Doctor said I need to lose weight.
"What's the heaviest you've been?" he asked.....
"18 & a half stone" I told him.
"And what's the lightest you've been?" said the doc....
"7lb 4oz" I replied.
Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest, it backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
As I sailed in to harbour in my yacht, the customs boarded it to inspect me for smuggling. I don't have any drugs on board whatsoever I told them.
You can ask any of my 634 Syrian crew members.
Those push-up bras don't work very well do they?
I'm wearing my wife's and I still can't manage more than eight.
Lee Nelson interrupted Sepp Blatter's press conference by showering him with dollar bills.
Blatter was said to be furious after picking the notes up to discover they were fake.
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