mae ..and how are we today at the start of the week all goood ?excellent...did ou know that there are only 18 more weekends till Christmas???????life is like a toilet roll...the less youve got left ...the quicker it goes!!:H
had a good day out yesterday...another successful one...
ok on we go ..tea and coffee are available at the main entrance on the way in :H
hiya sf...hows you..still waiting for someone to softly whisper those three little words in your ear?YOU ARE FIRED! :H dont know what you are up to ..but certainly seems like you are enjoying yourself!!
hiya Det..americas got talent?is that got that muppet Cowell in it?..much better off on your hike and shooting...glad you said you were af shooting..being hammered does kinda affect your target acquisition!
hiya ppqp...glad alls well with your dad...hope the assessment on Wednesday tuens out good for him (and you)big brew?here you go..Main thing defo with this job is to be happy thats the key to a whole lot of issues..its ok being a boss..but....remember the brain and ass joke?
yo Pauly how are you today?any more bites whilst DIGGING around in his mouth..think youre lucky he only had one tooth!!dont forget ..that laff at work today..when you are doing mrs la di das hair today..instead of fluffing it all up etc..imagine once youd finished and yakked the place to death..you gave her a mirror and she looked in it and youd shaved the lot off!!
hiya Lav...hows you today then?all good ?out playing in the garden yesterday?I got absolutely soaked through yesterday..never stopped from the moment we set off till the moment we got back...on a mission today..my friend who is the farmer had someone give him 2 dwarf lop eared rabbits..to kill because this persons lazy arse horrible little kids couldnt be bothered looking after them!!We have got a new home for them...but its 120 mile round trip for me today..not bothered its worth it.sorry bout the chicken..give it to your Amish man..just tell him its a little under the weather!!big brew time?
Bear....you know...if you take your time thing go a lot smoother...I actually read your post today at a"normal"pace!sometimes its I did this and this and this and this gotta do this and this and need to do this n this and had a ..and a ..bye..but the last 2 you have written seem more relaxed..as if youve had a chill pill...good for you !hey full marks for yesterday..no reminder needed ..you told everyone what is you dont do.. without prompting :goodjob:..now then what is it you dont do again?..oh and you dont let morticia at work get you all stressyheaded ! have a good one!
hiya Sl...take it you are back now?glad you enjoyed the holiday ..even more glad that you enjoyed it sans alcohol..you made it...first holiday and return with out booze ..absolute respect to you for that..not only have you shown us that you can do it...but more importantly so to you and your daughters..they must be chuffed with you too.
right peeps time to get things organised..so will see you all later..have a grand day
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
?How would you like it if you didn?t see me for two or three days?? To which he replied. ?That would be fine with me.?
Monday went by and he didn?t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.br />
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, ?This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig??
The judge said that was true. ?Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?? the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, ?Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson.?
A young boy walked up to his father and asked, ?Dad, does a lawyer ever tell the truth??
The father thought for a moment. ?Yes, son. Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case.?
?The job notice posted at the Memphis State University placement office advertised for someone to set up a bookkeeping system for a local dinner theater that was filing for bankruptcy. When an eager first-year accounting student inquired, the interviewer told him that the company needed an advanced student capable of handling Chapter 11 proceedings. ??I?m sure I could do it,?" the student proclaimed confidently. ??My class is already up to chapter fourteen.?
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking about a specific condition, she asked, ?How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next??
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, ?A basketball coach??
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, ?There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it?s not legal.?
?That doesn?t matter,? replied the blonde, ?if I can only sell the car.?
?Okay,? said the brunette. ?Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ?fix it?. Then you shouldn?t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.?
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, ?Did you sell your car??
?No,? replied the blonde, ?Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!?
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
?Mr. President,? said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, ?after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars.?
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, ?But that?s impossible . . . we could never do it. yes Mr. President,? and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.
?I have some bad news,? he said, ?the President said that now that we?ve found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress.?
ppqp.......or sf
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody but one woman laughed uproariously. Used to having a better audience, his good mood quickly faded. ?What?s the matter?? grumbled the boss. ?Don?t you get the jokes??
?I don?t have to laugh,? she said. ?I?m leaving Friday.?
When I went to get my driver?s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, ?I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.?
The clerk looked at his picture closely. ?It?s okay,? he reassured the man: ?That?s how you?re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.?
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger.
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. ?Jesus Christ!? he exclaimed.
Joseph said, ?Write that down, Mary; it?s better than Clyde!?
A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, gulps it down, looks in his pocket then orders another one.
He gulps that one down, looks in his pocket again, then orders another one.
He does this about 7 or 8 more times when the bartender finally asks, ?Every time you finish a drink you look in your pocket. What?s in your pocket??
The man replies, ?Oh? I have a picture of my wife in there. I drink until she looks good, then I go home.
had a good day out yesterday...another successful one...
ok on we go ..tea and coffee are available at the main entrance on the way in :H
hiya sf...hows you..still waiting for someone to softly whisper those three little words in your ear?YOU ARE FIRED! :H dont know what you are up to ..but certainly seems like you are enjoying yourself!!
hiya Det..americas got talent?is that got that muppet Cowell in it?..much better off on your hike and shooting...glad you said you were af shooting..being hammered does kinda affect your target acquisition!
hiya ppqp...glad alls well with your dad...hope the assessment on Wednesday tuens out good for him (and you)big brew?here you go..Main thing defo with this job is to be happy thats the key to a whole lot of issues..its ok being a boss..but....remember the brain and ass joke?
yo Pauly how are you today?any more bites whilst DIGGING around in his mouth..think youre lucky he only had one tooth!!dont forget ..that laff at work today..when you are doing mrs la di das hair today..instead of fluffing it all up etc..imagine once youd finished and yakked the place to death..you gave her a mirror and she looked in it and youd shaved the lot off!!
hiya Lav...hows you today then?all good ?out playing in the garden yesterday?I got absolutely soaked through yesterday..never stopped from the moment we set off till the moment we got back...on a mission today..my friend who is the farmer had someone give him 2 dwarf lop eared rabbits..to kill because this persons lazy arse horrible little kids couldnt be bothered looking after them!!We have got a new home for them...but its 120 mile round trip for me today..not bothered its worth it.sorry bout the chicken..give it to your Amish man..just tell him its a little under the weather!!big brew time?
Bear....you know...if you take your time thing go a lot smoother...I actually read your post today at a"normal"pace!sometimes its I did this and this and this and this gotta do this and this and need to do this n this and had a ..and a ..bye..but the last 2 you have written seem more relaxed..as if youve had a chill pill...good for you !hey full marks for yesterday..no reminder needed ..you told everyone what is you dont do.. without prompting :goodjob:..now then what is it you dont do again?..oh and you dont let morticia at work get you all stressyheaded ! have a good one!
hiya Sl...take it you are back now?glad you enjoyed the holiday ..even more glad that you enjoyed it sans alcohol..you made it...first holiday and return with out booze ..absolute respect to you for that..not only have you shown us that you can do it...but more importantly so to you and your daughters..they must be chuffed with you too.
right peeps time to get things organised..so will see you all later..have a grand day
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
?How would you like it if you didn?t see me for two or three days?? To which he replied. ?That would be fine with me.?
Monday went by and he didn?t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.br />
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, ?This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig??
The judge said that was true. ?Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?? the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, ?Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson.?
A young boy walked up to his father and asked, ?Dad, does a lawyer ever tell the truth??
The father thought for a moment. ?Yes, son. Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case.?
?The job notice posted at the Memphis State University placement office advertised for someone to set up a bookkeeping system for a local dinner theater that was filing for bankruptcy. When an eager first-year accounting student inquired, the interviewer told him that the company needed an advanced student capable of handling Chapter 11 proceedings. ??I?m sure I could do it,?" the student proclaimed confidently. ??My class is already up to chapter fourteen.?
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking about a specific condition, she asked, ?How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next??
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, ?A basketball coach??
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, ?There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it?s not legal.?
?That doesn?t matter,? replied the blonde, ?if I can only sell the car.?
?Okay,? said the brunette. ?Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ?fix it?. Then you shouldn?t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.?
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, ?Did you sell your car??
?No,? replied the blonde, ?Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!?
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
?Mr. President,? said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, ?after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars.?
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, ?But that?s impossible . . . we could never do it. yes Mr. President,? and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.
?I have some bad news,? he said, ?the President said that now that we?ve found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress.?
ppqp.......or sf
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody but one woman laughed uproariously. Used to having a better audience, his good mood quickly faded. ?What?s the matter?? grumbled the boss. ?Don?t you get the jokes??
?I don?t have to laugh,? she said. ?I?m leaving Friday.?
When I went to get my driver?s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, ?I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.?
The clerk looked at his picture closely. ?It?s okay,? he reassured the man: ?That?s how you?re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.?
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger.
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. ?Jesus Christ!? he exclaimed.
Joseph said, ?Write that down, Mary; it?s better than Clyde!?
A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, gulps it down, looks in his pocket then orders another one.
He gulps that one down, looks in his pocket again, then orders another one.
He does this about 7 or 8 more times when the bartender finally asks, ?Every time you finish a drink you look in your pocket. What?s in your pocket??
The man replies, ?Oh? I have a picture of my wife in there. I drink until she looks good, then I go home.
PPQP
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