Magical AF May

[Lavande]

Magical AF May

If you've been on Facebook today you've seen how my Mother's day was spent - doing hard labor out in the sunshine :H
My recently planted blueberry bushes are now properly mulched & the two 5'X10' raised garden beds are built, filled & ready for planting. I thought YB was going to kill himself today, honestly. I did what I could to help....such hard work for a couple of old farts :H
My daughter called & my son texted me from work to wish me a good day. They didn't show up looking for a meal

Sounds like your day was pretty productive too Papmom. Be careful with that lifting though, don't want to do any damage, right? Your washer will be in my thoughts & prayers

Greetings Star, glad you enjoyed your AF evening out, sounds nice!

Hello to Dill & Cyn!
Have a nice night one & all!

[Stargazerlily]

Magical AF May

Good morning to all...

Had a great Mother's Day, thanks Papmom. Worked outside, a friend gave me some perennials so I planted what I could. Then last night it rained, so that was perfect.

Pap, wow, you got a lot done, that has to feel good. Loved how you, "fixed," your washer. Hope you are not too sore tonight. I just do one thing a weekend day, so try not to overdue it. Plus, in all fairness, I have help. My son and his friend came over and helped move porch furniture, so all I did was move two chairs, not a big deal. But, the yard looks nice. We lucked out having good weather on a Sunday.

Lav, you too huh? Lots of yard work. I would love to have blueberry bushes, hope you get berries this summer. Nice of your kids to wish you happy Mother's Day, and you are lucky you did not have to cook. We had a cookout, but it was fun and not a big deal.

I am really struggling with anxiety, want to move, so afraid of the financial implications. Love my house and yard, scared to look for a new job and move. I have been asking for guidance, but am so anxious I have probably blocked myself from hearing or feeling what is the right thing to do. Talk about conflicted. I am living a double life and don't do well living a double life. Probably need to make up my mind either way and just move forward. But, not sure what to do. Maybe I will get clarity this weekend. I am having a female relative fly out, and we are going to drive to the shower together and I can talk to her. I can tell you I miss my mother right now. Anyway, I feel that there are big choices in my life, family or comfort and the familiar. Plus, my dad has been really sick, and we are not sure what to do long distance. Lots of stress. I figure this is the time for me to practice what I preach, self-care. Eat well, meditate, exercise, ask for direction and gratitude. Being clear headed and AF is most important...cannot imagine anything else. Life is too complicated without drinking, right?

To all, have a great day.

[dill]

Magical AF May

Hello All,
Nice day yesterday with lots of outdoor time. Perfect! I did some planting and some relaxing on the deck.

Star, I understand how you are feeling. Change is a huge anxiety trigger, as is uncertainty. Your Dad being sick adds to the mix. You maybe ought to just slow down the timeline. No rush. You don't have to move by your daughter's due date or anything! If you feel like your dad needs you, perhaps you could stay around a bit longer and move at a more comfortable point? I can totally imagine the stress you must be feeling.:l Is you hb gung-ho on moving and moving soon? I wish I could help you with your decisions! You are so right that alcohol would not help you one bit thru this time!!! It would only complicate things. So nice that your son came over on Mother's Day and helped you with your furniture!

Papmom, I'm going to start calling you "Ms. Fix-it"!:H You sound like a ball of energy with all you got done yesterday! :goodjob: How's the weight loss going? Have you slowed down a bit as your nutritionist suggested? I have recently begun to put on some weight which I think is very odd at this time of year. I am hungry almost constantly which is unusual for me. It happens in the Fall usually, not Spring! I'm going to try my best to reign myself in. It's been carb cravings and I find that once I start eating carbs in large amounts, I just want more, more, more!

Lav, I like it that YB worked so hard yesterday! He needs to do more hard labor for all the heart aches he has caused!:H I hope your blueberries do well. This past winter was too hard and killed ours. We didn't get any cherry blossoms this year altho the tree is leafed out and healthy. No peach blossoms, but we did get apple blossoms.

Hey Cyn, thought of you yesterday. I was looking through an old reference book by Rodale press about herbs and gardens. There was a section on garden layouts and they talked about laying out gardens as labyrinths! They even had some suggested path illustrations. Wouldn't that be a fun thing to do if you had the space? Hey, I'm sure Lav could get YB to help you, he has some hard time he needs to work off!:H

Don't know what I'm getting up to today. Probably something outside if the rain holds off.

[Lavande]

Magical AF May

Morning all

Nice to see everyone up & about!!
I have a day of planting ahead & am expecting my daughter & granddaughter for a visit. First I need to get to Curves

Star, I totally understand your misgivings about making a big move!
My biggest fear is putting myself into some sort of financial situation that I won't have time to recover from like in the past. When you're younger it's easier because you have the time & confidence but that dwindles as you approach retirement age
Maybe you need to stay put for a while longer until your path becomes clearer. Whatever you do you need to do it in peace, right?

Dill, sorry to hear the winter damaged so much around your property. My half dozen fruit trees haven't done anything either & there was a good bit of damage to the evergreens & shrubs around here too. I hope we don't have another winter like that anytime soon.
With a little luck I'll be picking lots of blueberries in the future. Several of the bushes already have blueberries on them, yay!

Hi there Cyn, hope you are OK!
Papmom, glad your weekend was good for you!

Have a great AF Monday everyone!

Lav

[Stargazerlily]

Magical AF May

Good morning...

Lots of rain here, really hot yesterday, I put the air on! By tomorrow may have the heat on. I am not complaining but enjoying the temp and variety of weather. Just no snow, please.

Lav, you are thinking exactly what I am, about placing myself in a financial situation that is not good. Or to get a job that is harder with long and nasty hours. I don't know why I always think of the worse case scenarios, but I just don't want to do something I regret, not in my 50s. I want my husband to find a job first, as he is the one who is so gung ho about change.

Dill, all my trees are flowering right now, lilacs out, it is beautiful and fragrant. Love this time of year. Sorry to hear your fruit trees died, but it was a legendary winter. And we made it through, we are all pretty tough.

Hello to Pap and Cyn. I have a busy day, so have to start my tasks. Have a great day.

[cyntree]

Magical AF May

Hello all - AWOL Cyn here. The past few days have been challenging. Last Thus and Friday I dealt with a strange exhaustion and depression that seemingly came out of nowhere; kind of alarming. I walked, but it didn't seem to get me into a better place. SD came on Friday night, and on Saturday got a call that her mother (HB's long-ago ex) was in a locked psych ward because she tried to commit suicide. I sure was glad that SD was with us, it is a tricky situation that I'll go into some time. Anyway, there was a lot of drama and comfort-giving going on for both SD and HB. I guess it was OK since it shrouded this Mother's Day, which I was kind of dreading. So I just kept my private thoughts and thanks for my Mom in my head and heart.

On Sunday morning I regained my energy and was tired of sitting around so announced that I was going to do a hike, if anyone wanted to come. HB and SD did about half the hike; I did the whole loop, and some of it was pretty steep and treacherous, so it made me think of Cornwall, which was a good thing!

Yesterday I was thinking of all of our wonderful Moms that we are missing, and also thinking about how spectacular you all are with your 'kids', be they furry or human. I think you are all Wonder-Women, who have stepped up to the parenting plate with amazing strength and grace. It is a privilege to know you.

Lav - I guess I better find you on FB to see all the gardening! Congrats to your DIL on the degree - however, I really think she couldn't have done it without you. Pap - CONGRATS on 4 years - you are a model of dedication, and have been a great inspiration here! Dill - a labyrinth garden, oooh I love that idea...hmmm. Star - my advice equals Dill's; go slow. When we moved from AZ, it was back to an area of the country that I loved, I had no friends that I was leaving behind and I didn't love the desert, so there was really no down side. I will say that it is hard to make friends when one is older; (though I have a gem in my across-the-street-neighbor, so you never know). If your Dad's health is put in the mix, it may warrant going even slower - I wish that I had been closer (in distance) to my mom so that I could have known better how she was actually doing physically. Just keep repeating Louise Hay's 'All is well...". Maybe it's an issue of sitting still for the answers? Who knows! Just remember - like the flight attendants say, you have to put your own mask on first before assisting others...

OK, I must get going - have to drive to a town 1 hour away to try to set up Mom's estate account (bank needs to be active in CT, NE and MO, sheesh). Then tons of writing that I'm behind on, taxes (corp is done, joint is close to being done) and caulk and finish paint downstairs. Yippy - wouldn't it be nice if I could get caught up today? Crossing fingers --

Thank goodness for the AF life.

[Lavande]

Magical AF May

Good morning friends,

Getting a super slow start this morning but that's OK
Spending the day outside yesterday was lovely & the extra help from my granddaughter was the icing on the cake, so to speak :H
My daughter helped me with a lot of planting in my new raised boxes, keeping my fingers crossed now for some nice organic veggies!!!

Cyn, sounds like you had some sort of viral event last week. Spring is so famous for stuff like that. Glad you are back in full gear this week. I miss my Mom on Mother's day too, even after all these years. She goes everywhere with me in my heart. Sorry to hear about your husband's ex but it sounds like she is where she needs to be.

Star, it's rough wanting to be in so many places at once. Looking after our elders & celebrating a new life are both important events that can take a lot out of us Moving slowly may just be your ticket.

Greetings Dill, Papmom!!!
Wishing all of us a wonderful AF Tuesday!!!!!

Lav

[Stargazerlily]

Magical AF May

Good morning...

I can't express how touched I am by both of your kind words regarding going slow. I think that is the key, I feel that everything has to be done quickly, right now, and it is stressing me out. Taking it slow, thinking that everything will happen in its good time is comforting.

Lav, how fun to work outside with your granddaughter, who is a little cutie. I love being outside with kids, showing them the beauty of nature, planting, and just being outside. Their sense of wonder is a message for us to look at things as if for the first time. I think that sometimes getting older we get jaded, nothing is new or fresh. But, if we can see things through the eyes of chirldren everything is fresh and new. Lucky you.

Cyn, so sorry to hear you had a down day, but you go go go and are bound to need a day to recuperate. I also get depressed when I get really exhausted, glad it passed. I am sure this Mother's Day was hard for you, you made it through and are moving forward through your grief, all you can do. I know my grief hits me in waves. I will be fine, then something will trigger a wave of remember, missing, longing, and I somehow get through it. My brother had posted a cute picture of my Mom on FB and it brought back how much I miss her and what a great lady she was and continues to be through memories.

Hello to Pap and Dill. I have a busy day today, thankful to be AF and thankful to have work to do. Sending you all strength and have a great day.

[dill]

Magical AF May

Good morning All,

Star, are you reading anything good lately? I imagine you have been so busy with decluttering that you haven't had the time. I have been listening to short stories by Flannery O'Conner. She is very insightful into the human heart but oh my her stories are dark! Have you read any of hers? Don't forget to try The Good House by Amy Leary. I'm sure you would like it. I have also been listening to the Bubble Hour quite a bit. I liked the recent one about negotiating early sobriety. Listening to these women is so comforting, knowing we are not alone in our struggle. Of course, MWO provides the same, but somehow, listening to conversations of others in our shoes just helps! And they are so positive always about their lives in sobriety! They constantly talk about gratitude which reminds me to look at my life and give thanks for so many things.

Lav, it sounds like you and I are both doing the same thing: out in the yard planting and weeding. I have been really enjoying it this year. This is the first spring I have had to enjoy in this way in YEARS! When working, this was always the hardest time of the school year. I usually was so stressed and had to work weekends and after hours so I didn't get to enjoy. All garden time was compressed and had to be done quickly. Not this year! I'm loving it!:h I look at all there is to do and in the past years I would have become overwhelmed and given up. This year I just pace myself. I take it one step at a time and enjoy. And feel GRATEFUL!

Cyn, I wonder if Lav isn't right about that bout of exhaustion/deptression wasn't just what Lav suggested: a bug. Recently my son had a very similar thing where he just felt weak as a kitten and exhausted. I'm really sorry to hear about Mr. Tree's Ex. That must've been so traumatic for SD! You sound like a wonderful Mom. She's lucky to have you. I have a dear friend from my college days who chose a career track. By the time she found the right man and was able to settle, her bio clock was ticking loudly. She wanted to have at least one child of her own, but unfortunately she fell in love with and married a man who was divorced and had shared custody of 2 children who had had a vasectomy. :upset: He didn't want to or wasn't able to reverse it, I don't remember which. Anyway, she settled in to the marriage and was the best step-mom ever! I don't think the word "step" should be used anywhere except on legal documents because I am sure knowing you, you are a loving, nurturing and committed Mom!

Greetings to you Pap!

Speaking of Gratitude, I want to share something. A few Sundays ago at Mass I had a moment. It was during the time of the service where we are praying as a group for various people and things and then are to pray silently to ourselves for our own intentions. I generally pray for the same things: please keep my son and DIL on the right path, give strength to....etc. etc.. But at the close I found myself thinking, "and thank you for......". Although I am very conscious of gratitude and feel it frequently, I don't know that I ever conciously gave a prayer of gratitude before. Simple gratitude. Well, perhaps I have, but am simply more conscious of the concept these days.

AF life is good.

[Lavande]

Magical AF May

Good morning friends, Humpday already!

Quite cloudy & dark this morning & cool too. The past few days have been quite warm so this is a nice change.

Star, I didn't know what I was going to do four years ago when my husband acted on impulse & took off the way he did. All I could think of was NOT going overboard with him. I decided to stand my ground, make no sudden changes. I really think we need time to fully process our thoughts, feelings & things that are going on in our lives. I tend to think, think & think some more before making any big decisions, especially big ones that are not easily undone
Take your time, see how things go!

Dill, I have had the luxury of gardening at slow speed for a while now & it is so much better.
Of course it's taken me years to get a grip on the crazy weed situation around here :H
I am grateful for everything & everyone as well - they have taught me the lessons I needed to learn!

Hello to the busy Cyn, hope you are OK. Greetings to Papmom!

I'm off to Curves now then need to get into my shop for a few hours.
Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[cyntree]

Magical AF May

Happy Hump Day, all! (I still miss Sooty - I love to say 'done and dusted', though I don't seem to be able to say it very often!)

Star - good idea to go slow. Human/body time uses a different clock from head time, I'm starting to observe. Take care of yourself!

Dill - thanks for the kind words. I'm not really a mom to SD, more like an older best friend, but I do try to be there for her; she missed a lot of support growing up. I sometimes tell her that she did a great job of bringing herself up!

Lav - can it be 4 years ago that YB up and left? Wow, I would have thought 2 maybe. You should be so commended for staying strong and staying on your course - a great lesson for us all. On the health front, I love that phrase: 'a viral event'. Thanks for mentioning that, it made me feel less like a 'shirker'!

Off to the salt mines (although after seeing the real tin mines in Cornwall, I should never use that phrase again. OMG what a hard, dangerous and pitiful life those miners had.) I had a terrible 'music' dream this morning that I had gotten lost in the performance space, lost my music, but it didn't really matter because I had never learned my part anyway, and the conductor was furious....it was good to wake up and realize it was just a dream! And of course, good to wake up sober and know what happened the night before...

wishing all a great AF day --

[Lavande]

Magical AF May

Cyn, don't you think it's funny-weird the way our subconscious enjoys beating us up when we sleep?
I have had a LOT of weird dreams this past week. Then I noticed the gigantic Moon a couple of night ago & it all made weird-sense

Here I am in my home shop/salt mine & I'm still shirking the work sitting here right in front of me :H
Yep, it's been 4 years ago this month since YB flipped his lid. He is making progress & immersing himself in family stuff more & more. Don't know what the end result will be with all this & I'm not stressing myself out about it anymore. I realize now that I really & truly needed a break from him & his twisted thinking

OK, now I really do need to get some work done.

[Stargazerlily]

Magical AF May

Good morning and thanks for the great posts ladies...

Dill, what a beautiful writer you are. It was a pleasure to read your post with my first cup of coffee! I have not been reading anything, tried a few books but nothing interesting. The Good House sounds like a good read, I will have to get to the library soon, thanks for the recommendation. I love your story of feeling gratitude in the middle of mass. I know exactly the part you are talking about and it does show a different way of thinking...gratitude produces positive feelings, and everyday we have things to be grateful for, despite the challenges. Pondering on these things in the middle of an alcohol pattern of drink/sick/drink/sick there is not alot of room for gratitude or spiritual work. Because that is what I think not drinking and changing our thinking is: moving closer towards God, the Universe, our Higher Power, whatever we are comfortable naming the Unknowable. It is so great that you get to enjoy the outdoors, unencumbered by work. I had that for many years, now I have to work, and I love the memories of being outdoors, creating along with nature and just being. Glad you are having this time. We all had a rough winter, but with your son being ill, grandkids living with you, this spring and the renewal in your life is probably really positively meaningful.

Cyn, I miss Sooty too, and so many others. I was so pleased and happy when you decided to reconnect on a regular basis. The few of us left are like soulfriends, if that makes any sense. We can talk to each other about deep and meaningful things, we have connected now for years, and we have been through very difficult challenges together. I think that you do not give yourself enough credit as to how much, "mothering," you have done for your stepdaughter. Being a parent means to me, mostly, being there. I will be there, is the most meaningful thing a parent or stepparent, or grandparent can do and be. What is more precious than our time and presence. You have been there over and over. Priceless.

Lav, sometimes waiting things out is the best choice. With our situation, we have to be careful, but if we wait too long, our grandchild will not know us well. The reality is that I have more availability, my husband has to work alot. He has missed out on so much and his soulsearching is telling him that he is not going to settle for that now. Does that make sense? So, maybe a smaller house or apartment to be closer to family, relationship over security. As you can tell, I am going back and forth, driving myself crazy. I have been trying to look deep within for an answer but so far have no intuition as to what is the best thing to do. However, today I am applying for a job in the area, my dream job. Will I get it? I have no idea, but that may be a sign too. So, moving forward, but with caution.

So ladies, the big baby shower weekend. Relative flying in today, lots of visiting then road trip this weekend. I will be busy and try to check in but cannot promise. I know it will be good because it will be AF and that allows for everything good. I hope people in the beginning of their journey get a chance to read this, because it is the truth. Being AF lets us have all the sweet meaningful things in life. Being buzzed, drunk, under the influence, ruins everything: health, finances, relationships. So, off to my day and wishing you a good one.

[Lavande]

Magical AF May

Good Thursday morning friends,

Another dark & damp morning here. Big rain doesn't arrive until tomorrow.

Star, if we only had a crystal ball, huh?
Go easy on yourself, the universe will guide you
Baby showers are awesome & traditionally AF. It's only in recent years that I've noticed wine, beer & spiked punches being offered. Why?
I hope you have a great time & your daughter gets all kinds of cute baby things

Greetings to Dill, Cyn & Papmom.
I have some work to do & am also meeting my old work friends for lunch - always an AF affair!

Have a great day everyone!

Lav

[dill]

Magical AF May

Good evening, late check in for me today!

I have been out with my friends celebrating one who is retiring. I wrote a little poem for her which she completely enjoyed. Most of the folks there were non-drinkers, but one (my ex boss) is a pretty big drinker. She was sitting next to me and noted that I wasn't drinking. She asked me why I wasn't having my wine as I had so often done in the past. I told her I no longer drink even just one or two if I have to drive myself home because I feel that it affects my coordination and concentration much more quickly now that I am older. I didn't go into anything beyond that. It's funny how drinkers worry about what others have in their glasses. You never hear a non-drinker say to another, "Why aren't you drinking iced tea?" Of course I noted she was drinking a margerita. She had two, one before dinner and one during. But who's counting!:H

Star, thank you for your kind words about enjoying my writing. I enjoy reading our little thread over my morning cup of coffee too. I know you will enjoy this weekend, celebrating the coming of the baby, visiting with relatives and friends. It will be so very nice! Lav mentioned the other day that she noticed alcoholic beverages are sometimes served at baby showers these days. I guess I think that is odd, too. The guest of honor shouldn't be drinking, and so it seems odd to serve something she can't or shouldn't have. I don't get to many baby showers. The last one I hosted was for my gdaughter and there were no alcoholic beverages there. It didn't really even occure to me to serve them!

Cyn, what instrument do you play? That dream sounds very unsettling. I have one that is similar in that I am supposed to be in class but I can't find the building then I realize I haven't even registered for the college and I have to go do that and just one thing after another goes wrong. It's a relief to wake up after dreams like that!:H I guess it's not really all that similar except that it is very tense

Lav, did you have a nice time with your old work friends? We had rain and big storms yesterday. In fact a tornado touched down not far from here and demolished 2 houses and a barn! We heard the tornado siren blaring so we got our trap door to the cellar open just in case, but we didn't go down. We watched the storm instead. Lucky for us the tornado didn't come too us. The houses that were demolished had basements so the families took cover and survived. One of the houses was built in 1880!