cyawl laters
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My wife."
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.
"We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also inquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies,
"Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted.
"No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked,
"Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse. Just before he rode off, I yelled out,
"What was all that about?" He replied,
"Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner.
"But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man,
"but it's as close as I want to get."
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye.
"What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?"
He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child."
"Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"
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