Mae all...how are we today then?ok excellent..firstly a big well done to SF ...on her 12 months subscription to "no booze.com"..excellent work!!I see the spammers are still at it ....help Ive just discovered Im prego..oh well it def wasnt me that started that thread!!really warm over here yesterday,between 27-29 degrees..yes I know for some of you thats nearly arctic conditions but not bad for here...picked the outlaws upi from the airport ...plane was delayed ..an hour late so that kind of messed my plans up a bit!well here we are ..Thursday already ..where has this week gone?
tea and coffee on the go.
hiya tt how are you today then?ok ..if Heathrow is the worst ...then Manchester is a pretty close second!!hows the book writing going?had salad last night ..all out of my own garden ...loverly..didnt have fish with it tho ..had falfaels think thats how it is spelt.
hi Lav...well is it an extra big coffee today?how did you get on with the kids?especially in the heat? even the pool wouldnt keep them occupied all day did it?
mornin Sam..how are you doing ?thermostat till turned up is it?errm what the hell is a chigger?
hia Pauly..you doin ok today?me n you both ..not into salmon, lobster..prefer cod halibut..love smoked fish..got a little strawberry plant too in the front garden..also got normal sized ones..but the small ones are brill looking
hiya ppqp..glad you got my flowers :H....heres a brew to go with them..see just shows that you are appreciated still doesnt stop him from givin you a lift now and again ..even bosses are allowed to do that!...so all is calm now ..even Atilla cant cheese you off?have a good one.
hiya SL how are you doing?uh oh..how did the convo go about homework helper go?Id never have got away with that one ..didnt do my own far less help anyone do theirs!!and here you go...the whole sketch..dont say Im not good to you!!
Customer:
Morning,
Waitress:
Morning.
Customer:
What have you got?
Waitress:
Well, there's egg and bacon,
egg sausage and bacon
Egg and spam
Egg, bacon and spam
Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam
Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!)
Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce
served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines
garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife:
Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress:
Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam
That's not got much spam in it
Wife:
I don't want any spam!
Customer:
Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage?
Wife:
That's got spam in it!
Customer:
Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it?
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam!...)
Wife:
Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then?
Waitress:
Iiiiiiiiiiiich!!
Wife:
What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress (to choir):
Shut up!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up! Bloody Vikings!
You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife:
I don't like spam!
Customer:
Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it,
I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans,
spam, spam, spam, and spam!
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up!! Baked beans are off.
Customer:
Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress:
You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam and spam?
Choir (intervening):
Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam.
Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Spam spam spam spam!
was a favour picking the outlaws up..we do it vice versa..they only live about 3 miles away in the next village...far enough
just reading your comments about the teenage girls..very strange..considering Amy has just moved in with her boyfriend ..the are sharing a house together..you will find that those lats few teen years really roll by quick, school,uni degree work and her own place now..its almost like a compressed package ..and suddenly amongst all of this you have to realise that actually..she is growing up and attitudes have to change...I can honestly say ..Amy has the only one ever that has gone literally nose to nose with me and got away with it..when that happened ..was when I had to change too!!not that I am advocating that as a course of action!!
SF...what more can I say?apart from congrats..pity Kuya wasnt here now I used to laugh at some of the spats you two used to get into!!
right fellow spamsters...Sober People...Aint Moderatin !have a great day
In Spain, Juan Carlos has abdicated and handed the crown to his son King Felipe, whose wife is Queen Letizia.
F.cking hell, I thought she was a rapper.
My bank just called me because of suspicious activity on my debit card. They couldn't believe I bought a gym membership.
Apparently these are real answers from Quiz programs.
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the
Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
BEACON RADIO, (Wolverhampton)
DJ Mark: For ?10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
GWR FM, (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
LINCOLNSHIRE FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Q: What is the world's largest continent?
A: The Pacific
RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))
Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. . .
Presenter: He makes bread. . .
Contestant: Err...
Presenter: He makes cakes . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?
BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1)
Chris Moyles: Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm. . .
Moyles: It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.
JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three?
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er . . . Mexico?
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ?
Contestant: Jelly.
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?
QUIZMANIA (ITV)
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with T.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
Contestant: Oh, (pause) Doctor.
BIG QUIZ (LBC)
Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
Contestant: Lepers.
TALKSPORT
Andy Townsend: How many wheels does a tricycle have?
Caller: Two.
Townsend: The Beatles were known as the Fab...?
Caller: Five.
MAGIC 52 (NORTH-EAST ENGLAND)
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm...
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?
FAMILY FORTUNES.
Presenter : Name a bird with a long neck?
Contestant : Naomi Campbell
Presenter : Name a dangerous race?
Contestant :The Arabs
Presenter : Name something that's red?
Contestant : My Nan's Cardigan
If the human population held hands around the Equator, a significant portion of them would drown
tea and coffee on the go.
hiya tt how are you today then?ok ..if Heathrow is the worst ...then Manchester is a pretty close second!!hows the book writing going?had salad last night ..all out of my own garden ...loverly..didnt have fish with it tho ..had falfaels think thats how it is spelt.
hi Lav...well is it an extra big coffee today?how did you get on with the kids?especially in the heat? even the pool wouldnt keep them occupied all day did it?
mornin Sam..how are you doing ?thermostat till turned up is it?errm what the hell is a chigger?
hia Pauly..you doin ok today?me n you both ..not into salmon, lobster..prefer cod halibut..love smoked fish..got a little strawberry plant too in the front garden..also got normal sized ones..but the small ones are brill looking
hiya ppqp..glad you got my flowers :H....heres a brew to go with them..see just shows that you are appreciated still doesnt stop him from givin you a lift now and again ..even bosses are allowed to do that!...so all is calm now ..even Atilla cant cheese you off?have a good one.
hiya SL how are you doing?uh oh..how did the convo go about homework helper go?Id never have got away with that one ..didnt do my own far less help anyone do theirs!!and here you go...the whole sketch..dont say Im not good to you!!
Customer:
Morning,
Waitress:
Morning.
Customer:
What have you got?
Waitress:
Well, there's egg and bacon,
egg sausage and bacon
Egg and spam
Egg, bacon and spam
Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam
Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!)
Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce
served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines
garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife:
Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress:
Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam
That's not got much spam in it
Wife:
I don't want any spam!
Customer:
Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage?
Wife:
That's got spam in it!
Customer:
Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it?
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam!...)
Wife:
Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then?
Waitress:
Iiiiiiiiiiiich!!
Wife:
What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress (to choir):
Shut up!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up! Bloody Vikings!
You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife:
I don't like spam!
Customer:
Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it,
I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans,
spam, spam, spam, and spam!
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up!! Baked beans are off.
Customer:
Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress:
You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam and spam?
Choir (intervening):
Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam.
Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Spam spam spam spam!
was a favour picking the outlaws up..we do it vice versa..they only live about 3 miles away in the next village...far enough
just reading your comments about the teenage girls..very strange..considering Amy has just moved in with her boyfriend ..the are sharing a house together..you will find that those lats few teen years really roll by quick, school,uni degree work and her own place now..its almost like a compressed package ..and suddenly amongst all of this you have to realise that actually..she is growing up and attitudes have to change...I can honestly say ..Amy has the only one ever that has gone literally nose to nose with me and got away with it..when that happened ..was when I had to change too!!not that I am advocating that as a course of action!!SF...what more can I say?apart from congrats..pity Kuya wasnt here now I used to laugh at some of the spats you two used to get into!!
right fellow spamsters...Sober People...Aint Moderatin !have a great day
In Spain, Juan Carlos has abdicated and handed the crown to his son King Felipe, whose wife is Queen Letizia.
F.cking hell, I thought she was a rapper.
My bank just called me because of suspicious activity on my debit card. They couldn't believe I bought a gym membership.
Apparently these are real answers from Quiz programs.
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the
Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
BEACON RADIO, (Wolverhampton)
DJ Mark: For ?10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
GWR FM, (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
LINCOLNSHIRE FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Q: What is the world's largest continent?
A: The Pacific
RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))
Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. . .
Presenter: He makes bread. . .
Contestant: Err...
Presenter: He makes cakes . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?
BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1)
Chris Moyles: Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm. . .
Moyles: It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.
JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three?
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er . . . Mexico?
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ?
Contestant: Jelly.
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?
QUIZMANIA (ITV)
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with T.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
Contestant: Oh, (pause) Doctor.
BIG QUIZ (LBC)
Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
Contestant: Lepers.
TALKSPORT
Andy Townsend: How many wheels does a tricycle have?
Caller: Two.
Townsend: The Beatles were known as the Fab...?
Caller: Five.
MAGIC 52 (NORTH-EAST ENGLAND)
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm...
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?
FAMILY FORTUNES.
Presenter : Name a bird with a long neck?
Contestant : Naomi Campbell
Presenter : Name a dangerous race?
Contestant :The Arabs
Presenter : Name something that's red?
Contestant : My Nan's Cardigan
If the human population held hands around the Equator, a significant portion of them would drown
You need to wear a hazmat suit when working your hayfields!! Did your bull have a lot of 'fun' yesterday while visiting???
Comment