Blown it already!

[moo]

well, I compleately blew any goals after only 2 days of abstinence. I was so bad I stayed up most of the night on drink and cocaine. It started out as a freindly drink with work mates after work - I started off with Orange juice - then I thought - well just one glass of wine wont hurt - after that first one the manager of the bar gave me a glass of wine on the house - met up with an old freind who has just been recovering from breast cance surgery - went to a bar with her and my husband - she had some coke on her - had one line - then the rest is history. Where I live - it seems that everybodies at it - even people that are overcoming lifethreatening diseases. At that split second - all my reasoning drops - and I get smashed. I spent yesterday and today very depressed - hating myself in my pit of misery - I dont like what I am turning in to. I seem to know exactly what I should do...but mess up nevertheless!

[MonaCat]

Blown it already!

It sucks to fall off the wagon, but it happens.
Today, is a new day, try again.
Beating yourself up does no good.
Just try and learn from the experience.
Good Luck Darling.

[MDBiker]

Blown it already!

Moo, you are going to have a hard time quiting if you are not doing some things different in your life than you have been. We all are addicted to alcohol and want to stop drinking. We have come here because this is a program which can help us. If you don't already have it you need to get the book and read it. Follow what it says and stay on the boards where others can help you.

I wish you the best,
Bear

[ducky]

Blown it already!

Hang in there Moo. It was just one night. There are many others..

[Determinator]

Blown it already!

heya Moo. to echo MDbiker, yep...gotta change some things and it will be really tough to do...because these habbits are so burned into us. If going to that hangout with yer mates is too tempting at first, well....gotta be something else to do, at least at first. Have you tried setting a specific number of days as a goal?
Water, vitamins, plan. and keep typing... good news or bad we are on the same team.

[moo]

Blown it already!

AM DETERMINED

Md Biker, Ducky, Monocat, Determinator - Thanks for these responses - makes me feel like Im not alone in my battle...
I am determined to set a goal of 4 weeks of abstinence. At this moment I cant just restrict my drinks intake - I need to abstain compleately. I cant imagine my self forever as a non drinker. For me its all the other stuff that goes hand in hand with it that makes my drinking out of control...

[louise]

Blown it already!

I also started out just wanting to moderate. RJ's book made it sound easy, and she had a drink within a few days of starting and kept it at just 1. No such luck for me. I finally also decided I had to do af for at least 4 weeks. Hard Though. I'm listening to subliminal tape and reading away because the beer in the refrig is calling. I don't even like beer very much (I like wine). My brain is saying since I don't like it much 1 will be ok. Gads! Hang in there Moo - you are back today instead of giving up!

[tylyr]

Blown it already!

i'm back too. had bad week - whole bottle+ yesterday, whole bottle Friday, half on thursday, half on wednesday. Why, why? i've been AF for 45 days at the beginning of the year, but here I am again.
Do others worry about liver problems etc. I do, and it still doesn't stop me. No-one knows about this 'problem' I have, and I see others drinking more than me when we're out - but I don't know if they drink secretly as I do. I keep thinking that if I get liver disease, then everyone will know.

Today is another day 1 for me. Is there anyone there on day one too?

[lucky 2.0]

Blown it already!

I am Day 1 again tylyr. Disgusted with self. Starting Campral again.

[Otie]

Blown it already!

Moo,

:yougo: You can do it. What happened is past, forget it and move on.

Otie
:h

[moo]

Blown it already!

tylyer

Hey Tylyer,
I know exactly what you mean - you go out - and practically EVERYONE is drinking more than you - but you know you are drinking a disgusting amount - and have strange unexplained pains - Is this normal - or is it a drinking problem? Secretly, I know that if I carry on drinking - I shall head of to an early grave - I have so much that I want to do in my life - most of all want kids - I am sick of living a hedonistic lifestyle - and that is why I want to stop drinking.

[Arial]

Blown it already!

"The past does not equal the future.
Because you may not have succeeded a moment ago,
All day today,
or for the last six months,
or for the last sixteen years,
or for the last fifty years of your life
doesn't mean anything.
All that matters is
What are you going to do now?"

Moo - I find great inspiration in this speech by Tony Robbins - US author - I like that the focus is on the here and now - the choices we have today and how they will shape our tomorrows. If you want kids, to stop drinking, taking cocaine, regain your life - you will, but you've got to want it heart, soul, body and mind because you've got one hell of a tough opponent who shows no mercy and no remourse at what it does to its opposition - so get armed - really plan what it's going to take - changes in lifestyle? medical help? following the MWO program? support groups? learning more?....

And congratulations on 2 days - don't underestimate them! Those two days are the most important as they've started you on this journey - Those two days are the bricks on which you're now going to build, and personally I can't think of it as starting again as I find it too negative and soul destroying - I look on it as a continuation - every day counts whether good or bad because we learn from it and move on. Even when we fall off the wagon it can strengthen our resolve, make us more knowledgeable, give us more ammunition... so you're now one step further forward, so keep going. Tomorrow's another day so you decide where it's going to take you and we'll help you on your way!

Sorry for being long-winded, but I really strongly believe that you'll find the way that will work for you - because your desire for a change, and to take control of your future is so obvious in you posts. So good luck with the first 40 (or 38 now, counting the first 2!) - look forward to hearing how you get on so please post and share your journey :l

[moo]

Blown it already!

Ariel, I am astounded by what you have just wrote to me. I even read out your comments to my husband. What wonderfull advice from your heart. Thanks for this.
It makes me feel more positive to move on.

[connie]

Blown it already!

Don't beat yourself up to hard, moo. Most of us have tumbled off the wagon in our struggle. I once had 7 years of abstinance, only to begin drinking again in what I believed would be a controlled fashion. But I'm coming off a bender myself, and this time I want to quit 100% again.

I've been to many aa meetings, but that program, as helpful as it has been for many, is not for everyone. But one "tool" I have taken from them is their concept of one day at a time. Your four weeks is an admirable goal, but the only time that really matters is now. Do not have a drink today. If you succeed, you will go to bed with a feeling of accomlishment, a small victory earned. Good luck.