Friday, September 5

[Samstone]

Clock just struck midnight here, thought I'd get an early start!
So yesterday was hotter than it needed to be. Did some veying, came home to work on the old motorcycle. Been Jonesing to go riding lately, haven't been all summer. Had to remember where I was when I last left off working on it. Ain't happening this weekend. Going to a small fiddle fest this weekend. Was hoping to ride but looks like rain so.... not this time.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!!
Sam

[bear73]

Friday, September 5

hey samstone,quick post before i need to finish coffee,shower and leave house in 5 min.
do you play bluegrass?I've ridden a horse once and was a bit scared,they're huge - respect to you.

I don't drink and it's day 7 today,planning healthy food for the week,cooking fish stew tomorrow.
just bought a new low cal cook book from hairy bikers so going to use that and try a few new things.

Off early for hygienist and car in for MOT,hope it passes,then off into town to get eyebrows threaded and maybe dyed.I have a ?20 voucher for shops so may treat myself to a new MAC lipstick and an eyeliner.

Happy Friday everyone,will post later properly,putting self first.

[Mick]

Friday, September 5

hia all...aint stopping long ...what a palaver!!!was out last night..and got home about 10..had to pick the outlaws up from the airport..their plane was scheduled to land 0105am...plus this morning I am out at 9 so thought rather than go to bed, I would stay up,then once I got home could have a good sleep...that went pear shaped..plane didnt land till 0147..by the time 0ver 1000 people had collected their luggage..and gone thru customs ..with only 2 customs officers on duty!!..got home 3.18 am ..shattered..and today is manual labour for me..(hate that spanish guy!!)so rather me burble on ..thought I would put some jokez up ..oh yeh and have a hooge brew to stay awake!!so big shout to everyone ..apologies for the non individualistic approach, but time is moving on now..have a gr8 weekend.

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. ?This dog can speak English,? he claims to the unimpressed agent.
?Okay, Sport,? the guys says to the dog, ?What?s on the top of a house?? ?Roof!? the dog replies.
?Oh, come on?? the talent agent responds. ?All dogs go ?roof?.? ?No, wait,? the guy says. He asks the dog, ?What does sandpaper feel like?? ?Rough!? the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending stare. He is losing his patience. ?No, hang on,? the guy says. ?This one will amaze you.? He turns and asks the dog: ?Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?? ?Ruth!? barks the dog.
The talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. The dog then turns to the guy and says, ?Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio??

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. ?This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The first blonde answers, ?That?s easy, we?ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!? The policeman says, ?Well?uh?that?s because the picture shows his side profile.?

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, ?This is your suspect, how would you recognize him??

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, ?Ha! He?d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!? The policeman angrily responds, ?What?s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it?s a picture of his side profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, ?This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?? He quickly adds?? think hard before giving me a stupid answer.?

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, ?Hmmmm?the suspect wears contact lenses.? The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn?t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. ?Well, that?s an interesting answer?wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I?ll get back to you on that.?

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect?s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

?Wow! I can?t believe it?it?s TRUE! The suspect does
in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?

?That?s easy,? the blonde replied.
?He can?t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied ?I don't know, it all happened so fast.?

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: ?Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!??
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: ?Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....?

A guy and his buddy are getting trashed in a bar when the guy pukes on himself. he gets all upset and explains to his buddy that the last time he went out drinking he puked on himself and his wife got really mad at him.
"No problem" says the buddy "take a 20 dollar bill and put it in your shirt pocket and tell your wife somebody you didn't know puked on you and gave you 20 dollars for the cleaning."
The two of them proceed to get drunker.
When the guy goes home his wife is, as expected, upset.
"You barfed all over yourself!" said the wife.
"No I have not, some guy puked on me and gave me 20 dollars to clean my shirt! and its right here in my pocket!"
The wife puts her hand in the guys shirt pocket and pulls out two 20 dollar bills.
"Hey, you have 40 dollars in your shirt pocket?!?! says the wife.
"Yeah, he crapped my pants too!"

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"!

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested. "Not according to my radar," the trooper said. "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back. "No you weren't!" the trooper said. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, 'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Obama strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.

They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.

Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.

She turned to Mr. Obama and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."

The president replied, , "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

[porqoui]

Friday, September 5

MAE ALL...

Mick...and I thought I cornered the market on pulling an all nighter. Hope the manual labor isn't too strenuous. You'll be ready for bed tonight.

Bear...hope the car passes. Sounds like a good me day for you today.

Sam...thanks for kicking us off. I think it was your bike that you were planning on riding to the fiddle fest right? I also hope you meant an early start to the thread or are you joining the all nighter club.

It's Friday again but no chance of a late night call to casino. Hope everyone has a Fabulous AF Friday.....PPQP

[paulywogg]

Friday, September 5

Mae everybody,no allnighters for me,i feel too weird when i don't get my sleep,i love the expression"pear shaped"Mick,i love buying new make up Bear,even if it's something small it's still fun to me,Sam,go riding it'll be fun,i didn't know they had casinos where you live PPQ,but i guess they're everywhere these days,i haven't been gambling in months,probly for the best cuz i chain smoke when playing and the stupid cocktail watress keeps coming around,yeah they hound you like vultures when you're sober,but in my drinking days i couldn't find tbem anywhere haha,sad news,Winslow got into the tortoise's habitat and bit him,he died yesterday i felt sad,poor little guy,i was angry at Winslow but more angry at hubs for not securing it properly,hope everybody has a good Friday,take a nap later Mick

[paulywogg]

Friday, September 5

Where is sweet Lav?

[bear73]

Friday, September 5

sorry to hear about tortoise,is winslow your dog or a cat?

car failed MOT,don't have too much cash atm,never a good time - least i have time next few weekends to look at cars,now whether to go for newer second hand this time...

feeling like hibernating this weekend,so I am,OH playing gig and back about 2am,just don't want to see anyone,enjoying being a hermit,no motivation to do anything - so I'm not pressuring myself.
Cat and me and an early bed.leftover homemade thai chicken curry for dinner.

[paulywogg]

Friday, September 5

Winslow is my crazy dog

[scottish lass]

Friday, September 5

Hi - checking in - missed yesterday - spent 30 hours fighting bureaucracy so that someone who is dying could get the heart they need to live - am exhausted but exhilarated - what a world we live in....
sorry about your car Bear - hope you got some treats, and pretty brows
Sorry about your tortoise Pauly....
Sleep tite Mick
Hi everyone else - off to get grocery's as none left - will get some flowers instead of wine as my reward for successful fight...

[Lavande]

Friday, September 5

Greetings Abbers,

Just sent my daughter & granddaughter home. They were starting to look like they were going to stay a 3rd night :H I love having them here but it's exhausting (especially when you have to do so much hopping on one foot :H)

Sam, you were up pretty late last night
Is it as hot & humid down your way as it is here? Yucky outside! Save the riding for drier & cooler weather.

bear, sorry about the car. Something around here always seems to need attention & nothing is real cheap. Bleeding money is a pretty easy thing to do, it seems. Enjoy your time & relax.

Mick, sorry you were kept out until all hours. Your in-laws are lucky folks to have you!
They seem to visit fairly frequently

PQ, you never did get any of that snow - did you??
Right now a touch of snow wouldn't be a bad idea - better that melting in this heat!
Hope you have a great weekend!

Pauly, sounds like your little zoo is getting out of control. That's why I make the chickens stay in their own damn house :H
Sorry about your turtle, my dogs would do the same thing if given the chance.

Hi there SL!
Congrats on your hard work, I'm sure the transplant recipient is grateful too!
We had to help my brother-in-law go through the process when his 18 yr son died because we knew he wanted to be an organ donor. It's always a tough process.

Greetings to TT, Det & whoever I am missing. Have a peaceful AF night one & all.

Lav

[paulywogg]

Friday, September 5

I relapsed yet AGAIN!! just having a tough time dealing with reality i guess,i pretty much feel like it was expected,as it's my pattern,i'm sorry to keep doing this,guess i'm not an long term abstainer,so embarrased,so scared,so stupid! wanted to escape my life for a bit,i just made it harder

[treetops]

Friday, September 5

Are you still drinking Pauly? It doesn't have to be a binge. quit now. Pour the drink away.

[paulywogg]

Friday, September 5

Oh TT,it was just culmitive,pms,finding my poor turtle lifeless,anni of gramma passing,the events of last year,my b-day coming up(which is just depressing cuz of last year)ALL excuses,i know! but sometimes i get sick of being strong,seeing Michelle jobless and depressed,bleh the madness of my life that i'm trying to build,i need a new plan,this one went pear shaped on me!

[treetops]

Friday, September 5

Get some sleep Pauly or try to rest. Yes you have a lot of pain there.
A lot. You can deal with a plan later on. Just don't give up honey.
Hey it's my birthday too next week and I never handle this well. What day is yours?