sat 28th

[Mick]

mornin all..and how are we today then?hope the weekend weather is better where you are than here ..its pouring down with rain and blowing a hooley!!supposed to be out tomorrow,but not so sure..going up town in minute so best crack on........tea and coffee all round...

hey pauly ..how are you feeling today then?birds of paradise and bougie plats ..grrr..love to grow them properly ! my bougie has got little purple leaves on it so mebbe is going to grow up!you got plans for today?..seriously tho ,hope you are feelin better..

hiya Lav,how are you today then?all pooped out after a house full yesterday?take it quiet weekend on the cards?lot of ingenious and off the wall thinking going into this planter ..some right Heath Robinson stuff going on!! will explain it when its done..

hiya Det..how are you feeling today..read all this thread before replying ..and it made more sense to reply to SF before you ..but going to reply the way the posts came out..so you drank...the hows whys and wherefores..really now are history ..consign them as such and move on...you can do it mate..

hiya ppqp...glad the eye is on the mend....getting the bbq out and having some shrimp?man oh man ..I wish..def not bikini weather here ..well wouldnt be for me anyways!!!have a good visit with your dad today..

hiya pie ..you never made another appearance so guess you are pretty much done in ...how are you today then?up bright n breezy?any plans for the weekend?

hia SF... Gotta hand it to you ..a really interesting fred you put up..think the first thing we have got to realise is the fact that we are all individuals with totally different approaches ,willpower, goals, tolerance levels ,stubborness the whole keboosh..I also understand about that the grass for some people that to close one of the options off is a frightening thought..ie I wont ever be able to drink again..I remember thinking that when I quit but somehow it has disappeared..how or why I dont know..
think you are right about being target driven too...our lives revolve round targets /objectives goals call them what you wish..even to quitting drinking..but I think they are needed as a focal point ..because the alternative is .."you are never going to drink again"mebbes that should be refocussed or rephrased to .."you are going to live healthier today ,so how can we achieve that..ok today we wont drink and smoke" there are so many mixed messages out there ..the bottom line is we are here because for us there is no middle ground..I can only speak for me but even now I know that if I started drinking..it wouldnt be a beer then stop..that stop bit doesnt exist in my make up..it would be beer and anything else available I know that even now almost 3 years down the line!!
as for not being a real alkie...quite pleased actually that you think that..not really bothered what label alkie pisshead,bevvy merchant, dependant is put on it..I do know that I was sick and tired of every single day drinking a t least a quart of vodka and 2 cans of super strength lager even more at weekends ,and hiding the bottles,then forgetting where I had put them,chancing my arm driving,pulling up to the off licence on my way home ,sometimes buying a couple of small bottles before I got home,making excuses why I wasnt too great when in actual fact I was half shedded,doing more at the weekends and either making up reasons why I couldnt drive the next day or praying that I wouldnt get caught..and dont forget ...a t least a quart of vodka and 2 cans of super strength lager this was my sneaky drinking ..that is before I would sit down and have a "couple of legit beers in the open..and they would be superstrength too..thats why I dont drink ..no longer a slave to that crap!! theres lots more ,but I guess we have all got similar experiences..all this whilst being a Senior Manager having to function on a daily basis in some pretty high up company and places..All I can say is I feel that I have changed,others including my family tell me I have so what does it matter?
great post...

right then time to go and spend money ..now that is harder for a scotsman!!!big shout to all missing bear dtd,narilly sam et al.....have a good one..

During the England game, there was one thing about the ITV pundits I found helpful.

Ian Wright's head reminded me I have to buy an Easter egg for my daughter.

Little Tommy shouts out in class: "Miss, I aint got no pencil!"
Teacher: "No Tommy, I have no pencil, she has no pencil, we have no pencils. Do you understand?"
Tommy:: Yes miss, so who's got all the fcking pencils then?"

When some tourists came into the pub my wife whispered to me, "They're German. Don't you mention the war!"

I replied, "I think it's a few years too late to worry about them being spies."

Not sure if my son is a genius or an idiot. I asked him today
"What ended in 1945?"
He thought for a while and then said "1944"

News has come through today that the main presenter of the Colombian version of Top Gear has also lost his job, although it has to be said the show had nothing to do with cars.

My wife called me childish today.

I said, "Just cut up my sausages and sod off!"

I bought a self-help tape the other day.

It was called "How to handle disappointment."

When I opened the box, it was empty.

My girlfriend has got 3 points on her licence.

I said, "Why the feck did you cut it into a triangle?"

My parents hated me as a child.

One Christmas I opened my present to find an empty shoe box.

They told me it was an action man deserter.

[Pie]

MAE all,

Mick, so you're off to do some shopping, are you? Thanks for putting on the coffee before you left.

Taking things in small bits, and just doing the next right thing worked well for me last week. Some days started off with telling myself that all I had to do in the moment was just to not hit the snooze button on my alarm.

A new neighbor is coming to live in the condo next to me; met her yesterday. She introduced herself to me by saying she doesn't party, or have people over, is optimistic, and likes to meditate. I like her already!

A beautiful weather weekend is in store, I may do some doggy volunteer work today, and perhaps some exterior painting tomorrow. I always think I'm on the last bit of painting, only to realize there's more.

Take care of yourself, Det. Hope you find some traction on your path.

Waves to Bear, Pauly, PQ, Lav, SF, Sam, Nar, NS, Molly, G, and everyone else stopping by.

Meant to say thanks, Mick, for the bolt hole explanation. Much appreciated!

[paulywogg]

Mae everybody, actually slept for 7 hours canyou believe it?!!gonna go walk here in a bit shooting for 10,000 steps before work been eating like a pig these past few days cuz of hormones, gotta balance those calories out,used nasal spray yesterday, it kinda helped but not really, Mick,I think if the bougie is flowering it's ace I need a new one, I really miss looking at it out back, it was so beautiful SF,I think all the peeps that are long term sober seem like they weren't"real alkies" they're stable and in a better frame of mind so it's easy to think"no way" it's hard to imagine Lav,Byrdie, NS,etc wasted ya know?but I'm sure they wouldn't have come here if it weren't a problem in their lives before, bleh, too mucho coffee, better get my ass in gear,((hugs)) Det,hello to Pie,Bear,Lav,PPQP, Sam,UN hung Nar,all the readers, let's have a spectacular Saturday

[NoSugar]

Thanks to all of you who answered my question about your 'tipping point' to stop drinking. I look back know and am amazed at what I put up with before I reached mine - I guess that shows you how powerful an addiction really is.

The "real alkie" concept is interesting. I guess I'd say I don't think I am one anymore. Just like no doctor could diagnose me as diabetic anymore now that I've adjusted my diet in a manner that keeps my blood glucose under control, the same is true regarding alcohol. I acknowledge that I have the potential to be both again (and very quickly!) if I make the wrong lifestyle choices but right now, I don't define myself as either. I don't view either of them as incurable diseases and am empowered by that -- it takes away the victim mentality. On the other hand, it takes active effort and consistent "right things" like you mentioned, Pie, to maintain the recovered state for both. Part of that for me is staying connected here so I don't forget what my life was like because, frankly, I also find it hard to truly believe that that addicted person was me. I think it would be very easy to convince myself that it wasn't if I didn't keep the memory alive.

Mick, you asked the other days if my travels were far. Well, the US is pretty wide - I live in the middle and I'll be on both the east and west coasts so it seems like a lot to me! I like my own company these days and so am focussing on enjoying all the solo time I'm getting when I'm not working.

Have a good weekend, Abbers! NS

[paulywogg]

I agree NS,I don't think it's an "incurable disease" either but I think even after long term sobriety, one sip will send a person over the edge maybe not at first but down the road if they keep on,lots of health issues sort out by staying off the sauce, high blood pressure,wonky blood sugar, depression, etc, you make a great point about the diabetes as well

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Abbers,

Grandson #1 woke up with yet another virus, throwing up, yuck
Poor kid, I hope he reovers quickly!

Thanks for he coffee this morning Mick - I've been consuming it all day, ha ha!
My weekend is all about watching kids, their mother is out of town on business & their dad is working, fun, fun. Hope your weekend is good - at least better than mine, ha ha.

Greetings pauly, NS, Pie & everyone!

Det, sorry for your hard time. What's going on, why does this keep happening? There has to be some reason, some explanation to why we keep choosing to poison ourselves. SF, NS & pauly have all made some good points. I continued to drink long after I knew I should stop for one main reason. I didn't think I could live with my emotional pain without numbing myself. I truly though I would die, that everything I had worked long & hard for would disappear in an instant, that my world would just end! Now if that's not screwed up thinking I don't know what is!!! SF remembered that I did indeed do some interpersonal work before I quit entirely & it helped me tremendously. I needed the reassurance that I would not have to face the end of my world by giving up AL. Just the opposite happened really. My world opened up to all kinds of new possibilities & I gratefully accepted them all as gifts. All of the good things & the bad things too that have happened in the last six years for me have been gifts & learning opportunities. It can be done, you can do it too!

Sendoing greetings to PQ, Sam, bear & everyone. Have a fab AF day!!

Lav

[bear73]

hey everyone - hope you get back into sobriety soon Det,I am on and off a lot too as you know.
I think Lav makes really good points about the emotional side of things,for me it's definitely emotional/comfort - I rarely feel I'm physically craving - it's more the oblivion.
Happy Saturday everyone,on sofa in pjs with cat and tv and planning early night - up early to meet girlfriends in London for brunch.

[paulywogg]

Agree with you Bear,it's not a craving for the actual booze,I don't look longingly at an ice cold beer and salivate,as a matter of fact NO alcohol tastes good to me,I'd rather have a Pepsi however even the alcohol counselor I see told me that alkies drink to deal with emotions, we don't like to feel, think about it, even on some of your happiest days ever maybe you felt like drinking, I know I have, and sad days forget it,just gotta find away to deal with shit I guess

[TheSunFlower97]

First off I do want to say that I was kidding about "Mick". Yes, it is easy to see someone so far into sobriety and not think they were ever an aklie....because their life has changed so dramatically after putting down the drink. We are all individuals and have varying degrees of what we can take and continue on with. And I do remember getting to that point of "just not wanting a drink"....I thought for sure I would never drink again. I don't feel as though I am back in that "slave mode" as I once was....but, I certainly understand it.

Lav---people tell me I have a memory like an elephant....and I do remember all the times you spoke of working out most of your crap, before actually giving up drinking. So many try do it the other way around. And for me personally, there was just crap there that I did not even know existed.

I am working on stuff that the 12 steps I don't think really address. It is the underlying issues...and they are being revealed to me. It certainly is one thing to be person who has a bit of stress and has a drink or two from time to time. It is a whole another when drinking consumes you. I am not back at that point, but I will say this....I would much rather be a person who does not drink.

And that worked well for me for quite some time. I don't really fear all the trouble I can get into....because I am a kitchen table drinker. Its more about knowing enough about the crap to know better. I know that my crappy job......which I should have just left when I saw trouble ahead....but, at that time I did not see it that way.

I think we all know there are things in our lives that can be unforeseen that would drive us back. Or we think, no way....and for some it just happens. I am only noting this....but, I do see that both Lav and Mick have gotten to a "settled" place in life. There is a sense of security and it does not mean that there are not problems....it just means that you are both fairly sure you will have a roof over your heads and the drama of work is behind you.

The reason I am leaving my 12 step group isn't because of anything they have done. It just exposes me time and time again to people who relapse. My last meeting had a gal who had 13 years, relapsed for a year and is back. NOW....this should motivate me to not relapse. Instead my screwed up head says..."she relapsed....so can I". It becomes almost a permission slip. So I need to get back into my "bubble world"....not be exposed to that...and know that drinking-relapse----is not an option. And who cares if I ever see a 20 year chip

What really happened is that I fell into a deep depression......the old company still had a hold on me.....and I just no longer cared about anything. I remember many nights going to sleep hoping I did not wake up. I wan't going to do anything, but I certainly would not have been disappointed to not wake up. I was deep in it....

I do know the drinking on a good day. Somehow I could be all energized and have a great day.....and in my mind the only way to hold onto that was....drinking.

The very last time I bought beer....I was sneaking it....got my opportunity to get it out of the car....which usually would be met with kid like excitement. The last time......I was met with a wave of sadness. That has stayed with me. And that beer never got drank....it went directly into the trash.

I am letting go of shame. I am reading a bit of Brene Brown......and I am letting of of the shame of being a "drinking mother". Kind of letting go of all the shame of drinking that is brings with it. I was and am a good Mom.....drinking or not. Just a better one....not drinking....and following what I should be doing