Wow....haven't started the thread in forever. Mick left this for us....
Scientists say that the most complex computer in the known universe, the human brain, uses only 20 Watts of power.
So I'm off to wire my head up to the mains socket and become a super-genius.
Can't believe no-one's thought of this before.
My friends tell me all the time that I should "Catch up and get with the times".
I don't have to listen to them, I'm the one with tickets to see Michael Jackson Live tonight!
As I sat down in the pub last night some bloke said to me, "Oi you, my wife is sitting there."
"Oh, is she?" I replied.
"Yes!" he said, "Get off her fcking lap."
I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date.
Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand.
I've yet to see any gravy companies on the stock market.
I went into the library and asked if they had a copy of the book, "How to spot a lady-boy".
He said, "I'm sure we do, it's probably tucked away somewhere".
I said "That's the one".
Dialled 999 earlier. The devil arrived and did a headstand.
I tried lots of different jumpers on in Primark today.
After the 14th one, I pulled back the curtain and said to my wife, "How do I look?"
"Unusually fat and very sweaty." she replied.
This one time,me and my mate robbed a bank with stockings instead of balaclavas
Our legs looked well sexy.
Why is it that when you wake up, people ask you if you've had a good sleep?
Well I don't fcking know do I? I was asleep.
Scientists say that the most complex computer in the known universe, the human brain, uses only 20 Watts of power.
So I'm off to wire my head up to the mains socket and become a super-genius.
Can't believe no-one's thought of this before.
My friends tell me all the time that I should "Catch up and get with the times".
I don't have to listen to them, I'm the one with tickets to see Michael Jackson Live tonight!
As I sat down in the pub last night some bloke said to me, "Oi you, my wife is sitting there."
"Oh, is she?" I replied.
"Yes!" he said, "Get off her fcking lap."
I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date.
Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand.
I've yet to see any gravy companies on the stock market.
I went into the library and asked if they had a copy of the book, "How to spot a lady-boy".
He said, "I'm sure we do, it's probably tucked away somewhere".
I said "That's the one".
Dialled 999 earlier. The devil arrived and did a headstand.
I tried lots of different jumpers on in Primark today.
After the 14th one, I pulled back the curtain and said to my wife, "How do I look?"
"Unusually fat and very sweaty." she replied.
This one time,me and my mate robbed a bank with stockings instead of balaclavas
Our legs looked well sexy.
Why is it that when you wake up, people ask you if you've had a good sleep?
Well I don't fcking know do I? I was asleep.
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