morn all..well as you can see didnt go out early..wind and the rain kinda put me off...5am pitch black ..so do I want to stay in me pit for an extra hour or drive 90 miles..case rests for the defence!!
so off we go its brightened up now..tomorrow is supposed to be ok..so if Im not here then you know where I am!!!
right brew time ..lets get on ..
mornin Lav ..how are you feeling today then?any better ?hope so ..here y are big health giving cuppa!!
hiya pie ..well done you on getting back into work..money aint everything ..ok it helps but....so now you see then this task,job hobby,way of life,whatever you want to call it can be done any day...provided it fits the weather the season...
hiya ns...great to "see"you on here...nigh in 12 months for you too!! will put the answers up at the end of this ..glad you enjoyed them,just a bit of variety....not everyone like me crap jokes!!!!have a good one..
hiya pauly..hows you today then?girl you seem to get it all!bet the pharmaceutical industry over there is made up with you!!!
as for people,in jail ..good and bad ..hmm..aint seen too many good ...seen not so bad all the way down to scum,fraudsters to child killers and molesters,so I dont think good appears too much...compliant yes even friendly.. anyways noticed my wee boogie plant has got tiny leaves starting again on it..if you recall it went like a stick last year too..as for growing up ..if your happy why should you?now away you go and stop touching your dongle...:hahaha:
hiya narilly ..hows you today?wow you were busy yesterday!!hope you have an easier day today...
ppqp...what!!!!typing that from work?does Canada know about this???oh right forgot you is the boss :yay: hows things today both with you and son?yes got tyres yesterday only needed 2 £114.. oh well
hiya SL..nope not out sniping ,looking for left handed hammers ,long stands,sparks for a grinder chocolate fireguards..or hunting haggis!!!so the daughters got the giggles with hump day?all I can say is you made a right cock up of that conversation..hee hee titter titter.....how old am I ??still foggy today?
hiya Sam ..hows you today?di you get all the brain teasers?will put some more up laters ..what are you up to today anything?
hi tt how are you doing?busy again?
right folks thats me offski have a good one..
yesterdays puzzlers....
1Name an ancient invention still in use in most parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. A WINDOW
2A black man dressed all in black, wearing a black mask, stands at a crossroads in a totally black-painted town. All of the streetlights in town are broken. There is no moon. A black-painted car without headlights drives straight toward him, but turns in time and doesn't hit him. How did the driver know to swerve? IT WAS DAYTIME
3An Australian woman was born in 1948 but only celebrated her 16th birthday quite recently. Why? . She was born on February the 29th
4A five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it. What is the word? SHORT
5How many grooves are there on an old LP record? 2 ONE ON EACH SIDE
6How many animals of each species did Moses take into the Ark? NONE IT WAS NOAH
7In what sport are the shoes made of metal? HORSE JUMPING ,POLO
8If a plane crashes on the Italian/Swiss border, where do you bury the survivors? YOU DONT BURY SURVIVORS
9A man was pushed out of a small aeroplane, without a parachute but survived with no injuries apart from a few bruises. How was this possible? IT HADNT TAKEN OFF
10If a red house is made of red bricks, and a blue house is made of blue bricks, what is a green house made of? GLASS
11How can you throw a ball as hard as you can, and make it stop and return to you, without hitting anything and with nothing attached to it? THROW IT UPWARDS
12What can you hold in your right hand, but not in your left? LEFT HAND WRIST ELBOW FOREARM
13A cowboy rode into town on Friday, spent one night there, and left on Friday. How do you account for this? FRIDAY WAS HIS HORSES NAME
14What word is always spelled wrongly? WRONGLY
15What common chemical compound can be represented: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O? WATER...H TO O
16Jane gave Jill the following challenge: "If you sit down in that chair, I bet you five pounds I can make you get out of it before I run around the chair three times," he said.
"That's not fair," Jill said. "You'll just prick me with a pin or do something similar"
"Nope," Jane said. "I won't touch you, either directly or with any object. If you get out of the chair, it'll be by your own choice."
Jill thought, accepted the challenge, and lo and behold, Jane won the bet. How did she do it? 16. Jill sat down in the chair. Jane ran around it twice, then said, "I'll be back in a week to run the third time around
17Four people try to get underneath one small umbrella, but nobody gets wet. How is this possible? IT WASNT RAINING
18What is the next letter in this sequence J F M A M J ? J JULY .MONTHS OF THE YEAR
19A farmer owns a beautiful pear tree. He supplies the fruit to a nearby grocery shop. The shop owner has called the farmer to see how much fruit is available for him to purchase. The farmer knows that the main trunk has 24 branches. Each branch has exactly 12 boughs and each bough has exactly 6 twigs. Since each twig bears one piece of fruit, how many plums will the farmer be able to deliver? NONE IT WAS A PEAR TREE
20A 6-foot tall man was holding a glass beaker above his head. He let it drop to the carpet without spilling a single drop of water.
How could he manage to drop the glass from a height of six feet and not spill a drop of water? IT WAS EMPTY
21A fire officer has 12 matchsticks lying in front of her. She removes just one of them. She now sees 9 in front of her. How is this possible ? MAKE THE WORD NINE
22In many London Underground tube stations there are two up escalators but only one going down. Why? 22. People leave trains in a group, so all arrive at the escalators at the same time, but tend to go down to the trains in a more even flow, hence you need less down escalators
23At a school 27 pupils wore red coats, 29 wore black coats and 40 wore blue coats. How many pupils were wearing green coats? 23. 49 pupils. Letter A = 1, B= 2, C = 3 and so forth, so GREEN = 7 + 18 + 5 + 5 + 14 = 49
24If the day after the day before yesterday was Tuesday, and the
day before the day after tomorrow is Thursday, what day is today? WEDNESDAY
25A man comes up to the border of a country on his motorbike. He has three large sacks on his bike. The customs officer at the border crossing stop him and asks, “What is in the sacks?”
“Sand,” answered the man.
The guard says, “We’ll see about that. Get off the bike.”
The guard takes the sacks and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the man overnight and has the sand analysed, only to find that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases the man, puts the sand into new bags, lifts them onto the man’s shoulders and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The customs officer asks, “What have you got?”
“Sand,” says the man.
The officer does another thorough examination and again discovers that the sacks contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the man, and the man again crosses the border.
This sequence of events repeats every day for the next three years. Then one day, the man doesn’t show up. The border official meets up with him in a restaurant in the city. The officer says, “I know you’re smuggling something and it’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about. I can’t even sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”
What is the man smuggling? MOTORBIKES
Little Johnny's teacher asked him how to spell anarchy.
"Any fcking way I want to," he replied.
A prison bus has crashed in Texas, killing ten.
A spokesman said, "We failed in our duty to get those poor men to Death Row safely."
I'm not saying I'm shit at ironing..but my ironing board has creases in it.
My son was struggling to tie his shoe laces.
He'll learn, I've sent him to boot camp.
My wife is So Fat.
Bloody Chinese and their funny names.
Have you got any plans for the rest of the week?" I asked my friend.
"No" he replied
That explains why he's a crap architect I thought.
Went to the hairdressers for a discount haircut.
They took 20% off.
so off we go its brightened up now..tomorrow is supposed to be ok..so if Im not here then you know where I am!!!
right brew time ..lets get on ..
mornin Lav ..how are you feeling today then?any better ?hope so ..here y are big health giving cuppa!!
hiya pie ..well done you on getting back into work..money aint everything ..ok it helps but....so now you see then this task,job hobby,way of life,whatever you want to call it can be done any day...provided it fits the weather the season...
hiya ns...great to "see"you on here...nigh in 12 months for you too!! will put the answers up at the end of this ..glad you enjoyed them,just a bit of variety....not everyone like me crap jokes!!!!have a good one..
hiya pauly..hows you today then?girl you seem to get it all!bet the pharmaceutical industry over there is made up with you!!!
as for people,in jail ..good and bad ..hmm..aint seen too many good ...seen not so bad all the way down to scum,fraudsters to child killers and molesters,so I dont think good appears too much...compliant yes even friendly.. anyways noticed my wee boogie plant has got tiny leaves starting again on it..if you recall it went like a stick last year too..as for growing up ..if your happy why should you?now away you go and stop touching your dongle...:hahaha:hiya narilly ..hows you today?wow you were busy yesterday!!hope you have an easier day today...
ppqp...what!!!!typing that from work?does Canada know about this???oh right forgot you is the boss :yay: hows things today both with you and son?yes got tyres yesterday only needed 2 £114.. oh well
hiya SL..nope not out sniping ,looking for left handed hammers ,long stands,sparks for a grinder chocolate fireguards..or hunting haggis!!!so the daughters got the giggles with hump day?all I can say is you made a right cock up of that conversation..hee hee titter titter.....how old am I ??still foggy today?
hiya Sam ..hows you today?di you get all the brain teasers?will put some more up laters ..what are you up to today anything?
hi tt how are you doing?busy again?
right folks thats me offski have a good one..
yesterdays puzzlers....
1Name an ancient invention still in use in most parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. A WINDOW
2A black man dressed all in black, wearing a black mask, stands at a crossroads in a totally black-painted town. All of the streetlights in town are broken. There is no moon. A black-painted car without headlights drives straight toward him, but turns in time and doesn't hit him. How did the driver know to swerve? IT WAS DAYTIME
3An Australian woman was born in 1948 but only celebrated her 16th birthday quite recently. Why? . She was born on February the 29th
4A five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it. What is the word? SHORT
5How many grooves are there on an old LP record? 2 ONE ON EACH SIDE
6How many animals of each species did Moses take into the Ark? NONE IT WAS NOAH
7In what sport are the shoes made of metal? HORSE JUMPING ,POLO
8If a plane crashes on the Italian/Swiss border, where do you bury the survivors? YOU DONT BURY SURVIVORS
9A man was pushed out of a small aeroplane, without a parachute but survived with no injuries apart from a few bruises. How was this possible? IT HADNT TAKEN OFF
10If a red house is made of red bricks, and a blue house is made of blue bricks, what is a green house made of? GLASS
11How can you throw a ball as hard as you can, and make it stop and return to you, without hitting anything and with nothing attached to it? THROW IT UPWARDS
12What can you hold in your right hand, but not in your left? LEFT HAND WRIST ELBOW FOREARM
13A cowboy rode into town on Friday, spent one night there, and left on Friday. How do you account for this? FRIDAY WAS HIS HORSES NAME
14What word is always spelled wrongly? WRONGLY
15What common chemical compound can be represented: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O? WATER...H TO O
16Jane gave Jill the following challenge: "If you sit down in that chair, I bet you five pounds I can make you get out of it before I run around the chair three times," he said.
"That's not fair," Jill said. "You'll just prick me with a pin or do something similar"
"Nope," Jane said. "I won't touch you, either directly or with any object. If you get out of the chair, it'll be by your own choice."
Jill thought, accepted the challenge, and lo and behold, Jane won the bet. How did she do it? 16. Jill sat down in the chair. Jane ran around it twice, then said, "I'll be back in a week to run the third time around
17Four people try to get underneath one small umbrella, but nobody gets wet. How is this possible? IT WASNT RAINING
18What is the next letter in this sequence J F M A M J ? J JULY .MONTHS OF THE YEAR
19A farmer owns a beautiful pear tree. He supplies the fruit to a nearby grocery shop. The shop owner has called the farmer to see how much fruit is available for him to purchase. The farmer knows that the main trunk has 24 branches. Each branch has exactly 12 boughs and each bough has exactly 6 twigs. Since each twig bears one piece of fruit, how many plums will the farmer be able to deliver? NONE IT WAS A PEAR TREE
20A 6-foot tall man was holding a glass beaker above his head. He let it drop to the carpet without spilling a single drop of water.
How could he manage to drop the glass from a height of six feet and not spill a drop of water? IT WAS EMPTY
21A fire officer has 12 matchsticks lying in front of her. She removes just one of them. She now sees 9 in front of her. How is this possible ? MAKE THE WORD NINE
22In many London Underground tube stations there are two up escalators but only one going down. Why? 22. People leave trains in a group, so all arrive at the escalators at the same time, but tend to go down to the trains in a more even flow, hence you need less down escalators
23At a school 27 pupils wore red coats, 29 wore black coats and 40 wore blue coats. How many pupils were wearing green coats? 23. 49 pupils. Letter A = 1, B= 2, C = 3 and so forth, so GREEN = 7 + 18 + 5 + 5 + 14 = 49
24If the day after the day before yesterday was Tuesday, and the
day before the day after tomorrow is Thursday, what day is today? WEDNESDAY
25A man comes up to the border of a country on his motorbike. He has three large sacks on his bike. The customs officer at the border crossing stop him and asks, “What is in the sacks?”
“Sand,” answered the man.
The guard says, “We’ll see about that. Get off the bike.”
The guard takes the sacks and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the man overnight and has the sand analysed, only to find that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases the man, puts the sand into new bags, lifts them onto the man’s shoulders and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The customs officer asks, “What have you got?”
“Sand,” says the man.
The officer does another thorough examination and again discovers that the sacks contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the man, and the man again crosses the border.
This sequence of events repeats every day for the next three years. Then one day, the man doesn’t show up. The border official meets up with him in a restaurant in the city. The officer says, “I know you’re smuggling something and it’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about. I can’t even sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”
What is the man smuggling? MOTORBIKES
Little Johnny's teacher asked him how to spell anarchy.
"Any fcking way I want to," he replied.
A prison bus has crashed in Texas, killing ten.
A spokesman said, "We failed in our duty to get those poor men to Death Row safely."
I'm not saying I'm shit at ironing..but my ironing board has creases in it.
My son was struggling to tie his shoe laces.
He'll learn, I've sent him to boot camp.
My wife is So Fat.
Bloody Chinese and their funny names.
Have you got any plans for the rest of the week?" I asked my friend.
"No" he replied
That explains why he's a crap architect I thought.
Went to the hairdressers for a discount haircut.
They took 20% off.
just got back from a fairly decent walk,trying to get 10,000 steps before work but it takes effort, plus I gotta get back home in time to wake hubs up he tends to oversleep if I take to long wish I had that problem, wish I needed an alarm clock
Comment