hi folks ..just a quick jump in.... how you all are doing..SF..glad to see you...yes you are right most of the convos are retro,but at the time of posting they are either present time or futuristic..that sounds good dunnit?especially at 5.30 am!!sad to hear about your mum,just hopefully she can get back to being the person she was....
big hello to everyone else..apologies for not by name this morning,but time is limited and thoughtI would get some jokes up....have a great day folks...
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My mate passed away after consuming excess amount of Calcium Carbonate.
He chalked himself to death
I lit my house on fire earlier.
When the fire brigade turned up, I said, "You're nothing like the firemen on my calender."
I was quite interested when my Wife told me that in terms of the Chinese Calendar this was 'her' year.
I hadn't realised there's a Year of the Fruitbat.
"Doctor Doctor, do you get pissed off with having the same surname as your profession?"
I went to withdraw cash from a cash machine the other day. It asked if I wanted an advice slip.
I said "yes".
It said "never jump off a moving bus”
I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, "Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?"
Everybody stared on in horrified silence...
As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
I walked into the DIY shop. "Excuse me," I asked, "have you got any 6 inch screws?"
"Only what we've got on the shelf," replied the cashier, pointing.
I don't know why he's selling these, I thought to myself as I unscrewed them and the shelf fell down.
I couldn't be happier since I bought a CD of ice cream van music.
Now I spend my weekends driving around villages with the stereo on full blast, watching the confusion and disappointment on all the little boys and girls faces.
A guy and a girl were planning on going on a date to a new restaurant. The girl got ready and waited for her date to come pick her up. She waited for almost an hour and realised she got stood up. So she took off all her makeup and put up her hair in a bun. She slipped into her pyjamas, made some popcorn, and watched tv.
Ten minutes later the doorbell rang, and sure enough it was the guy coming to pick her up. He looked her up and down and said, "Really? I'm an hour late and you're STILL not ready!?"
A couple are lying in bed. The woman says, "I am going to make you the happiest man in the world."
The man replies, "I'll miss you."
The recruitment consultant asked me, "What do you think of voluntary work?"
I said, "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."
I was walking along the pavement and there was this sign that said, "Pavement ahead closed. Please use other side."
It made me cross.
SKY News: David Richards,40, from Caerwys snaps photo of UFO in back garden!
Well sir if you say it's a UFO then you have identified it making it an FO, if it's landed in your back garden it's not flying thus making it an O.
So David, you have succesfully managed to take a photo of an object in your back garden.
well done asshole!!
big hello to everyone else..apologies for not by name this morning,but time is limited and thoughtI would get some jokes up....have a great day folks...
10308268_519599824811622_2369352284489533470_n.jpg
1743635_492507974187474_1755298729_n.jpg
1972372_491631517608453_1548890007_n.jpg
My mate passed away after consuming excess amount of Calcium Carbonate.
He chalked himself to death
I lit my house on fire earlier.
When the fire brigade turned up, I said, "You're nothing like the firemen on my calender."
I was quite interested when my Wife told me that in terms of the Chinese Calendar this was 'her' year.
I hadn't realised there's a Year of the Fruitbat.
"Doctor Doctor, do you get pissed off with having the same surname as your profession?"
I went to withdraw cash from a cash machine the other day. It asked if I wanted an advice slip.
I said "yes".
It said "never jump off a moving bus”
I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, "Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?"
Everybody stared on in horrified silence...
As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
I walked into the DIY shop. "Excuse me," I asked, "have you got any 6 inch screws?"
"Only what we've got on the shelf," replied the cashier, pointing.
I don't know why he's selling these, I thought to myself as I unscrewed them and the shelf fell down.
I couldn't be happier since I bought a CD of ice cream van music.
Now I spend my weekends driving around villages with the stereo on full blast, watching the confusion and disappointment on all the little boys and girls faces.
A guy and a girl were planning on going on a date to a new restaurant. The girl got ready and waited for her date to come pick her up. She waited for almost an hour and realised she got stood up. So she took off all her makeup and put up her hair in a bun. She slipped into her pyjamas, made some popcorn, and watched tv.
Ten minutes later the doorbell rang, and sure enough it was the guy coming to pick her up. He looked her up and down and said, "Really? I'm an hour late and you're STILL not ready!?"
A couple are lying in bed. The woman says, "I am going to make you the happiest man in the world."
The man replies, "I'll miss you."
The recruitment consultant asked me, "What do you think of voluntary work?"
I said, "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."
I was walking along the pavement and there was this sign that said, "Pavement ahead closed. Please use other side."
It made me cross.
SKY News: David Richards,40, from Caerwys snaps photo of UFO in back garden!
Well sir if you say it's a UFO then you have identified it making it an FO, if it's landed in your back garden it's not flying thus making it an O.
So David, you have succesfully managed to take a photo of an object in your back garden.
well done asshole!!
hi Mr.G,Molly, you sound much better
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