mae all...just a quick jump in here ..its 510am...just getting ready for the offski..hope y all have a great day...coffee here if anyone wants one......
A drunk staggered down to hotel reception and demanded a change of room. He was so insistent that the receptionist was forced to call the manager.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the manager.
"I want another room," said the drunk.
"But I see you're in room 341. That's one of the best rooms in the hotel."
"I don't care. I want another room."
"Very well sir. If you're adamant, we can move you from 341 to 362. But would you mind telling me what you don't like about your room?"
"Well," said the drunk, "for one thing, it's on fire."
When a patient regained conciousness after an operation, the surgeon told her: "I'm really sorry, but I'm affraid we're going to have to open you up again. You see, unfortunately I left my rubber gloves inside you."
The patient said: "Well, if that's all it is, I'd prefer you to leave me alone and I'll buy you a new pair."
A man was visiting a friend in the hospital. He had recently quit smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he stepped into the elevator. But a woman who was already in the elevator told him firmly: "Sir, there is no smoking in this hospital!"
"I'm not smoking, lady," replied the man.
"But you have a cigar in your mouth!"
"Yes, and I'm wearing jockey shorts, but I'm not riding a horse!"
Driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, a man had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a cell phone with him, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call sign and asked for assistance.
A coastguard officer responded: "Please state your location."
The man said "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."
style="font-size: 112pxpx;">The officer paused. "Could you repeat that?"
"Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."
There was a longer pause. Then the officer asked: "Just how fast were you going when you hit the shore?"
On a hot summer afternoon a beautiful young woman came across a secluded pool, largely hidden from view by a row of bushes. After checking that nobody was around, she took off all her clothes, but just as she was about to jump in, a man appeared from behind the bushes.
"I've been watching you!" he yelled, "This is private farm land, and I'm the owner. Swimming in this pool is strictly prohibited."
"You could have told me that before I undressed!" she said.
The farmer replied: "Swimming is prohibited; undressing isn't."
A farmhand went to church one Sunday, but when he entered he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the farmhand if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
"Well," said the farmhand, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd still feed him."
So the minister began his sermon. An hour passed, then two hours, then two and a half hours. Finally the preacher finished and asked the farmhand whether he had enjoyed the sermon.
"Well," said the farmhand, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, "Great. He's four and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad.
"How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
le="font-family: Verdana;">After examining a male patient, a doctor took the man's wife aside.
"I must be honest with you," he said in an ominous tone, "I don't like the looks of your husband."
"Me neither," said the wife. "But he brings home a good wage, and he's great with the kids."
A drunk staggered down to hotel reception and demanded a change of room. He was so insistent that the receptionist was forced to call the manager.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the manager.
"I want another room," said the drunk.
"But I see you're in room 341. That's one of the best rooms in the hotel."
"I don't care. I want another room."
"Very well sir. If you're adamant, we can move you from 341 to 362. But would you mind telling me what you don't like about your room?"
"Well," said the drunk, "for one thing, it's on fire."
When a patient regained conciousness after an operation, the surgeon told her: "I'm really sorry, but I'm affraid we're going to have to open you up again. You see, unfortunately I left my rubber gloves inside you."
The patient said: "Well, if that's all it is, I'd prefer you to leave me alone and I'll buy you a new pair."
A man was visiting a friend in the hospital. He had recently quit smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he stepped into the elevator. But a woman who was already in the elevator told him firmly: "Sir, there is no smoking in this hospital!"
"I'm not smoking, lady," replied the man.
"But you have a cigar in your mouth!"
"Yes, and I'm wearing jockey shorts, but I'm not riding a horse!"
Driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, a man had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a cell phone with him, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call sign and asked for assistance.
A coastguard officer responded: "Please state your location."
The man said "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."
style="font-size: 112pxpx;">The officer paused. "Could you repeat that?"
"Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."
There was a longer pause. Then the officer asked: "Just how fast were you going when you hit the shore?"
On a hot summer afternoon a beautiful young woman came across a secluded pool, largely hidden from view by a row of bushes. After checking that nobody was around, she took off all her clothes, but just as she was about to jump in, a man appeared from behind the bushes.
"I've been watching you!" he yelled, "This is private farm land, and I'm the owner. Swimming in this pool is strictly prohibited."
"You could have told me that before I undressed!" she said.
The farmer replied: "Swimming is prohibited; undressing isn't."
A farmhand went to church one Sunday, but when he entered he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the farmhand if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
"Well," said the farmhand, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd still feed him."
So the minister began his sermon. An hour passed, then two hours, then two and a half hours. Finally the preacher finished and asked the farmhand whether he had enjoyed the sermon.
"Well," said the farmhand, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, "Great. He's four and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad.
"How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
le="font-family: Verdana;">After examining a male patient, a doctor took the man's wife aside.
"I must be honest with you," he said in an ominous tone, "I don't like the looks of your husband."
"Me neither," said the wife. "But he brings home a good wage, and he's great with the kids."
PPQP
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