Wednesday AF 17 December

[treetops]

OK - another start as its Wednesday here Lav! Not quite so sunny today but bound to be warmer than where you are - sorry! :sad:
Yes lots of violence on the news - including the massacre in Pakistan.

I tend not to ask teenagers any questions now - instead I pose a thought and see if there is a response. I am mostly in contact with very talkative young women - and they always have an opinion - about - everything. Some of the young men are quite chatty too. I am doing some chauffeuring today so will get more insight into this. Trying to get my daughter to start studying for her drivers licence as well.

Hi there Pauly - give us a shout and let us know that you are OK.

No doubt there will be lots more news on the Tuesday thread before the end of the day - so I will finish here and get on with work. Everyone have a good day and stay warm.:thumbsup:

[Samstone]

Well, it just turned midnight here so i won't be breaking the time code thing and causing a disturbance in the universe. Just got back from playing some tunes, great fun, played with a very good fiddler friend of mine. Love to hear him play. Now my brain is kinda fried from trying to keep up and also from listening to what he was doing, in a good way of course.

off to bed and visions of fiddle plums dancing in my head.
night all
Sam

[treetops]

thats great Sam. Hope you get a good kip.

[Mick]

morning folks...how are we all doing this fine day?well hope its fine where you are..pretty grim here today..but as was once said ..its not the weather thats bad its the clothes you are wearing for it...got a cracking chopping glass/board to go with the mad thing on the wall yesterday....they are advertised on fleabay at £10.95 plus 4.00 postage..mine cost £2.95 ..thats what you get for mooching around..missed out yesterday...after some old cookbooks for the shelves..got a couple to put on it just for the sort of look, but missed out on an american original one yesterday ..fred j waggoner....anyways enough yakking ..more coffeee drinking!!

hiya tt ..how are you today?chauffeuring ?daughter boyfriend on the cards??good idea about the driving for your daughter...all I will say is let her get or you get her a car!!reasonable rational and patient get 2 letters on the front of them otherwise....

hiya Sam..hows your heed full of toons today then mate?what have you got planned for today ..or is the weather stopping you over there too?

hiya Det ... 157 and acroos the mountains it is...well done you mate...thats good going ....hope the point that your fencing coach was within wasnt a sharp one ok Ill get my coat!!!

good morning Lav..how are you today then?ok I hope..what are you up to today?does your embroidery business take on a lot more at Chrimbo?have you time for a big brew?yep the kitchen has sorta wowed Julie out..she just stands there loooking at it!!planning something else no doubt...

hiya ppqp...hows the cold today then?hope its better...yep we were talking about chrimbo this morning ...if it was up to me we would be offski..but certainly not paying hyped up prices..over christmas the hols abroad are bumped up by about £1000 !!so forget it!!when do you finish work?

hi SL....and how are you today then?done your running around now?yep I like being teached and lerning fings...what have got on over the Chrissy period?time off with the family?

lotsa peeps not here at the mo...Pauly where are you? hiya dtd hows the Cape?

right folks..exit stage left pour moi... this is the morning here.......

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A man who makes coffin was on his way to deliver one of his coffins when his car broke down.

Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

Some policemen saw him & wanted to make some money off him so they challenged him, "Hey, what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man said, "I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating!!!"
Start with a cage containing five apes.

In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more attempts.

Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because that's the way they've always done it and that's the way it's always been around here.

And that's how company policy begins....
Do you know the relation between two eyes...???
They never see each other... BUT

1. They blink together.
2. They move together.
3. They cry together.
4. They see together.
5. They sleep together.
They share a very deep bonded relationship...

However, when they see a pretty woman, one will blink and another will not...

Moral of the story: A pretty woman can break any relationship...
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr Smith, a confirmed bachelor for many years.

"Mr Smith, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.

"Don't bother," replies Mr Smith, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs."

"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

"I said 'two sisters,' I didn't say they were MY sisters!"
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.

The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"

Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"

The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"


TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: Human Resources

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of TRY SAYING new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees. SO...

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the hell do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: you on fkn drugs??

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You re having a laff

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh*t.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: whoopdy doo

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my soddin problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: hey the grass is growing

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF:what do you think I am?a miracle worker?

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his A*s.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF what the f.k do you want?

TRY SAYING: So, you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: do it yourself

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF: F**K it! I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your A*s!

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bugger off

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another crappy meeting!!!

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a sh*t.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a frigging divvy.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment. Not sure if they hired him...

NAME:
Armando Rodriguez...

DESIRED POSITION
Reclining. Ha ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY
$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION
Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD
Reclining on my mom's couch.

SALARY
Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING
It sucked

PREFERRED HOURS
1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?
I may already be a winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?
Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

SIGN HERE
Scorpio with Libra rising.

[Pie]

Stopping by to say MAE, TT, Sam, Mick, and all to come. Had I known all the changes the past 5 months would bring, I'm sure I would not have chosen to get sober when I did. But, the timing has served me well. Hoping that the biggest bumps in my road will smooth out for a bit going forward, and that I can join you here more regularly.

Mick, I love your observation that it's not the weather, but rather what we're wearing! TT, hope you enjoy your chauffeuring today and teenage insights. Sounds like a very nice evening you had, Sam.

Pie

[Lavande]

Good morning Abbers & Happy Hump day

Thanks for the way early startup TT!!!!
I had pretty good relationships with my kid's friends. I really enjoyed having them over & yes, they were quite talkative! All these years later I'm still 'friends' with some of them on Facebook, ha ha! Our kids here in the US usually get their drivers license within weeks of turning 16 - yikes!!! Scared the crap out of me but it is an important step in their growth & development in the way to becoming independent human beings.

Hi there Sam - you're a midnight owl, huh?
We are heading up to 52 degrees with some sunshine today - yay!

Mick, your kitchen looks so nice, be proud!
I imagine the bathroom probably needs updating now - Ha Ha!!!! One room at a time, right? I do end up turning into a gift service in the weeks prior to Christmas, busy but fun work!

Greetings to everyone today & sending wishes for a good AF Wednesday for all!
I need to get my Curves trip in, heard a rumor that my granddaughter wants to come visit later.

Lav

[scottish lass]

Hi - happy hump day - nope not ready Mick!
Will be on call for Christmas week, and off NY week -eldest will get wisdom teeth out on 29th Dec, so planning lots of movies and ice-cream in PJ's to start 2015!
News is horrid - what is happening to the world.
OK - off to work - see you later...

[paulywogg]

Mae everybody,sorry to be MIA,just been sick still with sinus crap! think it's morphed into a cough/flu,been just resting up,took a few days off so hubs is pissed at me(he doesn't do days off EVER)but i tried to get up and go today,showered,washed hair,had coffee,it just wasn't gonna happen! so i'm off to bed AGAIN,worst timing ever i swear

[treetops]

You take care of yourself Pauly and hubs just doesn't understand. It's your body and you know your limits. Xxxx

[Mick]

hiya pauly...glad to "see ya",evn tho you are feeling rubbish....get better soon

[porqoui]

MAE ALL....

Had a great day today. Bridge club lunch, which I was invited to, and an afternoon of cards, which I won, and got paid on top of it. Merry Christmas to me. LOL
But then I got home to find out my son's cat had spilled my water on my laptop. Dried it off and let it sit for an hour. Longest hour of my life. LOL
Seems to be working ok so will carry on.

TT...thanks for the early kick start. Hope the chauffeuring worked out well for you today.

Sam...glad you didn't cause a disturbance in the universe. LOL Hope you had a restful sleep and a good day.

Mick...cold is much better thanks. Had a solid 7 hours of sleep and woke with no stuffed head or coughing. Good thing as I was way too busy enjoying myself today. LOL
Loved the pics of the new kitchen additions and what a thrifty shopper you are.

Pie...not sure of your history but anytime to quit drinking has got to be a time. Life will always happen and dealing with things sober has to be better than the alternative. Hope to see you as a regular on the thread.

Lav...don't give Mick any ideas. Isn't that when he fell off the ladder? Did you get your curves trip and grand daughter visit in today?

SL...mind if I join you with bringing in the new year in PJ's? We should start a trend. LOL

Pauly...glad you checked in. You do what's right for you and hub's will just have to suck it up. Feel better soon, it will happen, I speak from experience.

Well the laptop has survived this long so I think I'm good to go. Watching some "finales" tonight and an early bedtime. Hope everyone has a peaceful evening....:smile:PPQP

[Lavande]

Pauly, glad you checked in - we were concerned!
Just take care of yourself & get well soon :hug:

PQ, yes to Curves, daughter & granddaughter visit & a few thousand other things today, Ha Ha!
Sounds like you had a pretty good day (except for the laptop incident). Glad it's OK

Hi there SL!

[Determinator]

Greetings from hotelworld ABeroooos!

long dreary drive through snowy/rainy mountains but managed to make it unscathed.

PPQ, maybe the cat is just lonely and wants to play

Mick, that ape story was a trip! I think I work with those apes.

Scottish Lady, of course I have an extra hug for you! xxxxx

well, pretty well tuckered out and ready to zonk

be well