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    af Friday 28 March

    MAE and greetings as it is Friday here already.
    I have my daughter at home today- it's a paid work-day (ie compulsory donation from parents so kids don?t go to school for the day) so she is doing some chores around the house. I am dealing with some ultra-messy work business of my own ? stressful and requires tact on my part.

    Pauly ? I am sorry that you drank this week. Its great that it did not lead to a binge. But as Lav says its time to change the tune. There are always going to be awful days and nights, family upheavals, crises ? as well as celebrations etc and turning to AL is not the way to cope. You have to set in check plans to not get that AL in the house ? and to find ways to let your tension, sadness, joy, confusion, anger etc out. You are right in saying that its not the quitting that is the hard part (although we sometimes forget how in fact that is really hard) but the staying sober for the long haul.
    Pauly ?you have an advantage over me ? I had years of hard drinking under my belt by age 32.

    For other folk its when they go out into AL-infused situations (Bear this might be you). You know that in the end you will probably drink. You say its because of the low self esteem. But I would suggest (as would Lav I think) that you avoid those situations for some time. You seem to be doing better with the smaller group situations.

    Others choose not to go to or near a liquor store (one of Lav?s boundaries), - SF even moved apartments to get away from this :H(OK I know there were better reasons!). or they decide to avoid the grocery store that sells wine or beer, when they are tired, hungry, pissed off (SL ? this ring a bell?).

    In time we hopefully get to know our limitations. Mick must have been surrounded by merry holiday-makers on his trip but he could deal with it. Det?s work takes him into the abyss of drunken-excess (OK I exaggerate a little:H) but he is learning that it's the after-match when he is alone or when he is off-guard that's the hardest.

    Likewise I have to plan strategies for my upcoming trip. I will be away for 2 months ? some with my family, other times alone. It will be easy for me to seek AL and I will be confronted by offers ? but then again its easy here. My vulnerabilities are being stressed, lonely, bored. I?m off to Hawaii (don?t groan! ? it is partly work) and then Canada, then a brief time in San Francisco. I?ll be working, and catching up with some old friends ? but there will be big stretches alone. I enjoy exploring new places on my own ? especially the cities ? as NZ doesn?t do big cities very well.

    What do others avoid/watch out for - to preserve their sobriety? Sam - anything special for you?

    Anyway on that ramble and rant I will wish you all a glorious AF Friday. Catch you later!

    #2
    af Friday 28 March

    Its Friday night and I wish there was an easy solution to unwinding and temporarily feeling good. All the things I usually do sober seem rather blah at the moment. Been a tense day. Just remembering how AL was the go-to solution for me for so many years. Don't worry, I won't drink - or delete my post from earlier today!:l This mood will quickly pass.

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      #3
      af Friday 28 March

      Great post TT,I definitely need to take extra care in social situations,part of my CBT is to not avoid situations,including socialising.therapist view is that I need to relearn how to be in these situations and push through my anxiety without alcohol.Part of my issue is the self fulfilling prophecy element the more I avoid it,the more I use past as 'evidence' I can't do it.his point is I need to build up new evidence and coping techniques. The next big social is my birthday,friend's emigrating party.I am determined to be sober,I have to be up mega early for brekkie in restaurant next day.that's my excuse,I also need to be driving next day.there is a book by Jason Vale that talks of simiilar technique and approach.
      I don't get involved in the big boozy events of old where it was all about just getting hammered,different friend group,now some people get drunk,most have a few, often a few drivers. I'm working on changing my beliefs and challenging thoughts that keep me in a negative place.
      Off to get showered and brekkie, have a great day and evening, TT great thought provoking post.
      one day at a time

      Comment


        #4
        af Friday 28 March

        mae all and how are we today?quite a bit been going on..so lets crack on ..with a brew I hasten to add..

        hiya tt ..wow could spend ages taking your post apart..(in a nice way)firstly let me say ..I aint being big or clever here so please dont take anything the wrong way...

        you say that you are dealing with something at the mo that is stressful..hey dont we all in one way or the other..whether its the neighbours p ing you off partners family etc...can you see that al door starting to open a tiny bit? ok so lets shut it!

        For other folk its when they go out into AL-infused situations (Bear this might be you). You know that in the end you will probably drink. You say its because of the low self esteem.

        wrong!!!when you go into al infused situations you know you arent going to drink...it becomes even more of a challenge..just think about what you are doing...remember surfing the crest?if someone says do you want a drink...immediate reply..nope I dont drink..then you are committed as long as you stick to that path..once you have said that then you can give any reasons why that you want!!!be positive I dont drink booze end of.

        In time we hopefully get to know our limitations. Mick must have been surrounded by merry holiday-makers on his trip but he could deal with it. Det’s work takes him into the abyss of drunken-excess (OK I exaggerate a little) but he is learning that it's the after-match when he is alone or when he is off-guard that's the hardest.

        be aware ...never be complacent ..that this is a breeze ...any one of us could screw up any time..example ..was in Thailand and we were out one night ..met a couple, decided to go back to the hotel...R got some beer and Julie and P got a bottle of wine between them..I saw this pop which looked like a soft drink and almost got to the till with it...checked it ..and it was an alcopop..so ended up with sprite!!
        Ask yourself the question..why would I want to piss it up in all these places ..that I may never see again? after all a drink is a drink wherever it is...

        Strategies....be aware...treat this as your biggest challenge yet ..my first holiday was...
        check out see if you can get af drinks....some of them are quite nice..you are getting out your comfort zone so whatever you need to stop al going down your neck wins!!

        Keep a diary..and write down every single detail how you feel what you did how you coped...no one is going to see it ..even if you rip it up at the airport before you come home..so what.. its done the job.

        if you feel the need for a drink ..go back to writing down the whys whats ifs wherefores etc surfing the wave.
        Be proud of the fact that you dont drink ..when you meet your old mates and they ask you ..which Im sure they will..when did you give up....ages and ages ago..sounds better than (example.1 year,2 days and 17 minutes!!)
        you read a lot.....and you have work issues to deal with too so Roberts your sisters brother with that one too!
        Put in your phone and purse ,the letters/stories that Mario put up ages ago about being a slave to al..if you feel like a drink read them first

        hope this wee bit helps..

        right brew time

        mornin queen Lav :H and how are you today?so you are pretty much near the mushroom capital then? ...so why dont you grow your own ..or havent you mushroom ???the oldies are the best!!!any plans for the weekend?you can sit and muse over this cuppa...made a side gate yesterday ....errm lot heavier than I thought ...reckon it would have the wall over so gotta revisit that one..also only one panel left in the fence painting stakes yipee..got to plant potatoes up today too..and strawberries.

        Hiya Det..hows you today?ok ...good idea to have a mantra ..now that you have mentioned it..mine is and this is verbatim that I say to myself .."you nearly died 3 times ....some f.ker spent a lot of time money and effort bringing you back and you are just going to waste all that ?dont think so ..now get your act together!"
        Not exactly the first line out of a romance novel ..but it works for me ...and thats the key.Any plans for the weekend mate?

        Hiya bear..how are you doing? ok?

        Pauly Pauly...nuff said ..time to change the strategy as everyone has said ..one thing did give me a laff ..exercise and drinking...visions of you bobbing along on a treadmill with a can of bud!:H

        hiya yeehah..well we are on the road ...excellent..dont you dare let us down!(check the moral blackmail there!!)as for uncharted waters ahead...it aint ..you have already charted your course for the future..all you have to do is take evasive action when situations arise...you can do it!!!!

        right peeps off we go..have a fantasmaglorius weekend..take it easy.

        remember ..sober n safe!!

        If you love something, set it free.

        If it returns, it probably can't pay its student loans.

        After countless doctors' appointments and weeks of tests, the cause of my wife's obesity has finally been put down to a problem with her ears.


        They can hear the ice cream van coming.

        News: Officials seize shipment of cocaine addressed to the Vatican.

        Related News: Toronto's mayor receives giant box of communion wafers.

        I took a picture of myself with books on my head.

        I call it a shelfie.

        It has been leaked to the press that further clampdowns are to be expected in North Korea, including a ban on listening to music that makes you feel happy.

        Coldplay are planning a tour there in the near future.

        Did you hear about the Chinese look-a-like competition?

        Everybody won.

        I went to a posh restaurant earlier and ordered the Parrot Fish.

        F.cking thing keeps repeating on me.

        I'll never understand women.

        First they say 'Size doesn't matter'.

        Then they're asking 'Does my bum look big in this'?

        I don't know what's more embarrassing for the men of North Korea.

        Having to have the same hair cut as Kim Jong-Un, or asking the barber for a "Michael McIntyre."

        We checked and we checked the numbers, but we still could not believe it.

        9-15 21-4 20-14

        We had finally done it.

        After many years of trying, we had finally got a doctors appointment,

        Just qualified as a barber at the North Korean hair dressing academy.

        It was only a half hour course.

        My mate at university asked me if I feared Kim Jong-un.

        I said, don't be stupid, whatever gave you that idea?

        He said, your new haircut.

        My girlfriend said she wants a nose job.

        I said she should become a tissue maker.

        Kim Jong Un has now made it mandatory for all North Korean men to have the same hairstyle as his.

        Those hunting one of the worlds most wanted men are going to have a hell of a hard time finding him now.

        The Weather Girls sang with great confidence in 1982: "For the first time in history it's gonna start raining men." But if I'm not mistaken, that milestone was passed in 1941 when the paratroopers of the German Luftwaffe mounted Operation Mercury on the island of Crete.

        What's the best way to divide an apple between two people?

        Ask Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow

        I had a nightmare on safari in South Africa.

        I'm never going back to Freddy Kruger National Park.

        Kim Jong-un has given North Koreans a choice :

        Either get a hair-cut like his , or a hair-cut like Marie Antoinette's.
        af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 12

        Comment


          #5
          af Friday 28 March

          Good morning Abbers!

          Happy Friday to one & all
          Warmish but cloudy & windy, rain on the way for the next three days - ho hum.

          TT, I hope your stressful day didn't lead you into any harm :l
          On the topic of traveling alone, that's a tough one & something I haven't done much. I am a 'people person' & like having my crew around me. When left on my own too much my thinking used to go straight to hell & trouble ensued. I like to think that I have grown beyond all that & as long as I have internet access I'm not really alone, right? A two month long trip actually sounds kind of fascinating. You could be gathering notes & pictures for a future novel

          bear, glad to hear you have a better group of friends to hang out with these days. I suppose we are all subject to group mentality. Choosing a better group is the way to go

          Mick, don't go overdoing it in the garden now :H
          The reason I don't grow mushrooms is because I don't have a drop of Quaker or Italian blood in me. They mastered the art of the perfect mushroom ages ago:
          How A Sleepy Pennsylvania Town Grew Into America's Mushroom Capital : The Salt : NPR

          My work is caught up for the week so I'm going to go get my Curves fix in then maybe, finally schedule that granny nap for this afternoon!!!!

          Greetings to everyone & I hope you have a great AF Friday!!

          Lav
          AF since 03/26/09
          NF since 05/19/09
          Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

          Comment


            #6
            af Friday 28 March

            morning all
            joining in the same weather pattern as Lav's. rain.... don't know when I'll ever get a shovel in this red Va clay to plant a garden!

            TT, if I'm tempted (and fortunately I haven't been lately), I look inside myself and think about what the reality of the downward spiral. My last mutli year binge started with breaking a past sober time with a couple of beers with a friend who I'd not seen in a long time. Left me being a high blood pressure, overweight, abusive, pathetic excuse of a burdensome hangover kind of guy. It took five years to come out it. The last 2 years were a personal hell, hurting myself being so drunk and falling. That is what booze does to me and so I try to keep that reality as a recall button if I get tempted. I have also decided that this reality of being sober is one that has been refreshing, that being sober is actually OK, I enjoy life, can cope with it better when it is not enjoyable. I like being sober.

            I also keep checking in here daily. It is a daily reminder and actually I've grown quite fond of folks that I have no idea who they really are, but their words help me know that there are other with this common curse.

            So far, it has worked, there have been times that I've been tempted, especially around the holiday season, but I was soooo glad I didn't cave.

            sorry for the ramble...
            hope everyone has a great one!
            Sam
            Liberated 5/11/2013

            Comment


              #7
              af Friday 28 March

              Hi Guys - no worries - I didn't even feel tempted to drink last night (its Sat here now) but I did want to get out the feelings of wanting to just 'let go'.

              As for travelling - Det wanted to know where I was going - and I wanted to show how we all, me included, need to plan and be vigilant. So far I have done 3 big overseas trips while sober and its been fine AL-wise. The other stuff (that can be triggers) like loneliness and boredom (mainly from one's own company) would be there anyway but hey thats the price of travelling alone. And yes, Lav, I will be writing but not about my own problems!

              Thanks for sharing Sam - you don't want to get into that space again. You really paint a grim picture. Thats where we all have gotten to.

              Busy weekend here, being a taxi-driver for teenagers, might pop into a school fair and lots of chores to do. My partner is off to a workshop out-of-town tomorrow so that will give us a few days resite.

              Comment


                #8
                af Friday 28 March

                The rain has been light, off & on but the winds are howling like crazy. What's up with that??
                Sam, there will be no planting of anything for at least another week or two around here. The local-ish plant farm I get a lot of stuff from is frustrated with the weather too:
                Groff's Plant Farm Vegetable Garden 2014- Forming a Plan

                I hope we all get something growing at some point


                TT, enjoy your respite weekend :H
                AF since 03/26/09
                NF since 05/19/09
                Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                Comment


                  #9
                  af Friday 28 March

                  Aloha Friday ABeroooooos!

                  my sweetie comes home tonight. yay! celebrating by making an Indonesian rendang daging.

                  got lots packed and cleaned for garage sale next weekend. whew! and I have to depart to Fresno on Tue. not handy! oh well, in sobriety I'm superman

                  no swordfighting tomorrow, the more senior students are in LA doing a tournament tomorrow, there is a live feed so I'll get to cheer them on. 'oy, you bloody crybaby, you only lost an arm so come on now...'

                  discussions of binging days give me a real shudder. that's a good thing though as I NEVER wish to see those demons again.

                  Lav, I'm looking forward to gardening on a small scale but it will have to wait until I figure out where we are going to live time is running out. eeeek!

                  be well everyone
                  nosce te ipsum
                  (Know Thyself)

                  Comment


                    #10
                    af Friday 28 March

                    Hey Det - you can always do some planting in pots & take the pots along with you to your new location, right?
                    Watching that tournament would give me the heebeegeebees I think :H
                    Yeah, I'm definitely getting too old for that sort of entertainment :H
                    AF since 03/26/09
                    NF since 05/19/09
                    Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                    Comment


                      #11
                      af Friday 28 March

                      true Lave, I could do portable pots, but we have soooo much crap as it is I think I'll wait til the dust settles.

                      dammit... my rendang tastes like dog fart!

                      I didn't realize i was out of coconut milk so substituted squash soup and some tomato puree, but the tomato had Italian seasoning in it which I didn't realize. it's a culinary holocaust. aaaargh!
                      nosce te ipsum
                      (Know Thyself)

                      Comment


                        #12
                        af Friday 28 March

                        Late check in....or early as it is Saturday now.

                        Mick---I haven't been around as much as I would like. These last few weeks got away from me. Busy and hit rock bottom in the stress department. All is good....hitting bottom sometimes is a blessing....because you realize something has to change Been working on new tools to keep my stress levels even keel. Easier said than done. But, I certainly am enjoying learning and growing.

                        TT--the stress certainly gives rise to wanting to "just let my hair down". I realized recently that I miss that "treat" when I get home. Somehow cracking a beer open was the solution to turning life off for a few hours. What keeps me from it? Those dang hangovers. Still haven't forgotten the mind crushing anxiety that came with them.

                        Recently I got the opportunity to explain what drinking was like. Two hours of relief from life, throwing up, passing out in bed, waking up asking for the angel of death.....then hours of hell. Repeat. No Thanks.

                        What do people do to avoid tempting situations? Sometimes I feel like I can handle a situation, but when I am shaky....I avoid them like I will catch the black plague. I certainly am no therapist....but, if the therapist has never been an addict I would be more likely to follow advice from people "who have actually been there and beat it". I can't imagine a therapist who knows you fall repeatedly in social situations encouraging one to continue attending them. I think the standard from people who are recovering.....is avoid them until you have the tools to get through them. If you have not built up the tools....you are not going magically grow them at the bar. And if your story continues to be the same story....then something needs to change, if you want to change. And that is completely up to the individual. I wanted to change....so I finally listened to people who had gone before me.

                        Sometimes of course I had my own ideas. My own ideas never worked out all that great

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