mae all..tis I ..the confuser of minds!!!yep mbh do see things on facebook on pages that I allude to every now and again!!
osteroops:well thats me finished with the early doors scenarios till Sunday..whovere said retired was easy needs their heads examined..actually its as hard or easy as you want...just that I dont really think Im a great advert for the sit on your ass watching telly all day brigade...
so here we are again ...weekend is here..you know the score ..poets day..no working too hard!
ok orf we jolly well go..tea and coffee at the door on the way in.....
morning ppqp..hows you today?all good?bbt....big brew time...mr lazy arse here abbreviated it to save on finger wear!!as for an hour off?whats the use of allowing that..should have been an hours thinking time,same travelling time and an hour off..in fact for a 9 oclock start ..that takes you to dinner time..in that case take the morning off!!
it gets better..ok so you dont want the morning off..but the afternoon?on the assumption thts 1 till 5..youve already sussed the morning...3 hours...so convert that to the afternoon...4 hrs..book an hour off and the jobs done!!does that make sense ?no ..good thats the kinda logic that baffles people!!
hiya SF.....How are you today?feeling any chirpier?hope so......we had quite a few issues with Amy at school..and as a teenager..and indeed at uni.....dont really want to go into them,all I will say is most of them have been talked about on here..including self harm...but fortunately things (touch wood)have worked out...
hiya Sam...hows the weather today then?monsoon subsided?yep will be nice to see the pics..my garden is pretty small ..in fact Itry and utilise every available space ..used to have an apple tree before..just a small graft type...looking at possibly getting another one...discovery its called small graft plenty of fruit.
evening pingu...
hows you this evening?well this is it in upside down land weekend is started hasnt it?hope you too are feeling a wee bit cheerier too...good job for talking that thru about the booze ...and probably good for them helping/listening to you....
hiya Lav....big brew time..how are you doing?been hijacked by trouserless kids yet?did the sun come out as promised?garden time..or in the shop?whtever it is have a good one
dt do where are you..hope all is well with you in suid afrika ..plans for the weekend?
righty ho folks...and now you know..its time to go..,
Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Three Christian boys live in a church. One day the boys say, "Pastor! Pastor! We have done no bad deed." The pastor replies, "Very good. Now each of you are granted one bad deed." One boy comes back and says, "Pastor! Pastor! I broke a car window." The pastor tells him, "Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water." The second boy comes back saying, "Pastor! Pastor! I punched a woman in the face." The pastor replies, "Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water." The third boy comes in and says, "Pastor! Pastor! I peed in the holy water!"
A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first."
Q: What has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog -- it croaks every night.
A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.
My friend who worked at a movie theater died yesterday.
Funeral services are being held at 3:20, 5:15, 7:50 and 9:10.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath….
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
How do you stop the Polish army on horseback?
You turn off the carousel.
Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole
As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"
She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.
The second electrician says to the first "I told you it wasn't live, moron."
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, but he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
A husband and a wife were sleeping. Suddenly, a sound of a car screeching was heard outside.
The wife woke up and shouted, "Oh it must be my husband!"
The husband woke up after he hear his wife's words and ran off to hide in a bush outside.
Moments later, the husband came in, angry, "What do you mean 'Oh it must be my husband!' Are you saying you have other men over?"
Wife, "Well, then why did you run away?"
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment. Not sure if they hired him...
NAME:
Armando Rodriguez...
DESIRED POSITION
Reclining. Ha ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD
Reclining on my mom's couch.
SALARY
Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING
It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK
Any
PREFERRED HOURS
1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?
I may already be a winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?
Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?
No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE
Scorpio with Libra
osteroops:well thats me finished with the early doors scenarios till Sunday..whovere said retired was easy needs their heads examined..actually its as hard or easy as you want...just that I dont really think Im a great advert for the sit on your ass watching telly all day brigade...so here we are again ...weekend is here..you know the score ..poets day..no working too hard!
ok orf we jolly well go..tea and coffee at the door on the way in.....
morning ppqp..hows you today?all good?bbt....big brew time...mr lazy arse here abbreviated it to save on finger wear!!as for an hour off?whats the use of allowing that..should have been an hours thinking time,same travelling time and an hour off..in fact for a 9 oclock start ..that takes you to dinner time..in that case take the morning off!!
it gets better..ok so you dont want the morning off..but the afternoon?on the assumption thts 1 till 5..youve already sussed the morning...3 hours...so convert that to the afternoon...4 hrs..book an hour off and the jobs done!!does that make sense ?no ..good thats the kinda logic that baffles people!!
hiya SF.....How are you today?feeling any chirpier?hope so......we had quite a few issues with Amy at school..and as a teenager..and indeed at uni.....dont really want to go into them,all I will say is most of them have been talked about on here..including self harm...but fortunately things (touch wood)have worked out...
hiya Sam...hows the weather today then?monsoon subsided?yep will be nice to see the pics..my garden is pretty small ..in fact Itry and utilise every available space ..used to have an apple tree before..just a small graft type...looking at possibly getting another one...discovery its called small graft plenty of fruit.
evening pingu...
hows you this evening?well this is it in upside down land weekend is started hasnt it?hope you too are feeling a wee bit cheerier too...good job for talking that thru about the booze ...and probably good for them helping/listening to you....hiya Lav....big brew time..how are you doing?been hijacked by trouserless kids yet?did the sun come out as promised?garden time..or in the shop?whtever it is have a good one
dt do where are you..hope all is well with you in suid afrika ..plans for the weekend?
righty ho folks...and now you know..its time to go..,
Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Three Christian boys live in a church. One day the boys say, "Pastor! Pastor! We have done no bad deed." The pastor replies, "Very good. Now each of you are granted one bad deed." One boy comes back and says, "Pastor! Pastor! I broke a car window." The pastor tells him, "Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water." The second boy comes back saying, "Pastor! Pastor! I punched a woman in the face." The pastor replies, "Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water." The third boy comes in and says, "Pastor! Pastor! I peed in the holy water!"
A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first."
Q: What has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog -- it croaks every night.
A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.
My friend who worked at a movie theater died yesterday.
Funeral services are being held at 3:20, 5:15, 7:50 and 9:10.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath….
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
How do you stop the Polish army on horseback?
You turn off the carousel.
Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole
As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"
She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.
The second electrician says to the first "I told you it wasn't live, moron."
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, but he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
A husband and a wife were sleeping. Suddenly, a sound of a car screeching was heard outside.
The wife woke up and shouted, "Oh it must be my husband!"
The husband woke up after he hear his wife's words and ran off to hide in a bush outside.
Moments later, the husband came in, angry, "What do you mean 'Oh it must be my husband!' Are you saying you have other men over?"
Wife, "Well, then why did you run away?"
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment. Not sure if they hired him...
NAME:
Armando Rodriguez...
DESIRED POSITION
Reclining. Ha ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD
Reclining on my mom's couch.
SALARY
Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING
It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK
Any
PREFERRED HOURS
1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?
I may already be a winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?
Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?
No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE
Scorpio with Libra
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