White rabbits!!!!...mae all..and how are we today then?all good?again gotta be pretty quick..all this week I am out earlyish...well not at early as usual!!computer tells me it only takes 32 mins to get there...I know different ..my ues is an hour at least ..kidz all start back at skool today!!so Im out mon tues wed fri mornings..who said retired is doing nowt??:H ok no with the show ..its poring with rain here..allegedly going to be a heat wave this week..where??
tea and coffee on the go now ..
hiya tt ...hows you ?all good?nope not on a break ...but....picking the outlaws up 1am Friday morning
think that would drive me mad having to create breaks from work like that..I would need a definitive break!!
Hiya Lav did you achieve our mission?a big fat zero done???:H have a biiiiiiiiig brew this morn seeing its September
hey Pauly ..take a deep breath before you do anything...youre gettin tied up in knots there..better still write it down and look at what you can do for each thing thatz bugging you..some you wont be able to fix..some you will when they are on their own. :l
hiya ppqp ...how did supper go with your twin..(hey theres 2 of you
? )hows her drinking doing?back to work today ..dont forget your boss owes you a hoooooooge favour...better still dont let him forget!!..one morning brew ..here you go.
hiya SL...How are you today then ?bbq cleaned?dont think ours has been out this year!..nice to read you story and also glad that you have got your life back..I always think that sounds really dramatic ..but its actually true.doing this in the main computer..laptop is going back on Thursday.
hiya bear how are you today?hope all is well .you back in work today?
hiya Det..gotta hand it to you...you come up with some maaaad concoctions!!is it tomorrow you are on the road for a week?
hiya Sam...hope you are enjoying your holiday!!
Right fols ..time to move me butt...have a great day all...
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."
A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, ?Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.?
?Well then, just give me my money back.?
?Cain?t do that. I went and spent it already.?
?OK then, just unload the donkey.?
?What ya gonna do with em.?
?I?m gonna raffle him off.?
?Ya cain?t raffle off a dead donkey!?
?Sure I can. Watch me. I just won?t tell anyone he?s dead.?
A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, ?What happened with the dead donkey??
?I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898.00.?
?Didn?t no one complain??
?Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back.?
There is a blonde, she wants to buy a microwave.
So she goes in and asks the sales clerk, ?How much for that microwave??
The salesclerk replies, ?We don?t sell Microwaves to blondes.?
So the next day she dyes her hair red, and goes in and asks the same question. The sales clerk answers, ?we don?t sell microwaves to blondes.?
So the next day she dyes her hair brunette and goes and asks the same question. The salesclerk replies the same way.
The blonde asks how he knows she is a blonde. The clerk says, ?That isn?t a microwave it?s a TV.?
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.
The defense lawyer asks Sam, ?Did you see my client commit this burglary??
?Yes,? said Sam , ?I saw him plainly take the goods.?
The lawyer asks Sam again, ?Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime??
?Yes? says Sam, ?I saw him do it.?
Then the lawyer asks Sam, ?Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night??
Sam says, ?I can see the moon, how far is that??
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
?Listen,? said the CEO, ?this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work??
?Certainly,? said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
?Excellent, excellent!? said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. ?I just need one copy.?
Fred?s convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.
?I suppose,? said his pretty but reluctant date, ?you?re going to pull the old ?out of gas? routine.?
?No,? said Fred, ?I?m going to pull the ?here after? routine.?
?The ?here after? routine? what?s that??, she wanted to know.
?If you?re not here after what I?m here after, you?ll be here after I?m gone.?
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.
He takes a bite out of it, and notices there?s a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, ?Waitress, there?s a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!?
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, ?That?s disgusting!?
Then the waitress says, ?You think that?s disgusting you should see him make donuts.?
What a Woman Says:
?This place is a mess! C?mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and if we don?t do laundry right now
you?ll have no clothes to wear.?
What a Man Hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C?MON
blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES.
tea and coffee on the go now ..
hiya tt ...hows you ?all good?nope not on a break ...but....picking the outlaws up 1am Friday morning
think that would drive me mad having to create breaks from work like that..I would need a definitive break!!Hiya Lav did you achieve our mission?a big fat zero done???:H have a biiiiiiiiig brew this morn seeing its September
hey Pauly ..take a deep breath before you do anything...youre gettin tied up in knots there..better still write it down and look at what you can do for each thing thatz bugging you..some you wont be able to fix..some you will when they are on their own. :l
hiya ppqp ...how did supper go with your twin..(hey theres 2 of you
? )hows her drinking doing?back to work today ..dont forget your boss owes you a hoooooooge favour...better still dont let him forget!!..one morning brew ..here you go.hiya SL...How are you today then ?bbq cleaned?dont think ours has been out this year!..nice to read you story and also glad that you have got your life back..I always think that sounds really dramatic ..but its actually true.doing this in the main computer..laptop is going back on Thursday.
hiya bear how are you today?hope all is well .you back in work today?
hiya Det..gotta hand it to you...you come up with some maaaad concoctions!!is it tomorrow you are on the road for a week?
hiya Sam...hope you are enjoying your holiday!!
Right fols ..time to move me butt...have a great day all...
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."
A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, ?Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.?
?Well then, just give me my money back.?
?Cain?t do that. I went and spent it already.?
?OK then, just unload the donkey.?
?What ya gonna do with em.?
?I?m gonna raffle him off.?
?Ya cain?t raffle off a dead donkey!?
?Sure I can. Watch me. I just won?t tell anyone he?s dead.?
A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, ?What happened with the dead donkey??
?I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898.00.?
?Didn?t no one complain??
?Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back.?
There is a blonde, she wants to buy a microwave.
So she goes in and asks the sales clerk, ?How much for that microwave??
The salesclerk replies, ?We don?t sell Microwaves to blondes.?
So the next day she dyes her hair red, and goes in and asks the same question. The sales clerk answers, ?we don?t sell microwaves to blondes.?
So the next day she dyes her hair brunette and goes and asks the same question. The salesclerk replies the same way.
The blonde asks how he knows she is a blonde. The clerk says, ?That isn?t a microwave it?s a TV.?
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.
The defense lawyer asks Sam, ?Did you see my client commit this burglary??
?Yes,? said Sam , ?I saw him plainly take the goods.?
The lawyer asks Sam again, ?Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime??
?Yes? says Sam, ?I saw him do it.?
Then the lawyer asks Sam, ?Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night??
Sam says, ?I can see the moon, how far is that??
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
?Listen,? said the CEO, ?this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work??
?Certainly,? said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
?Excellent, excellent!? said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. ?I just need one copy.?
Fred?s convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.
?I suppose,? said his pretty but reluctant date, ?you?re going to pull the old ?out of gas? routine.?
?No,? said Fred, ?I?m going to pull the ?here after? routine.?
?The ?here after? routine? what?s that??, she wanted to know.
?If you?re not here after what I?m here after, you?ll be here after I?m gone.?
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.
He takes a bite out of it, and notices there?s a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, ?Waitress, there?s a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!?
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, ?That?s disgusting!?
Then the waitress says, ?You think that?s disgusting you should see him make donuts.?
What a Woman Says:
?This place is a mess! C?mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and if we don?t do laundry right now
you?ll have no clothes to wear.?
What a Man Hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C?MON
blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES.
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