monday 18 August af daily

[bear73]

Good morning - up for work,I'm still feeling a bit coldy and tired but just me in the office so I will go in and catch up.Nice not to have to deal with tricky person.

It's day 23 and I don't drink ,weight watchers tonight - it's not been a great week food wise and no exercise.Got to keep keeping on though. More fruit and veg and less junk this week is on the cards.

Other than it's Monday and looking forward to seeing parents this weekend and old friends back home.

SL - hope missing puss cat comes home soon,they can be funny sometimes.It's so sad.

Have a great day everyone

[treetops]

monday 18 August af daily

Hi there everyone. Sorry for not writing but I have been really busy and just not in a space to post much. No AL issues to worry about. Well except one - I had to attend a function on Friday night and the smell of the red wine on people's breath made me feel quite ill. I really found it hard to talk to people as all I was getting were the fumes. Really nauseating. Guess its payback time for all the times I breathed such muck at others in the past

Sorry about the missing cat SL - thats always a big worry and kiddies really fret. Lets hope puskins shows up.

Good on you Bear for not drinking today - or the previous 22 days. Atta girl.

Hi there to everyone else - Lav, Sam, PPQP, SF, Patrice, Pauly, Det, Mick - who have I missed out
Might try and watch some drivel before I get my beautification sleep.:H

[Mick]

monday 18 August af daily

mae all and how are we today then ..all good I hope..Julies ma and dad just left ..thought I would get some work done this morning ..ermm no ...guess how many hours it takes to ask if I was taking them to the airport and all other issues..like next doors cat and..other such riveting things!anyways yesterday was another good day..Satzy ..your tec will need to be a bit good if you want to find out what Im at!!anyway on we go with the show tea and coffee at the main entrance..

morning tt ..how are you ?got to agree with you about the smell of stale booze..glad things are doing good for you ..

hiya bear day 23..and you dont drink ...nice catchphrase ..even smarter non action!!hope ww went ok with you...

hiya Lav ..hows you today?what are you up to today then?you have done really well with your veggies ..specially caulies ..I am hopeless at growing them..big brew time..here you go.Guess what ..new series of Amish just started over here!

hiya pauly ..how are you today?all good ..even after a load of choccy eclairs ...dont 4 get..its laff day at work today!

hiya dtd...hows you then?ok well you wanna know about the sunday trips ..ok what I usually do is.................................and when I get there do a bit of...........................and then home...easy innit?

hiya sam...how are you doing?never heard that about the oyster mushrooms...but will look into that ..go for all my tests on Friday,,,yep I know about ..when are you gonna tidy that up...nah nah nah!!

hia sl..go on tell us ..the cat came home right?.....hows things with you?bit its bit frantic at home at the mo..what!!you dont like porridge whats that about? :H its good for you ...allegedly! my bougie plant is doing pretty good ..starting to fill out now

hiya ppqp..hows the holiday?here you go ..holiday cuppa!!

right folks ..off we go ..take it easy everyone and have a great day

Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."


And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."


He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, ?Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn?t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!?

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. ?Yes?? replied the teacher.

?Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk??

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

?Ma?am, did you know you were speeding?? the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, ?What did he say??

?He said you were speeding!? the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, ?May I see your license??

The woman turned to her husband again, ?What did he say??

The old man yelled back, ?He wants to see your license!?

The woman then gave the officer her license.

?I see you are from Arkansas,? the patrolman said. ?I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I?ve ever seen.?

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, ?What did he say??

The old man replied, ?He said he knows you!?

It was Kelly and Patrick giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day.

After a wee bit, Kelly who was sitt?n behind Patrick on the bike began to holler ??Patrick ? Patrick ? the wind is cutt?n me chest out!?

?Well, Kelly my lad,? said Patrick, ?why don?t you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ? that?ll block the wind for you.?

So Kelly took Patrick?s advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again.

After a bit, Patrick turned to talk to Kelly and was horrified to see that he was not there. Patrick immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route.

When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Kelly who was sitting on the ground. ?T?anks be to heaven, is he alright?? Patrick hailed to the farmers.

?Well,? said one of the farmers, ?he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn?t said a word since!?

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return.

?What for?? he snapped at the judge.

His Honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, ?Twenty dollars contempt of court. That?s what for!?

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge said, ?It?s all right. You don?t have to pay now.?

The young man replied, ?I?m just seeing if I have enough for two more words!?

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened.

A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body. ?Englishman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector?, says the Coroner.

The DI is taken to the second dead man.

?Scotsman, 25, won ten thousand on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.?

?Nothing unusual here?, thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body.

?Ah,? says the coroner, ?this is the most unusual one. Irishman, 30, struck by lightning.

?Why is he smiling then?? inquires the Inspector.

To which the coroner replies : ?Thought he was having his picture taken."

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can?t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

Reply from dad?

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ?No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,? he said to himself. He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.

?Here,? she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. ?I found them in the hallway.?

?Now,? she said, ?you havent seen my pet hamster have you?"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."

Bartender:"What is a B and C?".

Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."

Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."

Bartender: "What's a G and T?"

Redhead: "Gin and tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."

Bartender: "What's a 15?"

Blonde: "7 and 7"

Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, ?Danger! Beware of Dog? posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, ?Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of??

?Yep, that?s him,? he replied.

The stranger couldn?t help but be amused. ?That certainly doesn?t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign??

?Because,? the owner replied, ?before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.?

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn?t know what type to get so she just grabs one and takes it to a register manned by a Wal-Mart ?associate? wearing dark shades.

The woman says, ?Excuse me, sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel??

He says, ?Ma?am, I?m blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.?

She doesn?t believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, ?That?s a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It?s a good all-around rod and reel, and it costs $20.00?.

She says, ?That?s amazing! You can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it?s what I?m looking for ? so I?ll take it.?

As the blind man begins to ring up the sale, the woman loudly passes gas. At first, she?s embarrassed, but realizes there?s no way he could tell it was her because he?s blind and wouldn?t know she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale, and says, ?That will be $25.50.?

She replies, ?I thought you said it was only $20.00??

He says, ?Yes ma?am, $20.00 for the rod and reel, but the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is $2.50.?

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."

A man calls the hospital. He shouts into the receiver, ?You gotta send some help, and fast! My wife?s going into labor!?

The nurse says, ?Calm down. Is this her first child??

?No!? he shouts back. ?This is her husband!?

[paulywogg]

monday 18 August af daily

Mae everybody,poor little hamster!that was a good one Mick,btw how many times do i feed my bunny a day?he seems like he's always hungry so i constantly have carrots or something out there for him,hubs says that's too much,hope everyone had a good weekend,i feel like i did too much running around and not enough laying around haha,Monday again,lte's make it a good one

[Lavande]

monday 18 August af daily

Good morning Abbers,

Thanks for the start up Bear
Glad you will be having a peaceful Monday at work.

TT, hope you get plenty of beauty sleep - enough to share with me
I have also become disgusted by the smell of AL & cig smoke as well. Never ever thought I'd be saying something like that. It's almost a miracle!!!

Mick, glad you had a good Sunday & have gotten the in-laws to the airport!
My in-laws divorced shortly after we were married so we had to deal with them separately over the years. They both remarried & ended up divorcing again. I feel comfortable in saying my husband's parents were a couple of losers :H
My DIL & grandsons were here for dinner last night. My daughter & granddaughter are coming for a visit today. Not much time to sit & twiddle my thumbs, that's for sure. Tomorrow I go for the MRI of my foot, oh boy.

SL, sure hope kitty has made an appearance by now!

Greetings to everyone. Sending wishes for a fabulous AF Monday for all!

Lav

[Samstone]

monday 18 August af daily

Morning all!
doing the muggy thing here in ol Virginny. Well did not have to soak myself in epsom salts. Rolling pin was put away cause the sun came out and I got out of the house.

Running late so I'll say hi and bye. Have great one all!
Sam

[porqoui]

monday 18 August af daily

MAE ALL....

Bear...thanks for starting us off. Coldy...now is that really a word? I think your days at the office are going to be a lot easier now. Day 23 look at you go!

TT...hope you're well into your beautification sleep. Sorry to hear you're so busy, know the feeling about being posted out. Glad your absence is not AL related. Remember some me time.

Mick...thanks for the brew, enjoyed it while reading all the jokes in one sitting. :H
Had a lazy morning and only thought about work once. Just long enough to send instructions to other boss to finish off some work I didn't get to. That's it, no more work thinking.

Satz....I kept copious notes on Mick so will fax them to your tec.

Pauly....Hope you're making your Monday a good one, I know I am.

Lav...glad you recognized Bear as the thread starter as I quit scrolling when I got to Mick. :H Good luck with your MRI tomorrow, hope you get some answers.

Sam...mugginess is starting to abate here and by tomorrow we're supposed to have rain for the rest of the week. Maybe I'll get some good thunder storms during my time off. Glad the sun came out.

Time to figure out what to make for lunch as I actually have time to make a lunch. :H

Have a Marvelous AF Monday all and all to come....PPQP

[paulywogg]

monday 18 August af daily

Hah! just re-read the joke about the guy turning his jacket around,that was funny,do you guys get afternoon fatigue?i have got to drink coffee nearly every afternoon just to keep awake,i guess maybe a combo of newly af,waking up too early,and being on my feet build up,hope everyone is good

[Determinator]

monday 18 August af daily

ahoy ABeroooos!

thanks for the jumpstart Bear and keep up the great work.

Pauly, I'm not normally tired during the day but today I am. dunno why as I got some good rest..oh well. heading to the gym soon anyway to get in a few rounds of kickboxing.

ya, I just can't stand AL or ciggy breath at all anymore, which makes hanging out with my coworkers even more crappy.

hmmmm... bout all this sleepy head can come up with

be well everyone

[scottish lass]

monday 18 August af daily

Hi - usual busy Monday and boss back from a week vacation:upset:
No cat yet - damn!!! It is getting too long, especially for this cat....think it is not going to be good news, drove around a bit and luckily not seeing any messes on the road thank goodness, but it really would be nice to know where she is....
Good to see everyone around and staying the course...
Bear - hope you got good news, I have managed to drop 8lbs.....few more to go
One more day before back to school - amazing how much of my list of jobs to do didn't get done - maybe I can borrow your wife's rolling pin Sam, seeing how it is being used right now:H

[paulywogg]

monday 18 August af daily

Arseholes! maybe they're attacking our thread cuz of Mick's spam song,or cuz i bitch about it the most,it's cloudy,maybe rain probly not,Brady's watching some dumb movie and i'm a little bored figured i'd see what was up here,Bear,i could feel you were gonna drink from your last post,alkies must have some sort of sense of what's gonna happen or something,at least you are back in the saddle,next time you get the urge hit up 5 guys instead,i know you love that placeanxiously waiting Lav's mri results,of course they drag ass on giving results to tests,hope everybody has a good rest of the day