my easy recipe for corn beef. Put the brisket in a pot with cut up celery and onions, cover with water and boil for 4 hours. Then, put on rack, spoon on sauce of chili sauce with diced onions, and bake for 20-25 minutes at 350 degrees. It always comes out perfect. The sauce couldn't be easier, just buy prepared chili sauce and chop up onion and mix, covering the brisket and leaving the left over on the table because it is so tasty.

Have a great day.

[Lavande]

Memorable March - Week 3

Top o' the mornin' to ya

Looking at nearly half a foot of snow on the ground & I am not thrilled :H
I searched for signs of Spring this weekend - no wonder I didn't find any :H
I did bring a handful of forsythia clippings inside & put them in water. Maybe they will bloom in a few days & give me some hope.

Constantly dealing with the world's biggest grump wore me down. I did the absolute best I could do but it wasn't enough, somehow. I wrestled with thoughts of leaving but always thought my marriage deserved the chance to survive. I always knew that YB was ego driven but I didn't know that he had let his ego take complete control until he was gone
I can't fix that, that's his problem.

I'm not venturing out this morning - don't feel like dealing with the road idiots.
Star, Dill, papmom & everyone - have a great AF Monday!!!

Lav

[dill]

Memorable March - Week 3

Late check in here.

Star, your recipe sounded really good! I opted (before I got your post) to do the crock pot method. It turned out perfect. I used the old, old recipe book from the 1970's when we got our first crock pot for a wedding gift. The book came with the crock pot. It worked amazingly well. I also made Irish soda bread which was an interesting experience. That was from an entirely different cook book. Anyway, I put that dense piece of dough in the oven and expected it to come out like a brick. Instead, it came out like a huge, fluffy biscuit bread! Amazing.

I understand your not wanting to go out this morning Lav. I wouldn't have either! It has been cold here but nothing else. Still, I am really, really weary of the bone chilling cold.

Oh, I wanted to say, I am totally enjoying the Week in Winter by Maeve Binchey. What an incredible writer!

[Lavande]

Memorable March - Week 3

Good morning friends,

Looking forward to some of this recent snow melting today & tomorrow, yuck!

I am heading out to Curves early, then back for some work. My daughter & granddaughter will be here by 1 pm for a visit. So it looks like a full day ahead for me
That's why I am grateful to be alive, well & AF!!!!

Have a great AF Tuesday everyone!

Lav

[Stargazerlily]

Memorable March - Week 3

Good morning!

Dill, how do you make corned beef in the crock pot? On low for 8-10 hours? Great it came out good. So happy you are enjoying Week in Winter, it is a good read. I wish I could write like that!

Lav, it is hard to be around moody people, you tend to wonder what YOU did. After a while, you realize it does not matter what you do, they are just unhappy. Kind of a good thing he left so you can have some peace, if he was not going to work on himself. Still, tough choices. I am struggling with being positive day to day with all the changes lately. However, gratitude, positive self-talk, taking good care of myself, talking to a few friends and family help. A lot of the snow is melted here, but we have a ways to go. Drifts are still feet high. I have hope spring will come soon. Reflecting on being AF, it is the greatest gift we give to ourselves, day by day.

To all, have a great day.

[dill]

Memorable March - Week 3

Hello All,

Star, it helps to be AF when around moody people. In the past when I was drinking if Mr. D was in a bad mood I would worry that it might be because of something I said or did the night before that I could not remember. It caused me a lot of anxiety. I have so much more confidence AF and can simply recognize his mood as having nothing to do with me at all. (Well, occasionally it does.) The crock pot recipe was no fuss, that's for sure and the meat was falling apart tender. I put carrots and potatoes in the bottom, put the meat and seasonings on top and then put quarterd onions atop the meat. I used 2 cups of water and cooked it on high for an hour then low for 8 hours. about halfway thru I put in cabbage wedges and pushed them down into the liquid. It came out just right.

Lav, have you ever thought about taking legal steps with Mr. L, like filing for divorce? I'm just curious. You seem to be in a sort of limbo which is fine if you are satisfied with the arrangement. Are you thinking he'll come back to the house and be a real spouse someday? I just was wondering. No need to answer if you don't want to as it really isn't any of my business. I may be totally out of line with this question. You can smack me if I am!

I posted in the Catholic Corner a few days ago. I don't think anyone posts there much but there are a lot of views of it. Have either of you two ever read there?

Happy AF Tuesday everyone.

[Stargazerlily]

Memorable March - Week 3

Good morning...

Dill, no I have not looked in the Catholic Corner, will have a peek after I post today. I concur with you, it is everything to know what you said and did the night before, no guilt, anxiety, regrets. What a horrible way to live. I feel so good AF.

Lav, hello, hope your visit with your girls was fun. Rain and warmer here again today, so more melting of snow. Nothing exciting here today, just work.

Have a great day.

[Lavande]

Memorable March - Week 3

Good morning kids!

Cloudy & rain on the way here too Star! At least it's not snowing, I am grateful
Had a nice visit with my girls yesterday, my granddaughter is so funny!

I have not looked in the Catholic Corner - haven't been Catholic in decades :H

Dill, I've thought about a lot of things since YB booked out of here.
I don't believe in divorce after 40 years of marriage - how exactly are you supposed to do that? It would be financial suicide for both of us & it would solve nothing, IMHO.
I am not satisfied with anything but I've let go of expectations. There just is no such thing as controlling the future. Life is just not going to be what I thought & hoped it would be - oh well.
Staying present has helped me get through all this so far & that's my plan - stay present & be grateful for what I have

Hey papmom, what are you up to??

have a great AF Hump day everyone!

Lav

[dill]

Memorable March - Week 3

Hello AF Friends,

Lav, I do understand your reasoning on keeping the status quo, especially the financial side. But I don't see anything wrong with divorce after 40 years. If differences are just too much, or if a person can't find balance and happiness for his/herself in the marriage, then I think divorce is the right thing and let the chips fall where they may! Life is too short to live it unhappily, don't you think?

Star, how is the new job going? Have you settled in and do you think it is a good fit? I hope so. I think sometimes about going back to work part time but I realize that I have no interest in returning to my previous career. I find that odd, but it makes me think. I'm not sure I was ever truly comfortable in my role. I always loved working with my clients and finding things that helped them achieve successes. But all the other things that come along with it were a challenge for me. I am not an outgoing person, but in my role I had to be. I had to go to conferences, do presentations, meet with parents, go to professional meetings, etc and looking back I realize I was always SO uncomfortable with that. I think it was a large contributor to why I drank at the end of each and every day! I managed that drinking for many years when my children were young because I just kept my focus on parental duties (fortunately) so after my one-two glasses of wine at dinner time, I would stop. But as the children grew and needed me less, the wine seemed much more an option. I also began withdrawing to my hotel room in the evenings while at conferences. I would be sure to book a single, while everyone else booked doubles. I would take wine up to my room and call it a night! I didn't see anything wrong with that then. I now understand I was isolating, using al to help me cope with my social awkwardness.

Well, I must get on with my day. Have a good one everyone and do your best to make it AF!

[Lavande]

Memorable March - Week 3

Life is too short to live it unhappily Dill - I agree!
You see, the thing is YB has been an unhappy person his entire life. It has nothing to do with me or our marriage, it's his baseline
I knew this when I married him & really thought that he would 'outgrow' that sort of thinking as he aged. Most people do let go of their childhood crap & soften a little as they mature but he didn't.
I noticed he got a lot worse in the few years before his retirement. Hence the diagnosis of severe, chronic depression he received 11 years ago. I just don't see this as a marriage failure. I see it for what it is - a chronic, severe mental health problem. Divorce is not going to make him any better. the more he isolates himself the more he 'lives in his head'
YB is here everyday for a few hours, is helping with the big house chores, eats dinner, visits with the kids & grandkids when they are here & seems to be functioning better.
If that's all I get then that's all I get - no expectations

My son & grandsons took me out to lunch today - we had a great time. Happy to be ready & able to accept a last minute invitation. The AF life is a good one!

[Stargazerlily]

Memorable March - Week 3

Good morning...

Dill, not being comfortable in your job all those years sounds difficult. Your job sounded demanding too. The alcohol issues creeped up on you over the years, as they do with a lot of people. What was one or two glasses of wine turns into a bottle and trouble. It is so much better to just not drink. I had a drinking dream last night, all enjoyable of course, but I played it out till the end. Yeah, a beer sounds fun, but for me it would lead to five and that is not good. I don't need the stuff, I am so much healthier and happier without it. It is really a miracle how much better I feel AF.

Lav, I understand your reluctance to divorce and the financial piece is huge as we get older. Who wants to be struggling for money, working full time again, just too big a risk. Plus, I can tell you care for YB and it is not just about you two but about your family and grandkids too. Being older, I realize that people don't outgrow their issues. They have to want to change and often issues get worse as we get older. Look at the alcohol progression. I am glad he comes around everyday, visits, takes care of chores and visits. Still, it is weird and not what you want. It is a choice to live in the moment and I work on that everyday.

Pap, where are you? Hope Cyn is OK and DG too. Have a great day.

[Lavande]

Memorable March - Week 3

HAPPY SPRING:flower:

Good riddance to the longest winter in recorded history :H

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Thursday!

Lav