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**dill** · June 1, 2015, 07:05 AM

How did it get so late so soon?
Its night before its afternoon.
December is here before its June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?

~ Dr. Seuss

Lav, thanks for the ISS link. I'm going there after I send this post.

I wonder if low grade depression is a reason lots of us drank as an easy (stupid) coping skill. It changes mood in the immediate time, but later just increases the depressive symptoms. Whew.

Well said, Star. I think low grade depression kept me drinking, and the desire to escape daily stress, too. And in the end, the alcohol kept the low grade depression going which kept the cycle of daily drinking going! But in the beginning, at least for me, drinking was just for fun, pleasure, relaxation, etc.. That's the thing about alcohol. That's how it sucks so many in. It starts out for many of us as an innocent pass time/pleasure, then it morphs into something awful, and it does it with stealth.

Hello Pauly, Cyn, Papmom and readers. Welcome to June. May we all enjoy an AF June.

**paulywogg** · June 1, 2015, 08:00 AM

I guess we're using this thread? Happy June,Iccan't believe it either, was getting bills together and seen the June date and just shook my head,Dill,well said, I was just thinking yesterday about how I kinda miss when drinking was fun and relaxing, long ago before it became a"thing" how it only took a few, no blackouts, no hangover, but those days are looooong gone,and they have been for about 8 years out of the past 10 when I started,last week of school for Brady,its so dumb cuz he goes a full day today then 1/2 days for the next 3,why not just be over so I can sleep in haha,some bug attacked my leg yesterday, I'm thinking mosquito cuz it looks like a pimple and itches,hello to all,let's have an easy Monday

**SnoopyC** · June 2, 2015, 04:42 AM

Good morning...

Welcome to June, thanks for starting us off, Lav and Pauly, we didn't think ahead this month.

Still it worked out, like most things.

My Dad is back in the hospital, of course, no doctors communicated, no plan was made, his care is horrible. Lack of communication, his wife refuses to give us information voluntarily, we found out by a call she happened to answer after none of us had heard from him for a few days, and we had called numerous times. Frustrated, scared, sad, angry, just a few of the feelings going on. At least he is getting care and being made comfortable.

Lav, know you will have fun with grandkids. The weather here is freezing for summer, what is it like there? I get to babysit tonight as the parents go to an event in the city, so looking forward to lots of cuteness tonight.

Dill, getting through all our feelings, calling someone, writing on here or in a journal, distracting ourselves, but getting through the depressive feelings, knowing they don't last forever. Oh, HALT too. Drinking ceased being fun on a consistent basis years ago for sure. I've been reading some good books on addiction, nothing new, as I want to make sure to be my best as my Dad goes through this journey. When my Mom died, I did not do so well as a means to cope. This time is different, using tools, asking for support, and taking care of my needs. Coming here is vital.

Pauly, this is so weird, something bit me too on my legs, over the weekend. Four bites on my lower legs, they itch, are a little swollen, driving me nuts. I took benedryl last night so I slept great, but will put something on them today to keep the itching down. We live in different parts of the country too! Thanks for starting the thread too, you are really a part of this thread now, I look forward to your posts. Hope you are feeling better and more able to maintain your AFness. I was reading this book, Traveling Mercies, by Anne Lamott, an irreverent christian and sober for 30 years. She described some of her journey, mess-ups, and finally getting sober with help from other sober people, who she described as, "a pain in the ass." But the book is about lots of things, not just her addictions, although that was a big part till she changed. It was not easy for her but she felt so sick for so long, she knew she had to do something.

Have a good one ladies.

**Lavande** · June 2, 2015, 07:35 AM

Good Tuesday morning friends!

Tons of rain here overnight & it's a chilly 52 degrees at the moment, crazy!
Yesterday was long & busy with the boys but I got through it OK. At 4 & 6 they are changing, noisier, rambunctious & hard to deal with inside on a rainy day. I finally got the vacuum out & had EB do some vacuuming for me, ha ha! I gave him a couple of dollars, he was thrilled

Star, I'm sorry you are having difficulty getting information on your Dad's care. Is his wife always this difficult or is she a bit overwhelmed? Perhaps you could convince her there's strength in numbers & that his entire family is concerned. She could easily have his doctor add you to his contacts list. His comfort at this time is most important, I understand :hug:
Enjoy your grandparenting time tonight, it's great when they are still little.

Speaking of Anne Lamott, I have her on my Facebook page. Just this weekend I read the speech she gave 10 years ago at the UC Berkley graduation ~ very unusual, to say the least!

Pauly, staying away from AL has absolutely helped me stabilize my mood. I love being clear-headed, calm & productive. Makes you happy at the end of the day - no regrets

Greetings Dill, hope you are OK today!
I absolutely agree with your thoughts on low grade depression, stress & the daily drinking band aid. I knew it was wrong but couldn't stop the cycle either. The key is finding what works best for you & staying with it for the long haul. I tried the Rx antidepressant, then eventually moved on to Amoryn along with some intense reading & learning in the spiritual, self-development. And you know I had to disregard YB's unusual thinking & behaviors. He was the biggest trigger for me.
Maintaining the status quo is my game plan these days!

Greetings Cyn, you must be busy!
Hey there Papmom!

OK, I'm running to Curves between rain storms & hope to get some work done later.
Wisahing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday!

Lav

**paulywogg** · June 2, 2015, 08:05 AM

Morning ladies, Lav,that's so funny that you had your grandson vacuum cuz I did the same with Louie last week! I only have 2 big rugs so we just have a stick vacuum, doesn't work great but at least it's light enough for him,he was having a blast and didn't want to stop,actually did a good job for a 2 year old

Snoop,I feel part of the thread too now,I think its really helpful to surround myself with people who are seriously, totally done with drinking and living happily,of course I have my other threads which I love, but there's a lot of slippage and casual drinking posts that kinda throw me off my game,I'm not judging, I'm not trash talking about anybody, and of course I understand, I'm just focused on me and what I need if that makes sense, I'm thinking of getting a perm! Kellie says no I'll hate it,totally out of style, etc,however my hair is pretty straight and if this summer is as humid (for Vegas) I want one,cuz humidity makes my hair look flat and greasy gross!nothing super curly,just a wave ya know? Hope we all have a great day, hello to all,I'm off to find food

**dill** · June 2, 2015, 04:41 PM

Sounds like there's a whole lot of vacuuming going on! LOL! Not here tho. Tomorrow is cleaning day. Today I have been simply enjoying. I've roasted a chicken and grilled some veggies for dinner but Mr. D is out in his shop helping a neighbor fix his tiller. I rarely get motivated to cook these days so it is kind of disappointing to watch this food sit here. I'm keeping it warm but...oh well. The neighbor is a gem so I'll not interrupt their work.

Star, I am really sad for you and continue to send strength and hope your way. I wish I could do more. I'm glad that you are seeking and finding support. I didn't do well at all when my parents were ill. I drank through the whole ordeal, but alone and when no one could see. Somehow I managed to function for the most part. My hat is off to you.:hug: As far as the bug bites: do you think they are chiggers? I get those when I get down in the grass sometimes pulling weeds. Very itchy, raised bump with a little dot in the middle. Nasty!

Lav, you know we have been together for a long time now and I must say I feel as if you are in SUCH a better place now than you were when we "met". You used to be kind of edgy, if I may say. But you are on such an even keel now and so positive. It's really nice to have been able to watch you blossom.

Pauly, I totally hear you about reading about people's slips. There are threads for that, such as the Nest, where you expect that. But after a while our needs change and we just want to get on with things!! I'm glad you are with us.

Cyn, Papmom, hope you are both well.

**Lavande** · June 2, 2015, 09:40 PM

Dill - I haven't completely lost my edge, Ha Ha!!!!
I think we all profit when I don't let certain people get under my skin - you know what I mean

Pauly, my hair has a natural wave that absolutely frizzes when the humidity goes up, makes me crazy. That's why I decided a long time ago the best way to handle it is to keep getting it cut!! I did a few perms back in the 80's though, they lasted forever in my hair.

My grandson likes to vacuum when he's here because we have a central vac system. I just plug it into the wall & let him have fun. He's all about earning a dollar these days too

**SnoopyC** · June 3, 2015, 04:58 AM

Good morning...

Thanks for all your support re: my parental nightmare. He is still in the hospital, siblings are looking into resources to help him in his area when he gets home. It is just so sad. He is still going through with the other treatments too. What courage, what insanity. I just have to get through this, the emotional roller coaster is threatening to make me crazy. That is why my siblings and I are trying to get a plan together so that there is less craziness. But, going through an illness IS a roller coaster and there is no prescribed path. It is just the horrible care from our medical system, and being so far away. I wish I had the money, I would go right back down there this weekend, just to make sure things are in place.

Dill, the way you described chigger bites is what I think I have. Days later they still are there and itch. What a pain in the neck. Thinking of preparing food, I eat by myself so much. Breakfast is on my own, lunch is often too, then at dinner, I never know for sure when my husband will come home so if I prepare something, I eat if I am hungry. No waiting around, usually, for me. Speaking of your parents final journey and drinking, I noticed that it kind of prevented me from mourning as I was numbing my feelings as much as I could. Did you notice that? This time I am trying to do it differently. We'll see, it still is painful.

Pauly, it is hard to read about lapses and full blown relapses. I think of people dying, who have been drinking for years, hurting their bodies, and it is scary. But, we know how hard it is, the pressures all around us. Yet, there are so many who just don't drink. Period. I was with a work group, and some just ordered sodas, with no consideration of booze. No one said anything to them either. There was just no way they were going to drink, and I got the impression that they just don't drink, ever. Not due to a problem, but because they don't like it. Interesting. Not to say some had one beer, period. So, I think when we have a problem we associate with the heavier drinkers, think that is the status quo. I do know that many drink alone, and we know that is not healthy. I just really like Lav's focus on gratitude, and the attitude that we are free from alcohol, we never have to feel sick and tired, ashamed, guilty, stupid, again.

I want to feel healthy, content, and focus on the good things in my life. That means being AF. Have a good one.

**Lavande** · June 3, 2015, 06:50 AM

Good morning friends & happy Hump day!

Star, I'm glad to hear your siblings are involved in your Dad's care plan. That must be some source of comfort for you.
Unfortunately I had no help from my three brothers, had to fly solo. Although I have to admit that YB was helpful in many ways, even if he was grumpy about it most of the time.
It is hard to sit back & accept what's going on & the choices our parents make as they near the end of their lives. I just kept telling myself 'their life, their choice'. It didn't stop me from offering suggestions/alternatives though. I just hope that your Dad is comfortable & feels secure :hug:

We're still stuck in a rain pattern here but it's not going to stop me. I'm heading out to Curves then meeting an old work friend for lunch. She spent the winter in Florida along with a side trip to Hawaii to visit her son & daughter who are both stationed there. It's the only time she gets to see her grandsons who were both born there.

I don't do as much reading around MWO as I used did previously. I agree it is hard watching people struggle with AL. The 'serial slippers' just haven't gotten the message yet - we never win the battle with AL. Giving up is the only sane thing to do IMHO.

Greetings Dill, Cyn, Pauly & Papmom. Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

**paulywogg** · June 3, 2015, 09:01 AM

Morning ladies, just a quick pop in to say hi

hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday, I'll check in later to see what's up

**treegirl** · June 3, 2015, 09:56 AM

Hi everyone - wow, the days have just flown by - I went back to the May thread and got caught up.

Star - my heart goes out to you, this is a time of big ups and downs, but you will make it - you are grateful for sobriety, and the chance to be with family as much as possible. Don't forget that healing and comforting can happen long-distance - sending prayers really does work, I believe, as does visualising the other person. Sending you big hugs.

Lav - don't ever lose your edge! What would we do without your Lav-an-itude?!

Dill - sorry about the down-feeling times. As a lifer with low-level depression, I am finally learning 'this too shall pass' also applies to those hard times. Remember when we used to say 'dark-side-of-the-moon' times? I'll be right over for dinner - the thought of someone else making dinner for me is fabulous!

Pauly - hang in there, girl!

Pap - hope you are well.

I've just done 2 trips to NYC - on Sunday, driving out of the city in a thunder and lightening full out storm, whew. I've never seen lightening go down a city block before. My cell phone kept beeping alerts for flooding - sheesh. But I made it home. Took the train yesterday, and won't have to go back until next week, because....

We have a VIP house guest coming tomorrow through Monday morning. I'm trying to get caught up on my other business today, as well as laundry, make the gardens and lawn look nice, plan meals, shop, wash the dogs....OK, I'll get done whatever I get done. One thing HAS to be done - hem curtains for the guest room!

I'll let you know how it goes; I'll have more 'screen time' in the next few days than I have had recently.

Wishing all well, and hoping that great full moon energy will lift us all up - grateful to you all!

**dill** · June 3, 2015, 03:21 PM

Hi everyone, just a quick check in here today.

Glad to see you Cyn, missed you!

Star, chigger bites last for several days. I found that painting them with clear nail polish helped with the itching. I can't remember where I got that remedy from but it helped.

Hi Lav and Pauly! Sorry this is so short! Hope to do better tomorrow.

**SnoopyC** · June 4, 2015, 04:40 AM

Good morning...

Lav, yes my siblings are wonderful. I am so lucky in that regard. They are good men who want to do the right thing, whatever that may be. Glad YB was there for you even if he was grumpy. Is that his middle name?

I agree with you, there is no winning the battle with booze. We win when we leave it alone, focus on living our lives, there are so many good and amazing things to focus on. How was lunch with your friend? It has slowly warmed up this week, into the 70s, perfect weather.

Cyn, good to hear from you and thanks for the support. My Dad has been offered help but is refusing it right now, not thinking right I guess. It is a difficult time and good to have family support. You sound especially busy right now. I always drive through whatever weather comes along and it can be scary!!!! Hope you can have some fun with your VIP guest this weekend, and hope you get to go out to dinner sometimes too!

Dill, the weekend is getting closer, any special plans?

Pauly, hope you are doing well with all your visitors.

Have a good one.

**Lavande** · June 4, 2015, 07:40 AM

Good morning friends,

Happy Thursday to all! It's still raining here, oh well. I hate getting behind with gardening chores when you know this rain is supersizing the weeds, ha ha!!

Star, glad your support team is in place & working together.
We have to remember to not 'force help' on an individual until they are ready to accept help. Most people try to maintain their independence, including decision making as long as possible. I do know how difficult it is to be the observer & not able to jump in & 'fix' things for our loved ones. You are doing great, hang in there.

Hi Dill, sounds like you are busy!

Cyn, good to see you!
Don't wear yourself out prepping for your house guest. You really don't have to have everything perfect. We hereby give you permission to slack off a bit, LOL

Greetings Pauly & Papmom!

I had a nice time with my friend yesterday - good to catch up & compare notes

I'm heading to Curves shortly then would love to get a few plants in my raised beds this afternoon if the rain gives us a break. I'm hanging on to watermelon, cantaloupe & zucchini plants that really want to get in the dirt

Have a great AF Thursday everyone!

Lav

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