mae all....and how are we today then?all good?excellent....me?..feelin wee bit better today..as for the sitting about yesterday that was never gonna happen...needless to say got my ear bent when madam landed last night..but hey thats life..if I had been sitting watching Kyle,Springer,Judge Judy,or one of those reeeely interesting and intuitive progs the result would have been the same..just the other ear would have been bent!!will do a bit today but nothing mad....ok on we go wiv da show..eyes down look in ...and your first number is......:welldone:
tea and coffee on the table now....
morning Lav..how are you today then?all good I hope hows the tooth today?feeling any better?i had 2 root canal fillings done...was dreading it ..my memories of dentists were as a kid and the metal needles and syringes..which to my kids mind were frightening tools of torture...and then army dentists...which were renowned for there sympathetic and bedside manners!!yet when I went they were painless completely..was bimbling about the charity shops the other day..and there was a complete set of Thomas the tank books at 25p each..immediately thought of you !dont know how much postage would be tho....anyways ..brew time...have a grand day..
hiya pengy...see you nipped in during working hours tut tut!!how are you today /tonight ?all good I hope.
hiya dtd..how are you today then?all good on the Cape?hey jokes were pretty good too..well done and thanks.have a lekker day.
hiya Pauly ...hows you today then?hopefully well ...complete with smile!! think you are right..as we get older the brain starts to get tired too,but we dont recognise that...Its good to have special memories,the make up a large part of our life ..the trouble is when the past takes over the present and we cant move forward....hows that for deep thinking ???:congratulatory:sounds like you had a busy day yesterday...you out shortening hair again today?have a good one..
hiya SL...Hows you today ?feeling any better ?hope so..thanks for your pm..are you getting into any sort of a routine yet?yes ,like you ,,when I decide I want something to happen..Im not the worlds best at waitin..its got to happen now...done ..move on ..next!!..anyways, you have a good day..have you not got a board or finance or management meeting you can give em hell at?
hiya ppqp.brew time.hows you today?sounds like you had one of those nowt to speak about days..cant be bad..hows the gardening project going?
hiya Sam..did you get the insurance sorted out?hopefully so..I hate being on the phone to the likes of them.."for.....please press 1..then when you do that..."if you want... please press 2"so you do that and then "our lines are busy at the moment ....did you know that ......you can do it online blah blah..please hold for our next available operator.....THEN you get "thank you for your call ...goodbye!!!start again time!!anyways have a good day mate...
right folks...lets have a good day..(and night pengy!!)
funny insurance claims
Incidents with Pedestrians.
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.
Accidents with other vehicles.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intesection)
Collisions, calamities, and injuries.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
Who is to Blame?
No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.
I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
Windshield broke. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.
No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.
I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 miniutes early.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian, and the other on the car behind.
I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.
My boss just told me I've won the employee of the month.
I don't even remember buying a raffle ticket, but I hope it's Carol in the office, she's got massive boobs.
I went to visit my Grandad in his nursing home. As I walked into his room I saw a sexy blonde nurse giving him a bath.
"You lucky sod" I called out. "I wish that was me".
"You only have to ask" he joked.
10 seconds later I was scrubbing down his back.
I phoned my girlfriend and said, "What a day! I accidentally threw the dog's ball off a cliff."
"Oh dear," she said. "Did you have to go down and get it?"
I replied, "Nah. I'll not need it again anyway."
Why a man should ever want to marry a woman is a mystery.
Why a man should ever want to marry 2 women is a bigamistery.
I've started a petition to have all call centres based abroad and not in the UK.
I'm p.ssed off with my call being answered by someone who can't speak English.
I got arrested for kicking the sh.t out of some fat geezer last week. It turns out Fat Fighters isn't quite what I thought it was.
Teenagers will be collecting their A-level results today, with pass rates in Maths expected to top 97%. The other 8% Failed
I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, "Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?"
Everybody stared on in horrified silence...
As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
tea and coffee on the table now....
morning Lav..how are you today then?all good I hope hows the tooth today?feeling any better?i had 2 root canal fillings done...was dreading it ..my memories of dentists were as a kid and the metal needles and syringes..which to my kids mind were frightening tools of torture...and then army dentists...which were renowned for there sympathetic and bedside manners!!yet when I went they were painless completely..was bimbling about the charity shops the other day..and there was a complete set of Thomas the tank books at 25p each..immediately thought of you !dont know how much postage would be tho....anyways ..brew time...have a grand day..
hiya pengy...see you nipped in during working hours tut tut!!how are you today /tonight ?all good I hope.
hiya dtd..how are you today then?all good on the Cape?hey jokes were pretty good too..well done and thanks.have a lekker day.
hiya Pauly ...hows you today then?hopefully well ...complete with smile!! think you are right..as we get older the brain starts to get tired too,but we dont recognise that...Its good to have special memories,the make up a large part of our life ..the trouble is when the past takes over the present and we cant move forward....hows that for deep thinking ???:congratulatory:sounds like you had a busy day yesterday...you out shortening hair again today?have a good one..
hiya SL...Hows you today ?feeling any better ?hope so..thanks for your pm..are you getting into any sort of a routine yet?yes ,like you ,,when I decide I want something to happen..Im not the worlds best at waitin..its got to happen now...done ..move on ..next!!..anyways, you have a good day..have you not got a board or finance or management meeting you can give em hell at?
hiya ppqp.brew time.hows you today?sounds like you had one of those nowt to speak about days..cant be bad..hows the gardening project going?
hiya Sam..did you get the insurance sorted out?hopefully so..I hate being on the phone to the likes of them.."for.....please press 1..then when you do that..."if you want... please press 2"so you do that and then "our lines are busy at the moment ....did you know that ......you can do it online blah blah..please hold for our next available operator.....THEN you get "thank you for your call ...goodbye!!!start again time!!anyways have a good day mate...
right folks...lets have a good day..(and night pengy!!)
funny insurance claims
Incidents with Pedestrians.
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.
Accidents with other vehicles.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intesection)
Collisions, calamities, and injuries.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I saw two kangaroos having it off in the middle of the road. So I hit them, which caused me to ejaculate through the sunroof.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
I pulled in to the side of the road because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
Who is to Blame?
No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.
I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
Windshield broke. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.
No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.
I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 miniutes early.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian, and the other on the car behind.
I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.
My boss just told me I've won the employee of the month.
I don't even remember buying a raffle ticket, but I hope it's Carol in the office, she's got massive boobs.
I went to visit my Grandad in his nursing home. As I walked into his room I saw a sexy blonde nurse giving him a bath.
"You lucky sod" I called out. "I wish that was me".
"You only have to ask" he joked.
10 seconds later I was scrubbing down his back.
I phoned my girlfriend and said, "What a day! I accidentally threw the dog's ball off a cliff."
"Oh dear," she said. "Did you have to go down and get it?"
I replied, "Nah. I'll not need it again anyway."
Why a man should ever want to marry a woman is a mystery.
Why a man should ever want to marry 2 women is a bigamistery.
I've started a petition to have all call centres based abroad and not in the UK.
I'm p.ssed off with my call being answered by someone who can't speak English.
I got arrested for kicking the sh.t out of some fat geezer last week. It turns out Fat Fighters isn't quite what I thought it was.
Teenagers will be collecting their A-level results today, with pass rates in Maths expected to top 97%. The other 8% Failed
I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, "Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?"
Everybody stared on in horrified silence...
As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
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