Abundant April AF ~ week 1

[Stargazerlily]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Good morning to all...

Say that RJ wants people to become members, may have to start advertising. Love this site, will do what I can, so that is why I am posting this message.

Had a big craving last night after work, came out of the blue, no reason, had a good day. Luckily, I played it out...needless to say, stayed AF, but the craving and the strength of it upset me. I do not want to have to feel like that again. Does anyone else have that happen?

To all, have a great day.

[Lavande]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Good morning Star & everyone,

I have had a load of weird AL thoughts the past month or two Star. I think, for me they are due to my excitement of coming up on my 5 year anniversary. I am proud of myself but I still have a small part of my brain speaking to me in negative terms. I've been trying to picture myself & what my life would be like if I fell into that hellhole again & it's enough to stop the thoughts. I just won't choose to go back to that negative place

I suppose it wouldn't kill us if we had to become members, huh?

My girls decided to stay overnight, they are still asleep, lucky them.
I woke, once again to the sound of a puking dog, lucky me :H

Have a great AF Friday everyone!

Lav

[cyntree]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Hello everyone -

Yes Star, a craving can still come out of the blue for me - and oddly enough, last night I had to 'surf'one away too. I think part of it for me is that I'm coming off of sugar. I've never particularly been attracted to sugar, or desserts, but when I was working (alone) at my Mom's apartment, there were tons of cookies and bars left over from the funeral lunch that were in the freezer in her fridge. Wow, did I develop a serious addiction to semi-frozen baked goods! Whenever I felt like I 'deserved' a break or a treat - out would come something from the freezer. Though there were open bottles of wine around (my SIL's stash), I never let myself even think about those; but the cookies and other stuff were my go to 'pal'. Now that I'm home, I'm realizing that my blood sugar is pretty screwed up, and I was used to getting my 'comfort' from sugar/wheat, both of which are really dangerous for me, with fibromyalgia. So, back on the wagon (which is proving to be much much harder than it ever has been for me).

I feel like my weakest times are: the setting sun, evening coming on, and all the emotions that come up at that time; when I've finished some part of a big project, and I want a 'celebration'; and when I've had sugar earlier in the day and I've set up a blood-sugar swing. Not exactly HALT, but subtler markers that can be just as dangerous. Anyway, that's what I'm trying to sort out now...and how to find a way to relax deeply and feel OK about the physical/emotional space I'm in. Maybe some of this is about Spring, and the need to 'detox' on a lot of levels, like the big rain washing away the grit and grime from the winter...

So the challenges go on - the AF life has brought so much to light for each one of us about how to move to the next step, either physically or mentally or emotionally. As LBH used to say 'May we be well'!

[cyntree]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

X=post, Lav!

Was going to post the bear visit photos, but having trouble getting them uploaded from my phone onto the site...aaargh. Will keep trying...

Oh, nice to have the girls there. Oh, not so nice about the puking dog, sorry!

[Lavande]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Cyn, I always go for a guided meditation when I feel the need for help relaxing
It helps me every time. Put the headphones on & tune out for a while.
I developed a pretty heavy sugar habit when I first quit drinking but I was able to break that pretty quickly with a little help from L-Glutamine. Have you ever tried it?
You've been thru a lot these last months, time for some loving self-care!

Don't worry about the puking dog. Swissys are serial pukers, a common trait in the breed. Of course it would help a lot if she'd stop consuming everything she finds in the yard, if you know what I mean :H

Daughter & granddaughter have gone home, we had a busy but fun time.
Now I have to get ready for Sunday - I am hosting Will's 3rd birthday party - yay!!!

[papmom3]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

hey Cyn, download the photobucket app to your phone, then turn on "automatic upload". You will have to use your PC to go to the photobucket site in order to copy and paste the IMG code. I haven't been able to do it from my phone yet.
Thanks for the kind words. This was such fun project to do!
I don't really get cravings anymore, either for AL or sugar-certainly not like the sugar cravings I got pre heart attack. For this I am very grateful. I do however on occasion wonder if I can ever have a glass of wine again, like a normal person. then I wake up and realize I'm not a normal person!! I know deep in my newly rehabbed heart that I can NEVER have just one. My chemistry just won't allow it. I am sure you will get past this bump and come out shining and pain free on the other side!!

Thanks Star and Lav! Star-these cravings too will pass. Hope you get some very spring like weather!! I would become a member but would almost rather the ads-so used to them now anyway on Google and FB. I just don't want paid subscriptions to be a deterrent to people that find their way here. I don't think I would have joined 4 years ago if I would have had to pay.

Lav-I promise I will try to seek some inner peace over the animals' health problems and my boss. Just got to keep quilting!!:H Hope your pup is OK-do they eat dead things in the yard? Did the girls stay for most of the day? Your 5 year anni is big. I think it might be normal to think about AL right now. But I know you won't go down that road!

Working all weekend but glad to do it if it will help pay for Mickey's dental. Waiting to hear if the clinic will let me pay over 2 months. Also waiting to hear what girl kitty's blood work showed. Got out of there last nite with a bill just a little over $200. Better than I thought. I declined the fluid treatment and instead bought a bag and gave it to her myself. Also declined the $30 antinausea shot and decided to try Pepcid first. So far hasn't help-she didn't finish her breakfast but she was interested in the STella and Chewy's I was putting together tonite for tomorrow's demo so that's good.
Not much else going on with me.
Hope you all have a great weekend!!
Not much else going on.

[Lavande]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Good morning friends!

Up before the chickens again - thanks Matilda :H
Small dog small bladder I suppose!

I really have to say the unsettling thoughts were more of a subconscious nature papmom. Absolutely nothing I would act on, just not happy about having them at all. Cyn had a good point about possibly the season change being involved as well. It all seems to be quieting down now so I am grateful

I hope your weekend goes well papmom. Wishing a great weekend to one & all!
YB will be here at 10, I need to go get chicken feed. He has the truck & the ability to toss those 50 lb. bags around :H

Lav

[dill]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Greetings AF friends,
It's been pretty busy around here this week what with school being out and g-son underfoot. He goes back on Monday so we will be back to "normal" then.

I don't think we are ever free of cravings. Hopefully the intensity will continue to decrease over time. Sorry you were bothered by such a strong one the other night Star. It sounds like you coped with it which is great! Not too long ago such a craving may have derailed you. In answer to your question, Yes. I still have them too. And I had some really strong ones 3 days ago. I too, think it is related to seasonal changes.

Papmom, Lav, Cyn, greetings.

[cyntree]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Hey everybody - just checking in now, as I got an opportunity to into NYC late yesterday, and figured out the dog care so that I arrived in the city about 9:00 PM. Saw the end of an opera, then had a late dinner with Mr. Tree and a dear dear friend that we don't see too often. I had breakfast with Mr Tree, got on a train and came home. It was crazy trip, but rich, and a good way to 'override' my terrible memories of last autumn and those unfortunate trips that I had to take for business. Our friend made a pack with us that we would not let ourselves (to the best of our ability) have 'woulda, coulda, shoulda's in our lives. To try to do the things and honor the relationships and see and feel the things that matter most in our lives...

OK - now back to the house, back to work! Thanks Lav for the reminder about L-Glut. Do you take the powdered stuff in water? I used to - forgot all about it. I could use a good guided meditation; suggestions anyone? This is a restless time; I need to do a lot, but not very motivated to do the things that I should, and not really sure what other things I would rather be doing...

Life is interested, no?! I do keep trying to tell myself that all is well, this is all just fine. I think I'll feel better when there are a few more green things out there.

Hope all have a good AF Saturday night. (good for you for getting past those urges, everybody!)

[Lavande]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Cyn, I used the tablet form of L-Glutamine - worked fine

I am partial to davidji for guided meditations. He;s connected with the Chopra Center for Wellbeing. I love his voice, it really draws you in! here's the signup page & he's on FB too:
davidji – Meditation Resources

I'm tired out after spending the day getting ready for the birthday party tomorrow. the weather is supposed to be nice again so hopefully we can do some of the day outside. The grass is really greening up - yay!
Glad you enjoyed your impromptu trip to NYC - sounds nice

[Lavande]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

And now it's morning - good morning all :H

I slept much better last night & didn't wake up o any sick dog noise or anything - nice
I'll check in tonight after the party. Hope everyone has a very nice AF Sunday!

Lav

[Stargazerlily]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Good morning everyone, so nice to see all the posts. I had internet problems in the am and then no time to get on the computer. I went out to lunch AND dinner, it was one of those days where it was overplanned. I ate too much so will level out today. It was good to see my close friends (I only have a few) and to be out in the sunshine.

Cravings. Loved the feedback, thanks. We all get them, we have to play them out, Lav listens to meditations, Cyn knows that early evening is high alert time, and sometimes they just come out of the blue. Cunning, baffling, powerful, as the AA book mentions. It is totally crazy. Not once have I heard anyone say, "So glad I drank last night, really added to my good time." Not once. Not for us. It was helpful for me to know that it happens to all of us from time to time, not as much as in the beginning, but certain people, places, and things can trigger it and we have to ride it out, think it out till the real ending. Have our goals in mind, not always easy to do when the insanity hits you.

However, I was thinking about how having this issue helps us to grow in understanding, compassion and spiritually. It humbles us, we are human, we need help and support, we are no better or worse than anyone else. What does our life mean, what do we want it to mean? How do we view ourselves and how do others view us? Drunk and ill or sober and vital and healthy. The choice is ours, but we have to think about what we want, first. What our lives mean to others, our significant others, family, kids, grandkids, friends, neighbors, fellow workers; we affect so many. We are important and our actions are meaningful.

I am thinking about being a grandmother, the next generation, and it means a lot to me. I want to be the best, to my family. I can tell my daughter is getting a little scared as she gets bigger, and I will be there for her emotionally daily and physically when I can.

Lav, have a lovely day with your beautiful family.

Cyn, fun to go on an impromptu trip.

Dill, as ever take care of yourself.

Pap, you are always so busy, taking care of your darling pet family.

Have a great day.

[cyntree]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Happy Sunday all -

So good to hear about what's going on with everybody. Star, you are so right to put things in perspective that way - since my mother's death, I particularly see that and how we live our lives has so much to do with our ability to connect with family, friends, others.

Thanks, Lav for the resource and the information. Glad to know that you like David's voice - that is usually a big stumbling block for me. Hope your party went (is going) well. I bet that is some fun - 3 years old!

Papmom, Dill - hope your schedules were manageable this weekend. I did a strenuous (for me) hike this morning, and have been kind of dragging myself around since. However I'm hoping to get some real work done tonight so that I don't wake up feeling 'behind' tomorrow. If I can tie up the loose ends on the Corporate Taxes tonight, that will be good.

Take care all! Happy eve ---

[dill]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Hello friends,

Star, your words are very wise. We choose what we want to be and what part we want to play in family and in life. "Drunk and ill or sober and vital and healthy." We get to choose. For many years I chose to hide my drinking so others could view me the way I wanted to view myself. I thought as long as no one knew, then what I did was OK. It takes time to get loose from the denial. What really matters is the truth. Deluding others and the self as well is a huge part of this addiction.

Cyn your trip to NY to spend time with Mr. Tree and dear friend sounds like it was good for your soul. It's funny, but even tho I am just back from our week away I am feeling quite down and in the doldrums. I need somethng to snap me out of it but I can't think what. I have that black cloud hovering over me right now and I don't know how to blow it away. I think because some of it is brought on by worry about things that I have no control over. I know I need to find my part in things in some family issues and what I can do to make things better, and then I need to step back.

Lav, How was the party? Any pics?

Papmom it somehow surprised me that you said that you sometimes wonder if you could have just a glass of wine like a "normal" person. I'm glad I am not the only one! But like you, I know it is not going to happen ever again. I got to the point where one glass was only the beginning and nothing more. I do remember the days when one glass was pleasant and relaxing and was 'enough'. For me those days are long gone.

Have a relaxing AF Monday everyone!

[Lavande]

Abundant April AF ~ week 1

Good morning friends,

I'm moving like a slug this morning, the morning after :H
The party went well although the birthday boy was a bit of a tool :H
I can say that this little guy needs to concentrate on potty skills & learning to share this coming year
I did take a few pics but haven't downloaded them yet. I'll get to that later, I hope.

I think I'm past that general feeling of uneasiness that was in the air for a while. Learning to wait these things out, without doing any back stepping is all part of the enlightenment process. Learning to trust that everything is OK is a big lesson and an important one. We really don't need a drink, a pill or anything from the outside to soothe ourselves. Sometimes the best solution is just to wait & things settle down on their own.

Dill, Star, cyn & Papmom, hope you all have a great AF Monday. I still look forward to checking in with all of you each & every day :l

Lav