mae all..Saturday here ..nice and sunny after yesterdays performance!!so how are we all then in various stages of the weekend?all good?
tea and coffee on the go...dont forget out early doors tomorrow...weather forecast is heavy rain too!!
hiya ppqp...how are you doing ..after your cheesy chips n gravy?hey as the manager you will need to be eating proper meals in poshtown ..not at greasy joes caff!!:H yep think you need to sit down and do the plusses and minuses with that one!depends what you want really ..sometimes wearing the sheriffs badge aint what its cut out to be..Im sure you can work it all out..just be happy.
hiya SL.....and how are the gang today then?all good?well congrats to you ...first joliday and you havent boozed on it..well done you..see told you there was nowt to worry about..yes there will always be chances..there are for all of us, but thats where youve got to be a big girl and say no..and you did it ..really pleased for you..go n enjoy the last day before you go back to racing rats!!!
hiya tt...hows you then ? things doing ok?as far as the ice cream goes ..Im in your gang!!had a load of raspberry ripple last night ..looked at the carton..78 cals per scoop..yep ok I will have 2 scoops 156 cals no problem...ermm there was ..dont know what kinda scoop they were talking about ..sure as hell wasnt the same as mine!!hows
work on the house going?
hiya Pauly....know that feeling well..its cant be bothered .com.....and yet when you get into the exercise its brill..so cmon get on that bike! youll feel tons better..
hiya Lav...big brew time...well is it blackberry pie time or not?did you manage to get out?hows the foot holding up?
hiya Sam hows you doing?been studying my books on trees...found Norwegian Canadian and Scots pine...but alas no shit pine :H sounds like you need to go in there with a gallon of petrol not protective clothing!! Laotian food is bit more spicy as they tend to use whole chillis...very very similar tho...the sticky rice etc.
hiya bear....yep less zoooooom..how did the curry go ?oh just because its the weekend...no difference here at all....what dont you do today?as for the fruit on a diet ..be careful..lotsa sugar and cals in some of them...best is strawberries...as for your mates losing that much in a week ....hmmm water/fluids methinks...good app for your phone is my fitness pal.
hiya patrice hows you today then?all good..slooooooooooooooooooooooooow dooooooooooown
right folks for the offski..my mate is picking me up tomorrow at 4.30....AM!!!!
Have a great day.
Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
To keep his nuts warm!
John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money. My mom needs surgery and I have bills to pay. Please let me win the lottery.'' He left the synagogue, a week went by, and he didn't win the lottery. So, he went to a mosque and started to pray again. ''You're starting to disappoint me, God,'' he said. ''I've prayed and prayed. If you just let me win the lottery, I'll be a better person. I don't have to win the jackpot, just enough to get me out of debt. I'll give some to charity, even. Just let me win the lottery.'' John thought this did it, so he got up and walked outside.
The clouds opened up and a booming voice said, ''John, buy a f.cking lottery ticket.''
a riddle for you
Q: On a sunny day, two fathers and two sons went fishing. Each one of them caught one fish. When they went home, there were only three fishes. How can that be?
A: A grandfather, a father and a son went fishing.
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.
''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''
''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''
''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"
Q: Where did the sheep get its haircut?
A: The ba-ba shop
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
?My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.?
?Well put,? the judge replied. ?Using your logic, I sentence the defendant?s arm to one year?s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.?
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer?s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ? ?Thanks for flying XYZ airline?.
An airline pilot on this particular flight hammered his plane into the runway really hard. In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a smart comment. However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything.
Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, ?Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?? Why no Ma?am,? said the pilot, ?What is it?, the little old lady said, ?Did we land or were we shot down??
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.?You have your choice of two brains,? he told the patient, ?For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician.?
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. ?Is the brain of a politician that much better?? he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, ?No, it?s not better, just unused.?
Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize ? a whole year?s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize ? six month?s supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize ? a toilet brush.
When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
?Great,? said Tom. ?I love spaghetti.?
?So do I,? said Dick. ?And how?s the toilet brush, Harry??
?Not so good,? Harry said, ?I reckon I?ll go back to paper??
tea and coffee on the go...dont forget out early doors tomorrow...weather forecast is heavy rain too!!
hiya ppqp...how are you doing ..after your cheesy chips n gravy?hey as the manager you will need to be eating proper meals in poshtown ..not at greasy joes caff!!:H yep think you need to sit down and do the plusses and minuses with that one!depends what you want really ..sometimes wearing the sheriffs badge aint what its cut out to be..Im sure you can work it all out..just be happy.
hiya SL.....and how are the gang today then?all good?well congrats to you ...first joliday and you havent boozed on it..well done you..see told you there was nowt to worry about..yes there will always be chances..there are for all of us, but thats where youve got to be a big girl and say no..and you did it ..really pleased for you..go n enjoy the last day before you go back to racing rats!!!
hiya tt...hows you then ? things doing ok?as far as the ice cream goes ..Im in your gang!!had a load of raspberry ripple last night ..looked at the carton..78 cals per scoop..yep ok I will have 2 scoops 156 cals no problem...ermm there was ..dont know what kinda scoop they were talking about ..sure as hell wasnt the same as mine!!hows
work on the house going?
hiya Pauly....know that feeling well..its cant be bothered .com.....and yet when you get into the exercise its brill..so cmon get on that bike! youll feel tons better..
hiya Lav...big brew time...well is it blackberry pie time or not?did you manage to get out?hows the foot holding up?
hiya Sam hows you doing?been studying my books on trees...found Norwegian Canadian and Scots pine...but alas no shit pine :H sounds like you need to go in there with a gallon of petrol not protective clothing!! Laotian food is bit more spicy as they tend to use whole chillis...very very similar tho...the sticky rice etc.
hiya bear....yep less zoooooom..how did the curry go ?oh just because its the weekend...no difference here at all....what dont you do today?as for the fruit on a diet ..be careful..lotsa sugar and cals in some of them...best is strawberries...as for your mates losing that much in a week ....hmmm water/fluids methinks...good app for your phone is my fitness pal.
hiya patrice hows you today then?all good..slooooooooooooooooooooooooow dooooooooooown
right folks for the offski..my mate is picking me up tomorrow at 4.30....AM!!!!
Have a great day.
Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
To keep his nuts warm!
John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money. My mom needs surgery and I have bills to pay. Please let me win the lottery.'' He left the synagogue, a week went by, and he didn't win the lottery. So, he went to a mosque and started to pray again. ''You're starting to disappoint me, God,'' he said. ''I've prayed and prayed. If you just let me win the lottery, I'll be a better person. I don't have to win the jackpot, just enough to get me out of debt. I'll give some to charity, even. Just let me win the lottery.'' John thought this did it, so he got up and walked outside.
The clouds opened up and a booming voice said, ''John, buy a f.cking lottery ticket.''
a riddle for you
Q: On a sunny day, two fathers and two sons went fishing. Each one of them caught one fish. When they went home, there were only three fishes. How can that be?
A: A grandfather, a father and a son went fishing.
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.
''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''
''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''
''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"
Q: Where did the sheep get its haircut?
A: The ba-ba shop
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
?My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.?
?Well put,? the judge replied. ?Using your logic, I sentence the defendant?s arm to one year?s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.?
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer?s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ? ?Thanks for flying XYZ airline?.
An airline pilot on this particular flight hammered his plane into the runway really hard. In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a smart comment. However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything.
Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, ?Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?? Why no Ma?am,? said the pilot, ?What is it?, the little old lady said, ?Did we land or were we shot down??
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.?You have your choice of two brains,? he told the patient, ?For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician.?
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. ?Is the brain of a politician that much better?? he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, ?No, it?s not better, just unused.?
Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize ? a whole year?s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize ? six month?s supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize ? a toilet brush.
When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
?Great,? said Tom. ?I love spaghetti.?
?So do I,? said Dick. ?And how?s the toilet brush, Harry??
?Not so good,? Harry said, ?I reckon I?ll go back to paper??
Oh well never mind.
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