mornin all...and how is the world today then?that is apart from tossers trying to tell me all about football in a million different languages or sell louis vitton handbags!!these spammers must have very sad lives!anyway off we go ..Friday today it is..so the weekend revs up from here..tea and coff ee on the go..tho not for me ..cant even have a brew till after 0930!!
hiya dtd ..how are thing with you today?all good?take it easy and have a great weekend
hiya Lav...well whats the outcome?did you get the phone call?swop you a coffee for some of those tommies..Ive put a couple of bananas in my greenhouse to help ripen things off.what do you do with all the toms?watched the start of the new Amish programme..take note...the start!it was absolute kerap!!you kidz minding today?whatever you have a good one...
hiya Pauly..ha be prepared..yep your rabbit will def be able to climb stairs!!my brown lop eared who I thought was a lazy arse..cleared a 2 ft fence no problem!!you need a cable tidy either make or buy one that way all the wiring is encased in one big toob.Saw RC on another fred couple of weeks ago seems to be doing ok..dunno the details what happened tho.
hiya Caysea..nice to see you..life treating you good?
AHHH the famous Molly malone from Dublins fair city :H and how are you this foine day to be sure?grand?good thats grand ..glad it makes you laff..tho I fail to see how you cant have toime to jump in here...theres plenty of time available between going "ssshh" to noisy people in the library and changing the date on the book stamper :H:H great to see you Molls..hows the rest of your gang?no more canadia trips planned?
hiya ppqp ..hows the joliday doing?have you got another wee cough or was it just the one?
as for the other boss comments....as wise old sage once said to me....fk him and his comments :H he doesnt run your life!!so holiday brew it is for you.
morning bear...no punches pulled on this one...just knew as soon as you didnt post that the wheel had come off...you did really well..just read our own post back to yourself..now what would ou say if someone else had written that? the circumstances leading up to the stress are irrelevant ..they could have been anythin ..ok the cat was ill..accepted that wouldnt be nice to deal with..as for the work issue ..you had dealt with the main bulk of that very well..plus there was quite a bit of support on how to deal with the fallout on here..people are willing to help ..not just with al issues but other things too...just ask..In short and plain speak..I can summarise what the counsellor told you ...you were fed up ...peed off and as a get out whacked the beer n fags..I do note there was no solution given tho..not being disrespectful,but there is probably more knowledge on here than he/ she could ever begin to amass!! so thats it Im afraid...the solution is in your hands...if you want to quit then you need to commit to it it and not go off half cocked when you feel cheesed off..you need other coping skills to fall back on..make some up try some..whether its running screaming punching a wall exercise reading breathing ex,there are loads that dont necessitate the skills required to pull back a ring tab...so now that your ass is sore from falling off the horse, get up,dust down and climb back on...you know you can do it ...so stay focussed ,work on your coping skills, put the individual issues in little boxes and deal with them before they turn into a wall of stress...
hiya SL...hows you today? all good?into your second part of the annum...do you know the most important part of your post? " but more importantly that you could have a good life without drinking, " so pleased that you found that one out.any plans for the weekend?
hiya Sam...hows you this fine day?still grid locked ?be great weekend for you if that carries on...no markets for you.....
hiya tt hows are you today?
right folks time to go ..have a great weekend
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, ?What starting salary were you thinking about??
The Engineer said, ?In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.?
The interviewer said, ?Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years ? say, a red Corvette??
The Engineer sat up straight and said, ?Wow! Are you kidding??
The interviewer replied, ?Yeah, but you started it.?
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. ?Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?? he asked his mother.
?He thinks a lot,? replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband?s baldness.
Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, ?So why do you have so much hair??
George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer?s firm, and was ushered into his office.
?Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?? the lawyer asked.
?Well, if those are my choices, I guess I?ll take the bad news first.?
?Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.?
?That?s the bad news?? George was stunned? ?If you call that bad, I can?t wait to hear the terrible news.?
?The terrible news is that it?s of you and your secretary.?
A doctor had just bought a villa on the French Riviera, when met an old lawyer friend whom he hadn?t seen in years, and they started talking. The lawyer, as it turned out, owned a nearby villa. They discussed how they came to retire to the Riviera.
?Remember that lousy office complex I bought?? asked the lawyer, ?Well, it caught fire, and I retired here with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here??
The doctor replied, ?Remember that real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds. It?s amazing that we both ended up here in pretty much the same way.?
?It sure is,? the lawyer replied, looking puzzled, ?but I?m confused about one thing ? how do you start a flood??
It?s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! ?Who?s been eating my porridge?? he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! ?Who?s been eating my porridge?? he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, ?For Pete?s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mummy Bear who go up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mummy Bear who set the table. It was Mummy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat?s water & food dish. And now that you?ve decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence?. listen good because I?m only going to say this one more time??. I haven?t made the @#*% porridge yet!!
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids.
He returned a month later for a checkup, and the doctor said, ?Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.?
The gentleman replied, ?Oh, I haven?t told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but, now I listen to the conversations. I?ve changed my will three times already.
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- ?House? for instance, is feminine: ?la casa?. ?Pencil?, however, is masculine: ?el l?piz.?
A student asked what gender is ?computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ?computer? should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men?s group decided that ?computer? should definitely be of the feminine gender (?la computadora?), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women?s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (?el computador?), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can?t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
A new employee (a blonde) is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory, and she reports for her first day promptly at 0800. The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager?s door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there, the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo?s all over the factory floor and they?re really beginning to pileup.At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo?s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo?s legs
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. I?m sorry,he says to her, barely able to I keep a straight face, but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door,she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: ?Ma?am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.?
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, ?Let?s get off the corner people.?
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, ?Let?s get off that corner? NOW!?
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, ?Well, how did I do??
Pretty good,? chuckled the vet, ?especially since this is a bus stop.?
Two morons are riding around looking for a place to have a picnic.
One moron says, ?Hey, lets have a picnic over there under that tree.?
The other moron says,? No, no, lets have it in the middle of the road.?
They fought and came to a decision to have it in the middle of the road. Not long afterwards a car came speeding towards them, swerved off the road and ran into the tree.
One moron says, ?See if we were over there we would be dead right now.?
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, ?I had a big house built for Mama.?
The second said, ?I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house.?
The third said ?I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.?
The fourth said, ?You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can?t read anymore because she can?t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.?
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes.
?She wrote: ?Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.?
?Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.?
?Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I?ve lost my hearing and I?m nearly blind. I?ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.?
?Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.?
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.
"What's the matter, son," asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet."
"What do you mean 'all wet?'"
"I mean," he replied, "below C-level."
and finally.....Molly ..just for you
Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal.
?Hey there?s some wonderful salmon, where did you get them??
?Don?t tell anyone,? replied the Englishmen, ?but we poached them out of the river.?
?How did you do that?? asked Donal
?Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream, he just catches them.?
?We?ll try that Michael me boy.? says Donal
They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael screams?
?Quick pull me up, pull me up!?
?Have you got a salmon?? asks Donal,
?No,? replies Michael ?but there?s a train coming.?
hiya dtd ..how are thing with you today?all good?take it easy and have a great weekend
hiya Lav...well whats the outcome?did you get the phone call?swop you a coffee for some of those tommies..Ive put a couple of bananas in my greenhouse to help ripen things off.what do you do with all the toms?watched the start of the new Amish programme..take note...the start!it was absolute kerap!!you kidz minding today?whatever you have a good one...
hiya Pauly..ha be prepared..yep your rabbit will def be able to climb stairs!!my brown lop eared who I thought was a lazy arse..cleared a 2 ft fence no problem!!you need a cable tidy either make or buy one that way all the wiring is encased in one big toob.Saw RC on another fred couple of weeks ago seems to be doing ok..dunno the details what happened tho.
hiya Caysea..nice to see you..life treating you good?
AHHH the famous Molly malone from Dublins fair city :H and how are you this foine day to be sure?grand?good thats grand ..glad it makes you laff..tho I fail to see how you cant have toime to jump in here...theres plenty of time available between going "ssshh" to noisy people in the library and changing the date on the book stamper :H:H great to see you Molls..hows the rest of your gang?no more canadia trips planned?
hiya ppqp ..hows the joliday doing?have you got another wee cough or was it just the one?
as for the other boss comments....as wise old sage once said to me....fk him and his comments :H he doesnt run your life!!so holiday brew it is for you.
morning bear...no punches pulled on this one...just knew as soon as you didnt post that the wheel had come off...you did really well..just read our own post back to yourself..now what would ou say if someone else had written that? the circumstances leading up to the stress are irrelevant ..they could have been anythin ..ok the cat was ill..accepted that wouldnt be nice to deal with..as for the work issue ..you had dealt with the main bulk of that very well..plus there was quite a bit of support on how to deal with the fallout on here..people are willing to help ..not just with al issues but other things too...just ask..In short and plain speak..I can summarise what the counsellor told you ...you were fed up ...peed off and as a get out whacked the beer n fags..I do note there was no solution given tho..not being disrespectful,but there is probably more knowledge on here than he/ she could ever begin to amass!! so thats it Im afraid...the solution is in your hands...if you want to quit then you need to commit to it it and not go off half cocked when you feel cheesed off..you need other coping skills to fall back on..make some up try some..whether its running screaming punching a wall exercise reading breathing ex,there are loads that dont necessitate the skills required to pull back a ring tab...so now that your ass is sore from falling off the horse, get up,dust down and climb back on...you know you can do it ...so stay focussed ,work on your coping skills, put the individual issues in little boxes and deal with them before they turn into a wall of stress...
hiya SL...hows you today? all good?into your second part of the annum...do you know the most important part of your post? " but more importantly that you could have a good life without drinking, " so pleased that you found that one out.any plans for the weekend?
hiya Sam...hows you this fine day?still grid locked ?be great weekend for you if that carries on...no markets for you.....
hiya tt hows are you today?
right folks time to go ..have a great weekend
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, ?What starting salary were you thinking about??
The Engineer said, ?In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.?
The interviewer said, ?Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years ? say, a red Corvette??
The Engineer sat up straight and said, ?Wow! Are you kidding??
The interviewer replied, ?Yeah, but you started it.?
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. ?Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?? he asked his mother.
?He thinks a lot,? replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband?s baldness.
Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, ?So why do you have so much hair??
George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer?s firm, and was ushered into his office.
?Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?? the lawyer asked.
?Well, if those are my choices, I guess I?ll take the bad news first.?
?Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.?
?That?s the bad news?? George was stunned? ?If you call that bad, I can?t wait to hear the terrible news.?
?The terrible news is that it?s of you and your secretary.?
A doctor had just bought a villa on the French Riviera, when met an old lawyer friend whom he hadn?t seen in years, and they started talking. The lawyer, as it turned out, owned a nearby villa. They discussed how they came to retire to the Riviera.
?Remember that lousy office complex I bought?? asked the lawyer, ?Well, it caught fire, and I retired here with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here??
The doctor replied, ?Remember that real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds. It?s amazing that we both ended up here in pretty much the same way.?
?It sure is,? the lawyer replied, looking puzzled, ?but I?m confused about one thing ? how do you start a flood??
It?s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! ?Who?s been eating my porridge?? he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! ?Who?s been eating my porridge?? he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, ?For Pete?s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mummy Bear who go up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mummy Bear who set the table. It was Mummy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat?s water & food dish. And now that you?ve decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence?. listen good because I?m only going to say this one more time??. I haven?t made the @#*% porridge yet!!
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids.
He returned a month later for a checkup, and the doctor said, ?Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.?
The gentleman replied, ?Oh, I haven?t told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but, now I listen to the conversations. I?ve changed my will three times already.
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- ?House? for instance, is feminine: ?la casa?. ?Pencil?, however, is masculine: ?el l?piz.?
A student asked what gender is ?computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ?computer? should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men?s group decided that ?computer? should definitely be of the feminine gender (?la computadora?), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women?s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (?el computador?), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can?t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
A new employee (a blonde) is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory, and she reports for her first day promptly at 0800. The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager?s door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there, the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo?s all over the factory floor and they?re really beginning to pileup.At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo?s. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo?s legs
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. I?m sorry,he says to her, barely able to I keep a straight face, but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door,she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: ?Ma?am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.?
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, ?Let?s get off the corner people.?
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, ?Let?s get off that corner? NOW!?
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, ?Well, how did I do??
Pretty good,? chuckled the vet, ?especially since this is a bus stop.?
Two morons are riding around looking for a place to have a picnic.
One moron says, ?Hey, lets have a picnic over there under that tree.?
The other moron says,? No, no, lets have it in the middle of the road.?
They fought and came to a decision to have it in the middle of the road. Not long afterwards a car came speeding towards them, swerved off the road and ran into the tree.
One moron says, ?See if we were over there we would be dead right now.?
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, ?I had a big house built for Mama.?
The second said, ?I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house.?
The third said ?I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.?
The fourth said, ?You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can?t read anymore because she can?t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.?
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes.
?She wrote: ?Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.?
?Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.?
?Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I?ve lost my hearing and I?m nearly blind. I?ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.?
?Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.?
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.
"What's the matter, son," asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet."
"What do you mean 'all wet?'"
"I mean," he replied, "below C-level."
and finally.....Molly ..just for you
Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal.
?Hey there?s some wonderful salmon, where did you get them??
?Don?t tell anyone,? replied the Englishmen, ?but we poached them out of the river.?
?How did you do that?? asked Donal
?Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream, he just catches them.?
?We?ll try that Michael me boy.? says Donal
They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael screams?
?Quick pull me up, pull me up!?
?Have you got a salmon?? asks Donal,
?No,? replies Michael ?but there?s a train coming.?
PPQP
Comment