morning bear ..how are you feeling today then?hope all is well after the biopsy.
hi tt ..you ok? excellent take it that its shut eye time for you again? nite nite....
hiya Lav...you cant rest for a minute can you? ok lets see...what part of not resting are you going to do today?Im off tomorrow so hopefully will get some plants put in the garden..got another couple of plants for the conservatory..also the banana tree that I bought about 6 inches tall is about 3 ft tall now..hopefully get some bananas off it?will try n put some pics up tomorrow.so grab a brew and chill out!
hiya pauly ...day 31...on the way now girl...yeehah..fingers crossed that the freezer is working ok for you.
hiya ppqp...you need one ov these ..a group :l well done for looking after your sister..obviously she hasnt got the bit about not drinking yet.. yesterday when I was out,I was with a group of people ...all either retired,semi retired or working for themselves...as people do they talk about all and sundry..one woman started a conversation about drinking, and how she felt better because she didnt,then she said that she just had a few?and others starting going on about their limits etc..one person actually said that they had to judge how many to have when they were out to stay under the drink drive limit!!any way all this time I was doing my own thing,and after about half an hour ,someone got me involved in the convo...I just simply said I didnt drink...what a change in the conversation..youd think I had said I fly to the moon!!it was as if I had done some sort of miracle!I deliberately counted in the convo after that..and the phrase "I wish I could give up "..or similar came up 9 times in the next 15 minutes!!really weird....
I digress ..heres your brew!!and have a great day!
Hiya SL..yikes you werent kidding when you said there was a water shortage!!interviewing and making miracles happen ..wow ..hat off to you lady!!just look at you..5k running..now would ou have thought that 7 months ago? heres a good website to have a peek at..
Couch to 5k - C25K Running Program
hiya Sam ..hope you hol is good mate..hope you n mrs sam are enjoying it!
hiya Det...hows you doing?still staying outta the sin bin?glad you had a relaxing night..
right folks time to say goodbyeso have a good one ..just gotta check see if theres a fred up!!
Two men with babies bump into each other at the mall
- I am very sorry about that, I didn?t see you I was looking for my wife.
- You know what, I?m looking for mine too, I don?t know what happened to her, where she is..
- Well, how does your wife look, let?s search for her together.
- Well, she?s tall, gorgeous legs, big breasts, tight butt, cute face, thick lips, and so on, what about yours?
- Forget about mine, let?s look for yours!!
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, ?What?s in the bags?? ?Sand,? answered Juan.
The guard says, ?We?ll just see about that. Get off the bike.? The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man?s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, ?What have you got?? />
?Sand,? says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn?t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
?Hey, Buddy,? says the guard, ?I know you are smuggling something. It?s driving me crazy. It?s all I think about?.. I can?t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling??
Juan sips his beer and says, ?Bicycles.?
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, ?I?ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition.?
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, ?You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.?
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman?s hand.
He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, ?Paint my house.?
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he?s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can move aside to let him go to the bathroom. He knows he can?t climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can?t hold it in any longer and hurls all over the big guy?s chest.
About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
?So,? says the little guy, ?are you feeling any better now?
A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving him the have evening off to do as he pleasd since they would be out until quite late.
The couple went to a ball and dinner. After an hour an a half, the wife told her husband that she was terribly bored and that she preferred to go home and finish some work for the next stay.
The husband responded that he had to stay for a few more hours to meet some very important people who were his new business partners.
So the wife went home alone and found the the butler spread out on the couch watching TV.
She slowly moved towards him and sat down very seductively. She then told him to come closer. Then even closer.
She moved forward and whispered in his ear ?Take off my dress??.
?Now take off my bra.
?Next remove my shoes and stockings.?
?Now remove my garter belt and panties?
She then looked deep into his eyes and in a sharp voice shouted ?The next time I catch you wearing my clothes, you?re fired!"
A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
?I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you?ll have lost at least 5 pounds.?
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
?Why, that?s amazing!? the doctor said, ?Did you follow my instructions??
The woman nodded. ?I?ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.?
?From hunger, you mean??
?No, from skipping.?
John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The catch was, though, pets weren?t allowed on the cruise. So John decided to leave his cat with his best friend, Al. Al agreed to come over to John?s house and live with his mom for the duration of the cruise. John told Al, ?Just feed the cat three meals a day, and take good care of him. He?s my prize-winning cat!? And with that, he left. The next day, John phoned Al on his cell phone and asked, ?How are things??
To which Al responded, ?Things are fine.?
?How?s Mom??
?Mom?s fine.?
?How?s the cat??
?The cat?s fine.? Satisfied, John hung up. Next day, John called Al again, asking the same questions.
?How are things??
?Things are fine.?
?How?s Mom??
?Mom?s fine.?
?How?s the cat??
?The cat?s DEAD.?
?WHAT?!?? John was quite distressed. ?How could you let it die? It was my prize cat!?
?Well, John, I?m sorry, but I couldn?t do anything, I didn?t see it. But what I think happened was that the cat was on the roof, fell off, and broke his leg. Then, he hobbled out into the road, and got run over.? John was cooling down a bit now, and said, ?Well, couldn?t you have tried to break it to me over time? You could have said it bit by bit. For example, you could have first said ?The cat?s on the roof?, then the next day said ?The cat fell off the roof, and broke its leg?, see what I?m saying.?
?Yeah, yeah, I get it. See you later, John.?
?Ok? bye.? John hung up. The next day, John phoned Al again.
?How are things??
?Things are fine.?
?How?s Mom??
?Umh,? Al said, ?Mom?s on the roof.?
My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.
Nancy?s mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, ?It?s true, Mom.
?Think of something to ask it.? As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy?s mother thought a minute, then responded, ?How is Aunt Helen feeling??
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted in hassling him to no end until finally he gave in.
?OK!? he said with exasperation, ?Follow me.? and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him.
?Do you see that tree over there?? he asked.
?Yes, yes, yes!? the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
?Good,? said the first bat, ?Because I DIDN?T!?
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