its official folks............................................. ............
SCOTTISH LASS....SIX MONTHS TODAY WELL DONE YOU:goodjob::yay:
bet like the rest of us ou never thought you would see this point!!..but you stuck t o it and here you are now !!so ..for all those people that think they cant do it ...this lady proved you can ..your post ...girls back at school so I have my pile of homework to do...ermm cant remember my ma doing my homework for me...in fact I cant remember anyone doing it..including me!!
right on with the thread ..as you can see its a bit more of a sane and sensible time today for me ...yesterday was ok ...nothing to set the world alight with though...Fast day today ....blood tests tomorrow ..taking the outlaws to the airport..its pouring with rain..jings what a fun packed day today is going to be..
oh well tean coffee on the go.....
hiya lifechange ..glad to see you hows things doing?pop in more often and say hi.....tell you what ..lets start a list of who does just pop in ..nothing sinister or scary..just be in teresting to see how many people do find this fred interesting..so if you do just chuck your name down and give us a yell
morning Lav..how are you doing ? hows the foot?gotta pick you up here ..you dont have old friends..they are friends from the past!!anyways hope all went well.and you had a good time and a good old natter..here you go a brew for brekkie
hiya Pauly just for you.....
Customer:
Morning,
Waitress:
Morning.
Customer:
What have you got?
Waitress:
Well, there's egg and bacon,
egg sausage and bacon
Egg and spam
Egg, bacon and spam
Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam
Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!)
Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce
served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines
garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife:
Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress:
Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam
That's not got much spam in it
Wife:
I don't want any spam!
Customer:
Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage?
Wife:
That's got spam in it!
Customer:
Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it?
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam!...)
Wife:
Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then?
Waitress:
Iiiiiiiiiiiich!!
Wife:
What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress (to choir):
Shut up!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up! Bloody Vikings!
You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife:
I don't like spam!
Customer:
Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it,
I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans,
spam, spam, spam, and spam!
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up!! Baked beans are off.
Customer:
Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress:
You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam and spam?
Choir (intervening):
Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam.
Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Spam spam spam spam!
A wall chewing rabbit ,a dog jail and an asshole neighbour..you sure this aint the set for Jeremy Kyle??:H have a great day
hiya Pav ..nice to see you this fine day ..you doing ok?
hiya Sam....hows you today?all good?did you get all your running about done yesterday?whats on the cards today then?
hiya det...hows you today..dont kick the ass out of the exercise...(says he!!)too much is as bad as too little!
hiya ppqp..hows you today? aha the famous database error!!oh well tis a pain ..here you go big brew ..feet up and chillax on your holidays
hiya tt ..how are you today/this evening as it is in upside down land!!what have you been up to recently?very short posts...must b busy..
JUST NOTICED.....BEAR ....where are you?
right folks time to go..have a great day ..and once again well done SL
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock — it’s half-past three in the morning.
“I’m not getting out of bed at this time”, he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. “Hi there,” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push?”
“No. Get lost, it’s half-past three. I was in bed,” says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you.
Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s door to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?”
“But the guy was drunk,” says the husband.
“It doesn’t matter,” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would only be right to help him.”
So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: “Hey, do you still want a push?” and he hears a voice cry out “Yeah please.”
So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: “Where are you?”
And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing set.”
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there was a knock at the door. “Who is it?” called one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replied a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room; they open the door.
“Nice boobs,” said the man. “Where do you want these venetian blinds to be hung?”
I bought a new fridge to get rid of the old, I put it on my front yard and hung a sign : “Free to good home. You want it, you take it.”
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
I changed the sign to read : “Fridge for sale $50.” The next day it was stolen.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquirer about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor…”
A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.”
“Well Sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!"
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand.
Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, “You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”
The old rancher replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”
A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.
The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
Then a third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dog,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
Jon is working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.”
Jon says, “I haven’t got the fingers.”
The doctor says, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? It’s 2000. We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”
Jon says, “Well, Doc, I couldn’t pick ‘em up.”
SCOTTISH LASS....SIX MONTHS TODAY WELL DONE YOU:goodjob::yay:
bet like the rest of us ou never thought you would see this point!!..but you stuck t o it and here you are now !!so ..for all those people that think they cant do it ...this lady proved you can ..your post ...girls back at school so I have my pile of homework to do...ermm cant remember my ma doing my homework for me...in fact I cant remember anyone doing it..including me!!
right on with the thread ..as you can see its a bit more of a sane and sensible time today for me ...yesterday was ok ...nothing to set the world alight with though...Fast day today ....blood tests tomorrow ..taking the outlaws to the airport..its pouring with rain..jings what a fun packed day today is going to be..
oh well tean coffee on the go.....
hiya lifechange ..glad to see you hows things doing?pop in more often and say hi.....tell you what ..lets start a list of who does just pop in ..nothing sinister or scary..just be in teresting to see how many people do find this fred interesting..so if you do just chuck your name down and give us a yell
morning Lav..how are you doing ? hows the foot?gotta pick you up here ..you dont have old friends..they are friends from the past!!anyways hope all went well.and you had a good time and a good old natter..here you go a brew for brekkie
hiya Pauly just for you.....
Customer:
Morning,
Waitress:
Morning.
Customer:
What have you got?
Waitress:
Well, there's egg and bacon,
egg sausage and bacon
Egg and spam
Egg, bacon and spam
Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam
Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!)
Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce
served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines
garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife:
Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress:
Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam
That's not got much spam in it
Wife:
I don't want any spam!
Customer:
Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage?
Wife:
That's got spam in it!
Customer:
Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it?
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam!...)
Wife:
Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then?
Waitress:
Iiiiiiiiiiiich!!
Wife:
What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress (to choir):
Shut up!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up! Bloody Vikings!
You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife:
I don't like spam!
Customer:
Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it,
I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans,
spam, spam, spam, and spam!
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up!! Baked beans are off.
Customer:
Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress:
You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam and spam?
Choir (intervening):
Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam.
Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Spam spam spam spam!
A wall chewing rabbit ,a dog jail and an asshole neighbour..you sure this aint the set for Jeremy Kyle??:H have a great day
hiya Pav ..nice to see you this fine day ..you doing ok?
hiya Sam....hows you today?all good?did you get all your running about done yesterday?whats on the cards today then?
hiya det...hows you today..dont kick the ass out of the exercise...(says he!!)too much is as bad as too little!
hiya ppqp..hows you today? aha the famous database error!!oh well tis a pain ..here you go big brew ..feet up and chillax on your holidays
hiya tt ..how are you today/this evening as it is in upside down land!!what have you been up to recently?very short posts...must b busy..
JUST NOTICED.....BEAR ....where are you?
right folks time to go..have a great day ..and once again well done SL
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock — it’s half-past three in the morning.
“I’m not getting out of bed at this time”, he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. “Hi there,” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push?”
“No. Get lost, it’s half-past three. I was in bed,” says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you.
Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s door to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?”
“But the guy was drunk,” says the husband.
“It doesn’t matter,” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would only be right to help him.”
So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: “Hey, do you still want a push?” and he hears a voice cry out “Yeah please.”
So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: “Where are you?”
And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing set.”
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there was a knock at the door. “Who is it?” called one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replied a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room; they open the door.
“Nice boobs,” said the man. “Where do you want these venetian blinds to be hung?”
I bought a new fridge to get rid of the old, I put it on my front yard and hung a sign : “Free to good home. You want it, you take it.”
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
I changed the sign to read : “Fridge for sale $50.” The next day it was stolen.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquirer about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor…”
A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.”
“Well Sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!"
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand.
Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, “You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”
The old rancher replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”
A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.
The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
Then a third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dog,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
Jon is working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.”
Jon says, “I haven’t got the fingers.”
The doctor says, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? It’s 2000. We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”
Jon says, “Well, Doc, I couldn’t pick ‘em up.”
It's trying to rain here as well and at only 11 degrees feels like it could be snow. We'll be back to the high 20's next week.
Hum drum isn't too bad sounds like it will pass soon. I'm still feeling a little put off with the other boss's comment. Trying not to let it ruin the rest of my break but as we all know sometimes it's easier said than done. I don't know Pauly...I think I'd check with Mick about rabbits hopping up stairs.
Comment